Disclaimer: The man who owns nothing has returned.
I'm back! If you're wondering if I'll get around to bringing the two boys back, don't hold your breath. I'm through with me. And Ryan. Unless I get a review otherwise. (Review, please for the love of god review!) I'll actually put a few Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty characters in. Send some bleeding suggestions. I might bring back a few old friends too. Read my serious fic: Les Enfants Terribles, Take2. It may not be funny, but frak, it's... just read it.
The Misadventures of Unit FOXHOUND!
Chapter 1: I like pie! Liquid's Big Day!
FOXHOUND HQ (an old cigaret factory they renovated)
Fox and Snake are in the war room. It's actually the basement, they just like giving stuff cool names. Like their weapons. Snake's USP is Nutcracker and Fox's Socom is ShadowSlayer. Yes I meant to keep it one word. 150 words as of 'word'. Cool!
Snake: (smoking his perpetual 'Lucky Striker' filterless cigaret. I'm not making this up, it says so in Metal Gear2: Solid Snake) (singing) Mr. Crowly, what went on in you're head?
Mr. Crowly, did you talk to the dead?
Fox: (also singing) You're life seemed so tragic, amongst all the thrills.
You fooled the people with magic,
Both: Yet you waited on Satan's call!
Mr. Charming, did you think were pure?
Mr. Alarming, you're nocturnal report.
Uncovering things that were sacred, buried deep in this earth.
Mr. Crowly, wont you ride my white horse?
Mr. Crowly, it's symbolic of course.
Naomi: (from upstairs) Shut the frak up!
Liquid: (pops up from behind the couch) Blow me!
Naomi: Why you little..! (storms downstairs) I'll beat you into an empty meat sac!
Liquid: I'm the only one who beats anything even remotely me!
Fox: (thinks about it) Frak, my virgin mind's eye!
Snake: Huh? (Thinks about it too) AAARRGGG!!! I'm BLIIND!!
Liquid: Perverted fraks, I meant it to be a defense, not the truth!
Naomi: So you don't?
Liquid: (embarrassed) None of you're bloody business, woman!
Snake: Yeesh, PMS or what?
Liquid: HEY!
Fox: Agreed, I mean, just look at him! (Points to Liquid, who's so mad his coat turned red)
Liquid: (steam shooting from his ears) You guys better show some respest!
Snake: Or what? You'll liquify us?
Liquid: I'll liquidate you!
Fox: Liquidate? What does that even mean?
Naomi: Kill.
Snake: Oh, that's not good.
Liquid: Has it ever been?!
Fox: Calm down, you're pulling a Raiden when he doesn't get his pudding.
Liquid: I am not!
Naomi: But you are whining.
Liquid: That's not true!
Snake: But you're a cry baby.
Liquid: I swear to God, you guys rip on me 13 or 15 more times and I'm outta here!
Fox: Be reasonable.
Liquid: What the deuce do you mean, 'reasonbable'?
Snake: You're the glue that binds us.
Liquid: I'm what?
Naomi: Think about it, you're our man.
Liquid: I'm you're man?
Fox: You're the man! Think about it, who bought two rounds of pop and popcorn, with his own money?
Liquid: Me...
Snake: And who saved me in the boarding tournament?
Liquid: Me.
Fox: And told us how to shop for grocery's?
Liquid: (getting proud) Me!
Snake: And who did most of the cooking, not to mention putting out Raiden and the soup?
Liquid: Me! I am the man!
Naomi: What an I, chopped liver?!
Liquid: Frak off, and get me a pie.
Naomi: A pie?
Fox: The man wants a pie!
Snake: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Naomi: Oh God no!
Liquid: Shopping time!
Naomi: NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
At the recreated shopping district. If you want to know what happened to it originally, read: The Adventures of Neo FOXHOUND. It's my first fic. Just read the epilogue.
Snake: Okay, we can bye a pre-made pie, or we can bye the ingredients and make our own.
All three: Make our own! Hell Yeah!
Liquid: (tearing up at the 'Hell yeah') Those two will always be in our hearts.
Snake: And on Fox's T-Shirt.
Fox: Yup.
Snake: Gotta pick me up some Lucky Strikers. (Lights up the last and starts to smoke it)
Fox: Those things'll kill you.
