*******Trigger warnings. *********

This fanfic will be about a very depressed and unhappy person. There will be mentions of self harm, suicide and rape.

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Emma laid on her dirty mattress and stared up at the ceiling. She was tired. So fucking tired. She had no job, barely money enough for this shit hole of an apartment, and her refrigerator was empty. And on top of it all, she had been raped a month ago. She knew she should have reported it to the police, but the 19 year girl hadn't. She probably would have just been told that she shouldn't have worn those short shorts and that tank top. Shit she neither wanted or needed to hear. Instead she had stumbled home and collapsed on her bed and cried herself to sleep that night.

Emma groaned and dragged her fingers through her hair. She didn't remember the last time she had left the house or even left her bedroom. She was surrounded by old pizza cartons and empty beer bottles her friend Ruby had brought her. Ruby was the only friend she had and she tried to support Emma the best she could. But Emma was almost beyond saving. The darkness inside her had soon taken over completely and she just wanted to die. But she had never succeeded with her suicide attempts because Ruby had always caught her. She had taken care of the deep wounds or taken Emma to hospital when she had mixed pills with alcohol.

Emma sat up and reached for the pack of cigarettes she had on her nightstand and lit one. She took a long inhale of it and blew out the smoke through her nose. She knew she'll. shouldn't smoke or drink since she had gotten knocked up, but she didn't care. Why should she? If she actually lived to give birth to this kid growing inside her stomach, she would probably have it ripped away from her arms minutes after it was born. She could barely take care of herself, so how would she be able to take care of a kid?

Emma shook her head at her thoughts. Life was never gonna be as for her, would it? She let out a big sigh and she was at least glad, in some weird way, that the mirror in her bedroom was broken so the blonde didn't have to see how disgusting she looked right now. She hadn't showered since God knew when. Unfortunately the mirror's shards were being used for cutting and her arms were a proof of that. But nobody knew. Well, except for Ruby who was the one who made sure her cuts at least didn't get infected.

Ruby loved Emma. More than a friend. Emma knew that, even if Ruby hadn't said anything. But she knew her. And she would probably never do that either but it could be seen in her eyes. She loved Emma. A broken orphan who didn't know how love even was spelled. She wasn't worthy of Ruby's love.

Emma had grown up as a foster kid and had never had a stable foundation to build herself up on. She had just been tossed around, like a fucking ball between different families, without ever feeling safe and loved. She grew up to be an anxious person because of that and started to cut herself at a young age.

When she had turned 16, Emma had packed her bag and run away. Nobody came looking for her and when she finally turned 18, she was on her own. She was an adult now, at least in be government's eyes. But she wasn't. She would probably never be. Emma was still that scared little kid deep inside and it broke Ruby's heart.

Ruby's friends didn't understand who this Emma was or why Ruby insisted on taking care of someone who apparently didn't want her help, but Ruby didn't care what people said or thought, especially not when it came to Emma. Ruby had been Emma's only friend for years and she refused to give up on her.

"Ems?" Ruby called as she walked into Emma's apartment. It was unsanitary and disgusting. This wasn't a place for a pregnant woman to live, or anyone else for that matter. Ruby walked into Emma's bedroom and found her sitting on her mattress, smoking a cigarette. She sat down on the bed and took the cigarette from Emma's hand and put it out.

"You shouldn't smoke you know Ems" Ruby said carefully and the blonde huffed at her.

"I shouldn't be alive either, so," she shrugged and reached for another cigarette and lit it.

"Move in with me," Ruby said out of the blue and Emma choked on the smoke she had in her mouth.

"Come again?"

"I said, move in with me. You and the kid" Ruby said with a careful smile as she laid her hand on her friend's stomach. Emma who usually pulled away from this kind of affection, but she didn't do that now for some reason. Instead she looked into Ruby's kind eyes and tugged on her underlip.

"What's the catch?" Emma asked anxiously, knowing people didn't offer something this nice without wanting something in return.

"Ems, I care about you and I don't want you to live like this. And you want to get a chance to keep this kid, right?" Emma nodded in response because she actually wanted to keep this baby even if it had been conceived by a rape.

"So, move in with me" Ruby shrugged and Emma wondered if she should say yes. This place she lived in was terrible. And Ruby's apartment was in a good neighborhood, and it was a wonderful apartment with two floors, a beautiful balcony on it, that provided a view of the whole city. Emma had only been there a few times but she had always dreamt about living in a place like that, even though she knew she would never have the money to do so.

Ruby wanted to help Emma in any way necessary but the blonde felt torn. She still saw Ruby as only a friend and didn't want to say yes to this and end up giving Ruby some false hope about their relationship.

"If I say yes, we just become roomies? I mean, we're still just friends Rubes?" Emma asked carefully and Ruby nodded.

"I just want to help you Ems. And the first step for me to do that, is getting you far away from this dirty apartment and this bad neighborhood."

Emma agreed to move in and when she had said yes, Ruby told her the catch. She wanted her to start therapy. The blonde had actually not refused because she had wanted to start therapy for years, but didn't had the money for it. But Ruby was loaded. She owned a successful cafe franchise so she said she would pay if Emma went to therapy.

They looked for quite a while before they found a therapist Emma thought sounded good. She was used to taking on the more 'complicated' people and the blonde was surely one of them. They booked the first appointment and Ruby had offered to go with her but Emma had said no. She didn't want to burden Ruby even more than she already had. So Ruby had hugged her tight and wished her good luck.

The therapist's office was in an enormous skyscraper and Emma was relieved there was an elevator when she realised the office was on the eighth floor. When the elevator pinged and she was at the right floor, she felt out of place right away. She understood this couldn't have been cheap and she almost felt bad for making Ruby pay for this. She suddenly felt anxious and was about to turn around and run away when she bumped into a sweet girl with brown hair.

"Oh god I'm sorry, I didn't see you," the girl apologized and Emma just offered her a gentle smile. "Can I help you by the way? You seem a little lost?"

"Yeah I'm always kinda lost," Emma shrugged.

"Then we're two" the brown haired girl chuckled and gestured Emma to follow her to her computer. She sat down and started to type. "So you had an appointment at 3 o'clock you said?"

"Yes," the blonde replied.

"Then I guess you're Emma Swan, huh?"

"Yes that's me."

"Welcome, I forgot to say that before, and I'm Belle by the way. Sorry. I'm so forgetful."

Emma relaxed when she talked to the receptionist. She seemed so nice and friendly and didn't really look like the typical girl to work at a place like this.

"Your therapist is the third door on your left. She's in, and she's expecting you. Just knock on the door and she'll let you in."

"Thanks Belle" Emma smiled and waved goodbye to the receptionist and headed down the corridor.

She hoped she remembered right when she knocked on the door. A older women with black hair opened the door and Emma almost lost her breath. She was breathtaking. "Oh, you must be Emma, welcome. Come in. I'm your therapist Regina Mills."