TRAJ: Total Romeo and Juliet:
ACT I
Chris: "Two households, in Verona, they don't like each other, there child from each house Romeo and Juliet, or as we like to call them
star-cross'd lovers take their life;
Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage;
The which if you with patient ears attend,
What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend."
"What does that mean again?"(Whispers to chef)
Chef: I don't know, just get on with the play!" (Shruggs)
Act 1, Scene 1:
Chris: SCENE I. Public area thing and umm, where is it?
Chef: Veronaish.
Enter Katie and Sadie, of the house of Capulet, armed with Green Jelly on sticks and with card board cut- outs of Celine Dion for shields.
Katie:
Sadie, OMG, we'll not carry coals because we will dirty our manicures and oh, my god yours looks amazing!
Sadie:
I, know but I think that yours are amazing
SAMPSON
No, yours are I mean, they are so...
GREGORY
so...
Katie and Sadie:
Us! !
Chris:
Hello? Can we ah, carry on! (Screaming and waving his script in the air)
Sadie: Sorry, (uh hem) I mean, we will be in choler, we'll draw.
Katie: Ay, while you live, draw your neck out o' the collar. Collar?
Chris:
Yes Collar
Katie:
But Sadie is not a dog!
Sadie:
I'm, I'm a dog?
Chef:
No, not collar as in dog, the other type of collar, the ones on your shirts!
Katie:
Shirt, but I thought that we were both wearing...
Katie and Sadie:
Pink, silky tank tops that are made with bunny buttons and Trent's trend pockets!
Chef
I strike quickly, being moved.
Sadie
Oh, yeah, I strike quickly, be moved
Katie
Being moved by what? Uh, just follow the script Katie, follow the script... (reassures herself) But thou art not quickly moved to strike.
Sadie
A dog of the house of Montague moves me. Oh, I hope that he is a friendly one!
Katie
Oh, I get it, thats what you ment by being moved (winks at Sadie. Sadie shrugs.) To move is to stir; and to be valiant is to stand:
therefore, if thou art moved, thou runn'st away.
Sadie
A dog of that house shall move me to stand: I will
take the wall of any man or maid of Montague's.
Katie
they have maids? Uh, even we cant even hire a kitty sitter that costs £6 an hour! (sighs and yawns) That shows thee a weak slave; for the weakest goes to the wall.
Sadie
True; and therefore women, being the weaker vessels,
are ever thrust to the wall: therefore I will push
Montague's men from the wall, and thrust his maids
to the wall. What do vessles mean?
Chris
Ummmmm, dunno, just carry on my little gold stars!
Katie and Sadie
Gold Stars Eeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiii!
Katie
The quarrel is between our masters and us their men. A quarrel?
Sadie
'Tis all one, I will show myself a tyrant: when I
have fought with the men, I will be cruel with the
maids, and cut off their heads.
Ewwwwwwwwwwww, I am not a you know what, am I? You know, a MURDERER (whispers the word Murderer)
Katie
The heads of the maids? Sadie, is there something that you need to confess? Because, we are like sisters, so am I like a murderer too?
Sadie
Ay, the heads of the maids, or their maidenheads;
take it in what sense thou wilt.
Katie
Ok, think murderer, (Running towards Chris, stabs him in the eye and then kicks him where the sun don't shine and the nuts)Then shouts "They must take it in sense that feel it. ".
Sadie
Katie, OMG, calm down girlfriend, it was just a line in the script, I am not really a murderer, and nither are you! Anyway, me they shall feel while I am able to stand: and 'tis known I am a pretty piece of flesh.
Katie
'Tis well thou art not fish; if thou hadst, thou
hadst been poor John. Draw thy tool! here comes
two of the house of the Montagues.
Who's poor John, and where is my tool? Is it a hammer?
Sadie
My naked weapon is out: quarrel, I will back thee.
I have got a naked wepon, or am I the wepon? Do I need to get naked?
Chris
What the **** Sadie
Katie
Sadie! I now that you told me that deep dark secret about your feelings for Chris but you don't need to take your clothes off for him! (shouts)
Sadie
! (Screaming at Katie)
Katie
, ummmmm, Chris, did you hear any of that?
Chris
I'll say what you want me to say, YES! And Sadie, no, you will never have to take your clothes off for me, only for the camera, now, carry on...
Katie
How! turn thy back and run?
Sadie
Run away from what? Oh, ummm, fear me not.
Katie
No, marry; I fear thee!
I'm getting married? OMGGGGGGGGGGGG!
Katie and Sadie
!
!
Sadie
Let us take the law of our sides; let them begin.
Oh, are we bargaining, oh, I bid $10
Katie
I will frown as I pass by, and let them take it as
they list.
But, if we have a list, who is it to, Santa? OMG, Christmas has come early!
Sadie
Nay, as they dare. I will bite my thumb at them;
which is a disgrace to them, if they bear it.
Firstly, it says nay, I am not a horse, am I but does it mean to say hay? Because I'll quite happily eat hay and if I bite my thumb at them wont that hurt and what does that mean
Chef
It kind of means swearing in a way
Katie
So are you saying that we should give them the finger?
Katie and Sadie:
(Give chef and Chris the middle finger)
To be continued!