Written for the multi ship war on bsg epics on livejournal but for some reason never posted here.
Dislaimer: I own nothing, everything belongs to the creators of Battlestar Galactica.
It all begins with coffee.
At an old table in a coffee shop just outside her apartment. (And she'd say, I used to go there, but she can't figure out which of her memories are real or not. At least when they're not about the Galactica.) If she closes her eyes and just listens to the sounds of the world around her, it's almost like she's still back there, like the world hasn't inexplicably changed on her.
"It's bitter," Caprica says, shattering the illusion.
And she, Boomer, smiles and answers: "It always is."
She knows they both hear what she doesn't say, what she dares not say with so many others around: "I'm glad at least some things don't change."
Instead, they sit in silence and drink their coffee.
It continues with the pictures.
The Eights want her to come and live with them, but Boomer knows she can't. There's no way she'll be able to keep up the façade for that long. Instead, she tells them that regretfully she's already promised Caprica she'll be living with her. They're sad but they say they understand. (Boomer wonders if they truly do. Then she wonders if, considering they're all the same, she shouldn't be able to understand them better.)
She's not allowed to pack her stuff.
Instead D'Anna sends Caprica, reminding her that besides her clothes she doesn't need anything.
Caprica says nothing.
Boomer doesn't complain.
(She doesn't fight even though she wants to. If she's to survive this is the only way.)
That night, as she unpacks her stuff, she finds all her pictures, hidden between her clothes.
She hugs Caprica and thanks her a thousand times.
Caprica just smiles.
Changing everything isn't easy.
It's almost impossible, in fact.
But when Caprica smiles at her and hugs her or holds her hand for a moment, Boomer believes everything will turn out alright.
They drink coffee every day in that old coffee shop.
Even though they both hate the stuff.
She's not sure why they do it.
Caprica kisses her on a Friday.
Boomer feels alive.
When they kiss, when they make love, and she closes her eyes, in the beginning, she thinks of Tyrol. Of the way he used to caress and kiss her, of the way they were together.
She's pretty sure Caprica thinks of Gauis.
Caprica listens to her stories of the Galactica and the family she lost.
She's jealous, she tells Boomer, and Boomer doesn't quite understand why. The ending, after all, was terrible.
"Why did you tell him you loved him? Why not I'm sorry, or tell Adama, or anything else?"
"Because in that moment that was the most important thing, I needed him to believe that our love had been real."
Caprica doesn't say anything to that.
(Boomer wishes she did because she would love to hear someone else's opinion.)
Caprica tells her of Gauis.
It's clear she loves him deeply.
But Boomer can't forget that she left Helo behind for him, can't forget how much that hurt. So she's not sure she likes him.
But then, she also remembers that day he sat beside her and told her it would be alright. How he said out loud what she couldn't, that by ending her life she would choose them. That by ending her life she would be a hero. That by ending her life she would die a human, even if she'd never been one.
She'll never forget that.
So really, in all honesty, she can understand how Caprica could love him.
*~*
One day Boomer doesn't think about Tyrol when Caprica kisses her.
She wonders what it means.
They lay in bed, the night before they leave, silently staring at the ceiling.
(There will be no more coffee for them.)
They don't say anything.
(Nothing left to say.)
Instead Boomer listens to Caprica's heartbeat and thinks: 'This is love.'
They kiss in the rain on New Caprica.
'I think I love you.' Boomer whispers.
'I know.' Caprica answers.
Everything will be perfect from now on. They'll make it work. They'll be happy.
They fail.
They fail and the world falls apart around them. It's Caprica who drags Boomer out of that place, who takes her on board their base star.
That night they make love like it's the last time they'll see each other.
The next morning, Boomer walks away.
And Caprica wishes she could help her. Because it's so much worse for her, Caprica knows, because she's lost everything again.
But there's no way she can help her.
So she just watches her fall.
Boomer never returns to her.
She doesn't ask where she's staying.
She's broken.
Caprica knows this.
Boomer is shattered and disillusioned and she's angry. She has every right to be.
Caprica knows this isn't her, she knows that if she'd just been smart and tried harder she could have saved her. But she fears it's too late.
She kills her when Boomer threatens the child.
It breaks her heart and she never forgives herself, but she does it.
Later, she thinks of thousands of things she could have said to help her. But now it's too late.
Now, she's just another person who betrayed her.
Another reason to trust Cavil.
She killed Boomer and with her she killed herself.
They're just ghosts now.
Maybe they always were.
She loves her.
Caprica realized that a long time ago, but she didn't fully accept it until she snapped her neck.
(How is that for irony?)
She never got to tell her. That's the worst part.
It began with coffee.
It began with that bitter drink, at that old table, in that stupid shop.
Sometimes Boomer wishes she hadn't met Caprica.
Sometimes she wishes she could hate her.
(But she doesn't, not really.)
She wishes she could go back to that coffee shop and stay there. Back to kissing Caprica and building a life.
She wishes they'd never gone to New Caprica.
But they did and now they're on opposite sides.
There's no changing that.
Caprica dreams of hopeful futures.
Boomer dreams of lost pasts.
They never meet again.