A/N: Alright new story from me! Just a silly one-shot, since I'm pretty bogged down with finals and feeling a wee depressed. Big huge thank you to my beta, Lysh! *huggles* Nothing much more to add than to say thank you to all of my faithful readers. I really love reading your reviews and I hope I continue to get inspired to write! Enjoy!
Disclaimer: The day that I don't have to write a disclaimer is the day that Patrick Jane would lose his strings and become a real boy! No wait, that's Pinocchio.
White Knight
"Have you been living under a rock? He's totally banging her."
"Really? Lisbon and the psychic?"
I had been passing by when I heard "Lisbon," stopping to listen in on the conversation from within the break room. I could discern three men standing by the coffee maker, only recognizing just one. Manny Millings was a scrawny tech guy from Surveillance, a decent man but a bit of a pushover. The two clowns flanking Manny looked as though they could have made a run for the title of Mr. Universe. The blond one was wearing a stripped blue shirt a couple sizes too small, accentuating his overdeveloped biceps, the other was in a more tasteful dark suit with his black hair slicked back, encased in a thick cast of gel.
"You know I don't get why all the women in this building are falling all over themselves for that twerp anyway," Biceps snorted, filling his mug with coffee.
"Crevalis was on the Wilkes case and said the guy was an arrogant prick," replied Excessive Gel.
"Hey you worked with Jane, what's your take?"
Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum turned to Manny, who donned the deer caught in headlights look.
"He's not a bad guy," he said slowly, trying to gauge the reaction of his colleagues. "A bit unconventional, but nice."
"You're such a brownnoser. I heard he's got a record for the number of lawsuits filled against a CBI operative."
"Not surprising, that man is a loose cannon."
"A bit of a freak too if you ask me."
"My name is Patrick Jane and I can read your mind, ooohhhhh."
The two roared with laughter, while Manny looked as though he'd rather crawl into a hole and die. I couldn't blame him. I myself had about enough of their delinquent comedy routine. As I was turning to leave, they steered back to the original topic of conversation, stopping me in mid-stride.
"I bet you that's how he managed to win Lisbon over. He probably can't get laid without hypnotizing her first."
"I've always wondered why she keeps him around. Now it all makes sense."
"Well I'll give him one thing he's no idiot. He sure knows how to pick his women."
"I'll say, I guess it's an added bonus that screwing Lisbon guarantees him a job."
"Hey, do you blame the guy? I'd be tapping that fine ass too if I were him."
I could feel my hands involuntarily ball up into fists. Before I allowed my brain to process exactly what I was doing, I had my foot in the doorway.
"It's a wonder you're tapping anything," I quipped with a grin.
Biceps was the first to react. He levelled a glare directly at me, crossing his beefy arms, enlarging his muscles threefold.
"Well, if it isn't the puny, pathetic psychic."
"Two things, one, there's no such thing as a psychic and two, your use of alliteration isn't all that bad for a Neanderthal."
"Okay, why don't we just take it easy…"
Trailing off on his own, Manny's attempt at intervening was not convincing to anyone.
"Don't worry," I said reassuringly. "He can't touch me."
"My fist says otherwise."
"Ah, resorting to blatant threats, I see. Really, for someone's supposed to be an officer of the law, you're not very congenial."
"For someone who's supposed to be psychic you're not all that smart, Dumbass."
Biceps was now towering over me. Up close the man grew half a foot, but I wasn't at all intimidated, simply beaming up at him with the most charming smile I could muster.
"If I'm not smart than I worry about the level of your intelligence. And do you honestly kiss your mother with that mouth?"
I smirked widely at the vibrant shade of purple Biceps' face was turning, until something that could only be akin to a brick wall connected with my jaw. When I recovered, I dabbed a finger to the corner of my mouth. Biceps was looking mighty proud as I regained my footing and barrelled into the blond agent. We both fell over in a tangle of limbs, but I managed to land a few well placed punches. That was until Excessive Gel incapacitated me by taking a hold of my arms. Naturally, I was able to wiggle myself free just as I spun around to execute a swift round house kick…
"Owww."
Jane winced immediately recoiling from the contact of the ice pack against his cheek.
"Would you just hold still?" Lisbon scolded. "This is what you get for making up outlandish stories."
Grabbing the pack from his hand, she wrapped it in a hand towel before gently reapplying it to the large bruise forming beneath his right eye.
"Hey, everything I've said was the truth. I beat the stuffing out of those two Arnold Schwarzenegger wannabes."
"Okay, first of all, there is no way you could take out a girl scout even if you tried and secondly, I talked with Manny, you were knocked out cold the second you hit the ground."
