Alex took in the feel of Maggie in her arms, trying her best to gather up all Maggie's vulnerability and doubt and bundle it up safe in her arms. She knew Maggie's defensiveness made it difficult for her to vulnerable like this and Alex revelled in the chance to get to be comfort Maggie in this way.
Maggie couldn't believe it, she had been braced for the worst the moment Alex had mentioned the truth of what had happened with Emily. Never would she have thought Alex would be so understanding, so willing to help her heal. But she knew that said more about her than it ever would about Alex.
Alex was proving time and time again to be unlike all those who had planted and watered the seeds of distrustfulness in her. All she wanted to do was cling to Alex the whole night and never let her go. But she didn't feel like she had the right to do that- didn't think she deserved such kindness from Alex in that moment. Alex had already given her so much by somehow looking past her mistakes and giving her the opportunity to open up. She didn't feel like she was worthy of more so she forced her tears at bay, and held Alex as tight as she felt she deserved.
Alex moved back to look at her girlfriend. Maggie immediately ducked her head, feeling too exposed in the moment. But Alex just showed her the infinite tenderness she seemed to possess for her by reaching to caress her hair behind her ear.
Maggie's face curled into the touch, greedily taking the affection that Alex was so willing to give, having thought only moments ago that she would never be able to do this again. Her heart was still beating rapidly from the fear she had felt at the thought of losing Alex.
Alex's eye softened at Maggie's expression, she looked so small and there was deep pain there that she never allowed Alex to see. Alex wanted nothing more than to wrap her up and reassure her, to soothe all her worries. Maggie had done something dumb in the past but if that made her bad then Alex was too. Alex thought back to her own troubled days and how much she had changed from then. She would never judge Maggie for her past, especially when she knew the Maggie Sawyer of today- the girl who had hidden her own painful story to protect Alex, who had been so patient and understanding and tender with her throughout their relationship. Her selfless, kind, brave, strong girlfriend who made her happier than she had ever been. How could she be a bad person? Alex knew people. And Maggie was the best of them.
Maggie deserved so much love and Alex's heart broke at the fact Maggie didn't believe it. Anger flared up in Alex's body at those who had made her beautiful girlfriend think so lowly of herself. Alex wanted nothing more than to prove to her girlfriend just how deserving she was.
They were broken out of their moment by Alex's phone.
Alex sighed at the interruption, moving to check who it was.
"It's Kara," she said with regret. The last thing she wanted to do was leave Maggie in this moment. Maggie who needed her so much right now but would never say it.
Maggie just nodded in understanding. "It's okay, go."
And Alex's heart broke again at the unbelievable strength of her girlfriend- at how she just understood and accepted all the difficult parts of being with Alex, without ever complaining or making Alex feel bad. She was so pragmatic and level-headed- even now- in her most vulnerable moment.
Alex felt so much love for her right then and she couldn't contain it.
Leaning close to look Maggie directly in the eyes and taking her hands in her own, she breathed the words out.
And her heart broke again at her girlfriend's reaction.
Maggie's head shot up, eyes widening in disbelief, before screwing up in pain, her eyebrows pinching together tight.
"Alex," she exhaled, moving back a little and shaking her head as if to shake off the words she felt she didn't deserve.
Alex saw her closing up and quickly moved forward to take her face into her hands.
"No Maggie, please believe me," she implored. "I meant it. I know I probably shouldn't have said it like this but I want you to know- I need you to know that this isn't something I'm going to give up on... I love you," she added, stronger than before.
Alex's heart threatened to break again as she saw the effort with which Maggie tried to hold back her tears, her lip trembling slightly.
Maggie gave the tiniest of nods and Alex's couldn't hold back her tears like Maggie- knowing how hard that must have been for her- how much she was trying to trust her.
She moved forward to take Maggie's quivering lips in her own, putting all the love that she felt for her into it. Maggie leaned forward into it desperately, clinging to Alex's arms.
Alex moved back to lean her head against Maggie's, both breathing heavily against each other's mouths, eyes closed.
"Go," Maggie breathed out, giving Alex the permission she knew she needed from her. And Alex moved forward to kiss her again- lingering in the feel of Maggie, before letting out a heavy exhale and reluctantly making her way to the door.
Maggie sat for a quiet moment before her heavy sobs overtook her body. She buried her face in her hands, overwhelmed at the extremity of emotions she had just been through. She felt unworthy and thrilled all at once- it was too much for her body to handle and the sobs wracked harder and harder through her- releasing all the anguish and joy.
Through all the dizziness of her emotions, though, one thing Maggie was certain of- her love for Alex exceeded every other emotion.
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This was just a quick thing I wrote today cos I wanted a little more from the episode. I usually try to avoid 'I love yous' cos they haven't said it yet in the show but I thought it felt right. Not sure how well it works but it was therapeutic:)
Hope you enjoyed:)