Title: Good in Him
Author: Deja Vu
Summary: Post-TESB Luke thinks about his father.
Rating: No language, no direct violence.
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, but this story is mine. The Star Wars universe belongs to George Lucas.
Characters: Luke, Artoo.
"When I first met him, I wanted to hate him…Sith, oppressor, murderer. How many lives had he changed without a second's thought? How many lives had he ruined with just a lift of his hand?
"But even in that moment, I couldn't hate him. I was like him.
"Even then, I knew—knew it with a certainty that frightened and disturbed me—I was not much different from him. We believed we belonged to different sides, followed different codes, but what were the means when the ends were not unalike? He killed Jedi and Rebels; I killed Stormtroopers and pilots. The Imperial Death Star destroyed a planet; an X-wing fighter destroyed the Imperial Death Star.
"How many families had I torn apart? With the destruction of Alderaan, many families died, but at least they died together in most cases. With a couple of proton torpedoes, I killed countless husbands, fathers, brothers…Some were, perhaps, breadwinners, others maybe income supplementers, but it was not their financial role their families would miss most…
"On going to fight him, I feared for my friends but also for myself. He was a shadow I wanted to drive away, something I couldn't avoid facing even if I had wanted to.
"I think I wanted to kill him—not really because of what he had done but as a way of wiping out what I had done and of denying what I could become. Pointless, useless—yes, maybe, but that's how it was.
"When I saw him standing there in that shining black armor, I knew he was all that I had heard about. And yet—there was more.
"Something made me want to impress him—you could call it pride, but I think it was something else. I thought then that he didn't need fear as a motivator—his bearing could fill in quite easily, like he could've succeeded at being a politician if he hadn't hated the galaxy so much.
"I felt like there could be a person beneath the monster, beyond the mask.
"Of course, then he cut off my hand, and I didn't feel so well-disposed toward him any longer, but I don't resent him as much now.
"I've been thinking about what he had told me. How could a man like him have a son? He didn't seem like the type to be interested in carnal pleasures and wouldn't have and leave a son on a whim. If he hadn't known of my existence, then how exactly had my existence been brought about?
"The Force told me he wasn't lying, but it didn't tell me what his truth meant. I've realized now that he was not been born a monster—something led him down that path. Perhaps my mother, Palpatine, Obi-Wan, Yoda…Perhaps all of them, none of them, or something else entirely. But if he once had good in him, isn't it possible that it is still there? Surely Obi-Wan and Yoda couldn't have judged someone so poorly? Could his change be one that circumstances brought about? Is the man I would have liked to call father still in him? Was that why he brought up the past by admitting his relationship to me?
"I was not prepared to meet him then, but I am glad I did. That meeting taught me to hope that not all evil is permanent and lasting. I want to see him again, but there are other things to do first, like saving Han and seeing Yoda again." Luke smiled down at the blue and white astromech droid sitting quietly before him. "You don't mind helping me with that, do you?"
The droid whistled that he indeed would not mind.
"Thanks, Artoo," Luke said warmly. A few seconds later, he said in a soft voice, "Thanks for listening, Artoo. Sometimes I get the feeling you know my story better than I do." He chuckled at the thought of Artoo's truly being a device that documented his life.
The droid gave a strange noise that sounded like it fell somewhere between amused and sympathetic.
"I'm glad you don't think I'm crazy. It makes me feel a little less alone."
Artoo gave him a reply, but Luke was too caught up in his thoughts to listen.
There is still good in him…And somehow, I will find it.