1.Mask

He tried his hardest to tell her the truth. Even when it hurts so much for both of them, he desperately wants her to know. He wants her to know the truth, why he did all of this, and his feelings all this time. He wants to take off his mask.

As she remembering back his words, she looked at him; not with warm or even anger. It's empty. Void of any emotions.

"Ran… Please, understand why I'd do this…"

"I wouldn't be able to stand it should something happen to you because of me"

"I wouldn't be able to bear living my life losing you…"

"I'm not asking you to forgive me. Because I know more than anyone how I have hurt you"

"But please… I beg you… Please, don't… Don't leave me…"

"You are my reason to keep going. If you're not there, then what would I do this for?"

He really groveled, he plead her with all his heart. But she still silent with expression as hard as a rock. After seems like eternity, she finally opened her mouth, and she glared at him only to say "I hate you, Shinichi" with her burning eyes full of hatred directed towards himself.

GASP!

He opened his eyes and raised up from his bed.

Wheeze… Wheeze… Badump… Badump…

Now he really awoke as he tried to take some air into his poor lungs.

It feels like someone had squeezed his heart it hurts him so much he can't breathe. His head, his heart; they both hurt so much like they are about to break. With a trembling hands, he touched his head and gripped some of his hair saying "Haha… What a nightmare" a dream that feels so much like a reality.

He once had told Haibara about why he couldn't tell her his feelings. Because if he did, she will want to meet him more and thus will hurt her even more. Rather than making her cry, he wants her to be happy, even if he had to be out of the picture. It sounds so noble and arrogant to the now panting Kudou Shinichi.

In reality, he had confessed to her once, even when he knew he couldn't be with her as much as she wants him to. Long before that, he also wanted to tie her up by proposing to her, so that she wouldn't be snatched away by some other man. He had told her to wait for him, even when he knows how much his absence have hurt her. It's all because he doesn't want to lose her. He doesn't want to be out of the picture. He was saying that all of this is for her sake, but he knew deep within his heart, he did this for himself. But he is too arrogant to admit it. It was also the same of a reason as to not tell her the truth, keeping her in the dark about who Conan really is. He doesn't want to look vulnerable in front of her, and most of all, he doesn't want her to hate him.

'What a selfish jerk I am' clutching his hair, he is trying to steady his beating-like-crazy heart by drawing his legs close to his chest in a humped position.

The usually Heavy-Sleeper-Ran had awakened. Perhaps because she could feel something is not right. As she opened her eyes, she could see Shinichi's back. He's been sitting there like a lost child. "Shinichi…?" she wanted to ask what was going on as she touched his shoulder but instead it shocked her knowing how much he is trembling. An alarm suddenly rang inside her head that made her immediately sit on her knees so that she is able to face him properly "Shinichi? What's wrong?" she cupped his face with both of her arm, ignoring the sting in her right arm as she moved it forward to touch his cheek. When he finally lifted his face, he suddenly pulled her into his embrace. Still trembling, he held her tight as if afraid she will disappear if he let her go even for just a second. Something definitely is not right. Slowly but sure, she put her arm around his back, soothing him by stroking his back with her left arm while saying "Shh… It's okay. It was just a dream" over and over again, until she could feel his trembling subsided.

"…ry" she heard him mumbling something "I'm sorry…" is what he had been saying to her "I'm sorry, Ran…" as he said those, he slowly loosen their embrace so that he could look directly into her eyes. "I have something I had to tell you"

- Saturday, 02.10 A.M. Kudou Residence, Kudou Shinichi's Room -

Perhaps this is how it feels to be in a dead sentence.

The chills and the silent makes me want to run away and hide. It's what they'd called the calm before the storm.

I am sitting in front of her in my room, up on my bed, in the middle of the night. Just us both with the eerily silent accompanying the sound of a tick-tacking clock. Not even a sound coming out of her mouth. She wears this blank expression on her face, her beautiful orbs staring at me, not with warm or even anger. She just staring at me, listening.

God… It's starting to get close to my nightmare.

I'd rather have her beats me into a pulp, plummet me with her fists, or shouts at me using incredibly creative curses. Or even crying and blurting her hatred and disappointment towards what she'd voice as a betrayal of her trust. Anything. I have no problems for groveling, begging, pleading for forgiveness, whatever it takes. Nor I'd be opposing to do whatever she'd told me to.

