Well… okay, this is the first one shot I publish here in this website, so I'm a little nervous. I didn't think I would be writing Homestuck fanfics, but with the last update I have had a lot of feelings, so I needed to write something. English is not my native language so please excuse my grammar mistakes. You're free to correct me if there's something wrong written or if doesn't make sense, in other words, whatever mistakes you detect.
Besides from that, I just have to tell you to enjoy my little story.
Warnings: It has spoilers (If you haven't read the latest updates, read this at your own risk)
Also, the story was inspired by this post on Tumblr: here.
Disclaimer: The characters of Homestuck are not mine, they belong to Andrew Hussie.
It was cold. He didn't know if it was because of the unpleasant people that were standing right in front of him, nor because of the weather. He only knew it was cold and he had no longer the warm of that stupid lab in that useless asteroid. He barely had anything to that moment except Kanaya. He didn't have any ideas of what could he do to make things turn in his favor and Kanaya's. But he was supposed the leader, maybe a shitty one, but he was still the one in charge to protect all his troll friends, the ones that were as vulnerable as him toward whatever brainwashed Jade and that unknown woman wanted to do with them. And after that, he couldn't blame the crazy furry dog from his threatening attitude, Jade was just following orders from the empress and, unfortunately, he wasn't a god tier to stand up to her in a battle.
His words tried to look relax and worriless, but deep inside he couldn't feel completely sure about what Jade had said. What if Jane actually kills him? That would be the worst thing ever. Karkat knew it wasn't the right moment to die, not when things had come to that far. No when the end of that fucking game seemed finally so close. Why when everything was supposed to be okay, it wasn't? It wasn't fair. He had to carry with a lot of things since the beginning, it wasn't easy, and he didn't deserve to die like that, in a desolated place; and he didn't want it to happen in front of Kanaya. She didn't deserve that too, she had already seen many of their friends die.
But he couldn't see the light in that tunnel they were put in.
It almost felt discordant, being a knight, being a leader, and not being able to stop Jade's bullshit. He tried his best, and apparently his best wasn't good enough to make things different.
He took a look among the place around them to see if they could still do something to avoid that horrible moment that he could see coming. There wasn't anything to use in their favor. Even the blue reptile knew they were in disadvantage, or at least that was he thought when the reptile was just being a reptile, as usual. The only other thing that was with them was the trees, but that didn't come as help as he would want. It didn't matter at end, anyway. The only thing that mattered in that moment, or the ones that mattered until them, were lost when Jane pierced his body with her trident.
It felt so cold, almost outrageous. Jade got interested in the arrival of John, and he felt shitty because his own body lying on the floor wasn't helping to greet John with a lot of insults for being such as asshole for screaming while he was dying. Not that the blamed him for not saving him, though. Maybe no one but Jade could help in that situation, but it wasn't his desire to ask her for help while she was being such a bitch. Besides he was already tired of all that bullshit. He was tired of being in danger all the time, of seeing his friends dying, and whispering to the darkness that he wanted to see his friend reunited again. Friends like John, and Jade, the Jade that wasn't a crazy furry dog who threaten her friends like it was funny to see. He wanted to go back in time where there were only trolls, grumpy screams to his fucking friends; when Gamzee used to sell naps in his stupid horns pile and Nepeta used to draw him in her shipping wall. He couldn't forget about his human friends, like Dave, or the lovely drunk Rose.
Why couldn't they finish already the game and live all those things that they lost during the course of the years? Why couldn't they live peacefully a new life together, without being always persecuted by death?
In the middle of his way to the afterlife, he thought about Terezi. He wondered how she would react if he actually died there, without saying anything. Would she cry his way to the afterlife? He wished to have one last chance to tell her he was sorry. He wasn't as cool as Dave, and he wasn't as hateful as Gamzee, but he loved her. He did not know the proper way to tell her because he had a lot of problems trying to figure in which quadrant he wanted her most. It was a shame that his problems were the ones that pushed her away with Dave, and after that with Gamzee, though that last thing wasn't probably his fault. But he ended up feeling guilty because he couldn't the morail he would want to be to keep Gamzee far from every bad thing he could do.
He tried his best to stop that vacillation thing that didn't let him to discover what it was, but it was stronger than him. He couldn't just change the course of the things he felt. Or maybe he loved her that much that he wanted her in every possible quadrant. He wasn't sure about that. All his romantic movies and all those books taught him it was impossible to have someone in the fours quadrants. It was actually kind of an issue, something that trolls needed to deal with it to find their true feelings toward someone.