Snake: So will trying to stop me from smoking.
Liquid: Yeah, all the son's of Big Boss smoke. (Light up a 'Shirley Temple's Cremated Corpse' cigaret) Man these things rock!
Fox: You two disgust me. (Lights up a doobie)
Snake: Sure we do, pot boy.
Fox: Damn Clark got me hooked! (Clark had Fox put in the exoskeleton)
Author's Note: Fox is not in an exoskeleton.
Liquid: Some men are just sick, doing inhuman things.
Snake: Like you.
Liquid: All I wanted to do was cause a nuclear war!
Fox: I'm talking about the thong.
Author's Note: Liquid wears nothing but a thong under his coat. Usually a pink one, but he's wearing a black one to commemorate Mike and Ryan.
Liquid: What's inhuman about wearing a thong? Mei-Ling works for Naked News!
Fox: You see, eye pumping Mei-Ling in a thong is alright, but you? You're the man, but I ain't your b***h.
Romanian Voice: No, but you'll soon be mine.
Snake: Not him, anyone but him!
Vamp: That's right, I'm afraid to tell you that Satan dumped me, so I had to leave.
Fox: And you expect me to be a b***h's b***h? Look bud, I am out of your league.
Liquid: (gives Fox a look)
Fox: I mean that I'm not your type... I mean gay!
Vamp: I'm bi.
Fox: (seething with sarcasm) That makes a whole world of difference, doesn't it?!
Liquid: What do you want, wizard?!
Vamp: Aside from you're friend... I have stolen every ingredient necessary to make a pie! You're dreams shall never come true! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA-
Liquid: You stole my pie! (Runs up to Vamp and kicks him in the knob) Take that, fruit boy!
Vamp: (really high voice) I'm bi.
Fox: Like I care! (Runs up and kicks his head like a football) HA!
Snake: (takes aim and shoots at him as he is soaring through the air) Die, double sucker!
Fox: Score! (Pick up the dog tags he dropped) Oh my God...
Snake: What?
Fox: Mike and Ryan's dog tags!
Vamp: (magically fine and behind them) That's right.
Liquid: How the DEUCE do you do THAT!?
Vamp: Trade secret.
Snake: You mean sucking blood AND wazoo has a trade?
Vamp: You could have said it more delicately. Anyway, you're friends body's have been recovered, and they are being reanimated as we speak.
Liquid: How long will that take?
Vamp: Until chapter 7!
Fox: Using our friends against us, who could be that evil?!
Vamp: And from their Author powers we shall create an unbeatable army, formed from their genes.
Snake: Enough Star Wars references!
Vamp: Tigger was an agent. She believed herself capable of crashing this universe on itself alone.
Liquid: Who could be that evil?
Vamp: The Patriots!
Liquid: You work for the Patriots?!
Vamp: That is true.
Liquid: Death to the Patriots! (Runs towards him screaming ' For Nosgoth!)
Vamp: HA! (Jumps away and throws a knife at his shadow) Freeze!
Liquid: (stuck) The deuce? (Shoots the knife and it flies away) There we are.
Vamp: They can do that?! (throws a knife at Liquid)
Liquid: HA! (Shoots it out of midair then shoots Vamp in the balls)
Vamp: ARG! (Doubles over in pain and loses double health) Take this! (Charges him and pauses for a moment, getting ready to do his gut slice move)
Liquid: Take this! (Punches him in the gut, then shoots him in the bullet hole in his head for double damage) Freak!
Vamp: HAARCH! (Leaps on top of the convenience store and poses heroically)
Liquid: Knob sucker! (Shoots him in the gut)
Vamp: Arg..! (takes normal damage and does his spinning knife barrage attack) JUST DIE!
Liquid: Blow me! (Rolls across the pavement to dodge them, then fires off a couple shots) And I don't mean it seriously!
Vamp: Damn it! (Takes a shot in the knee) Noo! (Flips over Liquid and tosses the knife while in midair, then lands on a car and tosses 3) DIIIIIE!!!
Liquid: Never! (Dodges the over head knife, then shoots the other ones out of mid air, then shoots Vamp off of the car) Lay in a pool of your own tainted blood, double sucker!
Vamp: NNNOOOOOOOO!!! (falls into a pool) HHAAAAARRRCH!!!! (has the same death seen)
Fox: Seriously weak, like I'd ever die the same way twice!
