A couple of weeks ago I wrote Inevitable, a story based on the poems written by the talented MurderSheGoat on Tumblr, but I couldn't shake the feeling that there was something missing. I couldn't stop thinking about Maggie's part of the story so, I've ended up writing this companion piece from her point of view.
I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it.
*I'd also like to point out that this beast is unbeta'd.*
Maggie is sitting across from her sister and her mother in the booth of an old dinner. Her aunt is at her side, but even that isn't helping too much to ease the awkward situation she's stuck in since they arrived half an hour ago.
She's trying to salvage what is left of their relationship, for the sake of her sister mostly, but also to have some peace of mind. The past couple of years living with her aunt haven't been easy, but she was getting better, and this situation is only bringing back all the anxiety that she's been trying to get under control. Luckily, Izzy is there by her side, taking Maggie's hand in hers under the table to reassure her niece that she has her back, whatever happens.
"Izzy told me you've been doing better at school," Her mother comments. There's a tight smile on her lips, indicating that she's as uncomfortable as her daughter, "I was worried that after everything that happened it would be..."
"What? Difficult?" Maggie, annoyed, interrupts her mother, "A living hell? Shocking news, Mother. It was."
"Maggie," Her aunt tries to calm her down, but Maggie has been shutting down her feelings for far too long, and she's not going to waist this opportunity.
"No, she wanted to talk, so let's talk." She says. Then Maggie takes a deep breath to gather her thoughts before looking at her mother again, "Did you stop to think, really think how, not only being outed like that, but also being kicked out of her own home could affect your fourteen years old daughter? I was already going on through one of the most terrifying things a child could experience, and you just made it worst."
"Your father..."
"Do not excuse what you did behind the actions of that man." She continues before her mom can say anything more, "You didn't say a thing, didn't move a finger to stop him. You just let him put my bag on the door and kick me out, while Ella was crying in her room because she couldn't understand what was happening. If it wasn't for your sister I would have been sleeping on the streets that night."
After lashing out on her mother, Maggie only feels bad for Ella. She's fourteen now and is starting to have her own voice. She's the one that, after two years, finally stood up to their parents and demanded to get in contact with her sister. She's the one who called out her dad for being a "homophobic bigot", told him that she was no one to forbid her seeing Maggie anymore, and even threatened to leave if they tried to stop her. Ella is a force to be reckoned with, and Maggie is extremely proud.
She looks briefly at her sister, who nods in approval and urges her to continue.
"The first week I wanted to die." She says stoically, "My heart was in pieces. I couldn't eat or sleep. I didn't understand how my own family could do something like that to me. The second week I finally could start eating again without throwing up every time I put something in my mouth. One day, Izzy asked me if I wanted to go back to school and I started bawling, because how could I face all those people knowing that they were judging me? How could I face my best friend after what she did?"
"That's why you changed schools?" Her sister asks.
"I'm sorry, El," Maggie searches for Ella's hand on the table and squeezes it tightly, "I couldn't stay there."
They keep talking for a while, now that Maggie has finally said her part and is more relaxed. She asks Ella about her life, how she's doing at school, and about her friends, while her mother stares awkwardly at them and stays silent.
Then, Izzy brings to the table the real reason why Maggie finally caved to have that family reunion.
"I'm being promoted in a couple of months," Izzy starts, "And that promotion implies that I have to move to the west coast."
"And I'm going with her," Maggie adds, "I need to get out of this place. I need to breathe, and the only way I will be able to do that is leaving Blue Springs."
"We've been talking about making this situation legal," Maggie's aunt continues, "And we need the consent of both parents to ask the State to make me Mag's legal guardian."
Maggie watches as her mother's face goes through different stages of emotions. She's puzzled, angry, sad, and angry again in the span of a few seconds.
"You want to stop being our daughter?" She asks with a trembling voice.
"You stopped being my parents the day you kicked me out, but I'm not asking for emancipation," Maggie clarifies, "I just want Izzy to have the power to take decisions about any legal stuff about me until I turn eighteen, without having to ask for your permission every time."
"Daniel won't be happy about that."
"That man hasn't cared about me in two years. If anything, I'm taking that responsibility off his shoulders."
Her mother doesn't know what to say and turns towards Ella, trying to find some support in the eyes of her youngest daughter. But Ella just shakes her head, indicating that she's alone with that one.
"You owe me at least this, mother."
Twenty minutes later, Maggie and Ella are sitting in silence outside the dinner. Izzy and her mother are still talking about all the legal stuff they'll have to sort out before they move to California, and Maggie decided it was better to leave them alone.
But she's not sure that being alone with a sister she's barely seen in the last two years has been a great idea. Maggie doesn't know what to say or how to act around Ella, and the younger Sawyer doesn't seem to be doing much better. They are just sitting side by side on the bench near the dinner's door, and staring at the cars passing by, without saying a word.
"Hey," Ella whispers shyly, "Do you want to take a picture together?"
"Sure."
Maggie has never been a fan of being in front of a camera, but she's going to leave her sister alone again in a few months, this time willingly, and she's going to give Ella every single thing she asks of her. So, she puts an arm around Ella's shoulders, rests her head against her sister's, and gives to the camera the widest grin she's had in months.
"Do you mind if I share it on Instagram?"
