Disclaimer: Not mine. I dare you to say the contrary.
Chapter Eleven – Ashita no Keshiki (Tomorrow's Scenery)
The train was moving slowly.
Outside the window, large fields were bathed by the ivory moonlight that managed to pass through the dark clouds. It might rain.
Silvery fields of wheat and other crops swayed gently in the wind, calling, bringing buried memories to come to the fore of Gray's mind.
Watching his reflection, staring at him in the window while the background farmlands passed-by, Gray saw his face contort in a grimace. He couldn't stare into those eyes, he couldn't stand them. He couldn't stand his thoughts. Basically, he couldn't stand himself.
That was why he had fled, taken the path of the weak and dishonorable. Unworthy of belonging to the Guild, his home – with his family.
No, he had chosen to run away, taking the first train south that he could get into, to the farthest away that he could. He had to, he needed to. But he shouldn't have.
Why were these feelings so painful? Why was it that hard to do – given the time. He already knew that he was going to have to let go, sooner or later… But this felt too soon, it was too unfair…
Opening his eyes again, he looked at the nightly scenery, however he wasn't seeing the one outside the train, instead he had dived to another scene many years before. They were still young, not long after Happy had come into their lives…
They had headed to the forest north of Magnolia, headed to one of the secret clearings. To this one they had to descend a steep trail that went along a waterfall, so they had to be careful not to misstep on the slippery earth.
Gray remembered that one day. He had been with the gang, all talking excitedly about the things they had planned to do (or not) in this unexpected day off. When they reached the beginning of the trail, the group stopped dead in their tracks. They stood there frozen, eyes wide and shock written all over their faces.
The lush valley was gone.
Where before there was a sea of treetops now only grey and an ugly reddish-brown met the eye. The tree trunks' were black and stood there as a skeletal farce of where there had been life. The place had disappeared – and with it the calm and playfulness that had once inspired. It was a terrible thing and the sad scenery had forever been engraved in Gray's mind. However – and that might be due to some twisted part in Gray – this scene had also remained as pretty. How could he consider such a desolate scene pretty?
Well, he couldn't but the feeling of, first helplessness and shock soon had turned into fierce protection and trust among the group. They were certain that if they got together and trusted each other they would overcome anything.
At this he almost let out a derogatory snort – not that it mattered as due to the advanced hour the carriage was empty.
How could they be so naïve.
Sometimes it looked like what could go wrong, went and what couldn't go wrong – there was always a way for it to go badly. That was a certainty.
Maybe that was the reason for his choice. Could that be what had impelled him to go? It didn't matter now. What was done was done and he would try to keep it that way. A person was too easy to break and Gray wasn't about to push Natsu down that road. His decision was the best course of action. Natsu would be furious and hurt for a while and then get over it. Gray wouldn't allow the vision in that mirror to come true, so he stepped back, let go and prepared to take the burden all by himself. After all, it was better if he were the only to be hurt…
So, he sealed it all, what had made an us possible had disappeared in the endless night.
'Goodbye.'
It was a hard word to be said. One that could be the most hurtful to say, the one that sliced deepest and meant an unchangeable end. Gray closed his eyes at the weight of the admission. Here he was, hurting the ones he cared the most, again. He knew that he had hurt Natsu many times before but this was an unexpected blow that would certainly hurt more. However it didn't matter as it would be a temporary hurt. Gray knew it, the same way that he knew that what he had once thought that would stop being a lonely path, not only was a path that he now had to do alone but was also harder as he was dragged down by his burden.
Opening his eyes as his left hand splayed on the window, Gray wanted to reach the moonlight beams but there was a barrier and a feeling of wretchedness fell over him. Making him feel as if he was going to drown in it.
The hand fell to his lap and Gray leaned against the window, his forehead touching the glass. He closed his eyes and tried not to think, allowing the numbness to overtake him and protect him from all the other feelings that were warring inside.
Dawn came, bathing the world in an orangish color, birds were singing from the trees that now lined up in greeting, alongside the train's rails.
At the same time that the sun was rising, so did the doubts and fears. What if this was all in vain? Could he face the future with this feeling of helplessness?
And what was this thing in his eye that was blurring his sight? He exasperatedly ran the back of his hand over the eye and was surprised at the feel of moisture. How could he be crying – no, something must've entered his eye and he hadn't noticed. That was it.
But deep inside he knew that this was an excuse. How could it not? He was trying to fool himself but that idea was quickly discarded. Right now he only could count on himself. This wasn't a new feeling to him, so-
Gods, the Guild and his friends had made him soft!
No, wait.
The beginning of life as a person was by the person alone, one should know oneself.
But – that's when Gray started to think about what he had done seriously – that couldn't be discovered alone. Life alone was no life, only survival.
So, why was he trying to shut himself? The haze of panic had released the clutches on him and Gray was starting to think more like himself, more coldly. Natsu was the hothead and this showed how much he had rubbed off on him.
'Okay, Gray. Everything's alright. Now you only have to pause and think!' He clasped his hands on his lap and let his head fall back to the headrest. This had to be a bad move, right? A lopsided smile appeared in his lips, so faint that unless one was looking for it would be missed entirely. What did he want? Did he want comfort? Did he want to see Natsu there and fear that the vision from the mirror came true or pay the vision no heed and hold Natsu? The irrational fear wouldn't rule his life. He refused to let that happen.
He straightened in his chair and thought about what he had just done. It was almost as if there was an open door right in front of him, this door led to a tomorrow that he wanted, yearned for, but felt no right. He had put it all on hold in the darkness' womb and now it would be impossible to find, right?
The train came to a stop in a station and Gray took another decision. He wouldn't go further. This trip that initially was meant for his escape had ended by helping him clear his head, now he was not going to run again. Visions be damned. He had the right to take some risks and if he changed from the right course, where he was once again, then his life would've really been worthless, then – and only then – he would recognize the waste, never before. He was a fighter, for the Hysperides' sake!
He grabbed his bag and, the moment his feet hit the platform, he was greeted by the wind. The wind that continuously blew from winter to spring, right now brought him the sweet smell of flowers and an angelic voice whispered on his ear words that seemed to be of encouragement,
'sartima neva ii somalia
kartima maria kama mia'
The voice was enveloping him, almost saying that another obstacle had been overcome. There was also a warning, for him to never forget that feeling, that confidence, so that in the following days that had yet to come he wouldn't waver.
The day had started. The moon, guardian of secrets and insecurities couldn't be seen anymore.
Good.
This was a new start, from this place he chose to have a new today and tomorrow.
He bought a ticket for the next train to Magnolia.
'Goodbye.'
He bid the train as it continued its trek south.
The shadows of uncertainty were going to disappear under the dare that he now made.
And from there a better time would emerge…
He was sure of it.
A/N: This was my first oneshot attempt to this song, just wanted to post it here. It ended a bit too dramatic and out of character… but with a happy end. Still, I don't know if I'm too happy with oscillations that keep occurring. :S
This was supposed to be a oneshot dedicated to Shiny Pichu-chan for her anniversary even if belated but it's not worthy, in my opinion… I'll try to come up with something later. =D
Anyway, hope you like it :)
Review…