A Note From My Anonymous Partner: Sorry, not sorry, a crossover like this was bound to happen sometime. Blame him, not me.

Author's Note: Do not blame me. This was her dream, her idea.

Was not.

Was too. I remember clear as day: "Hey, I had this dream where Yang Xiao Long and Japan *CENSORED*." Then you thought it'd be such a romp to write a fanfic about it.

No, that was YOUR dream-

Look, let's not fight in front of the readers.

Alright, good idea.

Anyway, yeah. What started off as a weird dream concerning an anime character and a kinda-sorta-but-not-actually anime character soon became… this.

Enjoy!

The first thing Kiku Honda noticed when he opened his eyes were the trees. Which was a little strange, as he didn't remember ever going to a forest.

What was even stranger was the second thing he noticed: A peculiar wetness on his cheek.

Confused, he looked around. Where was he? He could make out what seemed to be a house some distance away. And there, sitting next to him, was what was definitely a small dog. He smiled, and pet it.

"Hello, doggie…" he whispered, rather uneasily. The dog leaned its head into his hand, whining affectionately. The dog seemed to ease Kiku's confusion, yet still, he had no idea where he was or how he got here.

But this train of thought was cut off when he suddenly heard a voice cutting through the forest.

"Zwei! Here, Zwei!"

The dog suddenly turned its head towards the sound. Kiku looked up. "Who…"

Before he could finish the thought, a blonde young woman entered the clearing. "There you are, boy!" she excitedly said.

The little dog ran over to her, as she kneeled onto the ground to pet him. "Where'd you go, boy? Where have you been?" She scratched behind his ears, and he barked enthusiastically.

Kiku was partially surprised and relieved. He got off the ground. "Excuse me, miss?"

The young woman picked the dog off the ground, and turned her attention to Kiku. "Thanks for finding my dog, sir. He gets awful anxious when he's on his own." She nuzzled the little dog's head. "Don't you, Zwei? Don't you get a little nervous?"

"Y-You're welcome, miss, but can you tell me where I am?" he stuttered. "I think I'm lost."

The young woman looked slightly confused. "You're… You're on Patch, mister."

Kiku looked very confused. "Patch? And… is that close to Fujisawa?"

She tilted her head. "Don't know about that, but it's right off the coast of Vale."

Now he was getting flustered. "Vale? Wh… What about Tokyo? Does Tokyo ring a bell?" Surely, that should be well-known enough for anyone to recognize...

She narrowed her eyes. "Are you sure you didn't hit your head on something?"

"Wh-What on earth… Japan? Asia? Planet Earth? Does any of that make sense?"

The young woman blinked. "…You and me may need to have a little talk, mister."

Zwei barked once.

A few minutes later, both Kiku and the young woman were inside what he assumed to be her house. He was sitting on a long couch, with the small dog jumping and barking all over him. The young woman approached from the kitchen, mugs of tea in hand.

"I tell you, buddy, I have never seen Zwei take that kindly to a stranger before," she mused.

Kiku shrugged. "I guess he just likes me."

She set the mugs onto the table in front of them. "You have any dogs, sir? I've found people who own dogs tend to do better with other ones."

"Yes, I do," he said. "A white fluffy one, named Pochi."

The young woman sat down, calling Zwei to her lap. "Well, this is Zwei. He's a corgi. Found this poor little guy wandering the shoreline a few years back. Looked like he hadn't eaten in days. So my dad took him in, gave him a name and…" She shook her head. "I am so sorry, where are my manners. I take you into my home, serve you tea, and tell you my pet's backstory, and I haven't even gotten around to telling my name." Zwei jumped to the floor as she extended her hand to Kiku. "I'm Yang Xiao Long. Last two are my surname, unhyphenated."

Kiku shook it. "Kiku. Kiku Honda."

Yang smirked. "Kiku, huh? Has a nice ring to it…" She sat back, taking the tea into her hands. "So… where… exactly did you say you were from again?"

Kiku picked up his tea. "Ah, I'm from Japan. It's a small island nation, on… well, what I assume to be a different planet."

Yang laughed. "So, you're what? An alien or something? Because if you need to see my leader, it can kind of be arranged."

Kiku chuckled. "You could say that I am. Though, I am perfectly fine with you."

Yang raised a quick eyebrow at this. "Right… So, I assume you want to get back home ASAP."

He nodded. "Yes, that would be preferred. You see, I have a particularly… important role where I come from."

Yang slowly shook her head. "Please tell me you're not their king," she sighed.

Kiku shook his head quickly. "No, no. I'm no leader. I'm more of a… placeholder, perhaps."

She eyed him with a strange air. "And 'placeholder' is an important title now because…?"

"…Because I'm what keeps order. It's rather hard to explain, but-"

Yang held out her hand. "Okay, I'm gonna stop you there. There are a lot of things in this world of ours… well, mine… that are hard to explain. Dust chemistry is hard to explain. Interkingdom diplomacy is hard to explain. Love is hard to explain. Your role in wherever it is you come from should not be hard to explain. So what is it?"

He sighed. He guessed he'd have to just say it. "I'm the country of Japan."

Yang almost dropped her tea. "…Okay, that is hard to explain."

Author's Note: Dun dun DUUUN NOTREALLYATWIIIIST BECAUSETHAT'STHEWHOLEPREMISEOFHETALIAAAA ANDWEALLKNEWTHATGOINGIIIINNNNN

Note from La Collaborateur: IDUNNOWHYYOU'REHEREIFYOUDIDN'TKNOWTHAAAAAT

UNLESSYOU'RENEWTOHETALIAAAAAAAA ORATLEASTUNFAMILIARWITHTHESERIIIIIIES LIKEIWASLIKETHREEMONTHSAGOOOOOO

…Anyway.

What shall become of our heroes now that the secret's out? And how will the Sun Dragon take this news? Tune in next time… Same Fic-Time, Same Fic-Channel!

To Be Continued…

And we mean that. We're not just gonna up and abandon this fic halfway through. Unlike SOME people. Not naming names… because I can't really think of any prominent deadfics right now…

We're gonna take this ALL THE WAY, BABY.

Straight to the top!

Longest fic yet, I can assure you.

Longest RWBY/Hetalia crossover, to be sure. Probably ever.

I have few regrets.

I only regret not getting the number of that Coco Adel cosplayer back at [CITY REDACTED] Comic Con back in 2016. (If you're reading this, PM me!)

I doubt that's gonna happen…

A man can DREAM, can't he?! Anyways, this fic is far from over, so if you want to keep tabs on us, be sure to follow and/or favorite. Constructive criticism is more than welcome, so leave a review as well. And finally, if I may indulge in some self-promotion, check out my other works on my profile. It's top-shelf stuff, as I'm sure my partner can attest.

YES. You have issues.

So?