Hello! This is my first fanfiction where I'm writing BL. I feel like if I want to become a writer I should dwell into all genres of writing. I do have other works out. My most current fic is Becoming Free Again, and I do want to focus more of my time into that one before truly committing to this story. I hope you guys all enjoy and I do not own any of the characters except for the ones I make up!
The event replays over and over again in my head. Every time I close my eyes I see him walking and then suddenly ten feet away sprawled on the ground. I now sit here alone watching his EKG beep at a steady, slow rhythm. If only I had been quicker, to have pushed him out of the way or pull him to the sidewalk. This is my entire fault. Is it bad to wish our roles be reversed?
Everything had happened so fast. Papa Usagi had just told him to find someone else, to get rid of me. Of course he had to defend me, I even had to defend him. But, with his pride being at an all time high, he took my hand and dragged me out of the apartment to escape his father. That idiot had to keep walking out into the street and now I have to constantly wipe my eyes and cheeks due to the never-ending flow of tears. I never knew someone could ever make me feel this way.
I sigh as I reach out and grab his bandaged hand gently, as if holding a bird with a broken wing. I hear the door open and my head turns to see the next guest visiting Akihiko. Papa Usagi.
"I'd like to apologize for the things I inquired about you and Akihiko," he says and bows his head to me.
"You were just worrying about your son. It's okay," I say giving him a small smile, but I immediately look back to Usagi.
"Did the doctors say anything about his condition after I left?" he asks taking a seat under the window.
"He has a collapsed lung from one of his broken ribs, and we can't really know much about his mental state until he wakes up," I say gently squeezing Usagi's hand.
"Why don't you head home for the night? I can take the night shift," he says, but I can't imagine going back to that dark apartment all alone.
"No, I'm fine. I can stay here till he wakes up," I say.
"You don't know if that could be tonight, tomorrow or even next week. Just go and get some sleep. I'd also like to spend some time alone with him," he says and my head hangs low as I rise from my seat. I loosen my grip from his hand and I take another look at Usagi's peaceful but bandaged face. I bend over and let my lips graze against his head careful not cause any discomfort.
"Goodnight Misaki."
"Goodnight sir. I'll be back tomorrow morning," I say and he nods his head as I leave the hospital room.
I look up to the clock on the wall above the nurse's station "23:34 PM". I sigh as I tug on my coat and stuff my hands into my pockets and I dodge the rushing nurses and doctors on my journey home.
I make the short walk to the train station and I stand there awaiting my train to whisk me away. I step on feeling the flood of memories of Akihiko and I when we went to Hokkaido and he got the private room. I can't help the blush that forms on my face and I cover my mouth with my hand trying my hardest to think of anything else. I'd rather not start crying on a public train.
When the train comes to my stop, I slowly step onto the platform and a part of me wishes I had stayed at the hospital now. I can't go back alone.
I continue out of the station and make my way to the apartment. On my way I can feel my stomach ache. That's right, I haven't eaten yet. Usagi and I were supposed to go out for dinner. We're supposed to eat together for every meal.
I run my hand through my hair missing Usagi's touch. As I unlock the front door and step into the dark apartment, I don't hear the television or radio playing, I can't smell the smoke from his cigarettes, and I don't feel his arms pulling me into a tight embrace as he usually does when I return from school. I flip on the light switch and throw my body on the couch with the lingering scent of his cologne. It's at this moment where I completely breakdown into a sobbing mess.
I never knew I could miss that annoying, idiot so much until he was actually out of my grasp. I miss everything about him. The way he smoked while looking out the window or how he enjoyed every meal I made him. How he could always turn a bad day into one I could never forget. What am I doing? I'm acting as if he died. He's just in a coma, but for how long?
I pull one of the pillows over my face and sob more till the point where I almost miss the incoming phone call. I scramble to my feet and quickly answer it without looking at the ID.
"Hello," I say trying to sound as if I wasn't just crying.
"Misaki?" I hear my brother on the other end.
"Oh. Hi Takahiro."
"I'm watching the news right now. Is Akihiko actually in the hospital? What happened? They're saying he was hit by a truck," he says and I take in a deep breath.
"Yeah it's true. I was there. He's in coma right now with a collapsed lung and a few fractures in his right arm and left leg. The doctor's won't know what's going on mentally when he wakes up, but they don't know when that will happen," I say.
"Are you at the hospital with him?" Takahiro asks and I can imagine him rubbing his temples right now like he usually does when under stress.
"No, I'm back at the apartment," I say.
"Alone? I'll be sure to take the train out there tomorrow and visit you okay," he says concerned.
"What about work and your wife. You know I'm perfectly fine out here by myself," I say.
"I'll take the week off and she's visiting her mother for the week. She'll understand, she knows how much Akihiko means to me," he says and I sigh. Now might be a good time to tell him about us. He'll eventually find out when Usagi wakes up.
"Takahiro, I have something to tell you," I almost whisper into the receiver.
"What?" he asks and I can hear the interest in his voice. I don't know if I can do it.
