Before S.H.I.E.L.D fell apart, Jemma would imagine what it would be like to have a place of her own. To not have to fight for bathroom time or hot water or trip over other peoples clutter or be interrupted while she worked or read. Just a space of hero to breathe.
Now going into her fourth month undercover Jemma honestly couldn't imagine what she had been thinking. The apartment itself was nice. Hydra had gone all out when she had 'switched sides', going as far as the eve help her furnish it with anything she thought she might need. Jemma wasn't dim, she knew it was just another way they were monitoring her when she wasn't working. The irony of getting the space she had always desired at the cost of selling out the closest thing she had to a family of her own wasn't lost on her either.
The first week she had thrown herself into decorating, the ache from leaving everyone she cared about still been fresh. To make it her own. For a while it worked. Between the long hours Hydra had her putting in and needing to get everything organized and settled in a way she was comfortable with Jemma didn't have time to think, let alone miss anybody. On her rare days off when she could just focus on the apartment Jemma could even able to convince herself that it was fun.
It didn't last though. Once the apartment was organized Jemma was left with nothing else to do. She tried going out a few times to explore the area a few times, but gave up on that idea when she realized Hydra was having her followed. So she stayed home instead. She caught up on the rest she missed when she was working and read books shed never had the time to while at S.H.I.E.L.D. She even tried to learn to cook, but after the third (minor) fire decided that was never going to happen.
Eventually she would just lay on the floor by the window. She found herself gazing at the small patch of sky, just visible between buildings and through tree branches, and longed to be there again. Sharing a small plane with five other people. The silly conversations with Fitz as they worked in the lab. Making thread bracelets with Skye as they watched movies. Sitting with May as the closest thing to quiet time or watching Coulson make dinner. And sometimes, when she was truly desperate, she even found herself missing her games of chess with Ward.
In less than a month she realized that living alone was really just lonely. Going into the fifth she would give anything to change it back.
Soon though, it would end. After Hydra got over their initial distrust they realized Jemma's brilliance was being wasted on small projects. She had risen quickly through the ranks and now she almost had enough information. Just a few more weeks and it would be no more lying, more projects that would make her stomach twist. No more looking over her shoulder wondering if this would be the time she would find a gun.
Soon she would leave it all behind and see Fitz and Coulson and May and Tripp.
Skye.
Just a few more weeks and she could go home.