Title: Something's Changed
Author: Angellwings
Season: MMPR
Character: Kim
Genre: Angst (?)
Rating: PG
Summary: My theory behind the letter. One-shot.
Something's Changed
By: Angellwings
August 21, 1996
I don't know when. I don't know how, but something's changed. I've changed. Maybe it's this place or maybe it's being away from Angel Grove, but whatever it is I like it. I feel stronger… empowered some how. It's strange, I mean, not even my morpher made me feel this good. Weird right? That you can go through life with a morpher in your back pocket, and still feel weak? Weird or not that's how I felt. At least until two weeks ago, when I came here.
Yes, I realize I'm not fighting to save the world anymore, far from it actually. I can finally be selfish. Wow, that sounds bad, but it's true. After all those years of serving the greater good I finally get my chance to fulfill my dreams.
Which is what brought me here, to a girl's locker room somewhere in Tampa, Florida.
I sigh as I glance up from my journal. I just finished my first training session with one of the most amazing gymnastics coaches in the world! He thinks I have a chance at medaling in the Pan-Global Games! Me! In the Pan-Global Games! I still can't believe it. It's not going to be easy. In fact it will probably be one of the hardest things I'll ever do (with the exception of fighting space aliens of course). But I can do it. There's not a doubt in my mind about that.
It's funny too think back on the way I used to be. Well, not funny shameful. I shudder every time I remember crying out for Tommy's help. Not that I don't want Tommy helping me, but I was a power ranger! I should have been able to find a way to get out of it. The more I think about it the more I realize how dependent on Tommy I've become. Tommy's a great guy, and I know he'd do anything for me and vice versa. But sometimes I just want someone to give me a shove in the right direction, and not to do it all for me.
Speaking of Tommy I should probably go call him. Later journal.
September 29 ,1996
Ugh, I feel like crap. Today was hell. (excuse the language). I learned the choreography for my floor routine today, and Coach Schmidt wouldn't let me take a break! I guess it's all apart of the sacrifice.
Long distance relationships are hard. Especially if ½ of that relationship is a power ranger. I tried to call Tommy last night, and the minute he picked up, Lord Zedd decided to attack. Can you believe it? It's been like that A LOT lately.
Well on the brighter side I got a letter from Trini today. Well, technically Trini, Jason, and Zack, but mostly Trini. They all congratulated me on working with Coach Schmidt. Jason wrote this whole spill about how proud he was of me, and how much I deserved it. Talk about a mood booster. Trini told me she met someone in Switzerland. She described him as if he were an action hero. Zack spent most of his paragraph complaining about how people at the Peace Conference don't know how to dance, typical Zack.
Trini also told me that she had a sneaking suspicion Jason was getting restless. I believe it. Jason's never been one to sit around and talk about the good that could be done. He'd rather be out there doing something about it. That's part of the reason I couldn't believe he even applied to the Peace Conference. It wasn't like Jason to give up active duty for diplomatic endeavors. It just didn't sound like him.
I'm working on writing back. But I'm afraid too. I know what Trini will say because thanks to certain events lately I haven't exactly been acting like my self either. I mean what can I say? "Trini I need your advice, see I met this guy, he's the assistant coach, and I think I . . . well I think I like him, and I mean like him like him." I still can't believe it myself. I mean I've got a boyfriend, and not just any boyfriend but a really great boyfriend. He loves me to death, and never misses a birthday or anniversary. I shouldn't be thinking about other guys like that. Unless . . . something's changed.
I mean our relationship has become . . sorta complacent. I don't get that giddy excited feeling before talking to him anymore, and I don't tear into his letters as soon as I get them I just throw them on the nightstand and read them whenever I can get around to it.
. . . and then there's Kat. Not that I suspect them of having an affair or anything. It's just . . . well, she's there, and I'm here. She, I'm sure, probably gets all those giddy exciting feelings when she's around him, and well here I am on the other side of the country having feelings for another guy.
No, no I'm just being stupid. So, my relationship with Tommy's not new anymore that doesn't mean there is anything wrong with it. I just wish this feeling would go away!
It's that feeling like . . I'm missing something, like it's just out of my reach. And it seems like whatever it is I'm trying to reach for is more than I could ever wish for or dream of. I don't know maybe the intense training is finally getting to my head. Later Journal.
October 1, 1996
This isn't going to work. This long distance thing, that is. I've finally begun to realize that, and it's not just because of the distance either. What I said last month about something amazing being just out of reach was right. I can feel it even stronger now. I feel like I need to take a chance on whatever else is out there. Tommy and I have dated since halfway through freshman year. Neither one of us has really had a chance to date other people and have experiences apart from each other. It feels like we assume this relationship is right because . . . it's all we know. But what if I'm missing something that's even bigger than what I share with Tommy?
That thought alone keeps me up at night. No, I have got to break it off with Tommy. Because like it or not something has changed, and that something is me.
My version of the reasons behind the letter. May not be a popular theory but it's what I believe. No Curses, or theories of cheating here. Just a beloved character growing up a little. So, she chose a bad method for the break-up we all make mistakes. Hope ya like it-angellwings