Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Glee or this song in this fic. Just trying to hack down my writing block. I haven't written anything in months, so please let me know if it's any good! Much appreciated :)
A/N: A companion piece to "Those Who Run Seem To Have All The Fun" and "Brown Eyes and Four Eyes", though you don't need to read both of them to get this. It might help set up the back-story though, as this story is AU after "Diva". No Kitty/Artie. Nope. Nope.
He had known how lonely she was since she had broken up with Mike, and while they'd had a good time at the wedding that was not to be, there had been signs of sadness laced through her laughter at times. But he hadn't known that she was so bitterly lonely until Blaine caught her eating chocolate by herself in the "Too Young to be Bitter" club she had supposedly founded.
Artie found it ironic that Tina Cohen-Chang had been less surly and volatile back when she had constantly found ways to keep wearing black and lace with combat boots. She had always been a contradiction, and she was still one, walking down the hallway with her now-signature frown clad in a bright orange dress. It was like the effort to wear a dress that screamed notice me! was draining her of her own cheer.
He snuck a glance at her at her locker as she shoved the remains of a huge chocolate box into it with a particularly violent slam and a benevolent glare that made the students walking past her warily give her a wide berth. It made him shut his own locker and snap his combination into place. Enough is enough.
"Hey, Tina, are you busy this afternoon?" he asked, rolling up to her before he could change his mind. She huffed a little in surprise as she turned around, and he thought with satisfaction that she looked a little guilty, closing her locker door quietly.
"No, not particularly. Did you have anything in mind?" To the average person, the question would have sounded perfectly normal, but Artie caught the slightly hopeful lilt and the way she tugged at the shoulder strap of her bag like she had always done when she was taken aback.
It made him wonder who, if anyone, Tina had been spending time with lately. Blaine and Sam had written it off as Tina being desperate for another boyfriend and he hadn't particularly questioned it, but it dawned on him that what they had neglected to consider was who she had been hanging out with at all. Sure, she seemed to have become best friends with Blaine, but Blaine had been wrapped up in his own plans lately of proposing to Kurt, and she and Sam had never been too close. He quickly went down the list of everyone else in Glee: Marley and Unique were best friends, and since Kitty had made her amends with Marley after the shooting incident, the three of them had been getting along better. Jake and Ryder hung out together, and of course Jake was more often than not with Marley too. And Sam and Blaine seemed permanently attached at the hip since running for Student Council together. Without Santana around, Brittany mostly ran with the Cheerios.
Which just left him and Tina.
And since Artie had been spending a lot of time with his friends from jazz band lately, that essentially left just Tina. Tina, who had been best friends with Mercedes and close to Kurt, and who had spend the last two years dating and spending most of her time with Mike. All of whom had left.
He realized with a sinking heart that she wasn't just lonely because she didn't have a boyfriend anymore. She was lonely because all of her friends had left, and her friends who were still here were too preoccupied with their own lives to notice. No wonder she was lashing out. She had gone to such lengths to get people to notice—hell, she had even done that Madonna number in the courtyard for everyone in McKinley to see which the Tina a year ago would never have done!—and they had all ignored her.
How many times had she reached out to them, only to have them turn away?
It hadn't been the solos she had been so outspoken about not getting, though she had probably wanted to sing them. She had wanted someone to speak up for her, to back her up, and instead they had all sat there and rolled their eyes about the new bitchy side of Tina. Guilt pressed down on his stomach, making it recoil.
It had only been seconds, but she was still standing there, waiting for his answer.
"I've wanted to do a solo for Glee for a while, and I wanted your opinion. I was hoping you could come over and help me narrow down the choices?" he asked, swallowing hard. He smiled at her, hoping it didn't look shaky. "My mom misses having you around, says it's too quiet without us arguing over which movie to watch and breaking out into song."
The way her blinding grin reached her eyes and her shoulders relaxed both lessened and added to the heaviness of his shame.
"Sounds fun. Is she picking you up after school?" she asked, and he nodded. "Meet me at the front after the last bell?" he suggested, and she flashed him another smile as the bell rang.
"Okay. I'll see you then," she said simply.
As he wheeled himself to his study period in the library, belatedly remembering that he had a big essay due in two days, Artie squashed the thought that he was always going to harbor a soft spot when it came to making Tina Cohen-Chang smile.