"You have one of those?"
"Yeah," Ella nods and smiles at her sister while passing her phone to Maggie, "It's mostly for the stuff I write, but I share some pictures from time to time."
"You write?" Maggie asks surprised while she scrolls down looking at the posts.
"I found some of your poetry books at home and I liked it," She says with a shrug, "I guess it's a good way to deal with things."
"Yeah, it is." Maggie smiles, staring at the caption under their picture that read 'I'll miss u', "Can I follow you?"
"Yes! Of course!"
She takes out her phone and opens her Instagram to search for Ella's account, but something calls her attention before she can type at the search bar.
The first post on the wall is a picture of a poem. Two beautiful, handwritten sentences on a neat, blank page
And the stars shine brighter tonight, For I'm not alone anymore.
Maggie hasn't stopped to think about it until now but, somehow, that's exactly how she feels sitting with her sister on that bench. After all that happened, at least she has her sister back. Even if they're going to be miles away, Maggie feels less alone.
She leaves a quick comment on that picture, and makes sure to follow this thesecondstar even if they only have that one post, before going back to look for her sister's account and follow it as well.
Then she has an idea.
"Hey, do you think you could persuade mom to let you stay with me tonight? I'd like to show you something."
Midvale is... well..., sunny, and not just because of the weather. People seem happier, lighter, and they always greet Maggie with a smile. She's definitely not used to that.
It's her first official day of school, and she's there early trying to find the office of her new coach. When she visited the school the first time with her aunt, Maggie expressed her intentions to join the girls' soccer team, and after taking a quick look at her file records, Principal Peters was delighted to explain everything she needed to know about their sport's program.
What he failed to mention was that she was going to get lost in the maze of corridors of her new school before she could find Coach Felton's office.
Luckily for Maggie, a heavenly vision clad in tight jeans and a faded black shirt is there to save her.
Her heart stops beating for a second at the sight of the girl, sitting on the bench against the lockers, with her hair still damp, and holding an open notebook and a pen in her hands.
"Oh, hey! I was looking for Coach Felton," She says, trying to sound casual, "They told me her office is around here but," She hesitates and looks around her, "I think I'm a bit lost."
The girl, clearly startled, stares at her without saying a word, and Maggie wonders if those stories about love at first sight could be true, because she's getting lost in those dark eyes, feeling like she's known that girl since forever.
"Huh… no, no...," The stranger says, "You're actually go-going the right way…"
"Yeah?" Maggie smiles at her and watches as the girl squirms a little, trying to avoid her eyes. It's adorable.
"Yeah, just… Just go to the end of the locker room, there's another door. Cross that and Felton's office is the second one on that corridor. It's a bit tricky."
"You don't say," She grins again, and Maggie swears to herself that she's never seen someone turn so red, "Thanks. I'm Maggie, by the way."
"Alex."
"Well, thanks for your assistance, Alex. See you around?"
The other girl just nods at her, and Maggie, turning around, starts walking following Alex's instructions to find Coach Felton's office.
See you around? Really? She scolds herself once she's out of the locker room. Couldn't you be more obvious?
Later, while she's waiting outside Principal Peter's office for some guy named James Olsen that is supposed to show her around school, Maggie sends a text to her sister.
-I think I've met my future wife.
-You said that two weeks ago about that waitress at Marvin's. Ella replies almost immediately.
-Claire was delightful, if you must know.
-And this one?
-Her name is Alex, and she's a vision. We met earlier. I was lost in a locker room and she saved me.
-So romantic. -Maggie can feel the sarcasm through the text – So, a jock? No one else would be so early at school.
-I guess. We really didn't talk much.
-Good thing she goes to your school, then. Will you stalk her and wait for her at every corner so you can "accidentally" bump into her?
-Make fun of me all you want, u little brat.
-Love u too, sis. Keep me posted.
-Of course.
Ella stops replying, and she guesses that her sister might have started her classes. Still waiting for her guide, Maggie opens Instagram and starts scrolling down, not really paying attention to the pictures, until she finds out that one of her favorite accounts has posted recently.
And you are all of the perfection
that this flawed life needs.
Okay, that's new. thesecondstar has always written about the stars, or the ocean, sometimes of loneliness, of feeling unworthy, some other times about how you can find happiness in the smaller things... Maggie has always loved their poems. Every single one of them.
But not even once have they written about love.
"Hey, Maggie, right?"
Still thinking about the poem, she tears away her eyes from her phone's screen and bends her neck to the ceiling to look at the guy in front of her.
God, he's like a giant.
"James?"
"The one," He smiles, "Sorry for making you wait, I've got caught up finishing a few things for the paper."
"It's okay. Photographer?" She asks pointing at the camera hanging from his shoulder.
His grin widens at the question.
"Yeah. Interested?"
"Maybe," She smirks, "Come on, Olsen. Show me the wonders of this place."
After the little tour with James, the rest of the morning has been quite dull, to be honest. Not that Maggie was expecting anything exciting to happen during History of the World, but at least people acknowledging her presence would have been nice. She's the new girl, after all.
But everything changes the moment she crosses the doors of the cafeteria and hears someone calling her name.
When she turns, the first thing she sees is James standing and making signals for her to join him at a table. The second thing that catches her attention is that at said table, between a bubbly blonde wearing glasses and a petite brunette with short hair, is sitting the girl of her dreams.