But not the silent treatment.

I had told her everything. First the fact, then the reason, and my feelings –well, she knew this already, but there's nothing wrong with reminding her again- chronologically. My feelings come in the last, but actually that was the first thing that caused this to happened. When she asked me why I told her all of this now, that dream was my first answer. I intended to tell her everything after what had happened in the bank, because I realized my feelings then -I realized it after I had pulled the trigger myself- of how important she is to me, and what will it make me be if she dead, and what I'm capable of doing in my desperate moment. But that dream is like a real trigger, it pushed me to the edge. Until I can't bear with everything anymore. Along with the explanation of what I've felt, I told her my fear, and I admit my selfishness and cowardice "I'm scared, Ran" taking a breath, I continued "I'm not scared at them. I'm scared at you; of what it will make me be if I had to lose you…"

Again, silent filled up the room.

"I see…" is what she said after listening to me whole night long.

I waited, and waited, and waited. Every seconds feels like a year to me. Until I finally heard her saying "You know, Shinichi… Somehow… somehow, I know that Conan is really you in the disguise. I can feel it -something that a logical mind couldn't explain, just like today when I saw you in the bank- I just know its you. Even if the world turns against me, I know its you" her word is like an arrow that strikes my heart.

"Even though I'm mad because you lied to me, somehow I understand why you did it. Even though I feel like I'm being shunned out and hurt by it, I know that in the end, you'll come back to me. But still, the feelings of being betrayed is still here" she touched her chest while I can see drops of tears flowing in her cheeks.

I feel numb; like earth had swallowed me whole. I just want to disappear right then.

"You've hurt me, Shinichi" at hearing this, I could hear the sounds of my heart broken. I lost my hope. I've lost her…

"But… You're the only one who can make it disappear" Yeah, disappear. Just please, make me disappear…

Wait… What?

"That's why… Don't ever leave me again" You want me to…

What?

"I want you to be by my side, walking through all this together"

…Huh? Am I hearing things?

"So… do you not… want me to leave?" I had to make sure. She shakes her head.

"So… in other words… You… you forgave me?" I really had to make sure, that I'm not hallucinating. She confirmed by nodding her head.

"So… You don't hate me?" again, I really had to make sure even if I'm scared of what the answer might be.

She smiled while wiping her tear and said "I already forgave you, Shinichi" and gave me the most shining, most beautiful smile on earth I've ever seen "I Love you too much, it's impossible for me to hate you"

I still can't believe it's real, so I just had to ask again "Really…? Ran?"

She nodded, but then she turned serious "But don't you dare do it again" with all the malicious expression she could make on her still flushed face "I promise I'll kick your goddamn ass if you ever leammmfff…" but I didn't let her finished as I hugged her and landed a made-up kiss fervently on her lips. Nah, you can't blame me. I did what I did because of her own action. And to make me believe she forgave me, that she wouldn't leave me, and that we will face this together.

I feel like tons of burden had been lifted from my shoulder. All the guilt, the lie that create a gap between us had disappeared. I'm so relieved I don't even aware that a single drop of tear falls from my eyes. This girl is so precious to me I don't know what I'd do without her. I feel so stupid for all the things I did, and because I had doubt her. I would never let her go anymore.

"Shinichi?" she seems surprised when she aware of how I hitched my breath, and how one single tear had stained my cheek. I have never cried before; not in front of anyone especially her. But I couldn't control this overflowing emotions towards her. As I caressed her cheek and our forehead touched, I could only whisper this to her "Thank you… I Love you" and kiss her again.

I believe we deserve a quality time together; beside to make up to my absence, it's to celebrate our being together, at last. And I intended to make the best of it while I can, while I'm still me…

…

Damn!

That remembers me. How much time left do I get? As I pulled myself from the kiss, I looked at the alarm clock that shows 02:30.

At least 18 hours had left since I took the pill. So, another 5-6 hours?

Good grief… That won't be enough. Not enough at all!

"Shinichi?" her concern voice rang in my head make me feel even worse.

