A/N: SOME SUGGESTIVE THEMES NOT SUITABLE FOR UNDER 15 (non-explicit). It's minor, that's why this isn't M-Rated.
Also FYI, Took some liberties in tweaking sequences of relationships.
They really should've flown. Even with the time they made traveling, Rick knew it with a quick glance toward his rear view mirror to see Alexis dangling her head against the support of her seatbelt, unfazed by the occasional dips in the road. She had done a marvelous job in keeping him awake for the first few hours, but after so much time in the car he expected his seven-year-old to bow out early, that not finally happening until around hour five.
A trooper, a real trooper of the road, but the food they ate along the way possibly paid tribute to her endurance. Really, she should've been unconscious by the halfway point, but an abundance of donuts, cookies, some Goobers, and the like motivated her to push through, only not quite enough to finish the entire journey.
It was okay, though. Rick had been well aware going into this road trip none of it would be easy, for many reasons. It had been so long since they stayed with his mother, the guilt of their return in light of her need for recovery proving a hard thing to swallow. Three years? Had it really been that long?
It felt longer.
He swept the number under his other concerns as his mind still tended to the damage of receiving that initial phone call from the physician. Heart attack always alarms, no matter the severity, but shame hung heavy over his eyes as he concentrated on the road, a festering ache over the fact that it took his mother almost dying for him to return home.
Except if he had any defense to offer, work had kept him tied down for most of the year – Kyra too with flying back and forth across the Atlantic for her job – so family dynamics, well, they weren't great. Not now, not for some time. Packing up the three of them to "travel down and see ma" seemed almost impractical for them. Timing just didn't permit, but maybe it was what they all needed, a break to come home – surely enough to relieve their stress.
Only their hometown was Dawn, North Carolina.
It was a precious town, filled with just under 400 people, so most knew your business within the first 24 hours of news surfacing. A curse and a blessing though, really. Enough people to reach out to, but also plenty to disagree with, to be persuaded by, and so forth. Dawn was essentially a well branched out family. So to no surprise, a party welcomed him and Alexis upon arrival, which he had half anticipated the moment he'd told his mother they were coming down.
Sighted first by one of his high school buddies Kevin Ryan, he convoyed with them to where everyone waited, over at Roy and Evelyn's Diner. Parking together in the street a couple blocks down from it, the two boys reunited. Grabbing for Alexis, Rick swept her up with one arm before closing the car door, meeting face to face with Kevin who tried for half a hug in consideration of the sleeping girl.
"It's been forever man," Kevin greeted as they started for the diner. "How ya been?"
"I'm good. Been better, but we're good," he replied with a forced grin. "How are you? How's Jenny?"
"We've been doin' pretty great. We um…nah, I'll let her tell you. It's adorable how excited she is."
"She's pregnant isn't she," Rick said. Kevin broke into a laugh, the glow in the new father's face clear to his eyes. "That's amazing, Kev. Congratulations."
"Thank you, thanks man. But if she tries to surprise you with it, just act it alright?" With a reassuring nod in response, Kevin patted Rick's back, beaming as they approached the steps to the diner. "Speaking of missus, where's Kyra?"
Entering the establishment saved him a response he wasn't ready for – though he should've known better to prepare one along the way – as everyone shouted in unison "Welcome home, Rick!"
Alexis's head shot up, looking around with confusion in her thinned eyes. Apologetic faces spread across the wave of people as she stared back at them, while some went and walked forward to hug them both. Setting her down, Rick's arms reached out for others, while her tiny fists rubbed over her eyes that still strained to open completely.
"There's my favorite girl!" Kevin cheered as he bent down to level with her. At the sight of him she sprang into an embrace, curling her arms around his neck, with his around her small frame.
"Uncle Kev!" she said, the shout stunning his ears.
Rick continued to greet everyone, but he watched and listened to Kevin look on his goddaughter with such joy, assessing all the changes from the last time he saw her.
"You're getting tall," Kevin said as he stood back up. "Soon enough you'll be taller than Aunt Jenny."