Maggie can see the surprise in Alex's eyes, while the same feeling from this morning settles in her stomach.
"Guys, this is Maggie Sawyer," She hears James introduce her, while she's still focused on Alex's shy smile, "She just moved here from Nebraska, and Principal Peters asked me to show her around school today." James turns to her and rests one of her big hands on her shoulder, "Maggie, this are my friends, Lucy, Winn, and the Terrible Danvers Sisters, Kara and Alex."
Maggie chuckles at that and watches as Alex demeanour changes from changes from shy to offended at James' comment.
"You make us sound like terrorist, Olsen."
"May I remind you that there are still scorch marks on the lab's ceiling, Alex?
"That was an accident."
Maggie is extremely amused by the interaction.
"I'd like to hear that story," She says, and has to contain herself to not wink at the girl, "It's nice to see you again, Alex."
Alex seems a bit flustered after that, and Maggie can't help but smirk, feeling a little proud of the effect that she has on the girl, even if they just met.
She ends up sitting at their table, and Maggie feels incredibly warm surrounded by this weird group of people, that seem to have adopted her as a part of the flock after only five minutes of knowing her. She tries to pay attention to everyone, learn a little about every single one of them, but her attention drifts constantly to the girl sitting right in front of her.
It's impossible to focus on Winn's complaints about the Homecoming Dance when you have Alex Danvers in front of you. So, Maggie isn't sure if she's relieved or disappointed when Kara takes Alex out of the cafeteria to help her find a book she needed at the library.
Maggie thinks it's odd that Little Danvers just remembered that she needed that specific book, but a quick glance at the others tells her that it's something that might happen quite often.
"You'll get used to them," Says James. He probably noticed the puzzled expression on Maggie's face when Kara took her sister's hand and tugged her out of the cafeteria, "Those two are extremely close."
"Yeah, sometimes it feels weird when you remember that they aren't really sisters." Mentions Winn.
"Kara is adopted?" Maggie asks.
"When that was?" Lucy tries to remember, "Two and a half years ago?" James nods, "God, she was so weird those first few weeks."
"She's still a bit weird," Winn jokes.
"Don't let Alex hear you say that, Schott," Lucy warns him, "Remember the last guy who made fun of Kara?"
"I still have nightmares," James says, and Maggie thinks that it's funny how someone so big can look so terrified. She's going to ask, when he catches her intentions and just shakes his head, "You don't want to know," He says, "Believe me."
-Have you asked her out yet? Ella texts her one day. Apparently, Maggie has been bringing Alex into every conversation with her sister without noticing.
-We barely know each other.
-And?
-And I have to see her every day at school. I don't even know if she's gay.
-Didn't u told me she's been staring at you during lunch?
-I don't know, El… - Maggie sighs and thinks about how she felt the moment her eyes met Alex's across the table at the cafeteria that same day -It's probably all in my head.
-Wishful thinking?
-I don't want to have another Eliza in my life.
-That bitch!
-Language young lady.
-In text doesn't count. – Maggie is going to reply when another text comes. -Have you seen today's post of that poet u like on Instagram? You could have written that.
Maggie can feel the mocking tone of that text, and imagines Ella laughing alone in her room.
Reading minds
could be a
wonderful thing,
for I'd finally
know what
you're thinking.
Of course Maggie has read that last poem, and of course the first thought that came to her mind was how much she would love to have a peek inside Alex's head, to know what she's thinking about every time they share a look.
Maggie has noticed that Alex is a very quiet person. She speaks her mind when she needs to, and she laughs as much as the others at Winn's bad jokes, but she barely talks about herself. She guesses that's something they have in common. But while she has her reasons to keep some things to herself when her new friends ask about her life back in Nebraska, she still doesn't understand the mystery surrounding Alex Danvers. She's friends with some of the school's most popular kids, she has grades that will grant her a spot at any college in the country, and Maggie has recently discovered that she's also the captain of the swimming team, something that explains why she found her in the locker room the morning they met. And on top of that, she's beautiful.
Alex Danvers should be the most popular girl at school, and yet she keeps a low profile and tries to go unnoticed.
"Oh, no, she is popular," Lucy explained once, after noticing how interested Maggie was on the eldest Danvers, "Half the school has a crush on Alex, boys and girls, and all the teachers adore her. But after what happened, everyone learnt to worship her from afar."
"What happened?"
"That's for Alex to tell." Is the only thing Lucy said, "Just consider yourself lucky that you ended up with us on that first day."
And she does. Maggie feels extremely lucky when Alex greets her ever morning with a smile, - she also finally understands the side eyed looks and whispering around her when that happens- and enjoys every second they share at their table during lunch, especially when she catches Alex staring at her, deeply lost in her thoughts, until their eyes met and Maggie smiles, and Alex blushes, and…
And I'm utterly screwed.
Because she's too deep, too fast, but Maggie was already burnt once because she hoped too much.
I'd really be nice to be able to read minds.
Since her parents kicked her out, there was nights when Maggie couldn't sleep at all. Back when they were still in Blue Springs, she used to get on her bicycle and go to the fields near her aunt's house. It was quiet, peaceful, and under a sky full of infinite stars, her problems seemed smaller.