Liquid: Patriot b***h! (Lights up another cig) I am so the man!
Snake: Time to recover that pie! (Tosses eight grenades into the pool)
Vamp: (inside the pool, gets blown up) Poopie!
Fox: Look, he left a treasure map.
Liquid: Let's follow it!
Vamp: (still in a pool. It's now red) Beaten by a Legacy of Kain fanboy...
Snake: Where do we go first?
Fox: To the Sahara Desert!
5min later
In the Sahara
Fox: So hot... must find water...
Snake: Screw water, must find freezer...
Liquid: I want my pie! Where the deuce do we go now?!
Fox: Right... here! (Reads hidden message) Go to Niagara Falls and ride a barrel over it. Frak.
Snake: Who cares? This could be fun!
Liquid: We have to get me a pie, or we'll disobey the title!
Fox: You're right, I mean, like the Author would let us die!
Snake: He killed himself and Ryan.
Liquid: (suddenly scared) You mean we can die at any moment?!
Fox: Even before we make another 10 steps.
Snake: (looks at their dangerous surroundings, snakes, scorpions, the circling vultures) Guys, I think we could be in trouble!
Liquid: Snake! Those who dare, win!
Snake: Screw the wisdom! That's when Kojima was our Director! He retired!
Fox: (walks over to Snake and slaps him across the face) Look at you! I was head of Zanzibar! Do you know the life expectancy!?
Snake: 60 years?
Liquid: (slaps him)
Fox: 42 fraking years! I led a country whose birth rate was lower than the death toll! If I, a secondary character, can do that, you can make a fraking PIE!!
Snake: You're right. Whose the man?!
Liquid: Me.
Snake: Agreed.
Fox: Unanimous.
Snake: To Niagara Falls!
5min later
In Niagara Falls
Snake: It's illegal?
Tour Guide: Yes sir, I'm afraid so.
Liquid: But I want my Goddamn PIE!!!
Tour Guide: (scared) I-I-I'm sorry sir... it's not alow-
Liquid: (grabs the teenage dork and throws him into the falls) It's not illegal if I kill any authority figure who stands in my way!
Fox: Look here! (Is standing amongst barrels) It ain't cardboard, but it's incognito!
Snake: It'll do. (Climbs inside) Guess we have to roll, huh?
Liquid: How the Hell else would we do it?
Random Kid: Want me to push you guys in?
Liquid: (face turns red) Damn, right in my chapter!
Fox: Don't worry, I'll happen to all three of us. (Hops in his barrel)
Liquid: (climbs in) Make it quick, or I'll throw you in and get someone else!
Kid: Yes sir! (Pushes them all off, but get's his sleeve stuck in the barrel) Mister, I'm stuck!
Liquid: Tough, I WANT MY PIE!! (drags the kid off the ledge)
Kid: NNNNOOOOOOOOO!! (gets dragged in) GGGGGGGUUUUUUUUGGGGGLLLLEE!!!
As one, the heterosexual male members of unit FOXHOUND fall off of the Falls, dragging some really unlucky kid down for the ride
Kid: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!
SPLASH!
The men ride down until they reach a shore, then get out.
Liquid: How the deuce did this help?
Fox: Hey, that kid had has a tatoo!
Snake: And... we care why?
Liquid: Seriously!
Fox: It's a map!
Liquid: SWEET! (Runs over) It says... we should go to Japan, and bye a Gundam Wing box collection!
Fox: All right!!
Snake: Let's go!
Liquid: Thanks kid! (Drops a ten on the kid's corpse)
5min later
Some random Japanese movie shop
Liquid: One Gundam Wing box collection please.
Shop Clerk: (looks at them funny because they're still soaked) (Japanese accent) Would you like anything else?
Fox: No.
Clerk: How about a Trigun box set?
Snake: No.
Clerk: How about the Sailor Moon movie?
Liquid: I swear to Kami-sama!
Clerk: The Sailor Moon is the best selling movie in this store, and-
Liquid: (so fed up he reaches over and flips him over the counter, then punches him three times and snaps his neck) I want my pie! Nothing shall stand in my way!
Fox: (pops open the box set) Go to the point of origin? What the frak does that mean?