Her face brightened at the thought, Rick and Kevin exchanging smiles even through the crowd.
It took Rick a few minutes to get through everyone, but he did, seeing Roy with the family, Javier, Lanie, and even Victoria. To his surprise, she was still teaching English, and for a little bit entertained the crowd with old stories about him and his trouble days in her class. A pain in the ass, she'd said, but one of the best writers she's ever known in her career.
All of it, the welcome, the conversations, it tapped the energy in his chest and spurred him on to keep socializing, but inside an emptiness carved out a part of him as he scoped out the room expecting to see one face emerge from the sea of others. No, that pair of hazel eyes didn't rest among the crowd tonight.
"Is mom not here?" he said to Roy when everyone settled down to eat. He looked to Evelyn before managing a response, a slight hint of a smile in the turned corners of his lips.
"Someone went out to get her I think," he assured. "She should be here soon."
Just before Rick decided to leave for the house, the front door swung open, a faded copper draped on the head of Martha Rodgers. Though still weak, the view of her son and granddaughter pulled her forward, both of them jogging over to meet with a tight lock around her. "You're home," she sighed over his shoulder.
"Finally," he started. "I'm so sorry it took this long–"
"You should be," she said letting go. His brows threaded tight, lowering on his head as the guilt returned to his chest and halted his breath, but she quenched the agony with more to say. "Never mind it now. What matters is that you're here. Home."
With a nod, he squeezed her again, eliciting a laugh as he lifted her off the ground.
"How are you?" he said, the twinge in his face and tone.
"It was just a heart attack darling," she said rubbing his shoulders. "Nothing more. I'm still alive, huh?"
The ache in him combatted the gladness caressing his heart. He'd missed this, so much he started to wonder how he went this long without seeing her.
"Who helped you here?" he asked when she released him.
She jerked her head towards the window, cocking half a grin. "Check for yourself, kiddo. Because I – I want to see this lovely young lady you've brought along with you–" she cut off, her attention now directed towards Alexis who had gripped to her grandmother's leg the moment she saw her.
Striding towards the door, all voices died out, Rick's interest now focused on stepping out into the street to see a woman sitting on a bench, one with a shower of honey and chestnut curls tamed into a low ponytail. He neared her, chest heaving and palms moistening as he went to stand in front of her.
"So it's true," Kate Beckett started with a smirk, "the prodigal son has come home."
"No one said anything about the daughter though," he remarked, his lips spreading wide looking down on her.
Uncrossing her legs she stood up and headed toward him, dragging each step rhythmically like a calmed metronome – not too slow, and not too fast, but precise – before raising her arms to sling around his neck. Standing on tiptoe, her body pressed against his as he wrapped his arms around her back.
"Hi," she whispered against his neck.
"I didn't think you'd come. I mean I thought walking in there–but–"
"I wasn't–I mean–I'm not even supposed to be here–" she said peeling away from him. "I was supposed to come this coming weekend."
Before she could say any more, Alexis plowed through the door, bounding out in a skip before she made eyes at Kate, growing the widest they'd been since arriving into town, as her arms flopped dead to her side. She knew that figure, probably just as much as her dad or grandmother.
"Kate?" she squealed, feet poised to make a run, waiting for some confirmation.
At the call Kate whirled around, the voice stirring a distant but dear memory, affirming it as she gazed at a version of Alexis she had trouble processing right away.
"Oh my God," she muttered to herself through a smile, extending her arms as Alexis broke into a run aimed towards them. Jumping into Kate's grip, clinging onto her, she dangled as Kate swung her around in their hug. A weight of happiness suspended her breath as she held the little girl, pressing her lips to the small forehead before setting her back down.
"I miss you," Alexis said, a pout heightening the sadness in her voice. It struck both Kate's heart and Rick's like a wall – his eyes gave away too much when she looked to him. They always had.
But she loved that feature of him.
"I missed you too baby girl," she replied while brushing the strands of sweet ginger behind Alexis's ears, fingers sliding down to then rest on both scrawny shoulders. "How are you?"
