Ah, summer break, a time for leisure, recreation, and taking 'er easy. Unless you're me.

My name is Dipper. The boy about to puke is my brother Mason. You may be wondering what we're doing in a golf cart, fleeing from a creature of unimaginable horror.

"It's getting closer!" Shouts Mason, as the monster throws a tree trunk at the cart.

Rest assured, there's a perfectly logical explanation.

Let's rewind.

It all began when our parents decided we could use some fresh air. They gave us pre-packed rucksacks and put sunscreen on our noses, before shipping us off to Gravity Falls, Oregon to stay at our great aunts place in the woods.

"This attic is amazing. Check out all my splinters!" says Mason, showing me his hands, with hundreds of wood chips stuck in the flesh. I backed away from him, and a goat started chewing on my hat

"And there's a goat on my bed." Mason jumps down.

"Hey, friend," he said, holding out his arm to pet the goat, but he grabbed onto his sleeve. "Oh! Yes, you can keep chewing on my sweater." He says before laughing.

My brother tended to look on the bright side of things, always! He rolls past me down the hill, cheering "Yay, grass!"

But I was having a hard time getting used to our new surroundings. And, look, a woodpecker pecking my hat again.

And then there was our Great Auntie Anne. That girl. And there she is, with a mask, sneaking up on me and jumps out at me wearing a mask.

"Boo!" She shouts, as I scream, before she Coughs several times and hits her chest

"It was worth it." she says. "Now I need to give a tour."

Our aunt had transformed her house into a tourist trap she called "The Mystery Shack." The real mystery was why anyone came. Oh, look, the totally real Jackalope's antler breaks off. She turns away from the broken attraction

"Ladies and gentlemen, behold! The Sascrotch!"

look, an animal wearing underwear. They wouldn't fall fo... no, they're snapping pictures

And guess who had to work there? Thats right, me and my brother! He's a very curious boy, Mason, noticed a large, glass ball with a cool purple eye on it.

"Ooh!" He said, reaching his arm out to touch the smooth and shiny ball. Than Anne appears.

"No touching the merchandise!" she said, slapping Mason on the hand with an 8 balball cane

It looked like it was gonna be the same, boring routine all summer. Until one fateful day...

"She's looking at it! She's looking at it!" said Mason, happily

"Uh.." she said, reading a note, "Do you like me? Yes? Definitely? Absolutely!" before looking around.

"I rigged it!" he says, happily.

"Mason, I know you're going through your whole "Girl Crazy" phase, but I think you're kind of overdoing it with the "crazy" part.

"What?"He said, sticking out is tongue "Come on, Dipper! This is our first summer away from home! It's my big chance to have an epic summer romance!

Yeah, but do you need to flirt with every girl you meet? Remember the card girl ? Or the turtle guy? Or the Mattress Queen?

"Mock all you want, sister, but I got a good feeling about this summer. I wouldn't be surprised if the woman of my dreams walked through that door right now" We turned to the door he jestered to, but Anne Walks through the door and burps,

"Oh! Oh, not good. Ow." She says, clutching her stomach.

"Aww! Why!" Said Mason, while everyone laughed.

"All right, all right, look alive, people. I need someone to go hammer up these signs in the spooky part of the forest." Said Anne

"Not it!" Said Mason and Dipper.

"Uh, also not it." Said the handywoman.

"Nobody asked you, Sara"," said Anne

"I know, and I'm comfortable with that." She said, eating a chocolate bar

"Wendell I need you to put up this sign!" Said Anne.

"I Would, but I, ugh, can't, ugh, reach it, ugh..." Said the lumberjackies son.

Anne sighs "I'd fire all of you if I could. All right, let's make it... eenie, meenie, miney... you." She said, pointing to Dipper.

