Kekeke…. What happens when the Ultimate Lifeform gets sick. And yes, the title and summary were MEANT to be simplistic. (1) and the like are explained at the end of each section. (They're foot notes; I'd suggest you scroll down and read them as they come instead of reading them at the end of the section.) Set some random time after Sonic Heroes. I do not own Sonic the Hedgehog.

Shadow Gets Sick

Shadow gets sick. Hilarity ensues. WARNING: May contain stuffy noses, coughing, pedestrian high speed chases, and Shadouge.

Shadow was, as everyone knew, impervious, immortal, imperturbable, and several other things that began with the letters 'im'(1). He did not stop for pain, scoffed at discomfort, laughed(2) in the face of viruses and diseases and other such unpleasant things. Yes, Shadow was pretty darn well invincible.

Or at least, that was the general opinion.

At first, it had just been a little sniffle – easily written off as the natural reaction to dust or some other irritant. Then it had been just a little bit of excess body heat, just a little more than usual – and of course that was just the weather; it had been a warm day, no big deal.

No big deal, indeed.

Yep, he was perfectly fine, doing great, never been better thank-you-very-much.

He was actually stubborn enough to cling to that idea the morning he woke up with a massive sinus headache and sudden inability to breathe through his nose.

Rouge was concerned, of course – she couldn't have him getting germs all over her apartment that she was so graciously allowing him to stay in instead of leaving him out in the cold to sleep under a park bench somewhere and no Shadow don't sneeze on the c-

When Rouge finally managed to pin him down long enough to check his temperature, she suggested(3) that he see a doctor; he'd never been sick before, and who knew what might happen? Shadow was… less than compliant, to say the most, muttering something about doctors, prodding, and frogs, but Rouge was not to be deterred.

"Shadow! You are going to the doctor, ridiculous phobia or not."

"I'm not afraid." was his all-too-quick(4) response to this impugnment of his masculinity.

Rouge put her hands on her hips, narrowed her eyes at him, locked her knees. "You're going." Definite. Final.

Completely ineffective.

"…You can't make me." He sounded just like a teenager. A fifty plus teenager with a voice that was conspicuously long past puberty and fashion sense that was conspicuously not.

"Oh no? I do believe that was a challenge." Shadow tensed, knowing what was coming next. A millisecond later, he was rolling out of the way of a mildly overenthusiastic bat, discovering quickly that while the apartment was quite a nice size for living in, it was not quite so nice for dodging insane flying mammals.

He made a dash for the door, but his opponent knew him too well; she was already leaping in front of him the instant the idea of escape entered his head. This, predictably, lead to quite the crash and a semi-violent struggle loud enough to roust Omega from his hibernation period in the broom closet. When he lumbered into the living room it was to the sight of Rouge with a very disgruntled Shadow in what Omega recognized as what was probably some kind of wrestling hold. The hedgehog was, needless to say, not taking it very well. "Shadow, stop struggling! It's just the doctor. Honestly, I can't believe you're being so childish about all this."

Shadow twisted around a little to answer, but stopped. Rouge paused too. She knew that expression. He was about to-

"ACHOO!"

"EEEEEK!" Rouge let go suddenly, unable to cover her face in time. "Ewwww! Gross, Shadow!" She swiped at her face, grimacing and glaring. But there was no one to glare out; he'd hightailed it out of there the instant she'd let go.

"Urgh! Come on, Omega. We'd better go catch him before he gets his germs all over anyone else."

(1): Not the least of which impertinent.

(2): Or rather, chuckled in a vaguely nefarious way; who'd ever heard of Shadow laughing, for heaven's sake?

(3): Read: Demanded

(4): And dangerously close to nasal

The sun was shining, the birds were singing, the bees were buzzing. All in all, it was just a slow day. Eggman had been pretty quiet lately, no doubt planning his next attack. But until he made an appearance, things were gonna be pret-ty slow. Out for his morning run, Sonic jogged slowly (only an easy 200 mph) down the freeway. It was pretty empty that day.

Yeaaap, it was pretty quiet that day.

It wasn't so quiet two seconds later when a blur shot past him, practically spinning him around with the air current left in its wake.

"Woah! Was that Shadow? I wonder what that was all about…."

Curious, the blue hedgehog took off after the other. Catching up quickly, he discovered that it was indeed Shadow. He looked haggard and absolutely focused on getting as far away from wherever he was coming from as possible. So focused, in fact, that he didn't even glance at the other as he approached.

"Hey, Shadow!"

"!!!" The black and red hedgehog tripped, somersaulting across the ground before skidding to a halt. Sonic stopped abruptly as well, his shoes squealing against the pavement.

"Woah! Are you okay, Shadow?" Shadow lifted his head, staring dazedly at him.

"Does it look like I'm okay, faker?" he growled. The annoyance was there, but it lacked the usual vigor. Shadow pushed himself off of the ground, getting to his feet with only slight difficulty.

Sonic ignored the insult. "What's the rush? Got a date?" Shadow's usual glare deepened and he was just opening his mouth to say something no doubt sarcastic when another blur appeared on the horizon, coming on fast. He paled, even his quills seeming to lighten. Sonic raised an eyebrow. "Shadow? Hey, Shadow?" He waved a gloved hand in front of the other's face, to no avail. The blur drew ever closer, separating into two blurs – one white, black and pink and the other mostly red. "What the…."

"Dammit." By the time Sonic looked back, Shadow was long gone, barely a blur in the distant that got even smaller as the other blurs got bigger.

"Sh…Shadow? What in the world is going o-" Sonic found himself spinning around again as something else blew past him. He was just recovering when, for the third time that day he was left spinning in circles. "Eurgh…! Man, I'm getting dizzy! What's happening over there?" Shaking his head, Sonic took off after them.

Less than a minute later found Sonic running alongside Omega E-123. "Hey! What's going on?"

The robot did not turn his (no one could really consider Omega an 'it' anymore) head, but responded with, "OBJECTIVE: Apprehend and transport subject for medical attention. TARGET: Shadow the Hedgehog. WARNING: Target may be a danger to itself and others. Proceed with caution."

"Shadow's sick? Wow, I didn't know he even could get sick. You guys need some help?"

"Affirmative."

"Well then, count me in!"

End Chapter 1

I kind of intended to put everything in one chapter at first, but then I ended up deciding it'd be better if I split it up. XD; Kyaaaaaaaa…. One of my first attempts at 99.9 percent comedy, so I'd absolutely love some feedback. Parts you liked, parts you didn't like, stuff like that. Until next time!