Snake: Go back to the shopping district, dipstick.
Liquid: Onward, there shall be pie to pay!
5min later
Back where it all began
Liquid: Soon... soon it shall finally end...
Fox: No stealing my lines!
Snake: I think he's mad at all the times we stole his lines.
Liquid: The piiie! (Drops onto his knees and smashes his head off of the ground)
Fox: What did I just tell you?
Romanian Voice: You shall be my b***h, foxy one!
Fox: No dissing the name, you knob sucking, blood sucking ballerina!
Vamp: This time I shall not fall as easily!
Liquid: Oh really?
The guys all exchange a simultaneous nod.
All: (pull out shitguns) Eat shit! (Fire on him)
Vamp: (completely covered in darts) Ha! I'm still awake!
All: (just smile evilly)
Vamp: Trying to psyche me out, huh? It wont work! (Hits him) Ooh, my stomach! (Runs off with doodoo running down his legs)
Liquid: Shitboy! All whom dare stand in my way shall fall! Pie shall be mine!!
Snake: (picks up a paper Vamp dropped) I was lying, and sent you on a wild goose chase so I could heal and get ready for a rematch. You guys really suck.
Liquid: That fool, he should have known that I always get what I want. Except for war. Damn Patriots!!
Fox: Let's go, it's almost over.
5min later
Liquid: Yes, I want all of this.
Clerk: Then you have to pay.
Fox: I wouldn't piss him off.
Clerk: What's he going to do? Snap my neck?
Liquid: (reaches over, flips the guy over the counter, and snaps his neck) Time to go home.
Snake: (has two stolen Lucky Striker packs in each pocket) At least I wont have to sneak these out.
Fox: Frak! Security camera picked up the corpse!
Security: Freeze! (Behind him is 50 more)
Snake: Damn!
Liquid: I shall have my pie... Metal Gear! ATACK!!!
Out of nowhere, a dozen rockets rain destruction on the guards.
Liquid: Ha!
Fifty more come out of nowhere and attack.
Snake: Damn!
Fox: Bail, everyone out!
In slow motion they turn and run for the front door, shooting down innocent bystanders that stand in their way. After they clear 15 feet, Fox, turns around and back flips, like in MGS and instead of firing a laser, he taps a button.
BOOM!
The entire store crashes down, all that is left is a toilet, occupied by Vamp.
Vamp: (making disgusting noises) You bastards are sick! (A huge ripping sound and the sound of water pouring come from his butt) AAARRGG!!!
Snake: Now that's Metal Gear!
5min later
Everyone is gathered around the table eating the pie. It's actually well made.
Meryl: This pie tastes kinda funny.
Liquid: That's because we put 150 ounces of reefer into it.
Naomi: You did what?!
Raiden: (running around naked) I CAN TASTE THE SUN!!!!!!
Liquid: How much did he have?!
Snake: (looks at Raiden's plate) None.
Fox: Really?!
Snake: Yeah.
Fox: Sweet! (Forks the slice and swallows it whole) This stuff is great! (Hits him) I CAN TASTE THE SUN TOO! (Starts running around with his arms apart) I AM LIKE THE AIRPLANE, PROUD AND WHITE!!
Snake?: (gets him too) I CAN SWALLOW THE RAINBOW! (Runs around biting air)
Meryl: Woah... I can't see straight, Raiden actually looks attractive and Naomi's jugs have Dave's face tattooed onto them. SATAN IS MY LORD! PIE IS MY FRIEND! (Runs around cradling the pie)
Liquid: THE SUN IS PINK, AND SO IS MY THONG, LET US CELEBRATE, AND LET US SING A SONG! MWAHAHAHAH! (Runs around singing 'The Unforgiven')
Naomi: I AM NAOFO, AND I'M ONE TOUGH MOFO!! (runs around screeming)
All of then suddenly bonk heads, stand stunned for a moment, then drop like stoned stones.
Author's Notes: Snake's smokes, Lucky Striker are filter less. I made Liquid's brand up. Well duh. I AM CANADIAN! Review, and I'll give special thanks, and turn your ideas into a chapter.
Special Thanks: Thank you Stefanie, Black Raven, and you too, James. Oh, and MysticGear for reviewing Les Enfants. You guys rock!
