Well you'll always have me
Author: The Scarlet Pumpernickel 2.0
Pairings: Merlin/Arthur
Rating: M (for safety)
Time Span: Not sure second season (I think)
Review: YES PLEASE
Flame: NO PLEASE
"Well you always have me" Merlin said in an attempt to comfort Arthur and lighten the mood.
Little did he know that he made Arthur happier than he could have thought possible. But also deeply troubled. When Arthur was talking about Gwen, he made an omission not a lie, but an omission. At least that's what he told himself, it was getting harder to lie to his manservant these days.
Truth was Arthur did like Gwen, in fact he loved her, but not in the way that two lovers cared for another. He loved her more like a sister, Morgana as his father's ward was the closest that he had gotten to a sibling, and since Morgana and Gwen were close she'd become a sister by proxy.
Gwen and Arthur had shared a kiss, there was no denying that. But when they had kissed, that's when Arthur realised that Gwen (although very nice) was not the person, he wanted to kiss.
He did think about Gwen a lot of the time, and he didn't know what he do if she died, but he would felt about her the same way that he felt about his father. Love, but not romantic love. The only person that constantly filled his thoughts was…
Not that any of that mattered anyway, despite the fact that he was the prince doesn't mean that he got to chose who he wanted to be with. In fact because of his birthright he couldn't be with who he…loved. He was expected to have children, to continue the line. And the relationship that he yearned for wasn't famous for its chances of procreation.
Besides even if all the cards aligned perfectly and he was able to be with Merlin, politically. There was no guarantee that Merlin wanted him anyway. Sometimes he envied Gwen, she always had Lancelot. If only he could tell her where his desires truly lay then… No it was hard enough telling Merlin that he "loved" Gwen, imagine having to tell Gwen that he loved Merlin?
Arthur Pendragon thought all of a few seconds after Merlin had made his ill-thought out comment. If Merlin noticed his lord's poorly masked misery, he did not comment.
Never guessing that he was the cause of the prince's inner turmoil and misery.
Several Days later:
Arthur was trying to forget his pain. Live is still good he told himself and he mounted his horse.
He was going hunting, accompanied as always by Merlin. Arthur sighed, "Merlin have you cleaned my sword?" he asked wearily.
Merlin looked up from his work, "uh yes you told me to yesterday" he answered wondering what he'd done wrong…this time. These days it seemed like all he did was anger Arthur.
"Then why haven't you fetched it then?" Arthur asked haughtily.
Merlin shook his head and went off to get Arthur's sword. As soon as Merlin was gone he slumped down in his saddle. Face on his horse's neck, he resisted the urge to groan into his mane.
He didn't mean to snap at Merlin, being around Merlin made him happy. Just to look at him, to speak to him. But being around him made him so frustrated, to be so close to someone you love but you can't do a damn thing about it.
He wanted Merlin to go away back to his village, but he also wanted him never to leave. Conflicting feelings constantly plagued him, and that made him irritable.
Which made him snap at the one person that he didn't want to be short with, it also made him fear that one day Merlin would get tired of his behaviour and just leave. There was no way that Arthur could win, if he acted as normal his current behaviour he was afraid that Merlin would become fed-up and leave. But if he acted nicer or his normal behaviour then he was afraid that Merlin would become suspicious and ask him why, and that was a conversation that Arthur was not looking forward to.
Merlin came back several minutes later with Arthur's sword. By which time the Pendragon knight had regained his composure. It was obvious from the way that he was carrying it that it was unwieldy and slightly too heavy. Regardless of that irrefutable fact, Merlin was still lugging it on his back.
That was one of the reasons that Arthur loved Merlin, not any particular reason just a general "I love you" situation. His ability to withstand pressure and suffering with no complaint. Arthur would love to tell Merlin all the reasons why he loved him but that was another conversation that they were never going to have.
"What was that?" Merlin asked, Arthur his voice curious.
Oh damn, I was talking to myself? Arthur swore under his breath. "Nothing" he replied, turning away and pretending to fix his boots.