"Aw, what? Grantie Anne, whenever I'm in those woods, I feel like I'm being watched." Said Dipper

"this again." Growned Anne. "I'm telling you, something weird is going on in this town. Just today, my mosquito bites spelled out "BEWARE." Said Dipper, lifting up her arm

Anne, while Looking at Dipper's arm, says "That says "BEWARB'," Dipper rubs her arm, "Look, kid. The whole "monsters in the forest" thing is just local legend, drummed up by guys like me to sell merch to guys like that,"

The group turns to a fat, sweaty man laughs while looking at a Stan-bobblehead head bobble behind them.

"So quit being so paranoid!" said Anne, giving Dipper the signs. Dipper sighed.

"Ugh, Grantie Anne. Nobody ever believes anything I say." mutters Dipper, hanging up a one sign up on a tree that says "To The Mystery Shack."

She starts to hammer a nail on another tree trunk, but it makes a metallic sound. She taps the tree with the hammer, which makes more metallic sounds. Curously, she wipes away some dust and opens a secret window revealing a mechanical box with two control switches on top. She tests one control but nothing happens. Then she tries the other. Behind her, a hole opens up in the ground, which the goat from earlier bleats and runs away.

"What the?"asks Dipper, Looking inside the hole, and she sees a book. She picks the book up and places it on the ground, and checks for people watching. She opens one page and an eye-glass is in it. She flips another page, which appears to be a diary entery.

"It's hard to believe it's been six years since I began studying the strange and wondrous secrets of Gravity Falls, Oregon." She reads before flips through pages

"What is all this?" She Stoped at a page that says "TRUST NO ONE"

"Unfortunately, my suspicions have been confirmed. I'm being watched. I must hide this book before he finds it. Remember: in Gravity Falls there is no one you can trust." She closes the journal

"No one you can trust..."

A creature jumps up behind a log and shouts

"HALLO!"

"AH!" Yells Dipper, before working out it was Mason.

"Whatcha readin', some nerd thing?" He asks

Dipper hids journals behind back "Uh, uh, it's nothing!"

Mason, intimidating Dipper, says "Uh, uh, it's nothing!" He laughs "What? Are you actually not gonna show me?"

The darn goat was nibbling on the journal

"Uhhh... !" says Dipper, glancing back to the goat "Let's go somewhere private."

"It's amazing! Grantie Anne said I was being paranoid, but according to this book, Gravity Falls has this secret dark side." She shows Mason the book.

"Whoa! Shut. Up!" He pushes Dipper.

"And get this! After a certain point, the pages just.. stop, like the persons who was writing it... mysteriously disappeared." Said Dipper, excitedly.

The doorbell rang

Who's that?

"Well, time to spill the beans." He knocks over a can of beans on the table. "Boop. Beans. This boys got a date! Woot woot!" He falls backward into the chair, laughing!

"Let me get this straight: in the half hour I was gone, you already found a girlfriend?" Asks Dipper in disbelief.

"What can I say? I guess I'm just IRRESISTIBLLLLE!" Responds Mason with pride." The doorbell rings twice "Oh. Coming!" shouts Mason, running out.

Dipper sits down to read the book.

Anne walks in and sees Dipper "What'cha reading there, slick?"

"Oh!" She says, "inconspicuously" throws the book under the seat cushion and grabs a magazine from the side table

"I was just catching up on, uh... Gold Chains For Old Women Magazine?"

Anne smiles "That's a good issue,"

Mason appears in the door ""yahoo family, say hello to my girlfriend"

"Sup?" Said the girl next to her. She was dressed in a black hoodie, with brown brown pigtails out the sides.

"Hey..." Said Dipper

"How's it hanging?" Asked Anne

We met at the cemetery. She's really deep." He feels her arm, "Oh. Little muscle there. That's...what a surprise..." Said Mason.

So, what's your name? Asked Dipper

Uh… human" said Mason's girlfriend.

"She means Donna" said Mason, dreamily

"Are you bleeding, Donna,"

She puts her fingers up to her face "It's jam."