They spent the next fifteen minutes exchanging stories, most of them tales Alexis drew from school and all the things seven-year-old's worry about, before Kate urged them to sit together on the bench and continue on. Rick just sat back, noting how eager his daughter was to talk, to spill her life story. It was never this…excessive. Even with Kyra. Fifteen minutes doubled, then quadrupled, the darkness covering them the only indicator of passing time.
She tells stories like you, Kate said in the flick of her eyes toward his, suppressing a smile at the thought. She'd learned to use his eye contact as an advantage. It was their favorite kind of conversation.
Trust me, I know.
"Pumpkin why don't you save something to talk about tomorrow?" Rick intervened. A frown accompanied her narrowing blue eyes, knowing where this was headed.
"Daddy I'm not even tired," she said with a huff. "I wanna spend time with Kate!"
"Yes, yes we will. Except we need to eat big kid food first, and then we're gonna rest up. We'll have plenty of time tomorrow, okay? How about you go inside and grab some of Uncle Roy's grilled cheese?"
Oh. Her weakness. Both Rick and Kate observed the twinkle in her pools of blue, mouth rounded out in thoughtfulness over her father's proposition. "Okay!"
They watched the little one dart back inside before meeting face to face again, contact too comfortable, but too dangerous at the same time. "You feel like joining us inside?" There was a touch of hope on the end of his voice, and she wanted to answer to it, but she couldn't. Not…yet.
"I just wanted to make sure your mom got here okay," she said shrugging. "I should be getting back," she gestured with her thumb pointing behind her.
"Tom and your dad are waiting," he guessed.
"Right…" she struggled through gritted teeth. That wasn't confident. Not nearly enough.
"Until tomorrow then?" he said walking back towards the front door.
"Tomorrow."
He could only watch her walk away for so long before joining his family inside. It was too bitter to watch her do it. After sitting down for a full meal, they bid everyone goodnight and headed back to his mother's, to home.
Settling into the house, just like his previous visits, memories washed back along the shore. He collected every one with care, mindful of every detail about them. Sorting through them all, he wondered if that was another reason for not coming out – still harboring fears about his past, and not knowing what his feelings toward them even meant.
One thing was certain: Kate Beckett conquered perhaps every single one. Wait. No. Yes, every memory.
Thinking of her, about all the baggage, he wasn't sure how the next few days would pan out. Three days seemed short enough, but also long enough: short enough for trouble not to start, but long enough for damage to be done. Promising Alexis time with her seemed right in the moment, but now he wasn't so sure. Cautious, he had to be cautious with Kate. Cautious was the word. The plan.
If he could actually do it, well…that was a whole other separate worry.
He pushed his thoughts aside when the call of his daughter shot through the crack in his door. In a hurried walk through the hallway, he made it to Martha's room to see the both of them snuggled under the comforter.
"You're still gonna tuck us in, right?" Alexis forced out with her yawn. His eyes disappeared in a grin, nodding as he walked over and bent down to push the blanket beneath their legs, all the way up to their shoulders where they both had yanked the edge of the comforter up.
"Sleep now sweetie," Martha said pulling her grandchild closer. As she did, her eyes latched onto her son's, urging him with them to sit on the bed.
His hand ran atop Alexis's head over and over, soothing her to sleep so the two of adults could talk freely. Within a couple minutes her breathing deepened, louder as she delved into slumber.
"She's off working again isn't she," Martha deadpanned. It disheartened him that he didn't need her to say "Kyra" to know that's whom she referred to.
"No, not this time," he mumbled. "We're just…going through something right now."
"What would you describe that something as?"
"Have you–" he started, but stopped, unsure of what he even wanted to say. It took him a minute before finding the words he needed. "Have you ever been … haunted by something so much, it interferes with your life?"
Closing her eyes, a smile in understanding graced her lips, soft as she looked back at her son with sympathy reaching out of her. "She's jealous," she said, almost as a matter of fact.
"There's nothing to be jealous of," he said, lips tightened together. "There was no real relationship."