"Shit!" I unconsciously cursed while I gripped my head with one of my arm. That took Ran in a surprise, seeing me suddenly in a despair "Shinichi? What's the matter?" she asked me with a really worried face.

I opened my mouth to try to say something, but what should I say to her? That we only have 5 hours last to be together? That I had to leave her again after I promised not to?

Aaargghh…! My head hurts.

After I had finally told her everything. After she finally understands me and forgave me. After everything that had happened between us.

Why? God, why?

"I don't want to leave you…again…" it's my true feelings, that is the only thing I could tell her

"But… I have to" I heard my own voice cracked.

After a moment of heart-squeezing silent, she asked me "Why?" with a teary eye but she endured it so it won't fell. She tried to be strong for me, for us…

"Remember when I told you about the temporary antidote?" she nodded "It only last for 24 hours" I can see that she gnawed in a realization by this information as her eyes widened.

I really don't want to say this fucked up things so I turned away from her while saying "I'll back being Conan again in about 5 hours" and I sighed my biggest sigh in my whole life.

When I can't feel any reaction from her, I turned my head again to looked into her eyes "You'll return being… Conan-kun… again?" I can't say a thing so I just nodded "But… Then…" she didn't continue her words in a long time, as she is thinking something. So I patiently wait for her to be back from her musings, while observing her face.

I could guess what she's been thinking only by seeing her expression.

First, a worry all over her face, with a clear disappointment. Then a sad one, and a… longing?

But then, she suddenly brightens up and she sighs in relieved. Now a content smile. But suddenly she frowned, and tilted her head in a thinking position. Then as she clapped her hands, she brightens up again. She smiled shyly but she seems very happy and satisfied. Lastly, I could see her combust before she covers her face with both of her hands.

…

"Just what… were you thinking, Ran?" I asked her incredulously. But she gave no response as she is still trying to control her flushing red face. Seeing her like that, I could feel my cheeks become warmer too.

"Geez… You are so…" I tried to cover my embarrassment by putting my chin in my palm.

"Wh… What?" she tried to sounds and look innocent as she looked into my eyes, but instead it provoked me to put her into a confession.

"Let me tell you what you were thinking" no joke, it didn't take a detective to be able to guess

"Will it be alright for him to being back to Conan? Even if he managed to do it before, will he be okay this time? But, I don't want Shinichi to leave me again, after we finally could be together. But wait! If he become Conan again, we could still be together like always. Thank God, I could still see Shinichi every day even as Conan. Ah, but I couldn't treat Conan as how I treated Shinichi. But I want Shinichi to be Shinichi when it's just the two of us. And perhaps, a kiss or two wouldn't be that bad…" as I finished my deduction, she managed to make a very funny reaction, and her face become even redder -if that's still possible- while stuttering a words I can't catch "Wh, what? Why… N-no, it's… I… I just… It's not…" she really looked like a fish gaping for water.

"It's as clear as a day, you know?" I deadpanned her, thus makes her squeaks in panic, but she managed to grab a pillow and threw it right into my smirking face "Stupid Shinichi!"

"*Shota-kon!" seeing her flustered like this, it only makes me want to tease her even more

"Wha…? How dare you!" now she jumped me, trying to landed her spoiled punch into my chest. Well, a years of dodging practice come into handy in this kind of situation. Added that her wounded hands still being bandaged and the fact that I have a fast-reflects, it only landed in air. Thus, made her try even harder to punch me "Come here, you…!"

"Hahaha…!" she really is cute

"I'll catch you! Stupid-deduction-geek!" I snorted

"Whatever. As long as you love me" and shot her my infamous grin

"Who's fault do you think it is?" she becomes cuter when she pouts. Ouch, my heart can't take it "Nah, your fault for being this adorable" she halted her movement at hearing this. My chance!

"Look, I don't mind a kiss or two even as Conan. But… Isn't it better doing it with the real me?" I catches her hands and inching closer to her, knowing that she wouldn't refuses as I look into her beet red face "Should I prove it, then?" she blushed at the prospect of me doing it. It kinda turn some switch in me. Nah, not my fault. I just reacted to her; she is the one that stimulated me. Right?