Screw X-Box, long live Hideo Kojima!
I'm back! If you're wondering if I'll get around to bringing the two boys back, don't hold your breath. I'm through with me. And Ryan. Unless I get a review otherwise. (Review, please for the love of god review!) I'll actually put a few Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty characters in. Send some bleeding suggestions. I might bring back a few old friends too. Read my serious fic: Les Enfants Terribles, Take2. It may not be funny, but frak, it's... just read it.
The Misadventures of Unit FOXHOUND!
Chapter 1: I like pie! Liquid's Big Day!
FOXHOUND HQ (an old cigaret factory they renovated)
Fox and Snake are in the war room. It's actually the basement, they just like giving stuff cool names. Like their weapons. Snake's USP is Nutcracker and Fox's Socom is ShadowSlayer. Yes I meant to keep it one word. 150 words as of 'word'. Cool!
Snake: (smoking his perpetual 'Lucky Striker' filterless cigaret. I'm not making this up, it says so in Metal Gear2: Solid Snake) (singing) Mr. Crowly, what went on in you're head?
Mr. Crowly, did you talk to the dead?
Fox: (also singing) You're life seemed so tragic, amongst all the thrills.
You fooled the people with magic,
Both: Yet you waited on Satan's call!
Mr. Charming, did you think were pure?
Mr. Alarming, you're nocturnal report.
Uncovering things that were sacred, buried deep in this earth.
Mr. Crowly, wont you ride my white horse?
Mr. Crowly, it's symbolic of course.
Naomi: (from upstairs) Shut the frak up!
Liquid: (pops up from behind the couch) Blow me!
Naomi: Why you little..! (storms downstairs) I'll beat you into an empty meat sac!
Liquid: I'm the only one who beats anything even remotely me!
Fox: (thinks about it) Frak, my virgin mind's eye!
Snake: Huh? (Thinks about it too) AAARRGGG!!! I'm BLIIND!!
Liquid: Perverted fraks, I meant it to be a defense, not the truth!
Naomi: So you don't?
Liquid: (embarrassed) None of you're bloody business, woman!
Snake: Yeesh, PMS or what?
Liquid: HEY!
Fox: Agreed, I mean, just look at him! (Points to Liquid, who's so mad his coat turned red)
Liquid: (steam shooting from his ears) You guys better show some respest!
Snake: Or what? You'll liquify us?
Liquid: I'll liquidate you!
Fox: Liquidate? What does that even mean?
Naomi: Kill.
Snake: Oh, that's not good.
Liquid: Has it ever been?!
Fox: Calm down, you're pulling a Raiden when he doesn't get his pudding.
Liquid: I am not!
Naomi: But you are whining.
Liquid: That's not true!
Snake: But you're a cry baby.
Liquid: I swear to God, you guys rip on me 13 or 15 more times and I'm outta here!
Fox: Be reasonable.
Liquid: What the deuce do you mean, 'reasonbable'?
Snake: You're the glue that binds us.
Liquid: I'm what?
Naomi: Think about it, you're our man.
Liquid: I'm you're man?
Fox: You're the man! Think about it, who bought two rounds of pop and popcorn, with his own money?
Liquid: Me...
Snake: And who saved me in the boarding tournament?
Liquid: Me.
Fox: And told us how to shop for grocery's?
Liquid: (getting proud) Me!
Snake: And who did most of the cooking, not to mention putting out Raiden and the soup?
Liquid: Me! I am the man!
Naomi: What an I, chopped liver?!
Liquid: Frak off, and get me a pie.
Naomi: A pie?
Fox: The man wants a pie!
Snake: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Naomi: Oh God no!
Liquid: Shopping time!
Naomi: NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
At the recreated shopping district. If you want to know what happened to it originally, read: The Adventures of Neo FOXHOUND. It's my first fic. Just read the epilogue.
Snake: Okay, we can bye a pre-made pie, or we can bye the ingredients and make our own.
All three: Make our own! Hell Yeah!
Liquid: (tearing up at the 'Hell yeah') Those two will always be in our hearts.
Snake: And on Fox's T-Shirt.
Fox: Yup.
Snake: Gotta pick me up some Lucky Strikers. (Lights up the last and starts to smoke it)
Fox: Those things'll kill you.
Snake: So will trying to stop me from smoking.