"Yes, maybe to you. But Kyra's not blind Richard, she's seen the relationship, she sees its strength. We all have. She's gonna compare herself, just like anyone else in her position would. There's a track record here, but it's not the length she's concerned about."
Hm. Maybe it was good thing she didn't come down with them.
–
It's the potent scent of batter, bacon, and eggs swirling together to meet his nostrils that woke Rick the next morning. Oh no, he thought sitting up. Alexis had to have woken Martha for some 'big breakfast,' what she usually made for them the first morning of a visit. Older now and much more driven for excitement, he knew his little one would be pulling and yanking Gram all over the place.
Stumbling out of bed, he slipped on his bathrobe and hurried out into the kitchen, a speech prepped already to tell Alexis not to work Martha so hard, but emerging from the archway he saw his little girl gripped to a bowl of batter, drizzling a ladle of it into a pan hidden from view – from a body, one that donned gray sweats, a black tee, with a swirl of brown slicked up into a bun. The offending object was Kate Beckett.
Kate Beckett was making pancakes with his daughter…in his mother's kitchen.
"What's–goin' on here," he said taking in scene. Both girls turned at the sound of his voice, but neither responded – Martha took the honor as she cuddled a little boy, looking on all of them from the comfort of the couch.
"You didn't think big breakfast would stop because of me dear, did you?" She paid no real attention to her son, tickling and giggling with the three-year-old in her lap.
"Kate please tell me she didn't call you over here just to–"
"Relax Castle," Kate interjected, tending to the hot cakes bubbling before her. Her slip up startled them both. A slackened jaw on his end, and a pause suspended in the air on hers, both questioned the same thing. When did she last call him that?
"Kate came over with Leo before gramma could make breakfast. She's just helpin' dad!" Grateful, grateful was the word Kate could process after Alexis saved her the trouble of responding.
"Leo?" he said after a moment with a quirked brow. Kate forced herself not to glance behind, not to meet the look she knew he had to be wearing. "…Leo. Leo as in–"
"Me!" Leo squealed as Martha let him loose. He ran to join them in the kitchen, aimed straight for Kate's legs, who braced herself for the impact of her son.
"Leo baby, wait–"
"C'mere sport," Rick said sweeping him up, away from the danger of the stove. Leo didn't seem to mind him, accepting Rick right away, pinching and rubbing his cheeks in opposing directions while flashing a smile at their owner. Rick laughed, but also couldn't help to distinguish the features. It was like looking at a baby Tom, but with her eyes.
Brownish in the low light, with green tearing through under sunlight. Unmistakeable. Her eyes.
"Hey Leo," he said bouncing the young boy.
"Hi!" he said waving his hand at Rick.
"You are one handsome dude. Are you sure that's your mommy?"
Kate suppressed her smile, but reached her free hand behind and whacked the back of her fingers against his arm as he shouted in protest.
"Ya! She's the bestest," the toddler said through a giggle.
"You tell'em baby," Kate encouraged over the whir of the exhaust fan. Alexis laughed, Martha just grinning at the sight of them all together. "Nine months and twenty-two hours of labor," she said turning to point the spatula.
"I shall amend my statement then," Rick said setting Leo on the island as he took a stool. "But twenty-two hours of you in labor? That, that I would pay to see."
"What, you think I'm not capable? Is that so hard to imagine for our writer here," she quipped, shaking the pan and flicking her wrist to toss the pancake above the height of her head. Alexis gawked at the flips of the pancake, and once it smacked into the pan looked to Kate, who returned a smile and a wink.
"You're definitely capable," he said, straining to hide his joy at the scene before him. It was like some old memory, but actually a dream he couldn't picture clearly, one he'd wished for a thousand times. This was joy…with some fragment of grief underneath. "But knowing you, I'd like to get an official count of how many times you made some – potty mouth words."
"Mommy says potty words a wot," Leo said.
"She does huh," Rick baited, darting his eyes over at her to see her own rolling.
"Her and daddy says them and tells me later not tuh say them cuz' they're bad."
