Disclaimer: The characters of Ranma½ do not belong to me. I am merely abusing them for my own disturbing fantasies and am in no way trying to profit from this.

Divine Punishment, Pigtailed Reparation

a Ranma½ fan fiction

"Mister Ranma! Mister Ranma!" A young boy shouted as he ran through the dirt roads of his home town, 2314 BC. "I have an urgent message for you, Mister Ranma! Where are you?"

A friendly elderly woman stopped the young boy by grabbing his arm as he was about to run past her. "Hold on a minute, sonny. You say you're looking for Ranma?"

"Yes, ma'am," the boy said with a nod of his head.

"And why are you looking for him, sonny? If you don't mind my asking," the old woman asked with a smile, causing even more wrinkles to appear in her dried up old face.

"The oracle told me to find him and bring him to the temple as fast as I can," the young boy exclaimed proudly, crossing his arms in front of his chest and nodding with his eyes closed and a happy smile on his face. It was a good thing he had his eyes closed or he would have ended up having nightmares from that horrible sight for the rest of his life.

Judging by the way the young boy held himself with his head raised and his chest puffed out, he was clearly of the impression that it was a great honour for him to be sent on this errand. It never even crossed his mind that the novices at the temple were just being lazy bastards and didn't want to go looking for that womanising jerk themselves.

"Oh, in that case Ranma is just a little outside of town, practising his combat techniques," the old woman told the young boy.

"Thanks, granny!"

"Mister Ranma, there you are!"

Ranma stopped in mid-punch and looked up as he heard somebody shout his name. A young boy was running towards him with a proud smile on his face.

"I have finally found you, Mister Ranma! You have to come quickly, the oracle asked for your presence at the temple and the novices asked me to go and look for you. They said I was the best suited for the job because I'm such a fast runner."

Ranma pretended to be paying attention to what the young boy was saying while he actually was flirting with that young, buxom, purple haired girl across the clearing, who had been paying close attention to him during his whole practice session. When he heard the young boy mention the oracle, however, he looked up sharply and focused his whole attention on the small messenger and what he had to say.

"Feh, figures they wouldn't come looking for me themselves," the young warrior sniffed derisively. "Those pathetic wusses have always been jealous of my supreme manliness. No wonder they duped you into finding me."

"Huh? What do you mean, Mister Ranma?" the young messenger asked with a confused expression on his cute little face.

"That's not important now. Let's hurry to the temple. I'm sure the Gods finally started to appreciate my supreme manliness as well as my impressive battle prowess and have selected me to carry out a heroic quest of epic proportions!"

The boy could only roll his eyes in the face of such overwhelming narcissism and arrogance. "Sure whatever you say, Mister Ranma." By the time he had uttered those words and focused his gaze back to where Ranma had been standing, the young warrior was already halfway across the clearing, a dust cloud rising up behind him.

"Hey, wait for me, Mister Ranma!"

A muscular, handsome young man with raven black hair swaggered towards the temple entrance and the two novices who were standing guard on either side of it.

"Hey there, Ryoga, Tatewaki. How's it going? Still busy improving your martial arts by standing around all day?" Ranma greeted his two rivals with a grin that communicated his felt superiority more than a thousands words ever could.

Two years prior, they had all three been offered positions as novices at the temple. Ryoga and Tatewaki had immediately accepted this very honourable position. Ranma, however, had refused, stating that he was destined for something much greater than standing around and wiping old men's asses all day.

"Ranma," Ryoga grudgingly returned the greeting with a small nod of his head. Oh, how he longed to wipe that smug smirk off that jerk's face. Stupid old farts with their stupid rules, forbidding me from beating up stupid jerks, he grumbled mentally.

"The oracle has requested your presence, you may enter," Tatewaki ground out through gritted teeth, and opened the doors towards the inner section of the temple, allowing Ranma entrance.

"Thank you," Ranma said. He proceeded towards the room where the oracle was located, but not before shooting his two former rivals one last smug grin.

Once Ranma was out of earshot, Ryoga couldn't contain his anger at the unfairness of their situations any longer. "I can't believe the oracle asked specifically for that self-absorbed, arrogant jerk!" he growled while he shook in barely restrained rage.

"You do not need to tell me, brother Ryoga. I find it just as unbelievable as you do. Especially if we take into consideration that the only times the oracle requested the presence of one specific warrior was when the Gods themselves had chosen that warrior to carry out a task for them."

"I know! That's exactly what's making me so angry! And stop with that stupid 'brother Ryoga' thing! I'm not your brother and I don't want to be, either!"

"As you wish, brother Ryoga."

Ryoga could only grumble in impotent anger and silently curse the rules novices at the temple had to follow. Stupid old farts with their stupid rules, forbidding me from beating up stupid idiots.

Ranma strutted through the narrow and winding hallways of the temple that led to the oracle's location with his head held high and his chest puffed out, taking in every detail. After all, nobody was allowed entrance to this holiest of places. Only the oracle himself was allowed inside the room where the holy flame was located. The only exception being when the oracle received a vision from the Gods when they were in need of the service of one or more of their warriors.