It's the first time it happened since they moved to Midvale, but there's no field of stars here, so she puts on her favorite leather jacket, a pair of warm, comfy pants, and starts wandering around the sleeping town, lost in her music, while the sun is still shyly waking up.
After an hour or so, she finds herself at the beach.
It's a windy and cold morning, and her jacket isn't doing a great job at keeping her warm, but it's peaceful, and the waves breaking on the shore give her a serenity that she never thought could find again.
Maggie is so absorbed staring at the rocking of the ocean that she doesn't notice that someone is running towards her until a body slumps next to her on the sand.
Surprised, she takes off her earbuds and turns to look at the intruder, only to find a slightly breathless and sweaty Alex smiling at her.
"Hey,"
"Hey," Maggie says back, still a little surprised.
"What are you doing here? It's pretty early."
"Couldn't sleep," She replies, but quickly turns her attention back to the waves, trying to avoid having to explain to Alex the reasons of her insomnia, "You?"
"This is my morning routine for the weekends."
Maggie turns back to stare at her like she just grown up another head.
"You wake up this early on a Sunday, on a regular basis, and willingly, to run at the beach?"
"Usually I come her to surf, not to run," Alex explains, "I like the quiet atmosphere of the beach when the sun is still rising and the whole town is sleeping."
Maggie nods at that and stares at the ocean again. It's scary how much alike her and Alex are.
"I like that," She says quietly, "It's like you are alone in the world. Like nothing could disturb the peace."
She feels the warm of Alex's body next to her, in contrast to the cold sand they're sitting in. They stay like that, watching in silence the now gentler rocking of the sea, and Maggie can't help but think that this is one of those perfect moments that she would like to frame and keep in her mind forever.
But a cold shiver running through her whole body reminds her that it's still pretty chill there, and she's still wearing just her jacket.
"I could use some coffee," She says breaking the silence, and then continues with a bit of hope in her voice, "Want to tag along?"
Alex smiles at her, stands up, and offers her hand to help Maggie.
"With pleasure.
That first coffee turns into another, a smoothie and a couple of vegan muffins that Maggie tricks Alex into trying. They spend the morning together in that little cafe, talking, laughing, simply enjoying each other's' company for the first time without being surrounded by their friends. Maggie knows that this is dangerous territory, that her heart is crossing the line and she's signing up for another heartbreak in the long run.
But Alex's smile across the table is like a magnet pulling her in, and there's nothing she can do but surrender.
Later that day, while she's chilling out in her bed listening some music and browsing through all her social media, she sees that her favorite poet has posted another piece.
Sometimes you're the most
beautiful when you think
nobody's watching, and you
just smile at the world.
And then you smile at me,
the world stops moving,
and people stop being
and the only thing that
exist is your smile.
Maggie swears that it's almost as if they could read her mind and write the words that she's not able to find, because that's exactly how she feels every time Alex smiles at her. She's also a bit jealous of the person that got lucky enough to catch the heart of someone with the ability to see the world as thesecondstar does.
It's been a while since Maggie has left a comment, but she feels the need to share that thought with them.
leatherismylord Whoever got your heart is the luckiest bastard in the world.
After that Sunday morning, they got closer.
They spend any free time they have at school together, studying, talking, going to each other's practices... Some mornings, Alex even lets her stay on the bleachers at the pool while she swims, something that raised a few of their friends' eyebrows when Maggie mentioned it.
What she hasn't told the others is that Alex also showed her the other sacred place she has at school. She tells her that no one else know about it, not even Kara, and Maggie's heart soars to the skies, because this is huge, and maybe she's not so doomed as she thought.
They are currently sitting at the most hidden corner of the library, because of course Alex Nerd Danvers' favorite place was going to be the Physics' section, and she has From the Earth to the Moon resting in her lap. Science fiction isn't really her thing, but Alex has been so excited when Maggie asked about her favorite book that she's been curious.
It's quite good, actually, and she's really enjoying it, or at least she was, until all this space and rockets and science talk put a certain thought in her head.
She's been stuck on page thirty-two for almost ten minutes, and Alex seems to have noticed.
"You're staring," Maggie calls her out, but without enough courage to raise her head from the book meet Alex's eyes.
"I'm enjoying the view."
That definitely catches her attention, making Maggie's head dart upward, only to find the panic starting to show on Alex's face after realizing what she just said. But Maggie, also not knowing how to react to that blurted sentence without showing too much enthusiasm, does the first thing that crosses her mind.
"Do you like meteor showers?"
She knows that the question seems completely out of the blue to Alex, but taking her by surprise is the only thing that will prevent the impending meltdown that the other girl was about to suffer.
"I… love meteor showers," She says after a few seconds of hesitation. She's probably still wondering why Maggie hasn't said anything about her little slip before, "I love everything space related. Point and case," She says pointing to the book on Maggie's lap, then back at herself, "Nerd, remember?"
"Right," Maggie can't help but chuckle a little at that. Then she stops for a second to think how she's going to ask what she really wants to ask without going to strong and scaring Alex.
God, I just want to watch the stars with her. It's not like I'm asking for a date.
"Well, the Geminids peak is today, and I was wondering if you knew any good place to watch them." She finally asks.