Rick exchanged a smirk with her, but hers seemed…restricted, limited to a length over her son's words. She was more than uncomfortable with what he might've implied, or rather, what Rick might've taken from it.
Breakfast continued on, lighter with more joking around, more catching up, and dwelling in the past. Several memories started to resurface in story form, specific to the period after Alexis was already born. They spoke of summers, fishing, camping, bonfires and s'mores – all of it definitively riling up Leo for him to have his share in this fun.
"You wanna go?" Rick said, clapping his hands together.
"Yah!" Leo growled, a sweet attempt at sounding "grown up" as Kate would say. "Momma–right? Right? Can we? Can-can we please-please?"
His pleading wielded her eyes shut; she knew regret would bore from this somehow. Even so, she opened her eyes again and nodded, causing shouts of excitement between the two kids.
There were shouts for Rick and Kate too, but they were inside, panicked ones, tearing up the walls of their throats without their mouths ever having to move.
Muting them as much as possible, they all sped through their breakfast within the hour and went to gear up for the trip. While Kate and Leo left to grab their clothes, Rick, Alexis, and Martha packed theirs along with camp necessities. After about another hour or so, they met up again to take one car over to the camping site…or where they thought would be the camping site.
With Rick at the wheel and Kate in the passenger seat, she looked on him when he made a wrong left. Watching him continue without correction, she tried pointing out they were headed the wrong way.
"We're not camping there," he replied after she let up talking. "There's a better place."
Her stomach and chest aflutter, she propped her elbow on the door to rest her lips on her two fingers. He was taking them there. It had to be. It was their spot, their place.
The one that ruined everything for them.
Pulling into the woods, it was difficult to distinguish where exactly they were, but both Rick and Kate knew. They'd mapped out this area ages ago, their eyes familiar with every tree, every rock, and every bush along the way. It only took a few minutes before Alexis and Martha registered where they were – Evelyn's Dock.
It was a straight shot, about 150 feet from where they set up camp. Even in this distance you could see the water that collected from a river close by. Of all places, it was Rick's favorite place to go whenever he came home. Most of his childhood and teen years he invested in the small space – small, but filled by summer nights lived in this world away from the world.
"Why is it called Evelyn's Dock again?" Alexis said. Martha jumped to answer, catching the reluctance in Rick and Kate's expressions.
"Uncle Roy built it for Aunt Evelyn," she started. "It's where he asked her to marry him."
"They're having their twenty-fifth aren't they," Rick asked while working on the first tent. "That wedding renewal?"
"Yes! Oh Richard, you should stay until then. It's this Friday, you might as well, you're already here."
The damage had been done the moment he looked over at Alexis, body already alive with glee at the thought of attending a wedding. "Dad! We have to, we have to go! I missed their first wedding I don't wanna miss the second one."
"It wasn't your fault sweetie, you weren't born yet," he said through a chuckle. "We'll see okay?"
The prospect of staying longer still excited her, and even Leo too as they both played around the camp area while their parents continued to set up. They propped up two large tents, collected wood for fire later, and set out lounging chairs. After finishing up, they went on a quick tour around, showing the reaches of the woods before heading off to the dock. Martha stayed behind to watch their belongings and rest, while the four of them set off to fish.
The dock and its surroundings had escaped the works of time, freezing it in the way Rick had last remembered it. Sneaking a peek at Kate, he knew she understood his feeling, with jaw hanging to let the single hitch of her breath escape between her lips.
This was their place.
Settling down at the front edge of the dock, he supplied the fishing poles for everyone, even for Leo, who used Alexis's older one. The four of them sat, half concentrated on the water while the adults reminisced on stories from fishing here before. The favored story was when Rick and Uncle Javi tricked Uncle Kevin and he fell in the water without his pants. All four laughed a long while over that.
After a couple hours or so, Rick and Kate managed to snag two for dinner, while Alexis caught a baby, but Leo still came up short. Despite his mother's reassuring words, explaining that it wasn't easy, and that there weren't many fish around this area anyway, he surprised her by standing his ground, unmoved from his post. He was remarkably patient for a three-year-old, but plenty determined as well.