Liquid: Yeah, all the son's of Big Boss smoke. (Light up a 'Shirley Temple's Cremated Corpse' cigaret) Man these things rock!
Fox: You two disgust me. (Lights up a doobie)
Snake: Sure we do, pot boy.
Fox: Damn Clark got me hooked! (Clark had Fox put in the exoskeleton)
Author's Note: Fox is not in an exoskeleton.
Liquid: Some men are just sick, doing inhuman things.
Snake: Like you.
Liquid: All I wanted to do was cause a nuclear war!
Fox: I'm talking about the thong.
Author's Note: Liquid wears nothing but a thong under his coat. Usually a pink one, but he's wearing a black one to commemorate Mike and Ryan.
Liquid: What's inhuman about wearing a thong? Mei-Ling works for Naked News!
Fox: You see, eye pumping Mei-Ling in a thong is alright, but you? You're the man, but I ain't your b***h.
Romanian Voice: No, but you'll soon be mine.
Snake: Not him, anyone but him!
Vamp: That's right, I'm afraid to tell you that Satan dumped me, so I had to leave.
Fox: And you expect me to be a b***h's b***h? Look bud, I am out of your league.
Liquid: (gives Fox a look)
Fox: I mean that I'm not your type... I mean gay!
Vamp: I'm bi.
Fox: (seething with sarcasm) That makes a whole world of difference, doesn't it?!
Liquid: What do you want, wizard?!
Vamp: Aside from you're friend... I have stolen every ingredient necessary to make a pie! You're dreams shall never come true! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA-
Liquid: You stole my pie! (Runs up to Vamp and kicks him in the knob) Take that, fruit boy!
Vamp: (really high voice) I'm bi.
Fox: Like I care! (Runs up and kicks his head like a football) HA!
Snake: (takes aim and shoots at him as he is soaring through the air) Die, double sucker!
Fox: Score! (Pick up the dog tags he dropped) Oh my God...
Snake: What?
Fox: Mike and Ryan's dog tags!
Vamp: (magically fine and behind them) That's right.
Liquid: How the DEUCE do you do THAT!?
Vamp: Trade secret.
Snake: You mean sucking blood AND wazoo has a trade?
Vamp: You could have said it more delicately. Anyway, you're friends body's have been recovered, and they are being reanimated as we speak.
Liquid: How long will that take?
Vamp: Until chapter 7!
Fox: Using our friends against us, who could be that evil?!
Vamp: And from their Author powers we shall create an unbeatable army, formed from their genes.
Snake: Enough Star Wars references!
Vamp: Tigger was an agent. She believed herself capable of crashing this universe on itself alone.
Liquid: Who could be that evil?
Vamp: The Patriots!
Liquid: You work for the Patriots?!
Vamp: That is true.
Liquid: Death to the Patriots! (Runs towards him screaming ' For Nosgoth!)
Vamp: HA! (Jumps away and throws a knife at his shadow) Freeze!
Liquid: (stuck) The deuce? (Shoots the knife and it flies away) There we are.
Vamp: They can do that?! (throws a knife at Liquid)
Liquid: HA! (Shoots it out of midair then shoots Vamp in the balls)
Vamp: ARG! (Doubles over in pain and loses double health) Take this! (Charges him and pauses for a moment, getting ready to do his gut slice move)
Liquid: Take this! (Punches him in the gut, then shoots him in the bullet hole in his head for double damage) Freak!
Vamp: HAARCH! (Leaps on top of the convenience store and poses heroically)
Liquid: Knob sucker! (Shoots him in the gut)
Vamp: Arg..! (takes normal damage and does his spinning knife barrage attack) JUST DIE!
Liquid: Blow me! (Rolls across the pavement to dodge them, then fires off a couple shots) And I don't mean it seriously!
Vamp: Damn it! (Takes a shot in the knee) Noo! (Flips over Liquid and tosses the knife while in midair, then lands on a car and tosses 3) DIIIIIE!!!
Liquid: Never! (Dodges the over head knife, then shoots the other ones out of mid air, then shoots Vamp off of the car) Lay in a pool of your own tainted blood, double sucker!
Vamp: NNNOOOOOOOO!!! (falls into a pool) HHAAAAARRRCH!!!! (has the same death seen)
Fox: Seriously weak, like I'd ever die the same way twice!