She's so amazing. She could turn my world upside-down in an instant. For example, when I feel down as I realized my time being Kudou Shinichi will come to an end, she managed to lift my spirit and make me feel like it doesn't matter who I'll become, as long as we are together. When I'm scared of what her reaction will be as I told her the truth, it turns out my nightmare was really a stupid thing to even think about. She gives me unlimited faith, pouring me with her unconditional love, and still stands with me even when I lead her to the edge of death. She doesn't even aware of it, but she is the reason why I keep going through this. I'm not exaggerating when I said she is my everything.

This is getting dangerous.

And what I mean by 'dangerous' wasn't only the fact that she means everything to me, but also the situation we are in right now.

I don't want this to end, but if this keeps going on, I'm not sure whether I could control myself or not. Added that we are sleeping toge… I mean, we are sharing my bed right now. Nope, we are still fully clothed; I have been a full-fledged gentleman this whole night. I could easily take off that thin layer of disturbance if I want to. The thing that prevent me to do so is that goddamn camera. Not only in every corner of my room, but that suspicious dove also takes active participation in my private moment. Geez!

I'm in the brink of falling right now. Better stop while I still have my ounce of reason in the very back of my head "Ran…" I want to tell her we should stop, but my resolution broke into millions of pieces when I looked at the girl in my arms. Huh? Since when did we lay down with her beneath me? And what's with her delicious half-parted juicy lips that seems to invite me for some more wild-exploration?

She seems like she is enjoying this so much… Damn! Don't be excited now! I need to cool down… Better think about something else… No, don't think about how she will sound if I caress her soft-mounds… Err, better look at something else than to look into her sexy neck and collarbone -that cleverly peeking out cleavage of hers is not helping at all- and her body is so soft and warm, it fits with mine just right.

"Shinichi…" augh… just don't whispers in my ear like that, will you? Not that I mind, but I really like it when you call my name in that unbearably sexy tone, it makes my imagination go wild. While we are at it, could you please stop caressing my nape? It sent shivers down my spine.

…

If you don't stop, I'll kiss you. I'm being serious here.

"Mmmhh"

…

Is that a moan coming from her muffled mouth? Hmm…? I'm not sure, so let's find out.

"Ngh!" don't bit my lip, just hold onto me tighter. Yeah, right there. Perfect.

Perfect, but my back is a bit sensitive now, one silky touch from your fingertips could make me… lose… it…

…

Geez! Guess you really do like to tease me, huh? Then it's my turn to tease you. Since I can't reach your back, and since what's in your front will be satisfying enough, so… can I caress it just a bit?

…

Yeah, I get it. You don't have to say it, coz your looks give me the OK signal, am I right?

You know, your eyes are glittering with pleasure now. Does this make you feel good?

"Shinichi…" I'll take that as a yes.

This is the first time I really like a pajama. Unbuttoning them, I mean. And I really like the view behind it. I can't divert my eyes from the feasts.

"You are so beautiful…" what else can I say? Duh, what should I do with what's in front of me? The sight of your red-laced bra that covers only a half of your white, smooth and silky breasts makes my blood rush to my head. Once I touched them carefully, I feel dizzy. It really fits into my palm, like it destined to be placed there. I know my feather-like touches on it could arouse you; it's getting harder by my touches, just like some other parts of mine. It's so smooth and bouncy, I'd love to taste it directly.

"Ran… Can I?" did you hear what I said? Because you keep your eyes shuts. Oh? You are opening it now

…

So that you'd be able to kiss me, huh? Is this also an okay signal? Well, let's see…

Hmmm… Seems like it is.

I think I'm going crazy as I lost my control over my own action. I know we shouldn't do this, but I can't stop, nor would I want to stop. And I know you want it too.

I like to see you squirming by my touches, makes me wanna see you squirm even more.

God, you feel so good. So soft and smooth. It tastes just like you, smell just like you, its so sweet makes me crave for more. How about your neck? Does it taste the same? Hmm… You smell like a shampoo.

I lick it here. I mean, I like it.

I mean, I like what I've been licking … Nah, whatever.

How about here? And here? Do you feel good, too? Good. It become harder and twitching by my touches. Guess you like to be teased here.

Hmmm… I guess I like it here even more.

What do you want me to do? Want me to touch you more? Hmmm…?

Then…

Bzzztt… Bzzztt

…

What's with that noise?