He maintained his focus for the remainder of the time they spent waiting under the flame of the leaves above them, striking shades of green emanating as the sun began its descent towards the horizon. Half way down, illuminating the expanse of the pond in streaks of light reaching for their faces, the water finally broke with Leo's line.
"Look momma, look-it!" Leo belted out. The water started to splash as he pulled back on his pole, Rick secured around him with his hands while watching the little boy fight to reap his patience with the life beneath the surface.
"Easy bud, nice and easy," Rick encouraged him. At the edge of his sight, he caught Kate looking back and forth between him and her son. This is what you do for your own children. Shit – was he crossing some line?
After a moment or so, a fish about the size of Rick's hand broke out of the water and dangled from the hook, flopping around. Leo giggled, jumping up to hold it as Rick pried it off the hook. Bringing it down, he laid it out for the boy to pet, his small mouth curved in awe. But the longer he stared, the more aware he became of the fish's condition, studying the labored breathing in the gills. "He looks sad," he said, now trying to soothe it.
Bowing his head first, Rick turned slightly and sought for Kate, a soft grin to give over the gentleness of her kid. He got that from you, didn't he.
"He lives in the water," Alexis started, kneeling beside the boys. "That's his home there."
Holding her look for a second, Leo looked back down, tucking his fingers around it with the best of his grip, lifting it up to his face. "I wanted tuh take you home wittle guy," he whispered. "But you stay."
"I was hoping we'd eat him," Rick mouthed. Kate shook her head, biting back a smile before they returned their attention to Leo waddling over to the edge of the dock. Rick lurched forward to slip two fingers in the belt loop of the boys' pants, acting as an anchor as the tiny legs bent down to drop the creature back in.
A moment passed before he stood up and walked back towards his mother and Alexis. "Can we come back to visit?"
She nodded, tousling his hair with her fingertips. "Of course. What'd ya name him? Or her?"
"Sammy! I don' know why, but I wike Sammy."
"That's a good name!" Alexis chimed in. Leo's lips lifted up into a dimpled smile as he tagged her and flew past, initiating a game of tag going back to the campsite where Martha slept in the shade.
"He's probably gonna pass on fish tonight," Kate said.
"…Right," Rick stressed. "Hm. Really hoping these aren't Sammy's parents," he said gesturing to the fish. Eyeing each other fast, they settled on one decision simultaneously.
"Cheeseburgers," they sang in unison.
They shared a laugh as they trekked on, eyes still fixed on the two kids racing around, keeping a safe distance to take advantage of some privacy even for just a little bit.
"Leo huh," he started. The breeze sang in his pause, leaves rustling in their own psalms to buy Kate time in answering.
"Not my idea," she said. The flatness of her voice confirmed her seriousness. "Tom liked it."
"You're kidding. You're telling me he wanted that name?"
"Funny how that works, huh?" she said, a smirk sounding through her nostrils as her lips thinned. "It's like the universe playing a bad joke I have to live with for the rest of my life."
"You could've named him something else. Like Luke–or Landon. Lawrence?"
"I'd have the same problems with those," she said, breaking her sight from the little ones to look at him. He turned too, softened as he awaited her continuance. "I like Leo for him. It's just…hard."
"I made it hard – you always loved that name. I'm sorry for that," he finished setting a hand on her shoulder. "That's why you didn't bring him, isn't it? Or your dad?"
Believe what you want, she said with those hazel eyes. She couldn't tell him. Not yet.
Arriving at camp, they stepped out of the water again, the deep end in which both parties tried to tread. Three years had lapsed, not a word exchanged between either of them. There were explanations and justifications to be given and received, but time didn't allow. Not right now. Now was time for dinner and dessert.
Readying some s'mores, the bounce in Rick's step resembled delight over Kate making the burgers. She handled food well, proven many times over, this time cooking the meal to each order. He burned three marshmallows just observing, lost in her control over the flame and the meat. This was his weakness.
Her and cheeseburgers. Her cheeseburgers.