See? Casual. If Alex wants to watch them with me, she'll tell me. It will be her idea. I'm totally not taking advantage of her nerdy side.
"My rooftop is pretty comfy," The other girl finally says.
Maggie's heart skips a beat, but she needs to make sure that they're both at the same page.
"Is that a formal invitation, Danvers?" She tries to sound playful and casual.
Alex just nods and smirks at her. She's definitely not scared anymore.
"There'll be warm blankets and hot cocoa."
"You don't need to bribe me, Alex," She replies, then breathes deeply, letting go the tension she's been holding and finally turning the page she's been stuck for the las fifteen minutes. She buries her head again in the book and tries to contain a smile, "I was sold with the promise of good company."
That evening, when she arrives at home to get her overnight bag before going to Alex's, she finds a new poem posted.
And tonight, when God
hangs up the moon
and coaxes the stars
to come out and shine
Tonight, when that star falls from heaven
and thousands close their eyes
to wish upon the moment of fleeting magic,
know that I'll be wishing on us.
She reads it twice, because that feeling in the pit of her stomach that keeps bothering her every time a new poem shows up is back, and stronger than ever. It's been happening since the day they met. All those moments she's had with Alex, all the exchanged looks, and the shared smiles, it was almost as if she could relive them over and over again in those poems.
Maggie doesn't even want to think about the possibility, doesn't want to get her hopes up.
She tries to recall if she's seen her friend writing, or if someone has mentioned anything about it, but she doesn't remember her writing anything outside of their classes. Then she thinks about the notes for their English class that Alex let her borrow yesterday, and goes to take them out of her bag. If Alex is her poet the handwriting should match. It's as easy as that.
Her heart drops to the floor the moment she puts her phone next to the notes.
They are nothing alike. Alex's notes are written in a rounded, girly handwriting, while the poems are done with a bolder, cursive one. They couldn't be more different. It feels like a punch in the stomach.
She wanted so badly to be true, to believe that Alex and thesecondstar were the same person, that she was writing about them… How stupid she was to believe, even if it was just for one second, that someone could write such beautiful things about her.
But suddenly, and out of nowhere, a flash from the first time they met assaults Maggie's memory.
She remembers Alex sitting in the bench with her back against the lockers, looking beautiful and staring at her with a startled expression on her face, while holding a notebook opened on a new blank page, and a pen, as if she was ready to start writing something.
The pen was in her right hand.
Maggie never saw anything weird with that picture in her head, until now.
Because Alex was left-handed.
Right?
"Stop being delusional, Sawyer," She scolds herself out loud.
But before she realizes what she's doing, Maggie is sending a text. Because she needs to know.
-Hey, Little Danvers, weird question… Alex is left-handed, right?
-Heeey, Maggie! She's ambidextrous, actually.
Maggie drops her phone on the desk next to Alex's notes again.
Ambidextrous. She thinks. Alex was writing with her right hand that morning.
But before she can let her mind run wild thinking about the possibilities, she gets a new text from Kara.
-Why u ask?
Because I might be in love with your sister and this would mean that I have a chance.
-Something I just remembered, don't worry about it. –She replies. Then she sends another text just in case. –Just don't tell Alex I asked, okay?
-Okaay… It's probably better that I don't know about that, anyways. As long as she's happy, I don't need to know what my sister does in her free time.
What?
-What?
-Nothing! Nothing! I won't tell her anything. Promise.
What the hell was that about?
Maggie has two options now. Well, to be true, she has three, but telling Alex about her gigantic crush on her without easing the other girl into the idea, and without being sure if she likes her back, it's a risk that she's not willing to take right now.
So, two options.
The first one is to forget about anything related to the poems, and the possibility of Alex being the one who wrote them. Keep being her friend, try to know everything there is to know about Alex Danvers, and maybe, someday, tell her about Blue Springs. That could lead to a few confessions and, hopefully, something more between them.
The other option is to test the waters, see if she can find, for sure, that Alex is thesecondstar. Then, if she's right, analyze every single poem since the day they met, one by one, and ensure that she was, indeed, writing about Maggie. That will mean that Alex might return her feelings. At that point, Maggie will probably lose her shit and forget about the rest of the plan, but it's a start.
There, lying side by side on Alex's roof, with a blanket over them and a couple of empty cocoa mugs forgotten at the window sill, with the dark of the night as her ally, Maggie makes her decision.
"I used to do this back at home," She says softly, with her eyes fixed in the sky.
"Spend the night in your friends' rooftops drinking cocoa?" Alex jokes.
"No, you dork," Maggie laughs and hits her arm playfully, making Alex chuckle. Then, she rolls on her side, rests her head hand, and stares at the other girl. Under the faint light of the stars, Alex looks beautiful, "I used to get on my bike with a sleeping bag and some snacks, and go to the outskirts of the town to spend the night looking at the sky."
"All alone?"
She doesn't want to look vulnerable, but under the intense stare of Alex's eyes, Maggie feels how her walls are starting to crumble.
"I never found someone who loved it as much as me."
"Until now," The other girl says softly without any hint of hesitation.
How do you answer to something like that? How do you tell to that person which eyes are leaving burnt marks on your soul, that, since you met them, you don't feel alone in the world?
