A Love Story
Dark alleys, epiphanies, stammering, ex-lovers, and an angry Joey -A parody about a stereotypical romance between Seto Kaiba and Serenity Wheeler.
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(a/n: Guys, this is a PARODY! Which means that a) I'm not taking any of this seriously and b) neither should you. This is also the horrible result of staying up until four in the morning listening to 'Wild Drive' on a ginger-ale induced high.)
(Disclaimer: Kazuki Takahashi owns everything, that rich ass bastard.)
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It was the darkest night she had witnessed in a while, which caused her to wonder why she was walking in an equally, if not more, dark alley. There was no one around, obviously, because it would be senseless for anyone, nonetheless a passing car, to be out on the streets at this hour. Once again, Serenity pondered why she was choosing to cut through an alley when it would only take five minutes to get home when traveling by sidewalk.
An icy breeze caressed her and she shivered, bringing her hands up to cover her bare arms. She happened to be wearing a paper-thin blue sleeveless dress for no apparent reason -hell, she couldn't even remember how she had gotten into the alley. Vaguely she remembered attending a party with Mai, which Joey had no idea about. Serenity, of course, had felt such a horrible amount of remorse for lying to her brother that she had attempted to drown herself in the pool, but then Mai had the gall to pull her out before her lungs had burst.
A footstep suddenly caught Serenity's attention and she stopped for a moment, like a deer caught in the headlights of a Volvo.
"Well, well, what's a pretty girl like you doing out here all alone?" a familiar man's voice asked. As he stepped closer, Serenity realized that it was none other than Duke Devlin, her brother's friend.
"Duke!" she cried out. "What are you doing here?"
"This is my hobby, Serenity," he sneered. "I like to molest young women."
"Oh no! That's not a very nice hobby!" Serenity cried out, turning around to run from the villain. However, Duke was faster and managed to corner Serenity at the very end of the alley. As she began to cry out for help, he grabbed her by the wrists and pulled her body dangerously close to his. A hand slid up her thigh and she screamed even louder, praying that someone would come and save her. She was just so helpless, and couldn't even attempt to fight back.
Meanwhile, Kaiba had been walking for no reason in the middle of the street when his 'girl-about-to-be-raped' sense started tingling. He quickly followed his senses to the alley where Serenity was being pinned to a brick wall by the monster known as Duke Devlin.
"Stop right there, fiend!"
A heavenly light suddenly shone down from no place in particular, illuminating a white trench coat clad prince. He pointed a finger accusingly at Duke and a light breeze blew past him just enough to ruffle his hair and toss his trench coat like a billowing cape behind him.
"You're not taking her alive!" Duke shouted, grabbing Serenity around the neck and holding a knife (which he happened to carry for emergencies) to her neck. However, Kaiba only smirked in response. Before Duke could tell what was happening, Kaiba beat him to the ground with his super suave kung fu moves. A moment later, several of Duke's henchmen arrived to avenge their fallen master, but Kaiba also managed to turn all fifty into pulp under a one minute time span.
As he dusted off his hands, he noticed Serenity watching him with teary eyes. "Thank you for saving me, Seto," she whispered. She couldn't believe that Seto Kaiba had come to her rescue. Ever since they had met in Battle City she had been in love with him, completely disregarding the fact that her brother despised him and that he had no respect for her dearest brother.
"Tch, you're the dog's sister," Kaiba noted, smirking. "You're useless and… and… a dog!"
"Take that back, you heartless miser!" Serenity cried out, but then swooned. She was weak from the struggle that she hadn't put up.
"Are you alright?" Kaiba asked, taking a step forward. Immediately, Serenity fell into his arms and he felt something he had never felt before. No, it wasn't her breasts -it was… love. Yes, he too had been in love with her every since he had seen her in Battle City. It didn't occur to him that she was Joey's sister, because she was too damn pretty.
"You're hurt," Serenity said when she pulled away, motioning to Kaiba's arm where he had been slashed by a knife.
"Oh, I hadn't noticed that," Kaiba said, and collapsed from the sudden pain. Serenity kneeled down and ripped a piece of fabric from the bottom of her dress, and then wrapped Kaiba's injured arm with it. It began to rain and Serenity put Kaiba's head on her lap.
"No one has ever cared for me before," he said, tears beginning to form in his eyes. "I was so full of hatred before I met you. "
"And I couldn't stand up for myself, but now because of you, I can become a crazy, controlling, back talking bitch that uncannily resembles Mai," Serenity whispered. "I love you, Seto."
"And I want to act like a normal teenager because of you," Kaiba said, suddenly realizing he had hormones. "Let's make out."
They were about to kiss when thunder exploded and through the flash of lightening, Serenity's brother, Joey, was seen.
"Oh no!" Serenity cried. "Joey can't find out about us!"
"I already have!" Joey cried out, pointing a finger accusingly at his sister. "Serenity, how could you?"
"I love him, Joey! I don't give a rat's ass about you!" Serenity stated, grabbing onto Kaiba's sleeve jacket.
"That's it! Kaiba, I am going to kill you now!" Joey pulled out an axe and ran after Kaiba, who back-flipped out of the way before the blade could slice him.
"Stop, Joey! I love Serenity, and therefore… I will kill you first to have her!"
"No!" Serenity screamed. " I can't decide who I love more!" She then burst into tears.
The blade fell off of Joey's axe and he reverted to beating Kaiba with the handle until he collapsed. He felt accomplished until Serenity ran to her lover's side and wept over his fallen body.
"Joey, how could you?" she whispered, crying. "Seto, it will be okay…"
"Serenity, the light of my life…"
"I think I've learned the errors of my ways," Joey said, frowning. "I don't care that Kaiba is an egotistical jerk who is most likely going to sell you to a whore-house -you love him, and because of that, I disown you."
"Joey!" Serenity cried out, and began to sob on Kaiba's body. "No!"
"I will put things right," Kaiba said, miraculously cured. He ran after Joey.
"What is it, you big jerk?" Joey demanded. "You stole my sister, and I will never forgive you for it!"
"Let's just forget our differences and be friends," Kaiba offered, smiling. "I love everyone. ^_^. "
Joey paused for a moment, contemplating before he nodded. "Okay!"
Then, everyone burst into the alleyway, cheering and screaming. They all knew that Kaiba loved Serenity, and didn't even question the purposelessness behind it all. No, instead they all threw a party where Serenity became dubbed Kaiba's girlfriend and he smiled and laughed constantly.
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The Fucking End.
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(a/n: The point of this story is that there is no real point. It's just fun to make fun of a ship that makes no fucking sense. And yes, the characters were OOC on purpose. )