Inconceivable
By UndeniablyMe
Summery: For the Princess Bride Challenge by Smile Life Away. Really, if one got around to thinking about it, a quiet moment with the Marauders around was quite inconceivable.
A/n: So I really should be working on the plethora of other stories I already have on this site, but I saw this challenge and I just couldn't help it. Having loved the Princess Bride ever since I was less than two feet tall I knew immediately that I had to do this challenge, and so here we go. You were supposed to choose one of the quotes from the list and write a one-shot with the quote in it but, as I loved all the quotes so much and couldn't choose just one, I had to do all of them.
Will be updated sporadically. Don't hold your breath!
I hope you enjoy reading, because I know I enjoyed writing them. Don't forget to review!
"My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
Walking into the Great Hall on a sunny Saturday morning and finding two Marauders up on the table, knocking large pitchers of pumpkin juice all over and scattering the toast with great gusto, certainly wasn't the strangest thing that Hogwarts had seen over the years; just the most annoying and, sadly, only slightly hysterical.
All of the teachers, weary of having to deal with the exuberant fourteen year old boys all week in lessons, were predisposed to letting them continue the alarming debacle, the reasoning being that as long as no one was seriously (No, no—not Sirius-ly) injured there was no need to get involved with any foolhardy endeavor the Marauders were involved in this morning. It was too early for anyone, let alone teachers who had been up all night grading papers, to care. And Professor McGonagall—who happened to be the only one ever firm enough to truly discipline the rowdy group of boys—was, for once, nowhere in sight. So James Potter and Sirius Black were taking full advantage of her absence (which might, or might not, have had to do with the singing coats of armor in the Transfiguration Wing that might, or might not, have been charmed into trying to hug everything and anything that walked by.)
But anyways, beating his best mate around the head with a large stick that had—quite expertly, if James Potter did say so himself—been transformed into a rubber chicken, while trashing the Hufflepuff breakfast table, was quite worth the weekend of detention he was no doubt going to get if McGonagall ever made it to the Great Hall in time to witness his newest exploit.
And Sirius Black, who was not to be out done by James (who Sirius had most fondly christened a-skinny-bespectacled-berk during their flamboyant duel), had quickly grabbed the first thing he could think of to protect himself from the assault. He held in front of him a beautiful silver serving tray which, moments before, had been housing delicious cinnamon buns that he happily had chucked at unsuspecting spectators, fending off James's attempts to bludgeon him with a now headless rubber chicken. How the two duelers had made it from being on one side of the Gryffindor table to on top of the Hufflepuff table was anyone's guess. They, after all, weren't Marauders for nothing.
But, while none of the teachers seemed about ready to put an end to the madness, a particular red headed girl—who it should be noted is not terribly pretty or enchanting just yet, but very well on her way to being so—stepped up to do just that. Lily Evans had no tolerance for annoying-gits, as she had termed the two trouble makers, and had no qualms about jinxing them off a breakfast table if it came to that. (Secretly, she hoped it did. It'd been a good while since she'd jinxed someone satisfyingly, and James Potter had been pushing her buttons one too many times that week.)
"Stop, stop, stop!" she shouted, waving her wand and making an effective banging noise that froze the battling duo in their tracks. The two Marauders turned to stare at Lily, James taking his last opportunity to smack Sirius one last time with the decimated chicken.
Sirius looked back at James, a frown tugging at the very corner of his lips. The dented silver serving platter fell to the floor with a ringing clang! "Cheap."
James just shrugged, grinning.
"Brawling on tables and beating each other senseless with synthetic poultry. Just who do you think you are?" Lily Evans ranted angrily, her fists slammed firmly onto her (non)existent fourteen year-old hips. "What in Merlin's name would make this… this…" At a loss for words, she gestured wildly and said, "acceptable!"
"In my defense Evans, James here was the only one in possession of synthetic poultry," Sirius offered. At the look Lily shot him he quickly shut his mouth and set about trying to look contrite. It was ruined entirely by the uncontrollable smirk that twisted his lips.
James, however, was completely unaffected by her acidic glare and, as he was so wont to do, took her at her word. Answering what was supposed to be a rhetorical question, he said, "Aw Evans, we've been over this, my name is James Potter remember?. And this is acceptable because—" turning to Sirius and pointing at him with the chicken in hand he yelled, "—you killed my father! Admit it!"
Sirius gasped loudly, putting a hand dramatically to his heart, his eyes widening in a very good attempt at innocence. "I did nothing of the sort!"
James brandished the chicken at Sirius again. "You did! My name is James Charlus Potter—you killed my father!"
The Great Hall gasped as one, but whether it was due to the renewed accusation that James had just flung at his best friend or the entrance of a short tempered Transfiguration professor, none could be sure.
"JAMES POTTER! SIRIUS BLACK!" Professor McGonagall's voice was like nails on a chalkboard in Scotland and effectively cut off any reply Sirius might have made back to James's outlandish claim. The two guilty boys both flinched while Lily Evans looked smug (though slightly disappointed that she didn't get the excuse to hex the great prats.)
The hall was as silent as a morgue as the agitated woman's boots clicked against the marble floor swiftly. She made her way down the aisle between the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff tables, cloak sweeping out imperiously behind her like a dementor, her eyes flashing furiously with each step. Sirius's gray eyes shifted sideways to meet his friend's and identical grim looks twisted their expressions.
"Prongs mate," Sirius said mournfully, the cheerful gleam in his eyes completely belying the somber tone in his voice. "Prepare to die."