Bzzztt… Bzzztt

It's so annoying

Bzzztt… Bzzztt

Can't you see that I'm busy?

Bzzztt… Bzzztt

"Shinichi… What's tha… mmmmhh" just ignore it, Ran. Focus to me only.

To hell with…

Bzzztt… Bzzztt

Gah! I'm gonna destroy that fucking phone…

Huh?

Bzzztt… Bzzztt

Was that my phone?

Bzzztt… Bzzztt

Geez! I really don't want to move from my spot. It's so cozy here, you know?

Bzzztt… Bzzztt

…

Bzzztt… Bzzztt

Sigh… I get it, I get it!

Argh! Right when its starting to get better!

I'm gonna kill whoever it is that got a nerve to disturb us!

"What is it?!" I don't care who I'm yelling my lung to

"… You don't seem like you're just awake from sleeping" this cold, mocking tones could only belong to one person

"What do you want?" I want this to end as quick as possible

"Am I disturbing something?" obviously! And right when we've just starting to get into the mood

"By calling me in the middle of the night?" I'm gonna smack your head for this

"It's morning already" morning your ass!

"It's only 3 A.M. mind you?" I'm starting to lose my patience here "Whatever. I'm hanging up"

"Ok, ok. I'll get to the point. Geez, you are the one who asked me to stay in touch. How cold" I can sense his snicker even without those damn camera… wait… camera?

"Argh! Damn it!" I totally forgot about that damn thing! Wait, where did that bird goes to? "Damn! It's still here!"

"What's still there?" argh! Whatever! I'll take care of that damn surveillance later.

"Forget it. Now, tell me what happened?" I need to set my priority. Oops, buttoning back her pajama should be the first thing I've got to do.

"It's about number 2. We've got her reason for the attempt to haywire their financial issues back in 2009. But she shut her mouth for the real reason" while he's explaining, I tried to apologies to Ran for the disruption by kissing her forehead "Real reason?" and slipped into the back and makes her sit down on my lap while I lean my back on the upper ends of my bed. Now, this is comfortable "Yeah. Apparently, we know that she no longer wants to stay within their circle. But as you know, it costs her life to turn her back on them, and it will be too much of a hurdle to let herself out of their grasps. So she stayed with them but she let go of her position by doing the fatal error" she lay her entire back on my chest, and our hands mingles make me feel warm and cozy even when my brain is thinking about the worst possible case as I stated it to Akai-san "She is too valuable for them to kill. But whatever reasons they have to not kill her then, it disappeared. They've found someone that can replace her" before I could manage to finish, he cut me by asking "Rum?" judging from the vagueness in his voice, I choose to tell him my deduction "Listen, this is just my raw deduction, which even my self couldn't be positive about it. Despite not having any prove to confirm my theory, it could still be considered as a small possibility" I warned him first though "I'm all ear" is what I get to ascertain myself to speak my crazy theory "Rum has trapped her. Rum used her weakness so they would be able to move her as he/she liked with his/her plans. It's the same as what Rum had done to Curacao. In other words, if we manage to get Vinsanto's weakness, it will be our trump card to get to Rum" as I ended explaining things to him, I could sense someone stroking my upper palm. It's Ran trying to sooth my strained nerve as I speak about them. She didn't even question me with her eyes, she just strokes it gently and placed my other palm on her cheek. I can't help but to smile at her and continue with a gentler voice "And I bet Vinsanto's weakness is someone precious to her, that she even risks her own life in the stake of her dearest's safety" I don't know whether I speak about her or about myself as I hug my dearest in my embrace "If I were her, I would become anyone and anything as I want. I don't even care for destroying some mere countries just for me to be able to protect her. I'll do anything in my power even in my desperate condition, as long as I could make sure she's safe in my arm" I looked into her eyes as I stated this. Ran seems startled at hearing my desperate voice and determined expression, but she soon gives me her warmest smile before pulling my neck for a kiss. Well, thus made me no longer pay attention to what Akai-san is speaking anymore as I respond her with more burning desire.

You are mine now. No one is allowed to touch you like this, other than me. I don't care what other people say, I just had to mark you as mine. Even if the world goes against me, I wouldn't stop. No one could stop me anymore.

Camera be damned. I'll take care of it later.