"Usagi – I mean Akihiko – and I… Have become great friends and it hurts seeing him like this in the hospital," I say. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I need Usagi here with me when we tell brother about our relationship.
"I'll be there tomorrow, okay. You can stay with me while he's in the hospital. I love you Misaki," he says and I can feel my eyes watering up again.
"Love you too," I say and hang up the phone. I press my palms against my eyes and head over to the pantry to get a protein bar. I sit at the dining table munching on the rubbery granola bar and I feel engulfed by the silence around me as if I'm being suffocated.
After I'm finished, I turn the lights off down stairs and make my way up to the second floor coming face-to-face with Usgai's bedroom door. I walk towards it and hesitate slightly before turning the knob. I'm overwhelmed by Usagi's scent, but I continue on into his room. His bed is a mess from the night before, funny how twenty-four hours Usagi and I were asleep at this time and all was well. I sit on his bed and lay on my back looking up to the ceiling with glow-in-the-dark solar system stickers. The many nights I've stayed with him in this room, looking up at the same view as I am now stings like a fresh wound.
I turn on my side and notice one of his t-shirts strewn on the bed. I pick it up and hold it close to me before leaving his room with it in my hand. I change into my pajama pants and I throw on Usagi's large shirt and I smile as if he is embracing me. As I now lay in my bed, tucked under my covers I'm well aware sleep is the farthest thing from my mind.
I wonder how he's doing? I hope he's comfortable. I wish I had just stayed with him tonight, even if his father wanted time with him. Why now? Papa Usagi was never there for him before. I've been here for Usagi, not him. I never said I loved him again. What if he never wakes up? What am I going to do without him? When am I going to tell brother about our relationship?
I feel as though my brain might implode from the many questions I can't even answer. I can finally feel my eyelids grow heavy and soon enough I fall asleep with only Usagai on my mind.
I wake up to the sound of my phone ringing and I pat my hand around my bedside table and finally answer it.
"What Usagi?" I say immediately, but my brain quickly realizes that he's not here, but in the hospital, "I mean, uh, hello?"
"I'm on the train. Be sure to pick me up at noon. We'll go out to lunch after," Takahiro says and I run my hands through my hair.
"Okay. I'm going to visit Akihiko at the hospital and then I'll come and get you," I say sleepily.
"Sounds good. See you then Misaki," he says and we both hang up the phone. I sigh as I get up from my bed and head over the bathroom.
I guess yesterday wasn't a terrible nightmare, I think to myself as I climb into the hot shower. I quickly wash up and brush my teeth and then head back into my room to change. At least I'm on holiday from school, I'm pretty sure I'd still miss though even if it were in session.
I make myself a piece of toast, but I throw it away after a few bites and I leave the apartment not being able to stand the silence anymore. Before I actually exit the building I turn on my heels and head back to the apartment. I run upstairs to the bear room and pull one of the smaller ones off the shelf and stuff it into my school bag. This time I actually leave the apartment building and head to the train station.
I hold onto the bar as the train comes to a halt at the station across the street from the hospital. I exit the train with my head held low and I dread every step towards the hospital not wanting to see Usagi in his condition, a man once so strong now broken down.
I peer through the small window into the room and it appears no one is in there except Akihiko. I gently close the door behind me as I enter and I sigh as I run my hand through my hair as I look at Usagi. He looks so peaceful, as if he were just napping before a deadline. I take a seat at the foot of his bed and pull out the stuffed bear and place it next to his torso.
"I thought you could use something from home," I say and I then reach out the grab his hand.
"I'd like to apologize for not being as affectionate to you as you are to me. I guess I never truly understood my feelings until the night in the Ferris wheel, and yet you knew the night Takahiro announced his marriage. I feel stupid for not saying it as much, but I do love you. Now I just need you to wake up," I say and I watch as my tears drip onto his sheets.
"Please, wake up. I know it's only been one night, but I don't know how long I'll be able to worry about you while you're in this condition. I may put myself in a hospital bed next to yours."
"Takahiro is coming down to visit me. Well, he's mainly coming down to see you. I think I might tell him about us. I tried last night, but I chickened out. I feel like we need to tell him together, but in all reality, he's my brother I should be the one to do it. I just want you to focus on getting better," I whisper and for a split second it feels as though his hand tightens around mine.
"Misa-ki," I hear a faint whisper come from his mouth and my head whips up.
"Usagi? Usagi are you awake. Please talk to me," I plead, but no answer comes.
"I love you," I whisper again and for the next hour or so I just stay there looking over him, making sure nothing happens, until I hear a knock on the door.
"Professor Kamijou?" I question as my literature professor enters the room with another man with black hair.
"Ah, Misaki Takahashi. How do you know Usami? I'm an old childhood friend of his. This is Nowaki Kusama, he's my partner," Kamijou introduces and I can see the blush form on their faces.
"It's nice to meet you," I say bowing to Kusama, "I'm actually his roommate."
"So you live with this idiot? Must be a handful," Kamijou says and Kusama nudges him.