Mason gasps" I love jam! Look. At. This!" She said, indicating her hands between him and his girlfriend.

"So, you wanna go hold hands or... whatever?" Asked Donna

"Oh, oh, my goodness." He giggles "Don't wait up!" And they run off

There was something about Donna that wasn't right. I decided to consult the journal.

(Known for their pale skin and bad attitudes these creatures are often mistaken for... teenagers?! Beware Gravity Falls's nefarious..." She gasps, before shouting

"ZOMBIE!"

"Somebody say "crombie"? What is that, crombie? That's not even a word. You're losing your mind, Anne,"

Dipper looks out the window to see Donna walking towards Mason with outstretched arms while moaning.

"I like you." Said Mason, kicking her legs on the bench.

"Oh, no! Mabel! No, no, Mabel, watch out!" Yells Dipper

Donna puts her hands on Masons sholders

Dipper screamed "AHHHHH!"

Donna reveals her arms, showing the the flower crown she'd made "Huhhh!"

Mason gasps "Daisies? You scallywag...'

"Is my sister really dating a zombie, or am I just going nuts?" Pondered Dipper

"It's a dilemma, to be sure. I couldn't help but overhear you talkin' aloud to yourself in this empty room." Said Sara, while screwing in a lightbulb.

"Sara. you've seen Mason's girlfriend. She's gotta be a zombie, right? Asked Dipper

"How many brains didja see the guy eat?" Asked Sara

Dipper looks down "Zero."

Sara pondered, before saying "Look, dude, I believe you. I'm always noticing weird stuff in this town. Like the mailman? Pretty sure that dude's a werewolf."

"Gotta admit, he is hairy," said Dipper. Sara nodded

"But ya gotta have evidence. Otherwise, people are gonna think you're a major league cuckoo clock."

"As always, Sara, you're right."

"My wisdom is both a blessing and a curse." said the handywoman mysteriously

Anne shouts from the gift shop "Sara! The portable toilets are clogged again!"

"I am needed elsewhere." Said Sara, as she backed into the shadows

My brother could be in trouble. It was time to get some evidence.

I made a list

-Donna didn't catch a Frisbee, and fell over instead

-She broke a window in the diner to open the door

-She fell in a grave and got out.

Mason was looking through his sweater collection

"Mason, We've gotta talk about Donna,"

"Isn't she the best? Check out this giant smooch mark she gave me!" He said, showing Dipper her cheek which has a red spot on it.

Dipper screamed, thinking it was a bite mark

"Ha, ha! Gullible. It was just an accident with the leaf blower!" Said Mason, laughing

"I needed kissing practice, it was fun."

"No, Mason, listen! I'm trying to tell you that Donna is not what she seems!" Said Dipper, getting out the Journal.

Mason gasps. "You think she might be a vampire? That would be so awesome!"

"Guess again,brother SHA-BAM!"

Mason gasped

"Oh, wait. I'm-I'm sorry..." Said Dipper, and after checking she'd turned it to the undead page said "Sha-bam!"

"A zombie? That is not funny, Dipper." Said Mason.

Dipper

I'm not joking! It all adds up: the bleeding, the limp. He never blinks! Have you noticed that?

Mason cocked her head to the right "Maybe he's blinking when you're blinking."

"Mason, remember what the book said about Gravity Falls? Trust no one!" Said Dipper, pulling out the journal

"Well, what about me, huh? Why can't you trust me?" Says Mason, as he puts two star cuffs on her purple sweater. "Beep bop!"

Dipper

Mason, she's gonna eat your brain!

Mason started to push Dipper away "Dipper, listen to me. Donna and I are going on a date at five o'clock, and I'm gonna be DREAMY, and she's gonna be ADORABLE." He pushes it out the door

"Bu-bu-but—" said Dipper in shock

"And I am not gonna let you ruin it with one of your crazy CONSPIRACIES!" Said Mason, slamming the door. Dipper sighs and sits down

"What am I gonna do?"