NOTE: This story should be read after you read my dear friend Phoenix Flower Techtress' work, Say Something. It's the beginning of this series. Here, have a link: s/10207985/1/Say-Something Now, there is no excuse for you to be confused. :D After making some minor edits, these will also be uploaded on AO3, as a series. Keep an eye out for that in a few days, please. And, since Phoenix insists on disclaimers: I own several cats, and none of them include superheros or music.
Phil was a simple man. He did his job, and he was excellent at it. Something he didn't plan on, however, was love. As an agent he didn't plan on ever needing love, but in the funny way that love has, it snuck up on him. It was even with the least expected person he could ever imagine.
If I fall for you, I'll never recover.
If I fall for you, I'll never be the same.
It started, well, the start isn't that important. He was assigned to be Clint Barton's handler. That in itself wasn't all that unexpected. He was one of the best agents, and so was Clint. The best deserves the best. It was unexpected at how easy it was to work with him. Previous reports had led him to believe that Clint was difficult at best. Those handlers obviously didn't know Barton like Phil did. He wasn't difficult, just different.
When Clint had free moments at S.H.I.E.L.D, he often spent them out on the range, not unusual for the best sniper there was, but when not filling targets with arrows, he spent his time being a sarcastic ass, sparing with Natasha, and doing whatever it was that he did in his various spots of height. That all added up to make Clint hard to find, and sometimes difficult to deal with. Or, that's what previous reports from the other handlers lead him to believe. However, Phil never had that problem. Clint was there when he needed to be, and Phil often found his jokes to be…refreshing.
Thoughts like that are probably what caused the love to bloom in the first place. And really, it was so unexpected that it wasn't until he had hours of uninterrupted time in the hospital that allowed Phil to reflect so deeply on the affection that had built over the years of knowing Hawkeye. Of course, knowing that you love someone is a whole lot different than actually telling someone you love them.
It's one thing to shoot an untested weapon at a god for brainwashing the man you love, and get stabbed through the chest for it, but it is a whole new ball game to look a guy that you've worked with for years in the eye and say that you loved him.
Besides, what if he didn't reciprocate that love? At least with work he could distract himself, but sitting in this hospital bed, he was a slave to any thoughts and fantasies his brain could come up with. To be fair though, Clint didn't actually seemed opposed to spending time with Phil, just the two of them. He visited often enough, had even apologized for being brainwashed, as if that was his fault. In fact, his recovery in the hospital had allowed them to grow closer, close enough to be labeled a friendship instead of a business relationship.
Now, just a few days from release, Phil was worried that it would all change. Clint obviously felt obligated to be there with him, regardless of the resulting friendship. Once he was proved fit to fight, would the relationship still continue? Not to mention, all the Avengers stopped by (Cap had even signed his cards, finally!), it wasn't as if Clint was the only one. Maybe it was a team obligation they had agreed on and where would that leave Phil, if this relationship he had with Hawkeye was only born from obligation?
Phil sighed and closed his eyes. For now, his heart and mind agreed that sleep would serve him better than mooning over sexy archers with a great personality and superhero status.
I don't know where to stop, I'm just a little lost.
I wanna feel like we're never gonna ever stop
Clint stopped by Phil's room just in time to see that he had fallen asleep. So, instead of leaving, like a normal person, Clint chose to watch. Watching was something he was good at. He was excellent at it, even, and stupendous if it involved Phil Coulson. Was it creepy to be a pro at ogling your superior? Probably, but Clint had always ignored certain social rules, anyway.
If he was honest with himself, he wasn't even sure when this obsession with the older man had started, but he could assume it was probably before the guy had taken on Loki on his own, and proved to be a total badass. He already knew Phil was a badass, though. No one looks that nice in a suit, and commands that much respect automatically without having been in the field for some time. Continuing on the honesty track, he knew it went beyond thinking Phil was cool and attractive. Phil was a dork, he idolized the Captain almost as much as Tony loved him, and he had this dry sense of humor that never failed to take people by surprise. He was everything that Clint wanted, that he needed.
Dammit, Clint may have been as anti-romance as they came, but he wouldn't be adverse to Phil romancing him, at all. That scared him. He knew himself well enough that if he let Phil have his heart, he would never be able to give it to someone else, would never want to. He was even pretty sure that it was too late to try and find someone else, anyway. His ship was sunk, and it was sunk off the coast of Phil Coulson isle. Especially, if Thor's talk of soul mates was to be believed.
The big Asgardian had found Clint in his most secret nest that he used to keep a watchful eye over the rest of the team. It was in the vents, actually, right above the kitchen they all shared. His nest was where he liked to do most of his thinking, especially about Phil. It was in one of these "though comas," that Clint found himself the subject of Thor's advice. The blond man had startled him out of his thoughts by hitting the side of the vent until Clint came crawling out. "There you are, Eye of Hawk! I wanted to talk to you!" Thor, Clint decided, was more prone to yelling than talking, but he did have a way with words regardless. "Shoot," he told the Asgardian. Thor looked puzzled, "I don't wish to beat you at target practice, I wish to fix what ails you."