Liquid: Patriot b***h! (Lights up another cig) I am so the man!
Snake: Time to recover that pie! (Tosses eight grenades into the pool)
Vamp: (inside the pool, gets blown up) Poopie!
Fox: Look, he left a treasure map.
Liquid: Let's follow it!
Vamp: (still in a pool. It's now red) Beaten by a Legacy of Kain fanboy...
Snake: Where do we go first?
Fox: To the Sahara Desert!
5min later
In the Sahara
Fox: So hot... must find water...
Snake: Screw water, must find freezer...
Liquid: I want my pie! Where the deuce do we go now?!
Fox: Right... here! (Reads hidden message) Go to Niagara Falls and ride a barrel over it. Frak.
Snake: Who cares? This could be fun!
Liquid: We have to get me a pie, or we'll disobey the title!
Fox: You're right, I mean, like the Author would let us die!
Snake: He killed himself and Ryan.
Liquid: (suddenly scared) You mean we can die at any moment?!
Fox: Even before we make another 10 steps.
Snake: (looks at their dangerous surroundings, snakes, scorpions, the circling vultures) Guys, I think we could be in trouble!
Liquid: Snake! Those who dare, win!
Snake: Screw the wisdom! That's when Kojima was our Director! He retired!
Fox: (walks over to Snake and slaps him across the face) Look at you! I was head of Zanzibar! Do you know the life expectancy!?
Snake: 60 years?
Liquid: (slaps him)
Fox: 42 fraking years! I led a country whose birth rate was lower than the death toll! If I, a secondary character, can do that, you can make a fraking PIE!!
Snake: You're right. Whose the man?!
Liquid: Me.
Snake: Agreed.
Fox: Unanimous.
Snake: To Niagara Falls!
5min later
In Niagara Falls
Snake: It's illegal?
Tour Guide: Yes sir, I'm afraid so.
Liquid: But I want my Goddamn PIE!!!
Tour Guide: (scared) I-I-I'm sorry sir... it's not alow-
Liquid: (grabs the teenage dork and throws him into the falls) It's not illegal if I kill any authority figure who stands in my way!
Fox: Look here! (Is standing amongst barrels) It ain't cardboard, but it's incognito!
Snake: It'll do. (Climbs inside) Guess we have to roll, huh?
Liquid: How the Hell else would we do it?
Random Kid: Want me to push you guys in?
Liquid: (face turns red) Damn, right in my chapter!
Fox: Don't worry, I'll happen to all three of us. (Hops in his barrel)
Liquid: (climbs in) Make it quick, or I'll throw you in and get someone else!
Kid: Yes sir! (Pushes them all off, but get's his sleeve stuck in the barrel) Mister, I'm stuck!
Liquid: Tough, I WANT MY PIE!! (drags the kid off the ledge)
Kid: NNNNOOOOOOOOO!! (gets dragged in) GGGGGGGUUUUUUUUGGGGGLLLLEE!!!
As one, the heterosexual male members of unit FOXHOUND fall off of the Falls, dragging some really unlucky kid down for the ride
Kid: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!
SPLASH!
The men ride down until they reach a shore, then get out.
Liquid: How the deuce did this help?
Fox: Hey, that kid had has a tatoo!
Snake: And... we care why?
Liquid: Seriously!
Fox: It's a map!
Liquid: SWEET! (Runs over) It says... we should go to Japan, and bye a Gundam Wing box collection!
Fox: All right!!
Snake: Let's go!
Liquid: Thanks kid! (Drops a ten on the kid's corpse)
5min later
Some random Japanese movie shop
Liquid: One Gundam Wing box collection please.
Shop Clerk: (looks at them funny because they're still soaked) (Japanese accent) Would you like anything else?
Fox: No.
Clerk: How about a Trigun box set?
Snake: No.
Clerk: How about the Sailor Moon movie?
Liquid: I swear to Kami-sama!
Clerk: The Sailor Moon is the best selling movie in this store, and-
Liquid: (so fed up he reaches over and flips him over the counter, then punches him three times and snaps his neck) I want my pie! Nothing shall stand in my way!
Fox: (pops open the box set) Go to the point of origin? What the frak does that mean?
Snake: Go back to the shopping district, dipstick.