As long as he could remember, his mother had always told him what an extraordinary specimen of manliness he was, and that it was only a matter of time until the Gods themselves would take notice of this. So it was only natural that, as soon as he had been able to walk - which was at a much earlier age than other boys - he had started training in his tribe's combat arts. His mother had praised him every time he had managed to perfect another kata or beat one of his fellow warriors-in-training, and never tired of telling him how he would be the Gods' next chosen. Now, with his summons to the oracle, all his hard training had finally paid of, and his mother had been proven right at last.

After a short walk, Ranma finally reached the oracle's room. He sharply knocked three times on the door, before opening it and entering. Once he was inside, he had to keep his disappointment from showing on his face. Somehow, he had expected a little more than this.

The room containing the holy fire was circular and not very big, maybe four metres in diameter. In the middle of the room stood an altar, covered in white cloth. A big bowl was situated on top of the altar, and a bright white flame burned within it. The room was otherwise bare, except for a cushion on the ground directly in front of the altar on which a wrinkled, gnomish man clad in white robes sat.

"Ah, hello young warrior. My name is Happosai. I take it that you are Ranma?" the old man asked while he lazily took a drag from a pipe Ranma hadn't noticed before.

"Yes, honoured oracle, I am Ranma," the young warrior answered with a deep, respectful bow. "Why have you asked for my presence? Have the gods found themselves in admiration of my supreme manliness and impressive combat abilities and selected me for a heroic quest of epic proportions?"

The oracle sat staring stupidly at the young warrior before him for several moments, until he finally managed to shake off his bewilderment. "Err, yes yes, something like that." I can't believe our Goddess Kuromizu chose him

"Anyway, to get back on track," the old man continued. "Our Goddess Kuromizu approached me in a vision while I was meditating earlier today." Actually, he had fallen asleep after he had smoked some of the new herbs his wife Cologne had bred. That was some really good stuff. If there had ever been a being in history who could be said to have a green thumb, his wife had to be that being.

"Kuromizu told me of her mortal daughter she gave birth to sixteen years ago," the oracle went on with his tale. "She further told me that she had been looking for a suitable husband for her daughter for quite some time, until she finally found just the right man for her," The old man stopped at this point to take another drag from his pipe. After he had blown several smoke rings in the air, he sharply looked up at Ranma. "This man is you."

The young warrior in question didn't know what to say in response to that, and while he opened and closed his mouth in amazement, his imagination was running wild.

Woah! The husband of the daughter of a GODDESS! Am I the luckiest guy on Earth or what? If she's the daughter of a Goddess, she has to be the hottest babe alive! I bet she has the longest, most perfect legs, and the biggest, most delicious breasts, and long silky smooth hair, topped with the most beautiful face imaginable.

Happosai looked on in amusement as the young man standing before him started drooling. He had a pretty good idea of what was going on in the young man's head at that moment. The amusement quickly wore off, however, as the old man's desire for another nap increased rapidly.

Finally, he couldn't take looking at the stupidly drooling warrior any longer and decided to interrupt Ranma's fantasies. "So, are you going to accept this task?"

"Are you kidding, old man?! Of course, I accept it! Who wouldn't want to be the husband of the hottest ba- err, I mean I'd be honoured to become the husband of our honoured Goddess Kuromizu's daughter," Ranma said with another deep bow.

"Yes yes, I thought as much. In that case, you are to meet her near the bridge across the river on the east side of town."

The oracle had hardly finished his sentence as a strong gust of wind indicated Ranma's departure.

"He's going to come back," Happosai predicted.

Not even a minute later, Ranma returned slightly out of breath. "Old man, what's the girl's name?"

"Louise," was the oracle's simple reply.

"Thanks, old man, gotta go. Don't want to keep her waiting!"

Ranma approached the meeting place with a rapidly beating heart and spotted a figure standing not for away from the bridge the oracle had mentioned.

"That's gotta be her," Ranma muttered excitedly, before taking several deep calming breaths. "Keep cool, Ranma. Kuromizu specifically picked you, there's no need to be nervous. She got overwhelmed by your manliness, just like your mother always told you, and selected you as her daughter's husband, you have absolutely no reason to be nervous."

His prop-speech finished, Ranma adjusted his best white robe he had donned specifically for this occasion one last time and walked towards the other figure. A short distance away from her, he had to stop and rub his eyes.

This couldn't be! It just couldn't be! Louise was a babe, he was sure of it! This, this girl standing near the bridge was as flat as a board! She had no figure at all! Also, her hair wasn't long and silky smooth, but short and boyish! And she didn't have the most beautiful face imaginable, either! At best she could be called cute, but very likely even that only when she smiled, if at all.

Whatever Ranma, calm down, the young warrior thought, I'm sure she isn't Louise. She's just some random commoner girl waiting for her brother, or something. Yeah, that's gotta be it. Mind made up, Ranma proceeded towards the girl. Maybe he could engage in casual conversation with her while he waited for Louise?

"Hello," he greeted her with his best charming smile as he drew near. "I'm Ranma."

