I regret nothing.
The drive back to Gabi's house was silent. Neither Gabi nor Nigel made an attempt to chase the quiet away. No music, no voices, just the hum of the engine and the noises from traffic. Even if they tried to fill the car with noise, what would they say? Nigel's mission was complete. The tape was destroyed, Darko was no longer a problem, and Charlie…
Gabi didn't want to think about Charlie Countryman. She didn't want to think about the sounds he made in the back seat when Nigel tied him up. She didn't want the image that froze in her mind as he was strung up by his leg, the perfect image of the Hanged Man. She didn't want to remember how he pleaded to her, blood dripping down his face to mix with his tears as she lined the gun to his chest.
Nigel reached over and turned on the heat, cranking it on high. The sudden blast of hot hair made Gabi jump, her mind snapping back to the current situation. Only now did she realize she was shivering, the shock finally settling into her system. She clenched her hands and forced her body to be still, but it was of little effect. Nigel didn't say anything. He continued to drive silently, his eyes flickering off the road to glance at Gabi once in awhile. Gabi gave no notice. She was too busy trying not to fall apart.
As soon as they entered the house, Gabi went straight into the bathroom, locked the door, and turned on the shower. She stepped under the scalding spray, her fair skin turning red almost instantly. Her freezing limbs thawed out and the tingling as her blood vessels opened near painful as they warmed too quickly. She didn't mind, though. Her mind was still on the face of Charlie Countryman.
Gabi didn't want to kill him. She didn't mean to kill him, but the stupid American jerked, moved right as Gabi pulled the trigger. The look of utter betrayal would forever haunt her as Charlie slowly faded away. She was in such a shock, unable to move until Nigel gently pulled the gun from her hand and lead her back to the car.
A sob passed her lips, and Gabi bit them to prevent any more from coming out. Her body was almost shaking uncontrollably despite the hot water pouring over her. However, she would not break down, not with Nigel in the house. She didn't want him to hear her, to try and hold her like he had done in the past. No, she didn't want that from him, no matter how much her body and mind craved some form of comfort.
She didn't want to admit it, but a small part of her still loved and cared for Nigel, despite what he had done to her. She didn't want to go back to that kind of love, to fall back into the underworld again. She just wanted to be free, but she wouldn't get that if she stayed with Nigel.
Slowly, Gabi sank down into the tub and brought her knees to her chest. No, she was not going to be okay. Her old life would settle around her like an old blanket and she would fall into the familiarity. She had little choice, for it was only a matter of time before Bela couldn't do anything to save her. Nigel would once again become her world. She was trapped.
All escapes had to end. The once scalding water turned freezing cold which could not be ignored. Gabi forced herself out of the shower, reaching numbly for a towel and not bothering to dry herself off as she wrapped it around herself. She hesitated at the door, her hand hovering over the handle.
Not once, that she was able to hear, did Nigel try to open the door or knock to see if she was okay. Gabi remembered that, while possessive, Nigel cared deeply for her in his own way. It was a little puzzling and very worrying. Gabi leaned forward and listened to the other side, but she couldn't hear anything. She sighed and ran a hand through her wet hair before gathering herself and opened the door.
Gabi jumped as she was greeted by Nigel sitting at the edge of her bed with a cigarette in hand. Nigel didn't move, he just watched her with an unreadable expression on his face. Gabi didn't know what to do. She lifted her foot to take a step back before changing her mind and stepping into the room. She clutched the towel tighter around her body, but she didn't care if he saw her naked. They were married, after all.
Gabi rounded the bed, ignoring the way Nigel's head followed her, and opened the closet. She rummaged through her clothes, trying to find her bathrobe, but she couldn't find it. Suddenly, her stomach felt cold and it spread to her limbs. An overwhelming sense of failure overtook her, and it took all of her power not to start crying. Nothing was going right tonight.
Warmth settled over her shoulders, startling her. A small whimper escaped her lips, but neither she nor Nigel acknowledged it. The bad man that was her husband remained silent as he moved Gabi's arms through the sleeves of her missing bathrobe before gently removing her towel. Gabi couldn't find the words to protest. Nigel ran the towel through her red hair before dropping it to the side, uncaring where it fell, and tied her robe shut.
Silence descended upon them as they stood in the bedroom, Nigel watching Gabi and Gabi looking anywhere but Nigel. If she looked at him long enough then everything would fall apart. It would become real.
Nigel was the first to move, rising his arms to wrap them around Gabi's body as he brought her close to his chest. Gabi inhaled his scent, his familiar musk she would breathe in when they lounged in bed or sat together on the rooftops. Just like before; it hadn't changed. Encased in warmth, Gabi allowed herself to relax and fall into the warmth. Nigel held her tighter.
"I love you, my darling Gabi." Nigel said to her, his strong grip unrelenting. Gabi remained silent, images of her life with Nigel mixing with those of Charlie's, and she knew she wouldn't be the same. Everything would not be okay.
She raised her arms and hugged him back, nuzzling into his chest. She didn't say anything, but she doubted Nigel was expecting an answer. She was his now, indefinitely. She knew he could be a patient man. It was only a matter of time.
They both knew, however, Gabi's unspoken words. And Gabi felt numb.