"Hey, Jude"

His alarm clock buzzed continuously for fifteen minutes. "Jude!" he heard his mother yell, "Get out of bed this instant. Your bus is coming down the street and I'm not going to have you missing any more school."

"Davis never has to ride the bus," Jude groaned from under his blankets. "Besides, I don't want to get up. What's the point? Just let me sleep."

"First of all, you know your brother rides to school with Jamie for basketball scrimmages in the mornings. Second of all, the point is your education. Now get up! I've got to go open the store now, but I had better not get any more calls from Principal Turner about you ditching classes."

"Whatever. Fine, I'll waste my fucking day away at school. I got nothing better to do anyway."

Jude hated the bus ride. If it wasn't seniors picking on him for being a worthless little freshman, it was Chuck tearing him to pieces. Chuck is a senior. He has bullied Jude relentlessly since they were kids. And, unfortunately for Jude, today wasn't any exception. "So you find a boyfriend yet, Jude? Come on, we all know you're a queer. Just admit it. Huh? Aren't you gonna talk?" Chuck looked around the bus to see if Jude's twin brother, Davis, was anywhere nearby. "It looks like your brother isn't around to stick up for you. I guess you actually have to speak for yourself. Come on Jude, tell us, what's it like being gay, huh?"

Luckily for Jude, the bus pulled up to the school before Chuck got him in a headlock again. Jude was used to the bullying. He was beginning to feel numb to all of the harassment. He knew he'd never be as popular as Davis. After all, Davis had practically set an impossible standard – a freshman on the Ravens' undefeated varsity basketball team. Davis was a god at Tree Hill High School, and Jude was a nobody.

The day dragged by. Jude felt like a spectator in this world where everyone else was creating a life they wanted to live. Little did they know, Jude was starting to dream about creating the plan for ending the life he didn't want to live.

Sure, he used to have hopes and dreams for his future. When he was a kid he used to shoot hoops on the river court with Davis, Jamie, and Andre. All four of them played basketball together until they were thirteen. Without question, Jamie was the star athlete of the group, but aside from him, Davis and Jude were neck and neck. All four of them dreamt of playing for the Ravens like their parents and older brothers had. But, even that dream faded away around seventh grade. Neither Davis nor any of Jude's friends could figure out why he quit basketball. Jude wasn't even entirely sure why he quit. He just lost interest and decided he didn't want to do it anymore. Andre told him the he dropped his future when he dropped the ball, and Jude was really starting to believe it these days, but playing basketball again was the last thing he wanted to do.

Fourth period English class was a brief reprieve from the loneliness. Extracting meaning from literature and creating expressive works of writing provided a safe haven for Jude. For as long as he could remember his teachers had told him he was a gifted writer. Although, in Jude's mind this was just another way he could be considered abnormal– just like that gifted program they put him in back in elementary school. He got plenty of ridicule from his peers for that. Nonetheless, Jude cherished that hour that he could spend interpreting themes and motifs in Conrad's Hearth of Darkness.

At lunch time Davis, Jamie, and Andre sat around a table in the middle of the chaotic cafeteria. Girls swarmed near the table, hoping to catch the attention of one of the star basketball players of little town, Tree Hill, North Carolina. Jude walked into the cafeteria and felt the gut wrenching torture of realizing for another day that he had no one to sit with. Usually, he'd skip lunch to avoid confronting his loneliness, but he hadn't eaten for a few days because he hadn't felt like moving from his bed.

"Hey Davis, do you mind if I sit here with you guys?" Jude asked his brother.

"Not at all, bro! Please sit down." Jude set his lunch tray down next to Davis. "I feel like we haven't talked in ages. So what's new with you? Any girls in your life, huh?"

"Umm. . . I forgot to grab a drink. I'll be right back," Jude walked away nervously. As he put his coins into the vending machine he contemplated how could ever tell Davis that he's gay. Avoiding the topic was becoming increasingly difficult. Jude stared at the ground as he walked back to the table. As he approached the spot where he had left his lunch tray he felt an abrupt flick on his forehead.

"Back it up, Eeyore. Only varsity basketball players are allowed to sit here," Chuck said with a sneer. "Don't worry; I moved your tray to a more suitable spot . . . over there at that table where no one else is sitting. Come one, Jude. You're kind of a downer. No one wants to sit by you."

"Hey man, chill! That's my brother you're talking to, you know? Leave him alone," Davis said as he shoved Chuck away from Jude. As Jude began walking out of the cafeteria he looked back and saw his brother watching with remorseful eyes. Jude knew his brother wasn't a jerk, and he didn't expect him to ditch his basketball buddies to hang out with such "downer." He hurriedly grabbed his book bag and lunch tray from the lonely table across the cafeteria. The tears began to swell in his throat. He gulped them back, knowing that crying in the middle of the cafeteria would only make life at Tree Hill High twice as bad as it already was for him.

Jude dumped his lunch in the trash and headed toward his locker to grab his cigs and his copy of The Outsiders before ditching early. He always read The Outsiders on days when he felt like he couldn't fake the happy facade well enough to ward off the attention of teachers and counselors. That was the last thing he needed, people who didn't actually care butting into his life and acting like they suddenly give a shit about his worthless little existence.

Walking through the halls of Tree Hill High always reminded him of the reputation he wasn't living up to. His mom was captain of the Ravens cheerleading squad and, of course, his brother is the athlete who always seems to score the game-winning shot. Jude knew he didn't belong. He thought about calling his mom. She did seem to understand him, and she usually did a pretty good job of consoling him, but Jude was tired of being a burden on everyone.

As he approached his locker he noticed a folded yellow Post-It note sticking out from the grate. He snatched the note and looked over both shoulders to see if anyone was watching. He figured it was probably some hind of prank that Chuck or one of his buddies orchestrated to embarrass him. Once Jude felt certain that he was alone in the hallway and no one was watching from around any corners, he opened the note.

Jude, we haven't talked in a while, but there's something

I gotta tell you about what happened between us a few moths ago.

It was a fun night and I don't regret being with you,

but I regret that it turned out like this… Get yourself tested ASAP!

Jude knew what the note was about. He had been with a guy last month. They hooked up a few times, but then he never saw the guy again. He just stopped coming to school. The note made Jude suspicious. He had heard a rumor that this guy had HIV, but he didn't believe it. After all, he had heard plenty of ridiculous rumors spread about himself over the years. Jude wondered if maybe Chuck wrote it to freak him out or something. It couldn't be that guy he hooked up with. That guy had been M.I.A for weeks. Nevertheless, Jude felt his stomach knot up as he considered what the note could mean.

His breathing grew rapid and his nerves got the best of him. Crouching down in the gravel parking lot in front of the school, Jude broke down into heaving sobs. He couldn't take it anymore – being a social outcast, the relentless bullying, and most of all, the loneliness. He sat back against the broken chain link fence of the tennis courts to consider what it all meant. As one of the broken wires from the fence poked around the side of his neck Jude felt a load lift from his shoulders. He had an idea. If the test was positive, he'd end it all…tonight.