"Be nice Hiro," he says, but I just laugh.
"No, he's most definitely is a lot to handle," I say and they both laugh also.
"I'm just glad he has someone taking care of him."
"He can barely cook a meal. I don't know how he survived before."
"His cooking always did suck," Kamijou laughs.
It's so weird to see my professor from hell so laid back and happy. Usually he's yelling at the class or throwing books at us. It must be Kusama who changes him. I then feel my back pocket buzzing and I whip out my phone.
"Hello," I answer.
"Misaki, I'll be there in about thirty minutes," Takahiro says and I look down at my watch. I should be going now. It takes a good twenty minutes to get to the station.
"I'm leaving now," I say and hang up while turning around to my professor and his partner.
"Thank you for coming to visit him," I bow and they both nod their heads in recognition.
When I finally get to the train station, I see my brother outside waiting for me with a small suitcase planted next to him.
"Takahiro!" I yell and his head pops up and waves to me.
"Hey Misaki!" he yells back and I pick up the pace to go meet him.
He engulfs me in a tight hug and we stay like this for a while before letting go.
"How's he doing?" he asks as we start towards his hotel.
"Doing the same I guess," I say and stuff my hands into my jean pockets.
"I know it's hard, but I'm sure you've noticed that Akihiko is pretty stubborn. He's not going to let this beat him," Takahiro reassures me and it does make me feel slightly better.
"You're right," I say and he gives me a smile back.
"How about we go grab some sushi for lunch after I settle myself in at the hotel?"
"Sounds good to me."
"After we can head back to Akihiko's and grab some stuff for you. I just really don't want you by yourself," he says.
"I'm going to have to live on my own sometime," I reply and he laughs.
"I know. Can you just stop growing up?" he says and ruffles my hair.
Takahiro checks into his room and I help him get settled. I sit on his bed and I can feel memories of the Teito Hotel rush through my mind from the party to brother Usagi to the night spent with Akihiko. I need to stop thinking like this. I'm assuming that he's not going to pull through. Of course he is, he's the great Usami Akihiko.
"Misaki?" Takahiro waves his hand in front of me and I blink my eyes realizing how close he is.
"Sorry, I must've started day dreaming," I say and run my hand through my hair.
"It's alright, let's go grab something to eat. I'm starving," he says and we both exit Hotel Teito.
"I heard this place is really good," I say as I open the door for my brother.
"It better be. I never knew how much I'd miss your cooking until I got a wife with lesser skills as you."
"Don't say that. I'm sure she's a fine cook," I say and we take our seats at the sushi bar.
"Her food tastes okay, but jeez you can make a mean stir-fry," he compliments.
"Thanks, I've missed you too," I say and he smiles.
"You know, if this is more of a permanent ordeal, you can come stay with me," he offers.
"I'd have to quit school then. I tried so hard to get into M University; I'm not going to just leave. I'll probably stay with Sumi. He's one of my friends that I met this year."
"Alright, I guess I need to you let you go at some point," he says and ruffles my hair.
"Gah! Can you stop doing that," I say while flattening my hairs back down as he laughs.
We order our dishes, but just as I pick up my piece of tuna my phone starts to vibrate in my back pocket. I drop the piece of fish and pull out my phone and answer it.
"Hello?"
"Misaki Takahashi correct?"
"Yeah, may I ask who is calling," I say.
"Ah, this is Doctor Tachibana. We have an update on Usami Akihiko. He just woke up. He most definitely recovered from this much faster than we intended."
"Okay. I'll be right over," I say back and I can feel the smile forming on my face and Takahiro gives me a raised eyebrow.
"See you then," he says and I hang up and quickly hop out of my seat.
"He's awake. We have to go," I say pulling Takahiro out of his seat.
"Okay, okay," he says pulling out three thousand yen to pay for our lunch.
I nearly sprint to the station with Takahiro following behind me while every so often yelling at me to slow down. When on the train I feel as thought I might vomit from the anticipation from seeing him awake.
I sprint off the train and leave Takahiro in the dust, at this point really don't care that me finds out about my relationship with Usagi. I just need to see that he's okay.
We stand in the elevator going up to the tenth floor and we don't say a word because Takahiro is so out of breath from chasing after me. The bell dings as the doors open and I coolly walk into the hospital wing. We find Usagi's room and he's smiling while chatting with Doctor Tachibana. I open the door and Usagi seems to look past me.
"Takahiro?" he questions and the smile that has been plastered on my face quickly disappears.
"Hey," my brother says and walks in the room and takes a seat next to his bed.
"Who's this that you have with you?" Usagi asks and I can feel my heart sink to the floor.
"Akihiko this is Misaki, my brother," Takahiro says dumbfounded, but I look to the doctor who now is curious of the situation.
"Ah, so you are the famous Misaki I've heard so much about," he says and gives me a warm smile.
I hope you guys enjoyed this first chapter. Please comment and review. It definitely helps me out as a writer if you do so. See you guys next time!