1.
Shadows flood the halls of the McKinley high school hall, as Brittany walked to Santana's locker. It was the end of the day, and lots of people had cleared out, but Brittany knew her Santana was there. She just knew.
"Hey, Brits." Santana said, her lips coated with cherry Chapstick. Brittany grinned. She loved it when 'Tana did that. Just like the song. The lesbian bloggers probably loved it, too. But she sighed when she remembered why she'd sought out Santana.
"Santana?" the sweet blonde spoke nervously.
"Yeah, Brits?" Santana could be mean to people when she wanted to be, but she also had this incredibly gentle voice.
"Do-you-think-my-feet-look-big?" Brittany stuttered.
Santana was caught off guard. Yes, girls were insecure. A lot. But Brittany never was. Ever. (Apart from that time when she lost the magic comb, but 'Tana didn't know about that.) Besides, feet? She'd never heard of anyone being insecure about feet, and Brittany had...well...normal feet.
"Of course not, Brittany, you're perfect. Why?" Santana asked. Had it been anyone else, she would've laughed out loud at something so ridiculous.
"I almost stepped on Lord Tubbington, and I've adopted my right foot as my new pet now. I stroke it and take it for walks. It's good company, but it's kind of gross." Brittany breathed, her eyes looking down at the floor.
"Look at me." Santana commanded, "Put my foot up against yours."
Brittany obeyed her lesbian dolphin.
"My foot is bigger than yours. See?"
Brittany gazed into the distance for a bit. "I never knew you were blind." she lamented, "Why didn't you tell me?"
With that, Brittany S. Pierce left the building. Thank God she was getting home soon. Those gym shoes were uncomfortably revealing.
Santana sighed. Why didn't she understand how beautiful she was?
2.
"Tweedledum!" Coach Sue bellowed. Brittany stepped carefully off the top of the pyramid. What could she possibly have done wrong?
"Listen here, Blondie." Sue growled, "Just because I put you at the top of the pyramid does not mean you can come to Cheerios wearing incorrect uniform! Take off those disgusting Uggs immediately, or you will be banned from Cheerios."
Brittany did as she was told.
When she had to stand on top of the pyramid, she was terrified. Her feet were at the very top of the pyramid, where people look the most, and she was barefoot!
She actually wished she could be on bottom. Then, she'd be able to wear shoes. Maybe even Uggs.
3.
Brittany loved Glee so much. Doing fabulous duets with Santana and creating amazing songs like My Cup made her not feel stupid, and it made her forget about her feet.
Well, most of the time, anyway.
But today? Lady Gaga. Lady Gaga means fancy shoes. Fancy shoes are revealing shoes, and she'd have to dance around in them, and people would be able to view her feet from all kinds of disgusting angles.
That's why he's called Mr. Shoe. He makes people wear horrible shoes.
"Mr. Shue?" Brittany put her hand up without even really having listened to the rest of what he said, to be honest.
"Yes, Brittany?"
"Will you make us wear revealing shoes?"
Mr. Shue wore a confused expression.
Brittany had sympathy for Mr. Shue.
She knew firsthand how much it sucked to be confused.
4.
Brittany sat in Ms. Pillsbury's office, because of the 'revealing shoes' comment. The kind, ginger counsellor slipped her a pamphlet- 'So You Don't See Your Body The Way It Actually Is'. Brittany was confused, then angry.
"Of course I'm the one who apparently doesn't see things the way they actually are! I'm the one who's incorrect, all the time. Look at the dumb blonde girl, everybody! Of course she doesn't see things the way they actually are!" Brittany snapped, infuriated.
"Lots of really smart people don't see themselves exactly how they are, Brittany. It's okay." Emma spoke softly.
"Okay. I trust you. Well, maybe not entirely, to be honest. I half-trust you. You seem sweet."
"Brittany, what is your shoe size?"
"Eight."
"The average female U.S shoe size is seven. That would put you at one size above, but one foot size is not much at all. You have perfectly normal feet. A normal range would be about 7-9, but even if you were outside that range, what's wrong with having big feet?"
"They're clunky and not graceful and not pretty and hideous and gross and they make you look even more stupid than you already are. They make good pets, though. They like pats."
"Um... if it helps, Audrey Hepburn has size 10 feet." Emma said, awkwardly.
"How do you know so much about feet?" Brittany tilted her head.
"It's kind of like how I have a pamphlet for everything."
"Okay."
And Brittany S. Pierce walked out of the room.
5.
Brittany S. Pierce did not go barefoot immediately.
But she did stop wearing Uggs to hide her feet immediately. She put them in a safe in her locker that was also filled with Cheerios cereal. When it was winter, she could unlock it, but for now?
Nope.
After school, Brittany walked over to Santana's locker in Gaga footwear. "Brittany! Thank God." she said, as she wrapped Brittany in an embrace.
Brittany saw this as an opportunity, as Santana's lips were sadly devoid of Chapstick.
"Tana, can you put on that cherry Chapstick? For me? I like it when you do that. Like the song."
"Anything for you, Brits."