Out of the corner of his eye he saw Merlin shrug, Arthur was glad of Merlin's aptitude in shrugging things off, but he feared how much any person could overlook.
They travelled through the forest in search of a fearful beast; it was remarkable how many beasts (magical or otherwise) were living in the forest. But no matter how much his father tried to eradicate magic and all who practiced it, he could not empty the land of it. It still ran in the streams, in the air and especially in the woods.
This was why there was such an abundance of magical creatures dwelling in the forests. Of course Uther chose to ignore that fact; he preferred to think that it was the druids and warlocks that created these animals, that they had power to do so, and chose to simply to cause chaos. Unaware that they were affected as much by the magic threads of magic as anyone else, just in different ways.
Uther didn't think any of this; neither did Arthur nor Merlin (despite the fact that he had the greatest knowledge of magic of any of them). Although that didn't especially say much as his knowledge was not vast.
None of this passed through the minds of Arthur and Merlin as they made their way through the trees. Arthur's mind was on the hunt, the thrill of the chase. Merlins mind was on all the chores that he had to do when he got back to the castle.
Clean out the leech tank, scrub the floors organise Gaius's books.
Arthur was focused on the hunt he was hyper-alert, noticing every vibration of the leaf cover, any rustle in the trees. Such was Arthur's talent with the hunt.
Merlin on the other hand noticed none of these subtle tells in the woodland, he focused on not falling over, making as little noise as possible and generally staying out of Arthur's way. Doing so depended on what they were hunting, so it was easy or incredibly hard. This time it was very difficult. They were hunting a beast that was described as big as a house and had the ability to make full grown men soil themselves, a description that didn't aid in any way to their search.
They were walking along an innocuous track with no obvious markings even for Arthur to discern, when the creature revealed itself from nowhere, apparently the beast could fly. They were able to see it for a few seconds before they ran for their lives. It was at least 15 feet long, with a large head filled with teeth. Its wings were covered in hundreds of tiny little spikes which seemed to be dripping with poison. The tail looked much the same except the spikes were larger and more vicious looking.
They both fell to the ground and covered their heads with their hands narrowly avoiding its remarkably long and vicious claws. It scraped over the log that they had managed to hide behind. Barely missing their heads.
Arthur couldn't help himself he started laughing uncontrollably, why is it that the beasts that he was told to fight were always more vicious or venomous or dangerous than he had been told. Sure it made it more fun, but he also didn't enjoy endangering Merlin's life in this way. His father had only sent Arthur and by extension Merlin, because it sounded like the ramblings of a bunch of drunks. This would require far more men and more weapons. He glanced over at Merlin and he had collapsed onto the ground abandoning any pretence of being alert or vigil.
"Are you okay?" he asked his manservant forgetting to mask the feeling of worry and of love; Merlin looked up at Arthur in surprise. "Yeah I'm fine" he answered, his voice clearly showing his surprise.
Arthur laughed again, this time with more humour than before. He was unable to control his feelings of relief, he laughed until he thought he could no longer laugh again but just as he was running out of breath, he leaned over and kissed Merlin a short kiss but undoubtedly a kiss. Something that Arthur couldn't deny or pass off as something else, and Arthur hadn't even realised what he had done until he saw Merlin's wide grin.
Arthur's blood ran cold he thought that his worst fears came true that Merlin was laughing at him, and that whatever they had together was completely ruined. But Merlin surprised him by kissing him back seconds later. That's when Arthur realised two things, one that Merlin wanted to kiss him and two evidently Merlin hadn't kissed many people before.
Arthur broke off the kiss and decided to improve Merlins kissing skills even if it took hours.
They fell back away from the fallen log, holding each other as the leaves fell around them forgetting that there was a monstrous creature on the loose. Simply enjoying each other and the acceptance of their feelings.
AN: I'm actually quite happy with how this fic turned out. Its not great but its better than past-me's stuff so yay for present me.
If anyone has any questions then please ask I'll be happy to explain anything, please review constructive criticism is enjoyed. Flames are not I hate them they accomplish nothing.
Right thanks I hope you enjoyed that and thanks for reading :D.