A/N: There are two inspirations for this story.
Never listen to "My Immortal" by Evanescence 12:30am while folding laundry at work. It brings ideas like THIS one to fruit. (I'm not saying don't listen to it, period, just not at the time I did. ;) )
The wonderful, WONDERFUL, story by Della19 "At the Broken Places." If you haven't read this, WHY NOT? You NEED to go read it…after you finish THIS one of course!
And now, the story...
Conversations
By Bahocean
HG PK HG KP HG PK HG KP
Peeta Mellark was HACKED.
Now usually the 19-year-old, co-victor of the 74th Hunger Games, baker, painter, and all around nice guy had a relatively even temper. It behooved him to be so, especially when the love of his young life was so volatile.
There were times, of course, when that wasn't true. When the tracker jacker venom memories welled up and flooded him with false ideas. Then he got a little mad. That situation was happening less and less, though.
When he was dealing with his fiancée, Katniss Everdeen, in one of her more intractable moods...that was another situation in which even HIS famous patience got tried.
Like now.
Of course, it was all Katniss' fault.
THIS fight had been unusual in more ways than one, for more reasons than one.
It started when he had innocently asked if she wanted to invite Gale Hawthorne, her former best friend, to the wedding. He had only been trying to make amends between the two. It didn't hurt that he wanted to make sure Gale knew Katniss was unavailable.
Her reply had nearly singed his ears off.
Then it had somehow escalated into every difference they had ever had between them, like setting a wedding date, (he was all for getting married quickly) ending with her inflexibility about having children. He did, and THAT was their biggest difference.
As he stomped through the snow on the way to District 12's town, Peeta heard a giggle. Startled, he looked around. He didn't know what was so funny, and couldn't see anyone… or anything. But for some reason, the giggle sounded very familiar.
He shrugged and continued on his way. He couldn't believe Katniss was so DIFFICULT about this! Oh wait, yes he could. Look up the definition of "stubborn" and you'd find a drawing of Katniss.
Oh, man, he didn't think he could handle it if she wasn't going to change her mind about KIDS! He KNEW they'd be good parents! Why she didn't was a mystery to him.
"Can you handle losing her?"
Peeta whirled, certain he was losing what little mind the Capitol had left him. That voice sounded so familiar, but no one was there.
He shook his head to clear it. "Katniss is causing me to lose my mind," he muttered.
"Now is that really fair? Or any way to talk about my sister-mom?"
He looked again, to where the voice had come from. What he saw made him swallow hard. Because the young woman standing there in a pale yellow dress, halo and WINGS looked so much like—And she was DEAD…
"Prim?" he croaked.
She nodded, pleased. "So, you're finally ready to pay attention. Good."
"How-?" Peeta choked.
Primrose Everdeen rolled her eyes, looking so much like his Katniss it make his heart
clench.
"Well, I could go on for hours about the hereafter and rules for contact, or humor you, and tell you you're either dreaming or cracking up, but I'd rather you just believe I'm here and now. Saves a lot of time."
Peeta was becoming irritated with ANOTHER Everdeen female. "Gee, we're on a time limit?"
Prim shrugged. "Kinda."
"Oh, okay," Peeta drawled. "How long do I have to accept that a DEAD KID is talking to me?"
"Oh, about five seconds. Look, I know it's cliché, but I'm here to help you… and Katniss."
THAT pierced his anger. A pinch to his arm made him yelp. He looked down, surprised. He'd unconsciously pinched HIMSELF!
Prim giggled. "YES, you're awake! Relax!"
"But WHY here? Now? Me? If you can visit people, why not Katniss? She misses you so much. To know you're okay…"
Prim smiled. "One question at a time, okay? Here and Now, because YOU'RE here and now. You both need me now. And why you…" She sighed. "It's BECAUSE Katniss still misses me so much. Seeing me really COULD send her around the bend."
Peeta snorted. "And not me?"
She giggled again. "You're not as attached to me emotionally. You love me, mostly because she does, and you love Katniss."
He scowled. "Sometimes I wonder why."
"Oh you do not. You KNOW why. And in case you forget, I'm here to remind you. And to let you in on some of her secrets."
Peeta actually LOOKED at the young spirit standing there. Mostly he'd been staring, unable to comprehend what he saw. But now he did. He saw potential that had been lost, the promise broken so soon, the sisterly love that transcended death. And he was saddened by the loss.
Then what she'd said registered. "Only SOME of Katniss' secrets?"
"Yes. She does have a few of them. Mostly from the world. But she has a list of who knows them. Bottom of the list is Johanna, Mom, Haymitch, and you top the list. But even you don't know them all."
Peeta scowled teasingly. "So, if I don't know them all, tell me one."
Prim looked sober. "She never really got to be a kid."
"I KNEW that."