"Ah, hello," the girl returned his greeting nervously with a slight blush on her cheeks. She was without a doubt overwhelmed by Ranma's manly presence, just like all the other girls he had met in his life. After staring into Ranma's stormy grey-blue eyes, her blush only worsened and she embarrassedly averted her gaze to the floor.

"What's your name?" the young warrior asked her with his best charming smile.

"Lou- lou- Louise," the girl stammered in response, revealing herself to be Ranma's future wife.

"Hehehe," Ranma giggled maniacally. "This isn't happening, this just can't be happening," He muttered to himself. The thought of that girl, who was most definitely NOT a babe, being his future wife didn't sit well with him at al,l and he started regretting his decision to accept the role of Louise' husband. He was most definitely not amused at being tricked into becoming the husband of such a plain looking girl.

I could be spending my time with that purple haired babe, who had been watching my practice session this morning and couldn't keep her eyes off of me. Instead I'm here with this, this flat chested GIRL who claims to be Kuromizu's daughter Louise, he thought angrily.

Ranma quickly looked around, hoping against hope that this was just a misunderstanding and to see some gorgeous woman approaching the bridge, but had no such look. He and the girl were the only people in the vicinity. He took several deep breaths in order to calm down and stifle his rage, but without any success.

"YOU GOTTA BE KIDDIN' ME!" the young warrior bellowed finally, as he was unable to keep hoping for a beautiful woman to appear and take the place of the girl in front of him, causing the mental image of his perfect future wife to evaporate in smoke. "THERE'S NO WAY YOU'RE LOUISE!"

"Wh- wh- why? Wha- what's, what's wrong with me?" Louise stammered. She was clearly intimidated by the raging warrior.

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? YOU'RE NOT A BABE, THAT'S WHAT!"

"I don't understand," the Goddess' daughter was growing increasingly uncomfortable in Ranma's presence, and took several steps backward, fearing he might lash out at her in his anger.

"Louise is the daughter of a Goddess! She has to have big, delicious breasts, and long, perfect legs, and long silky smooth hair, topped with the most beautiful face imaginable! While you," Ranma said, pointing in Louise' direction, "You're as flat as a board! You don't have any figure at all! You're built like a brick!"

Louise staggered back several more steps before she fell to her knees and started crying, Ranma's words clearly having a deep emotional impact on the poor girl.

Kuromizu was watching the meeting between her daughter and the young man she had selected as Louise' future husband from her divine abode with the help of a scrying pool, a small pleased smile decorating her face.

Up to the point where Ranma started to freak out.

The Goddess could only watch in disbelief as the man she chose to be Louise's spouse started behaving like a total ass and began deriding her daughter.

She started to tremble violently, trying to contain her wrath and curb her temper, but it proved to be a losing battle.

"HOW DARE HE CALL MY DAUGHTER 'FLATCHESTED' AND 'BUILT LIKE BRICK'?!" Kuromizu bellowed in rage, before she shakily pointed her index finger at her scrying pool and whispered several words, invoking her divine magic to punish the impudent fool.

"AHAHAHA!" She laughed maniacally. "Take that, Ranma!"

The Goddess observed in satisfaction as Ranma was struck down by several thousand bricks, which had suddenly come through a portal that had opened over the young warrior's head. "But I'm not yet finished, Ranma, not by long shot. This is only the beginning of your eternal punishment!"

With a wave of her hand Kuromizu disappeared.

The Goddess reappeared an instant later at her daughter's side. Both were looking at Ranma as he lay buried underneath several tons of bricks, struggling weakly to free himself. Louise was looking on in horror, while Kuromizu only sneered at the former candidate for the position as husband to her daughter.

Ranma noticed the new arrival and looked up, spotting another woman standing next to Louise who bore a striking resemblance to the girl. He guessed correctly that the new arrival was the Goddess who had chosen him. Surely she would help him, she had been overwhelmed by his manly presence and selected him to be the father of her grandchildren, after all. There was no way she was going to let him die.

"Help me," he managed to croak out and extended a shaking hand towards the Goddess. Not once did it cross his mind that the rain of bricks was a punishment for his vicious treatment of Louise.

"No, Ranma. I won't help you. I'm going to stand here and watch you die slowly and I'm going to enjoy every last minute of it," Kuromizu answered with a sneer. "But death is too weak a punishment for your crimes, therefore I'm going to curse you.

"You shall be reborn over and over and you shall never be able to tell the women you fall in love with how you feel about them. Instead you shall insult them like you just insulted my daughter, thereby pushing them away from you, to never find happiness.

"Furthermore, you will also forever be unable to dissuade any unwanted suitors from pursuing you, no matter their race, age, social standing, or gender.

And as final punishment, only short-tempered, violent tomboys shall henceforth fall in love with you!"

As Ranma breathed his last breath he could hear Kuromizu adding one last line.

"And I'll have you know that my husband 'Anon' once told me that the thing he likes most about me is my Delicious Flat Chest!"

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AN: Decided to continue this. Hope you get at least a little amusement out of it.