"Until now," She finally whispers back. But there are other words in her mind, words that aren't hers. So, she lies on her back again, close enough to feel Alex's warm against her, and prays for the stars to give her the strength to say those words out loud.
"And the stars shine brighter tonight," She speaks softly, "For I'm not alone anymore."
Maggie feels Alex suddenly go stiff next to her, and hears her sharp intake of air.
That's all she needs to know that Alex recognized the words.
That's her answer.
The footprints of those
who came before me
are impossibly large
and impossibly difficult
to fill
And I can only do my best
to try and make them proud.
It's Wednesday.
It's Wednesday morning and Alex is not at school.
And now that she knows that she's the one behind the poems, the one she read this morning makes Maggie worry a little.
When it's been clear that the eldest Danvers isn't going to show up or reply to any of her texts, Maggie goes to find Kara at the end of second period to ask her about her sister. When she finds her by her locker, Kara looks less bright than usual, almost dull and spiritless. It becomes clear that something is wrong.
"Hey, Kara," She says.
"Hey,"
Kara's smile is off, and there is sadness in her eyes that Maggie has never seen before.
Something is definitely wrong.
"Have you seen Alex?" She asks tentatively, "She hasn't show up to class and isn't answering her phone."
The younger girl turns her body completely towards her, and stares at Maggie with a frown on her face, until she seems to realize something.
"Oh, of course. You don't know."
And that doesn't help either. She's going to ask what's wrong, when Kara talks again.
"Do you care about my sister?"
"I…" Maggie is speechless for a second, because she wasn't expecting that question, "I care… A lot. She's kind of my best friend."
Kara's expression turns even more serious.
"You know I didn't mean in like that." She states, and it's clear that the girl knows exactly how Maggie feels, but she wants to hear her say it.
"I do, I care," Maggie's answer is more confident now. She takes a deep breath before saying something that she hasn't said out loud yet, "I love her."
Little Danvers doesn't seem really surprised, she's not judging her either, and her face relaxes a little.
"Are you sure?"
"How could I not? Meeting your sister is the best thing that happened to me in years."
That seems to be enough for Kara, because she sighs, closes her eyes, and lets her shoulders relax.
"You'll find her at the beach." The younger girl finally says.
Maggie is already turning on her heels and ready to sprint towards the door, when Kara puts a hand on her arm and stops her.
"Maggie… Take care of her. Today is...," She hesitates, "It's a really bad day. Okay?"
She gives Kara a reassuring smile and a nod, while she's squeezes the younger's hand still in her arm.
Maggie runs all the way to the beach, because talking to Kara hasn't done anything to ease the knot that has been stuck in her stomach since she read the poem that morning. So, in less than ten minutes she's staring at Alex's distant figure, standing on her board and riding waves, until the wind dies and the ocean goes quiet. When she sees Alex getting out of the water and planting the board in the sand, Maggie starts walking towards her.
On her way there, Maggie hasn't stop to think what she would say once she found Alex, and now she's panicking, because her friend is looking at her with knitted brows, obviously not expecting to find her there.
"How did you find me?" Is the first think Alex asks.
"Kara," She replies, "You didn't show up at school today and I was a bit worried. You don't peg me as someone who would ditch class like that without a good reason," And it's true in part, but Maggie can't really tell her that what really worried her was the poem she wrote that morning, "Your sister told me told me is a rough day and that you would probably be here."
"She told you why?" Alex says hesitantly, while her hands stroke the smooth surface of her board. It's obvious to Maggie that she's uncomfortable.
"No, but she wasn't looking like her usual Sunny Danvers either, so I gathered that it must be something family related?"
It was the only plausible explanation, honestly.
Suddenly, Alex slumps on the sand and hides her head on her knees. She's now breathing harder and Maggie, freaking out because she's probably the reason the other girl is having a panic attack now, sits next to her and gently puts a hand on Alex's back, over her wetsuit.
"I'm sorry," She whispers. Alex seems to relax a little under her touch, her breathing slowing down, "It wasn't my intention to make you feel bad. I just wanted to make sure you were okay, and…"
Alex raises her head and shakes it slowly. Her hair, still wet, clings to her face, and the ocean water mixes with the tears running down her cheeks.
She's so beautifully broken that Maggie's heart aches for her.
"Oh, sweetie," She says softly, while reaching to move away a lock of hair from Alex's eyes, "Do you want me to go?"
Maggie feels bad. Alex had been there obviously wanting to spend the day alone, without having to face anyone or whatever this day was about. Maggie has clearly overstepped her duties as a friend, and is now regretting that bad habit she has of acting without thinking about the consequences.
But before she can move, Alex's sad eyes stare at her, while she pleads with a broken voice to not leave her alone.
Maggie, taking a deep breath and trying not to feel overwhelmed, puts her arm over Alex's back and lets the girl lean into her side.
They stay like that for a while, staring in silence at the rocking waves breaking on the shore, until Alex's tears have stopped, and she's calmer. Then, still with her head resting on Maggie's shoulder, she tells her about her father.
"Being at school today brings back bad memories," She whispers, "I was in third period when the Principal came looking for me at class, saying that my mom was waiting at his office. I remember thinking that it had to be something really bad if she left work like that in the middle of the day."
"Alex, you don't have to…"
But she takes Maggie's hand and intertwines their fingers.