With eating, he took the opportunity to tell more stories – fun ones that evolved to scary ones through the course of dinner and well after, spending the energy of both children from fear by the time they set down for bed. Martha turned in early, leaving the two to tuck in the kids and bring them to sleep.
"Momma," Leo called as Kate helped him in his sleeping bag. "There's..There's no thombies out there, wright?" he said, trying to hide the tremble in his voice. Throwing Rick a brief look of distaste, she eased up returning to her son, pushing his milk chocolate hair back over and over to calm him.
"No, baby. I promise."
"Are you sure?" her child persisted.
She sought for Rick again who had just zipped up Alexis, running his fingers through her hair to soothe. He stretched his lips across, a wry smile in apology. "Fix this."
"There's no zombies here, bud. You know why?" The boy nodded no. "They're too afraid of mommy."
"Really?" he said, managing a grin.
"Yup. Her smell keeps them away, far away," Rick teased, eyes bugging out to provoke the kids into a fit of laughter. Kate just smiled, shaking that head of hers again as she looked on him, swallowing the breath that shoved knives into her lungs.
It always killed her to see how great of a father he was.
"We'll protect you, okay?" he said nudging Leo's chin with his knuckle. Both parents pressed a kiss to their children's foreheads before heading out, sitting by the fire in their respective chairs, looking across the way at the other. Rick snuck a half burger, while Kate munched on the scraps of the s'mores.
"Of all the stories to tell, you do zombies. He's probably scarred for life now, you realize that?"
"Oh come on, what harm is done, really? The seed is planted, so I can start priming and training another ally in case of an apocalypse. I'm doing you a disservice otherwise. He'll be pumped to kill in no time."
"Save the pitch, alright? You do remember he's only 3?" she said squeezing her s'more together.
"Are you kidding? The earlier you start, the better it is. Alexis is a pro now."
"Yeah, she's prepped to kick-ass in laser tag," she said struggling to keep the graham crackers together. She extended her arm to separate the bite, but the marshmallow oozed out and stretched across, threads of it dangling through the air and over her mouth.
"That's the girl I know," he said through a smile, watching her trying to eat. She flattened a hand to help keep her lips closed through the laughter, making sure everything stayed in.
The dance of the fire cast broken light and shadows onto them, aiding to steal glances over each other as the night drew on – which passed with ease in their talk. Conversation kept tamed for the chunk of the night, but in a split second's bravery after so long, she blurted out what she'd been trying to figure out since they got there.
"Why are we here, Rick?"
Shielding his alarm, he swallowed first. "I know why I'm here," he tried, evading the answer he was certain she was searching for. "I came back for mother."
"I'm mean here, of all the places why are we back here? Why did you take us here?"
"Because–" he struggled. "Because, you know, I missed this place. For three years I haven't been here."
She stilled, unsure of what to make of his comment. She had been back since their fight too, but never entertained the idea that he would be able to return. "You came here last time?
His nod was difficult to discern as the fire started to lose its lust, hiding their faces of grief that fought to push through this discussion. "I visited one afternoon. Was the same day I found out you and Tommy got engaged. It was an attempt to make peace with myself."
"Did it work?"
He wanted to lie. He wanted to say he was over it, that he was over her, that he was happy with his life now. All of these things he wanted to claim, to believe. He couldn't. "No," he said with a pained smirk. "So I…left. Got married because that's what I do, and never bothered to look back for three years."
A long exhale underlined her scoffs, a sour chuckle as she stood up, mustering up her reply as she walked backwards from the site. "We never got married," she said before turning around, walking towards the dock.
Quenching the fire, a whole other set of flames ignited under his skin – not out of anger, nor frustration, but for the chase. Here he was, running again, blood burning his entire body as he felt himself chasing after her, chasing after everything he'd always wanted, but was damned never to have.
They met at the bridge, right in the middle of the walkway that led to the dock, Kate gripped to the railing as she looked out on patches of moonlight touching everything, kissing every surface. Rick rested his back on the other rail, watching her from behind with a breathlessness – coping with the violent rhythm in his heart. Maybe he would have a heart attack too, and avoid hearing this all together.