Liquid: Onward, there shall be pie to pay!
5min later
Back where it all began
Liquid: Soon... soon it shall finally end...
Fox: No stealing my lines!
Snake: I think he's mad at all the times we stole his lines.
Liquid: The piiie! (Drops onto his knees and smashes his head off of the ground)
Fox: What did I just tell you?
Romanian Voice: You shall be my b***h, foxy one!
Fox: No dissing the name, you knob sucking, blood sucking ballerina!
Vamp: This time I shall not fall as easily!
Liquid: Oh really?
The guys all exchange a simultaneous nod.
All: (pull out shitguns) Eat shit! (Fire on him)
Vamp: (completely covered in darts) Ha! I'm still awake!
All: (just smile evilly)
Vamp: Trying to psyche me out, huh? It wont work! (Hits him) Ooh, my stomach! (Runs off with doodoo running down his legs)
Liquid: Shitboy! All whom dare stand in my way shall fall! Pie shall be mine!!
Snake: (picks up a paper Vamp dropped) I was lying, and sent you on a wild goose chase so I could heal and get ready for a rematch. You guys really suck.
Liquid: That fool, he should have known that I always get what I want. Except for war. Damn Patriots!!
Fox: Let's go, it's almost over.
5min later
Liquid: Yes, I want all of this.
Clerk: Then you have to pay.
Fox: I wouldn't piss him off.
Clerk: What's he going to do? Snap my neck?
Liquid: (reaches over, flips the guy over the counter, and snaps his neck) Time to go home.
Snake: (has two stolen Lucky Striker packs in each pocket) At least I wont have to sneak these out.
Fox: Frak! Security camera picked up the corpse!
Security: Freeze! (Behind him is 50 more)
Snake: Damn!
Liquid: I shall have my pie... Metal Gear! ATACK!!!
Out of nowhere, a dozen rockets rain destruction on the guards.
Liquid: Ha!
Fifty more come out of nowhere and attack.
Snake: Damn!
Fox: Bail, everyone out!
In slow motion they turn and run for the front door, shooting down innocent bystanders that stand in their way. After they clear 15 feet, Fox, turns around and back flips, like in MGS and instead of firing a laser, he taps a button.
BOOM!
The entire store crashes down, all that is left is a toilet, occupied by Vamp.
Vamp: (making disgusting noises) You bastards are sick! (A huge ripping sound and the sound of water pouring come from his butt) AAARRGG!!!
Snake: Now that's Metal Gear!
5min later
Everyone is gathered around the table eating the pie. It's actually well made.
Meryl: This pie tastes kinda funny.
Liquid: That's because we put 150 ounces of reefer into it.
Naomi: You did what?!
Raiden: (running around naked) I CAN TASTE THE SUN!!!!!!
Liquid: How much did he have?!
Snake: (looks at Raiden's plate) None.
Fox: Really?!
Snake: Yeah.
Fox: Sweet! (Forks the slice and swallows it whole) This stuff is great! (Hits him) I CAN TASTE THE SUN TOO! (Starts running around with his arms apart) I AM LIKE THE AIRPLANE, PROUD AND WHITE!!
Snake?: (gets him too) I CAN SWALLOW THE RAINBOW! (Runs around biting air)
Meryl: Woah... I can't see straight, Raiden actually looks attractive and Naomi's jugs have Dave's face tattooed onto them. SATAN IS MY LORD! PIE IS MY FRIEND! (Runs around cradling the pie)
Liquid: THE SUN IS PINK, AND SO IS MY THONG, LET US CELEBRATE, AND LET US SING A SONG! MWAHAHAHAH! (Runs around singing 'The Unforgiven')
Naomi: I AM NAOFO, AND I'M ONE TOUGH MOFO!! (runs around screeming)
All of then suddenly bonk heads, stand stunned for a moment, then drop like stoned stones.
Author's Notes: Snake's smokes, Lucky Striker are filter less. I made Liquid's brand up. Well duh. I AM CANADIAN! Review, and I'll give special thanks, and turn your ideas into a chapter.
Special Thanks: Thank you Stefanie, Black Raven, and you too, James. Oh, and MysticGear for reviewing Les Enfants. You guys rock!
Screw X-Box, long live Hideo Kojima!