"Let me finish! She never got to be a carefree kid, a teenager, a young girl with her first crush. She went from 11 to head of the family, from single and anonymous to involved and famous, from being grateful to you to being in love with you for the Capitol."
Peeta winced. "Not my favorite memory."
"Hers, either. But that's not the only point. Her life has happened to her so fast- boom, boom boom- that she wants to enjoy what she has NOW. She wants to savor being in love with you NOW. And she needs to. You need to let her."
Peeta looked puzzled. "How do I do that?"
"By understanding her. Katniss doesn't want kids for a lot of reasons. The biggest one is that she didn't want to bring them into the world with the Hunger Games and risk losing anyone else she loved. She loves so hard, Peeta. You know that from experience. She loves so strong, so much, she knew that knowing any children she had could be Reaped would drive her mad."
Peeta took objection to that. "But there ARE no more Hunger Game! We helped make sure of that. So that fear's gone."
"In your eyes, yes. But not in her HEART. She lived it, you both did. She needs time to be sure that it's really over, and she may never BE sure of that. There's also you."
"Me?"
"Yes. She never wanted to be in love with you."
Peeta was offended. "Well, gee thanks."
Prim laughed. "Sorry. May I continue?"
Peeta gestured her to do so.
"Katniss is not good with being told what to do. She didn't want to love you, or anybody, just because she was told to. Plus, there's her fear that when you two marry and if you have kids, and she loses you, she'll be just like our mother and emotionally abandon them."
"But Katniss is stronger than that!"
"That's how much she loves you, Peeta. Yes, she may be stronger than our mother, but still. Look what losing me cost her."
Peeta blanched. THAT was true.
"Anyway, being in love with you because she was ordered to? Didn't sit well with Katniss. You thought it earlier. She is the DEFINITION of stubborn. She needs time to come to things on her own. She needed time to realize that she loved you DESPITE, even maybe TO spite Snow and the Capitol. Luckily for her, you're a patient man."
"I love her," he said simply.
Prim beamed. "And she KNOWS that. She's so lucky you do. But do you know the reverse?"
"How lucky I am she loves me? Oh yes, I do."
"Then comes the hard part. You need to put that patience and stubbornness YOU possess to good use."
"Why?"
"Give me an answer to this question off the top of your head and be honest. Would you rather have Katniss and no children or any other woman and children?"
"Katn- " his voice trailed off.
Prim nodded. "And it may come down to that, Peeta. She raised me, loved me, and lost me. More, watched me die. She may never completely recover enough to want to risk that again. She knows that as much as she loves me, a child of hers? Dying? She would never recover. THAT'S how deeply she loves."
"And how special YOU arre."
Prim literally glowed. "Thanks, Peeta."
"Don't mention it. Really."
Prim laughed, then grew serious again. "You have to ask yourself something. Do you love Katniss enough, flaws and all, VIRTUES and all, to accept she may never come to want to be a mother, to change her mind? Can you compromise on this sticking point? Or do you love her conveniently?"
Peeta was getting hacked again. "What do you mean by that?"
Prim was unmoved by his anger. "What I MEAN is, do you only love her until it stops being easy, until life throws another boulder in your way? Loving her when you were children, from afar, was easy. You didn't have to risk anything. Now you have the real Katniss, and it's proving a challenge. So do you walk away? Or do you love her through EVERYTHING?"
"I think I've proven that."
Prim spoke softly. "Yes you have, to me and to her. You just needed to remember that yourself. You also need to remember she's full of fear. You have to remind her that in your way your love rides as deeply as hers. You have to remind her that you won't let her fears come between you, that you won't let her wreck this by differing opinions on things. Differences can build a relationship if used well, Peeta. Use yours to build the bonds between you two stronger.
Peeta was suddenly filled with awe. "How did you become so wise?"
"Life…and death."
"Well, it worked. I won't and I will."
Now the young girl was confused. "Huh?"
Peeta laughed. "I won't let her mess this up. I won't let MYSELF mess this up. And I will remind her that I love her no matter our fears or obstacles. And no matter what WE decide, not I or Katniss separately. We are a unit. BOTH of us need to remember that from time to time."
"Good."
To Peeta's surprise, Prim began to fade.
He guessed he thought she'd fly away.
Anyway she was going. "Wait! Where…?"
"To copy an old line "My work here is done." Go. Love Katniss the way you both deserve. And thanks for loving her."
"Prim! Wait! Thanks…" But she was gone.
The only things left to prove she hadn't been a hallucination was the sore arm…and a small white feather where Primrose Everdeen had been standing.
Solemnly, Peeta picked it up, whispering, "Thanks for… everything." Then, filled with resolve, he turned toward the house he shared with his fiancée, knowing what he had to do.
Peeta Mellark had to love Katniss Everdeen. The rest would not be easy, but it would follow, and it would be worth it.
End Part 1/3