"I'm not sick…?"
"No, Eye of Hawk, I mean your soul. It cries for its mate." At this point, Clint was certain that all aliens were crazy, at least he Thor-type of Aliens were. Still, He found himself asking, "Mate? How do you figure?"
"You Midgardians must have no concept of this, first, the Man of Iron and The Captain, and now you and Phil, Son of Coul. Do you all have to nearly die before you realize that you were meant for each other? If that is the custom, it isn't a very good one."
While the big man talked, it was all Clint could do to keep neutral at the mention of Phil. Was he that easy to read, or was there more to this being a crazy Alien thing than he had first imagined? "Not sure I follow you, big guy."
"It's simple, every person is meant for someone. Both have one half of a spirit, and together, they form a whole. I believe you would call them soul mates."
Clint nodded slowly. "You're telling me that Ph-Coulson….is my…my…Mate-thing?"
"Yes, it is obvious in the way you act around each other, the way it was with our other team mates. There is no shame in it, it is a thing to be celebrated!"
Clint rubbed the back of his neck "Sorry Thor, but I don't think there is going to be much celebrating. Phil is my superior, and things don't work like that here…plus who is to say that he even likes me like that?" Thor seemed to consider that for a moment. He said, " The Captain is our leader, and he and the Man of Iron chose to be together, despite your strange custom of authority. There was much celebration as well. I heard their souls rejoicing for much of the night."
"Thor, I'm glad you felt the need to hear them, but please, don't….'share the love.' And that doesn't solve the problem of Phil's almost certain rejection of me."
Thor beamed at him, bright and happy he said, "I know one thing Eye of Hawk, almost certain is not completely certain." Clint nodded, thoughtful, before the big man clapped a hand on his shoulder "I wish you luck, my brother in arms, I'm sure you will find yourself fortunate." With that, the Asgardian walked off to do whatever it was that crazy aliens did in their free time, and Clint took a breath before heading off to the hospital.
I'll think about you every single day, I know we're only half way there
But you can take me all the way, you can take me all the way
Phil awoke some time later, he wasn't really sure how long he had been asleep, but he was greeted by the most wonderful sight. Clint was there, next to his bed, looking thoughtful, and so beautiful. Phil cleared his throat. "Barton…? It's good to see you." Clint looked at him. In that look, Phil was certain he had decided on something. He wasn't sure of what it was, but it filled him with a sense of anticipation, like the next few moments were going to be the most important ones Phil would have since waking up.
"Sir…Phil? I think we should talk." Phil drew himself up, so he was leaned back against his pillows more comfortably. He couldn't deny the thrill he got from hearing his name slip past the archer's lips. It was a rare thing, and meant that Clint was speaking on a personal level not many people would ever see from conversing with him. "Go ahead, Clint." The archer took a breath before starting.
I don't know what to do, I'm right in front of you
Asking you to stay, you should stay, stay with me tonight, yeah
"Phil, I'm not really sure what I'm doing here, really…so If I sound like an idiot, can we keep it between us?" The agent nodded his head, but didn't speak, afraid to interrupt whatever had given Clint the courage he obviously needed.
"You know that I'm not the kind of guy who knows a lot about love, and poetry and feelings and crap, right? Well, I mean, it's not crap, but to me it never came natural. I was pretty sure I was just a man and his right hand…but then…" He stopped and seemed unsure of what to say next, something the witty man never really had problems with before. "It's okay, Clint," Phil reassured. "Take your time." With another breath, Clint was speaking again.
"I was put under your care in S.H.I.E.L.D and I'm not sure when, or what mission, but things just became…things were…I…." He stopped one last time before rushing out: "Phil, I love you. Thor says we're soul mates, and if Steve and Tony can do it, why can't we? And don't reject me too hard please?"
The archer looked more vulnerable after saying all that than Phil could ever remember seeing him. As the seconds ticked by, he seemed to grow even more anxious, and it was a side Phil knew nobody would ever see, even Natasha never saw him with this many walls down. A full minute had passed before Phil realized he was just staring, unbelieving of the wonderful man in front of him. Clint sighed and stood up. "Sorry to bother you sir, it won't happen again." He got up from the chair he was sitting in, and was nearly completely out of the door before Phil found his voice. "Wait, Clint! I have to tell you something too." Clint spun around to face him, his face unguarded and full of hope.
"Somewhere between New Mexico and shooting a god, I fell in love with you too." Phil smiled. "Come here, Clint." Hawkeye walked over to the man in bed, and found himself being tugged gently down into the hospital bed. There, with his head on Phil's chest, listening to the beautiful and wonderful sounds of it beating, and Phil's arms around him, two words were shared between them. "Stay." Phil said, and Clint replied, "Always."
END: So...? Tell me what you think, please. I'm also considering adding a sequel that involves some smut, but that's up to you guys. Keep an eye out for some Thorki stuff on Phoenix's end, and some Bruce Banner stuff on mine...Oh, and Natasha/ Pepper from me as well. If you have any suggestions or requests, I wouldn't mind reading them.