Grimacing, Jane leaned his head back against his couch.
"And what exactly were you thinking insulting those self-absorbed jerks anyway?" Lisbon continued to berate.
"Have you not been paying attention to anything I've said? I was trying to defend your honour. You know, you should be grateful."
"I'm just grateful you're still in one piece. Montgomery doesn't mess around, you should've seen what happened to the last person that pissed him off."
"He wasn't going to beat me to a complete bloody pulp. We're in a state building for crying out loud."
"Well, he almost did. You're just lucky he had the good sense to stop when you were unconscious. He's not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed."
"He more than makes up for it by being built like a John Deere."
Lisbon let out an undignified snort, but felt a wave of compassion at the pained expression on Jane's face. Taking a seat next to him, she removed the ice pack and surveyed the damage, brushing her fingers gently across the garish mark on his face.
"You're going to have one Hell of a black eye tomorrow."
"Great, it'll help me with my street cred."
Delivering her patented Lisbon eye roll, she glared at the man that caused her so much grief.
"Try to keep the injuries to a minimum, will you?" she pleaded exasperatedly. "And the next time you feel the need to go hero on me, do it on your own time."
"You know for a moment there, I thought you were getting soft on me."
He grinned innocently at her.
"You're welcome, by the way," he continued.
"You must have lost more brain cells than I thought. I think you should be thanking me."
"Your good name was sullied and I was your knight in shining armour."
She fought back a laugh.
"Sure, Lancelot," she quipped sarcastically. "Maybe when you decide on participating in another duel, you might want to call up your buddies from the round table for backup first."
"Funny."
An impish smile emerged on her face. Jane committed this playful Lisbon to his memory. If this was the kind of reaction he could get out of her after a tough case, he wouldn't mind getting punched in the face on a regular basis.
"What are you thinking?" she asked.
"Oh, nothing," he replied breezily. "I was just picturing you beating the crap out of Biceps."
"Biceps?" she questioned in confusion.
Jane shook his head dismissively.
"Never mind."
"Teresa, what a nice surprise."
A smug grin was across Logan Montgomery's smarmy face as he stood up to greet her. Lisbon had known Montgomery for nearly three years and had the unfortunate pleasure of working with him once, to her it was one time too many. He was a complete narcissistic chauvinist with a temper that could rival a pit-bull. He was the type of man she tried to avoid at all costs, in and out of the workplace.
"Skip the pleasantries, Logan, I want an apology."
"For what?" he asked feigning innocence.
"Honestly, a number of things. For starters, you attacked my consultant."
"You and I both know he deserved it."
"That's beside the point."
"I should have guessed that you wear the pants in that relationship. You can do so much better, Teresa."
She felt the rage rising to the surface but she managed to maintain her level-headed composure.
"Oh really?"
"Me and you, we're not all that different. We need fire in our lives, passion."
He sauntered towards her and reached out a meaty hand to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Immediately backing away from him, Lisbon armed herself with a scowl.
"Don't touch me," she warned evenly.
"What can I say? I can't seem to help myself, Sugar."
In one swift motion, Lisbon twisted Montgomery's arm behind his back before unceremoniously shoving him face first onto his desk. He yelped, clearly taken off guard, as he struggled against Lisbon's firm grasp. He was visibly shocked that such a small woman could disarm him so quickly.
"Listen to me carefully," she whispered slowly. "I'm going to let this small incident slide. But if you ever come near my consultant again, I will find you and I will break your nose four different ways. Have I made myself clear?"
He merely grunted in response. Satisfied with his answer, Lisbon released him from her hold but not before jabbing her foot into his knee for good measure.
"Crazy bitch," he muttered, trying to balance himself. "I'm going to have you reported."
"And what exactly are you going to tell the Attorney General? That you got outmanoeuvred by a woman? What would your buddies say around the water cooler?"
Rage contorted his face as he flared his nostrils, but she wasn't at all fazed, her lips forming a satisfied smirk.
"I'm so glad we had this little chat. Oh, and just a word of advice, I'd think twice about calling any woman 'Sugar.'"
With that, Lisbon turned on her heel, leaving a dumbstruck Agent Montgomery in her wake.
Lisbon arrived at work early the next day to find a colourfully wrapped parcel waiting for her on her desk. After glancing around the bullpen to see if anyone else was in the office, she assessed the surprise gift in amusement before immediately tearing off the paper in one go. A laugh escaped her throat at the sight of a miniaturized figurine of a knight in white armour, sitting in her palm. She reached for the small card that came with her present, smiling brightly at the familiar scrawl. All that was written were the words, 'Thanks for being my White Knight.'
Fin for now, Jello forever