"What about this one?"
Artie and Tina had been in Artie's room for the last hour, sprawled across the bed around his computer looking at songs and munching through a bag of potato chips that he had stolen from the kitchen.
"Too sad," she dismissed, and Artie snorted. "That's about ten songs you've passed on for being too happy, and now you're saying this one's too sad?" he teased, nudging her in the ribs and making her giggle before collapsing face-down with an exaggerated groan.
"I give up! You choose the next candidate," his voice was muffled by the comforter on his bed.
"OK, OK," he heard Tina laugh, and he felt the comforter scrunch up as she tugged the computer towards her. A sudden silence descended on the room, and he raised his head after a minute to take his glasses off, feeling the frames dig uncomfortably into his face.
Something about the sight of Tina sitting cross-legged on the bed, staring intently at the computer screen with a little smile tugging at her lips as she blew a strand of hair out of her face, made his breath stutter.
It was like they had never broken up. Like they had never fought about his silence that summer, like she had never fallen into Mike's arms, like he had never gone out with Brittany or chased after Sugar (he shuddered a little thinking of that particular misguided attempt). Not for the first time, he wondered what they would have been like if he hadn't been such an idiot. It made it difficult to bat away the what-ifs circulating his brain when they were sharing the most normal, the most pre-breakup-esque moment they had had since she had dumped him.
He had never got over her, and he should have acknowledged that the moment he had faltered in asking Tina to go to Mr Shuester's wedding with him as friends. Or rather, when the last part hadn't quite come out and he'd left it to be implied rather than actually uttered, which he'd momentarily regretted when she had said yes (what had she meant? Yes, I'll go with you as friends? Yes, I'll be your date?).
They'd had a rocky start to their dating relationship from the beginning, but maybe now they could make it work. Maybe now they had worked out their own insecurities to allow them to focus on what being a them meant.
He took his glasses off with a hand that trembled a little, and laid his head back down on the bed, the comforter a cool contrast to his cheek. He closed his eyes and found it was disturbingly easy to picture him walking Tina to class. Holding hands in the choir room. Making out by the school bus—
"I've never seen you with your glasses off," her voice interrupted his thoughts, and his eyes snapped open, horrified that she could somehow read his mind.
She was a blurry figure in front of him, but it didn't look like she had moved except for tilting her head to the side, looking at him.
"I'm surprised, after all the times they've fogged up from Glee rehearsals? Popping wheelies all the time takes a toll!" He made sure to keep his voice light as he squinted and reached over for his glasses, managing to knock his fingers against the frame and making it slide over the comforter to his right a little.
"Here, I've got it," she said quickly, grabbing them and pressing them into his hand. Their fingers brushed.
"Thanks," he murmured.
"No problem."
Was it his imagination or did she sound a little breathy?
He busied himself with cleaning his glasses on his sleeve, not daring to look up.
"I mean, I think you look good both with them and without them. Despite what you think about being 'Four-Eyes'." Her voice was soft, but he could hear every word clearly and his hand stopped moving.
She remembered. She remembered what his T-shirt had said about his biggest insecurity. He remembered how torn he had felt that day when she had showed up to school without any streaks in her hair for the first time in five years, when she had seemed on the verge of tears all day. He also remembered the bright smile she had worn on the stage. But he hadn't thought she had noticed him too, enough to recall after all these years.
It made him remember vividly what Tina was really like, how thoughtful she was. He had missed that Tina, the Tina who had made his life brighter every day with her effervescent spirit, the Tina who had been terrified of joining Glee but had done it anyway because he would never have joined without her and she knew it, the Tina who had laughed at any and all jokes and learned to sit at ease in the choir room without huddling into herself.
She might not be smiling all the time now, but some things never changed.
And with that, he knew what song he wanted to sing.
He'd managed to convince her that he wanted to do a duet with her instead and they had had to start searching all over again, arguing over songs and harmonies, and they hadn't got very far before Artie's mom had called them down to dinner. But after they had eaten and she had stayed to watch a movie before heading home, he had gone immediately back to his room and started practicing.
It was still a bit rough by the time Glee practice came around the next day, but he wanted to sing before he lost his nerve and talked himself out of it, so when Mr Shuester asked if anyone had prepared anything, he raised his hand.
