5 scenes using the chapter titles from "Montmorency: Thief, Liar, Gentleman?"
Rated G to PG-13
1875: The Bloody Beginning
Shattered glass was strewn across the floor, glittering in the low light here and there, other fragments reflecting an infinity of shocked faces. Billy Joel sang the song again.
Glancing back up at the nearly empty frame, a slow smile spread across his face.
"Reconstruction era mirror in a bar? Classy. Late era…maybe 1875?" he asked.
The shocked silence refused to acknowledge his magnificent intelligence, and he sighed. He stared at the sea of disbelieving faces looking up from the floor until the police came to restore order, then ordered another drink.
It was probably the most insane thing he'd ever done. He'd made the decision so quickly and wasn't prone to questioning his actions, so he focused instead on the other man's actions.
Was that the craziest thing he'd ever done? House had to know.
Sir Joseph Bazalgette
"Ya know, nurses exist for a reason. Aside from making them cry, you can use them as a shield from patients practicing their projectile vomiting skills."
"House, I'm trying to eat." Wilson's protest was mere fromatlity at this point; House was a force of nature he couldn't stop.
"Baldy or clinic?"
Wilson continued to eat and even schooled himself from noticing the handful of fries that suddenly disappeared.
"Foreman is determined not to be like me. I can't imagine why," House said, pulling a face.
"Gee, I wonder. Maybe I should give him some pointers on what behaviours to avoid."
"He'd be lucky to turn out like me."
Wilson couldn't resist looking up to see if House had a straight face or not.
"House, Foreman isn't going to turn out like you. You are…you. Foreman's safe."
"That sounds suspiciously like a challenge. What's the deciding factor?"
"His drug-intake in 25 years."
"Bo-oring," House sang. "I can't wait that long to find out. How about.."
"How about he lets me eat my meals in peace without talking about bodily fluids?"
"Ok." And then House was gone, leaving a puzzled Wilson sitting in front of an empty plate.
3 Days Later:
"Dr. Wilson, do you have a few minutes?"
Startled by Foreman's voice, Wilson just nodded mutely and indicated the chair across from him.
Foreman set his tray down and settled in while Wilson watched him warily.
"House told me about your trip, and I think it's pretty cool, though I don't understand why you need to know all this."
"Trip?" Wilson echoed vacantly.
"Sir Joseph Bazalgette designed the present-day London sewer system because the Thames had become an open sewer, complete with feces floating against the banks…"
Planning
"Most married men don't keep condoms in their wallets."
"I just never took it out."
"They don't last forever. Kinda like your marriages."
A pointed look encouraged him to continue, though Wilson probably meant it to do the exact opposite. "Is it the tell-tale ring? Is that part of your panty-peeling repertoire? Or is it a sentimental thing? Maybe you like thinking about days gone by. Or is it a hopeful thing, something to console you until the next divorce? You take it out every now and then and think 'Someday…'"
"I just never took it out. Besides, I like to be prepared."
"You also plan obsessively." And Wilson grinned.
Prison Life
"You might not wanna sit exactly there."
Not understanding at first, House searches his brain for the answer, the looks at Wilson before grabbing his pillow and putting underneath him.
The rest of the evening passes unspectacularly until bedtime.
"I am not sleeping on the couch!"
"Oh, get over it. Grow up."
"I'm crippled! Cripples and piss-stained couches don't mix well."
"Then you can share the bed with me."
"You are not sleeping in my bed!"
As he turned over for the 400th time, House wondered how he ended up in this situation, but the excitement of having Wilson's sleeping form so close made rational thought impossible.
He didn't sleep well that night until he heard Wilson's hair dryer. Then he fell into a deep a sleep, and was grateful Wilson was gone when he woke up after a wet dream.
Measuring Up
"I can't go through this again. He can't go through this again! He was miserable after last time, and I don't think he can survive getting hurt like that now."
She appraised him with a cool look and nodded. "Ok."
And with that, Honey was out of House's life.