But he was still a fucking kid. It seemed like he was the expert in quadrant things, and sometimes he felt that way when he used to talk to Eridan, or even when he has bothered by Vriska. But at the end he didn't know nothing about that, mostly because kids at that age can't understand easily love. He knew a lot of theory, but in practice, theory was just a pile of useless garbage. In practice it wasn't that easy to deduce which way someone loved another one. The prove was his moiralleigance with Gamzee. He did care about his awful friend, and he tried to do his best to maintain him safe and far away for his killing instincts. But it wasn't enough to bring back the old Gamzee who used to be happy and easy to handle.
And then there was Terezi. He loved her and he knew she was into him too, or at least she was, but he was too afraid to ruin that connection that he screwed up. He was always worrying about his awful friends, always fighting and causing him trouble. As the leader he knew he was, he tried to do everything that he thought it was correct, he tried his best to keep them safe and alive, but apparently his best would never be enough. He hated himself for being unable to stop Eridan from his stupid bullshit. He couldn't stop Gamzee before he killed Nepeta and Equius. He couldn't even stop Vriska from being a huge bitch, and because of that Tavros suffered the consequences. The same way, he couldn't avoid hurt Terezi. He felt really sorry about that, but he didn't know how to tell her.
Fuck. He was going to miss her a lot. He sometimes did not think about what she felt, or what she wanted from him. Of course he was a completely asshole, but at the end, could he be blamed about trying to fix things up with his friends and forgetting about her? He knew it wasn't fair for her. They flirted sometimes but other times he was just screaming and feeling sufferable of all the things he had to deal with. And she was just there, being for him, but wondering when he was going to tell her if he loved her or not. He felt really sorry for all the things he did wrong and pushed her away. Even after seeing her playing around with Dave in the asteroid, he couldn't help but feeling so in love with her happily smiles, or how cool she was about being blind.
And now he wouldn't be able to tell her that after everything, she was, for him, the most beautiful girl, the coolest one. He wouldn't be able to tell her that after the mistakes she had made, she was going to be the only one in his heart.
When he opened his eyes after what he felt as an eternity, he saw Kanaya crying his dead. He wasn't dead yet, but somehow he felt that there wasn't time left for him. He looked his hands covered in blood, and for a moment, he smiled at the thought that Terezi would be happy to smell his sweet cherry blood. But she wasn't there and the realization of that made him sadder that he already was.
"Karkat… you're going to be okay" said Kanaya.
He reached her eyes, and sadly, he looked at her jade green tears falling from her eyes.
"Kan…aya, you h-have to go now" but she refused. "This i-is an order. Whatever happens to me is… it doesn't matter. You ha-have to go… now". She didn't answer, it seemed like she was suffering from more than just watching a friend die. For a moment, Karkat thought he could see in her eyes the pain of a mother watching his son die. But he tried to look apart from that thought; it would have make things harder. "Pl-ease, Kanaya. Maybe I'm going to b-be okay, but I can't assure you what they will try to do to you".
His words hurt in the deepest part of himself. He felt dizzy and every second he spent trying to make Kanaya go was a second less of life. He had to try anyway to make her run and leave him there. If Jade had been sincere, he would be revived again because the empress needed him. But until then, Karkat had to look for Kanaya's sake, as the leader he still was.
"Listen to me, Kanaya" he said "Just fucking go… For me. And tell… If you s-see her… tell Terezi I love her…"
He raised his arm to her making that salute to her like when they were really close friends, and for a moment, Kanaya regret all those three years she had disregarded her good friendship with him. She did the salute too, in order to show love and respect for a friend she still cared. "I'm sorry" she whispered, and later, she added: "I promise I will".
And then, when John disappeared in the wind, Jade got extremely angry and decided to chase him. Karkat closed his eyes, grateful with Kanaya's words. He would have liked to tell her "thank you", but by the moment Kanaya stood up, he had no strength left. Lying there, he saw Kanaya for the last time before closing his eyes forever. Whatever happened after that it was another story. In the end, Karkat died feeling good about himself because even dying, he did his duty of protect his friends.
And that was all that mattered.
I would like to read your comments about what you thought with the story, and I'm also open to suggestions to improve at writing, so feel free to write your opinion in a review. That's everything I have to say, and thank you for reading this.