"I saw her face and I knew my father was gone, and I… I couldn't stay there. I ran out of that office at the same time the bell was ringing, and everyone stopped to stare at me. I couldn't bare it," She stops for a second to breathe, "Aaron, one of the guys on the swimming team, tried to ask me if I was okay, but I snapped and slammed him against the lockers."
"That's where you got your Scary Danvers reputation?" Maggie jokes and pokes the other girl slightly on her ribs, trying to ease a little of the pain that she's sure Alex is reliving.
"And some other incidents. But," She adds, "Those rumors about me breaking Carter's arm are totally unfounded," She replies, raising her head and staring at Maggie with an offended look, "He tripped and fell all on his own."
"Was he running away from you?" Maggie asks raising an eyebrow.
"Yes, but it's not my fault that he's a coward who only feels strong enough to harass people smaller than him."
"You are smaller than him."
"I'm told that I have a very imposing presence."
"That you have, Danvers," Maggie chuckles softly, "I would have loved to watch you scaring the shit out of that guy. I have the feeling that people makes sure to not anger you these days. James says he still has nightmares about you." Alex laughs a little at that and rests her head again on Maggie's shoulder, "So, that's why you are not today at school? It brings back bad memories and anger issues?"
"Something like that, yes."
"I'm sorry I intruded on you Isolation Day, then."
"I'm not." She says without hesitation, snuggling even closer, "I'm glad you're here."
And Maggie is dying. She's dying because all she wants is to take Alex's face in her hands, erase any trace of tears with her fingertips, and kiss the girl so softly that she would forget every single bad thing that happened in her life.
But is not the moment.
For now, all she can do is hold Alex in her arms and shelter her from the rest of the world.
That night, when she opens Instagram and sees that Alex has written a new poem, brighter and so full of love, Maggie's heart starts beating wildly in her chest and she knows, without a doubt, that there's no way she can keep her feelings inside any longer.
It's your eyes and how
they smile the loudest,
and the way you say my name,
how your heart is bigger
than the moon
and your kind soul shine
brighter than the sun.
But mostly,
it's the way
being by your side
makes me forget
that heartache exists.
-Wish me luck. -She sends a text to her sister.
-Good luck. Why do you need it? -Ella replies quickly.
-I'm in love with my best friend, again, and I'm going to tell her.
-Do you finally believe that she likes you back?
-It's kind of hard to deny it when I know that she writes poems about me. She's been doing it since we met.
-How did you know that?
-El…, Alex is thesecondstar.
After that last text, Maggie's phone starts ringing, showing that picture she took with Ella the day they found each other again. When she answers, Ella starts screaming at the other side of the line.
"TELL ME EVERYTHING!"
And I love it when
you speak, for it gives
me a reason
to stare at you
and take in the beauty
that you are.
And one would think
that by now you would've noticed,
but I guess the only person
more oblivious than I
is you.
She reads the new poem the next morning and swears that is almost as if Alex could read her mind. Only that she's wrong. She's the oblivious one, not Maggie. In fact, she's been leaving little hints all over the poems about them, trying to let her know, slowly, that it would be okay to tell her, to come clean about her feelings, that she would be there to accept them with open arms.
But Alex still seems to think it's an unreachable dream. So, Maggie will have to be the brave one again. She only hopes that, this time, it will be different and the story won't end with her heart in a million pieces.
She reads the poem again, and then all the comments that people have left. Alex's account has become really popular in the last few months, and a lot of her followers seem to be rooting for their love story to have a happy ending.
Then, she writes her own little, encouraging comment.
leatherismylord Tell her.
Maggie stares at her phone, smiles, and starts walking towards the lockers room.
She knew she was going to find Alex there, enjoying those minutes alone after swimming for a while and before school starts. Maggie has been at the pool with her some mornings, but never at the lockers room while Alex showered, so stepping into that private moment is something big, something that she hasn't done since the day they met.
It feels like going full circle. Were all started.
She even finds Alex sitting in the exact same place.
Maggie crosses her arms, leans against the corner of the lockers, and stares at the other girl with a smile on her lips, while Alex keeps turning the pages on her notebook.
"You know," She starts, "This is exactly how I saw you the first time we met. Lost in thought, with a pen in your hand and that notebook opened."
Alex's eyes raise from the written pages and stares dumfounded at her. Maggie can almost see the wheels turning in her head, and the panic starting to get a hold of her, so she decides it's time to be brave.
"At first, I didn't think anything of it," She continues, "I had just moved here, and for what I knew, that," She says pointing to the notebook, "Could have been your schedule."
Seeing that Alex is still staring at her with the same puzzled expression, Maggie decides to move away from the lockers and sit on the bench beside her.
"But the more I knew you, the more those poems remind me of you, of us," She tells her, while reaching for the notebook, silently asking permission to take it from Alex's hands. Maggie knows that she's asking something big, because those pages are sacred to Alex, they are her more intimate thoughts. But the other girl just nods and lets her take it, turning away shyly while Maggie opens it, "At first I thought it was just me, that it was my mind playing games," She admits, letting her friend know that she is as scared, if not more, as Alex is, "Because I wanted so badly to be you. But what were the odds, right?" She turns the pages slowly, one by one, recognizing the words she finds in every one of them.