Both Tina and Mr Shuester looked surprised, but Mr Shuester rubbed his hands together and went to sit down anyway. Artie took a deep breath and rolled himself out by the piano, whispering to Brad before turning to face the room.
"So yesterday Tina was helping me choose a song to sing in Glee, and we decided we wanted to prepare a duet instead. And I still want to do that—" he made sure to make eye contact with her then, hoping to reassure her that he wasn't going behind her back, "—but I found a song I also wanted to sing."
He looked back at Brad and nodded, looking down at his clasped hands as the simple intro began.
"In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along"
His gaze swept the whole room, rapt in attention. Blaine was swaying slightly in his seat in appreciation of the song, and he almost smiled—he'd heard his friend rhapsodizing about Billy Joel's songs and learning how to play them on the piano—before he turned to meet Tina's eyes.
"I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense."
His voice rose with the swelling melody, and he fought to keep his gaze steady as realization started to dawn on Tina's face.
"And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose
But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake"
His lips twisted, the words hitting too close to home. Those two lines had been what had caught his attention when he had first heard the song a year ago.
"So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break"
She was starting to tear up, and he wondered frantically whether that was a cue for him to stop and salvage his pride, but he had come so far now….he took a short breath and launched into the last half of the song, his hands clenching.
"And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows
So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows."
Artie let his voice fade quietly, and he blinked rapidly around the lump in his throat when there was a miniscule pause after the piano played the last note. He barely registered the enthusiastic applause, trying to gauge Tina's unreadable expression.
He smiled weakly before leaving the informal stage, rolling up next to Blaine, who gave him an appraising look before leaning over to him. "Was that for anyone in particular?" Blaine asked with an undisguised chipper tone underlying his hushed question. "Nothing beats a serenade," Blaine added with a beaming smile, and Artie scowled at him, which had no effect on Blaine whatsoever.
He tried to catch a glimpse of Tina subtly, but from her vantage point in the top row, it was nigh impossible.
"Alright, that was incredible, Artie! That one's definitely a contender for the ballad in Nationals," Mr Shuester said loudly, breaking Artie out of his reverie.
Blaine winked at him, and Artie suppressed the urge to groan out loud.
It wasn't long before Glee practice ended with Mr Shuester needing to leave early to give Ms Pillsbury a ride home, but it was long enough to make Artie fret. Marley, Jake, Kitty and Unique walked out quickly, Kitty looking back to smirk knowingly at Artie. Before he could say anything, Blaine had shooed Sam, Ryder and Brittany out the door, leaving Artie alone with Tina, who was weaving her way down around the chairs.
He cleared his throat unnecessarily, and she slid into the chair that Blaine had vacated.
"So, uh, what did you think of the song?" he blurted, and felt like smacking himself on the forehead. Smooth, Abrams.
"No one's ever sung to just me before," she said hesitantly, her eyes boring into his. Her voice became even softer. "Did you mean it?"
He swallowed nervously before inching his hand forward to take hers. "I know I messed up the first time, and we weren't friends for a long time after that. I was your best friend once, but I never stopped thinking of you as one of my best friends." He blushed, but he carried on. "You know me better than anyone. And I think I've always known that you were special to me, Tee, and you always will be."
She turned her palm up to face his, and their fingers interlaced.
"Artie," she murmured, and he leaned forward to gently brush a tendril of her hair behind her ear, his thumb lingering on her cheek. He watched in fascination as her eyes fluttered shut, and he closed the gap between them, hardly daring to believe that this was happening.
Their lips met, once, twice. He let his hand cup her jaw, his thumb caressing her cheek, and she gasped a little, deepening the kiss.
"Will you go out with me? Again?" he murmured against her lips, eliciting a chuckle from her as she drew away from him to take a breath.
"Cheesy as always, Abrams," Tina replied, her eyes twinkling, as Artie beamed back at her. Her eyes softened. "I missed you." He squeezed her hand, and she gave him a wobbly smile. "Breadstix tonight? Dinner's on me," she offered shyly, and he let out a whoop, making her giggle.
"Lead the way," he said, grinning. As they left the classroom together, he hummed the Wizard of Oz tune, making her slap him on the arm.
"Doofus," was all she said, but the overwhelming fondness shining in her eyes made his heart skip a beat.
And so it goes and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows.
[Song credit: "And So It Goes", Billy Joel]