"I was already pregnant with Leo the last time we saw each other," she confessed. "I liked Tom, a lot. But – I could never put myself to commit. When we found out about Leo, he wanted to do the right thing. So he proposed."
"That sounds familiar," he muttered.
"Yeah I thought so too. It all sounded okay for a while. Until it wasn't."
"So…" She turned to finally face him, mimicking his pose as he searched for the right response. "Did you remember my mistake with Meredith? Is that why you backed out?"
"Part of it came with that. Also…he was too good to be tied down for this. I didn't wanna be 'done' out of doin' the right thing. He could've loved me, but at the time he didn't. We weren't there, and I couldn't…commit, to you know, all of it. Him."
"Why were you with him if you knew you couldn't commit?"
"It was my lame attempt at finding peace, to move on. You and Kyra looked…so happy. I figured that was endgame for you, and I didn't wanna mess with that. So I ventured off, and I really liked him. Wasn't enough."
His eyes reigned hers, both sets incapable of breaking their gaze, both glistening with a longing, both harboring their own fire, stirring all throughout. The chase. The want. They were standing together, alone, in the privacy of the night.
Any reservation starting to melt in the heat.
"She loves me," he said stepping forward, edging against this wall between them to reach her. But his words had slapped her heart, evoking a leak of tears from narrowed eyes. She took the hit.
"I was angry because you lied," she gritted. "Why the hell would you think that meant I didn't love you too?"
The glass wall had knocked over, directed towards the floor with a velocity neither of them could stop – only watch. "What do you want, Kate?" he said slipping his hand on the railing, under the arch of her arm. She couldn't waste more time.
"You," she breathed.
And the glass shattered.
One maneuver and his forearm curled around her back, lifting her up as she hooked her arms around his neck for support. They strained to breathe in their reunion, barely leaving the other's lips as they attended to each other, fingers roaming, bodies pressed so close no air could pass through.
Stumbling back towards camp, he carried her, slender, weakened legs wrapped tightly around his waist before he rested their bodies into his sleeping bag.
"We can't do this here," she rasped between kisses.
"If you're worried about being loud just bite into my shoulder."
"Oh you're cocky, aren't you?" she said cupping his cheek, rubbing her thumb on its curve.
"It's been years, I have to be."
The challenge to stay quiet changed the game entirely – every touch more electrifying, every buck forward more unbearable. They rocked, rolling as they discovered the rhythm they'd abandoned years ago, now alive again with a pleasure to the senses that felt like synesthesia. He could see the music they made, though a softer ballad, flooding through his body into hers. She could taste it, every note she desperately tried not to sing, instead swallowing them to remedy her spirit and soul inside. They nourished one other, careful to awaken every inch, every nerve.
Close, fully pressed onto one another practically embracing the ground as well, he cherished the time with her for as long as their bodies permitted. Quivering under, she kept her head hooked over his shoulder, the tense seam of her mouth feathering the skin there. Even while silent, their expressions screamed more, illustrating the power of them being together in this way, united in this way –
loving each other in this way.
"Fuck–Rick," she mouthed against his skin. Her hum started to build into a whine, but he held her head against him to silence it and steady her, sinking her teeth into his shoulder as they fell off together.
Convulsing Kate managed to grip her hands onto his neck, pulling his forehead down to hers as she trembled over his bottom lip hanging at the tip of her mouth, "I love you."
Faint, inaudible, he heard it with his heart.
Desperate for air, they suffocated their heaves into one another, she recovering her breaths from his neck, and he bent over on the nape of hers. Cradling her head with one hand, he used the other to sweep away her hair, exposing the luster of her face, a whole other fire scorching below him.
"That's not past tense," he declared, locked onto those hazel eyes more than ever before.
"No, it's not. Not for me."
He sighed, kissing her again in smudges with a pull of fervor, holding her closer – if that was possible at this point – branding his lips from hers, to her cheek, all the way to her forehead. "You know what? Me too."
Even as they slept next to the dead fire beside them, their embers refused to go out for the rest of the night.