"When did you know..." She hears Alex ask, and she sounds so scared, so fragile, "...That it was me?"
"That night on your rooftop."
Alex finally looks at her again, with a little frown between her eyes.
"You quoted me that night," She says.
"I quoted you that night," Maggie remembers how Alex reacted to hearing her own poem that night, and chuckles, "You should have seen your face."
"But why didn't you tell me?" Alex's pitch goes suddenly higher, suddenly realizing what Maggie is trying to say, "I've been going crazy all this time because I was afraid, and I didn't know ho..."
Maggie decides that very moment that the best way to make Alex calm down is a kiss. Maybe it's too cliché, and straight out of a movie plot, but the girl is trembling like a flower, and speaking too fast, and honestly, Maggie is weak and needs to touch those lips already.
So, she cups Alex's face with her hands and leans to, softly, kiss her.
It's short, and sweet, and everything that Maggie dreamed of.
When they finally move, both girls are breathless, and Maggie knows, even if she still keeps her eyes closed, that the smile on her lips is reflexed in Alex's.
She whispers her name, letting her breath caress Alex's skin while they stay just an inch away from each other.
"I've been in love with you since the first time I read your words," She admits, "I guess I just wanted to make sure that you were as crazy for me as I am for you," Maggie opens her eyes and brings a hand to trace Alex's jaw softly, "Besides, I've been dropping hints all over your posts. You really were oblivious."
"I was overwhelmed," Alex opens her eyes and stares at her with a soft smile on her lips, "Lucy totally blew up my comments ratio, and there was also this beautiful girl with dimples distracting me."
"You love that, huh?" Maggie raises an eyebrow in amusement.
But Alex doesn't laugh, she just brings her closer and rests her forehead on Maggie's, before closing her eyes and whispering something that no one before have ever told her.
"I love everything about you."
The next poem she reads on Instagram is one that she's read before, one that she gets to keep in her pocket because Alex had written it with Maggie in her arms, and ripped apart the page from the notebook to give it to her.
"This is me, giving you my heart," She had said.
You put thoughts in my head
and words into the ink
that captures my voice.
We can talk for days on end
and never run out of things to say.
There are million things I want
you to know and need to tell you
in all the moments of this life we share
And still,
somehow,
You render me speechless.
Since she got outed by her best friend when she was only fourteen years old and, consequently, kicked out of her home, Maggie has always been cautious about telling people about her sexuality. So, when she saw how excited Alex looked talking about telling everyone that they were dating, Maggie decided to share her concerns with her overexcited, and maybe a little bit naïve, girlfriend.
But Alex just chuckled like she just said the funniest thing ever and gave her a peck on the lips.
Apparently, everyone else at school have forgotten to inform her that Alex Danvers was out and proud since last year, when she had a falling out with her best friend. It seems that the girl in question, Vicky, thought that Alex was in love with her boyfriend and accused her of that in front of everyone, in the middle of the high school's hallway, but Alex just shouted back at her and had the guts to admit that she was jealous of the boy, not in love with him.
"She was kind of a bitch after that," Alex told her, "It didn't help either, when Lucy came out as bi herself and turned the whole cheerleading squad on Vicky."
"I knew that California was more open minded, but this is so hard to believe."
"I'm not going to say that everyone was instantly okay with me being gay, there's still a few assholes in this town who will turn their heads and cross the road when you walk past by them, but they are not important," She made a pause to take Maggie's hand, "I don't know what happened back in Nebraska, and I hope one day you'll trust me enough to tell me, but Maggie, here? Here you are safe, because the people who matters, our friends, my family, they are going to love you, no matter what. And, if for some stupid reason, someone dares to harass you in school, I'll just punch them in the face."
Maggie laughed at that and thought, not for the first time, how much alike Ella and Alex are.
"My sister is so going to love you." And seeing Alex reaction, because she hadn't mentioned Ella before, Maggie quickly continued before her girlfriend could ask, "And that is a story for another day."
So, after hours of Alex reassuring her that it would be okay, they walked hand in hand into school the next day.
Alex had been right. No one said a word, and no one stared at them like they were the devil incarnated.
When they told their friends and Alex explained the whole story of the poems, Lucy shouting for the whole cafeteria to hear how romantic that was got Maggie worried for a moment, but she only caught a couple of girls leaving their tables in tears and a few guys looking defeated so, she guesses that the only thing she'll have to worry about is the angry mob of Alex's fans that will rip her apart if she ever breaks the heart of their favorite girl.
"Hey, what are you thinking about?"
Alex rests her chin on Maggie's shoulder from behind, while her arms surround her whole body, making her lean further into her girlfriend's embrace. They been sitting at the beach like that for a while, staring at the waves and enjoying the warm of each other's bodies.
"Nothing," She replies, sighing contented, "Just thinking how many hearts you broke today."
"What?"
"As I said," She turns a little to capture Alex's lips in a sweet, short kiss, "Nothing."
Alex closes her eyes and smiles. Then, she brings her lips to Maggie's ear.
"Hey, you know what?" She whispers, letting her breath caress her girlfriend's skin, "I've got a new poem."
"Yeah?"
"Mhm," Alex replies nodding slightly.
Then she whispers,
Today someone called you
mine,
and I really love
the sound of that.
Fin