Fighting Dreamers

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto!
A/N: Akatsuki makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. :3

Summary: All it takes is a song on repeat. An evil organization of super models in disguise. A girl determined to write crack, and a large bottle lemonade. Et voila, ceci.

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Pein flailed his arms to get his lackeys' attention. Only don't tell them they're his lackeys, damn it, it'd break their pretty little hearts and we don't want to do that.

Speaking of hearts?

"Hidan," Kakuzu quivered, "I'd like to give you my heart. Like, literally. Just, take it, okay? It's free!"

The priest took the pulsating meat from his partner with a scrunch of his nose. "Uh, thanks, fucker. I'll use it in my next prayer and think of your heathen shit-face."

Deidara blinked a blue eye at them. "Sasori no danna never gave me anything," he complained, not that anyone was listening, "Un. And Kakuzu is giving Hidan his heart? That's so not fair, un!"

Tobi fell screaming from the ceiling—goodness, no you do not want to know what he was doing there—and attached himself to his blond sempai's leg.

"TOBI WILL GIVE SEMPAI EVERYTHING HE HAS FOR TOBI IS VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH SEMPAI!!"

Sasori's ghost (of course it was following Deidara, you think that man's got anything better to do with his after life?) put his ethereal foot up the hyperactive bundle's ass, with little to no effect.

I wonder if it has something to do with the fact that he's a ghost.

Pein stamped his foot petulantly. "Yo, narrator! You wanna let 'em know what I'm trying to tell them?"

Oh, that's your own job. Good luck trying to get this lot's attention, there's a lot going on—like with Konan and Itachi, for example.

"My hair is prettier."

"Woman, are you insane? That shade of blue was banned from appearing in a ten foot radius around all persons fashionable years ago, and it is going to stay that way."

"…You're just jealous 'cause I'm sleeping with Pein."

Kisame poked his young accomplice in the shoulder. "Uh, Itachi-san, I know you're having one of your very gay moments and don't want to be disturbed, but it's time for your eye drops."

Itachi snorted loudly. And forcefully. I'm talking, like, bits of snot flying out of his nose here. Konan went urgh and ducked, and the details of where the bits of snot went will be revealed in a bit.

"Don't be ridiculous, Kisame, I can see perfectly fine!" the going-blind prodigy told a pillar. The fish man sighed and dragged him away by his arm.

Konan turned to see where the snot went.

Wait, hold on, Pein's being a jerk again…

"I'm not being a jerk! You have a responsibility as an authoress, you need to help me keep this group of malcontents in control—"

Certainly didn't see that in the job description…

"That doesn't—"

The snot fell on Zetsu's robe.

"That's disgusting. I'll say. I mean that's really disgusting. Tell me about it. Whose do you think it is? Maybe it's Deidara's. …Let's keep it."

Why yes, there are some mighty strange characters in Akatsuki, thanks for noticing.

Pein grabbed the air around its throat and strangled it. "Narrator, you better listen to me and tell—"

Alright, alright! What the hell is it!?

Pein clapped his hands loudly and beamed at the responsive faces that turned to look at him.

"I'm changing our name," he said, "To Fighting Dreamers!"

And a half dozen shoes flew at him from all corners of the room, plus tiny bits of snot.

"Take that bastard down!"

"Fighting Dreamers my ass, un."

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/end crack fail

The song on repeat, dear thick things, was Fighting Dreamers. :D