Title: Pollo Loco Missing Scene
"Forgiven, Not Forgotten"
Type of fic: Angst
Author: By Alecsgrl aka Scully854@aol.com
Disclaimer: You know the drill; I don't own Dark Angel or any of the characters on the show, nor do I claim to. I also don't own "Forgiven, Not Forgotten" The Corrs do. Kudos to them for writing such a great song, and to James Cameron for creating Dark Angel, and all the actors and actresses; Jessica Alba, Michael Weatherly, Jensen Ackles, and all the others; for playing their parts so well.
Summary: Ever wonder what Max said to Father Destry at the end of Pollo Loco when she was in the confessional? This is my version. The writing in regular italics are flashbacks, while bold italics are for emphasis. Please, PLEASE, leave feedback!!
"Forgiven, Not Forgotten"
"That's the thing about carrying around secrets, they tend to get heavier."
Max mused over Father Destry's words. She knew he was right, but he didn't know that she had an unusual situation where she had to keep some things to herself.
And yet, I'm only human, Max thought to herself. Max thinks and feels, just like anyone else, only difference is she was created in a lab. Her whole world had just turned upside down.
"I've got something on Ben,"
Max remembered how happy she was when she first heard Logan utter those words. Her brother-alive. Only, it wasn't that simple. Yes, her brother was alive, but he was a serial killer. Manitcore drove him mad, Max mused.It was all she could do-she had to kill him, but the pain he brought didn't die with him. She couldn't take it anymore, she had to talk to someone, and she knew just the guy, she thought as she entered the confessional at Our Lady of the Sacred Heart Church and sat down. Who knows? Don't knock it till you try it, right?
Father Destry was on the other side of the confessional, and slid open the outer layer of the of the panel separating the confessional; still leaving a screen in between. He started to make the sign of the cross, but he stopped when Max spoke.
"It's me," Max replied.
"You're not supposed to tell me that," Father said.
"Oh..so, how does this bitch work?"
"Just talk."
"Just talk?" Max inquired.
"Tell me anything that's bothering you; your sins, your secrets, and whatever you have done I shall forgive you. Through the confessional you release the heavy burden of secrets and sins and are purged of them. It all stays between us and The Lord, nothing leaves the confessional," Father explained.
"Just like that?" Max was surprised.
"Just like that. Once you unload your sins before the Lord, you say a prayer, and God wipes your sins away, to start anew."
"You said..God will forgive anything?"
"Anything. His love and forgiveness knows no bounds," Father Destry reassured her.
"Okay," Max sighed. Should I really be doing this? I guess he must suspect something out of the ordinary, with Ben and all.
"Whenever you're ready," the Father's words snapped Max out of her reverie.
"Oh, yeah. Well…you see..the man who attacked you..he is…was…my brother."
Silence. "He passed?"
"…..Yes."
Max paused before she went on. What the hell, I'm this far. She spoke quickly before she could change her mind. She had to let it out. "You see, his name was Ben. We had 10 other siblings. But we were raised different-as soldiers-at a secret gov't facility. We were brainwashed, drilled, some were killed if they didn't follow orders. We were…also-genetically engineered-transgenics."
He gasped. "I had heard rumors, but I didn't believe them until now, although Ben's extrordinary strength makes sense now."
"He wasn't always like that," she smiled, remembering a young Ben. "He would cheer me and the other kids/soldiers up with stories of a good place, where no one was punished. And to encourage us to follow orders, or at least I thought-I guess he really believed it too-he told us the nomilies would eat us up. They were the gov't 's genetic "mistakes." They frightened us." She frowned. " I guess it started then-his psychosis. Someone handed one of our brothers a religious card to give him strength. I don't know much about religion, but she was the statue in your Church-"
"-The Virgin Mary," F. Destry finished. "She gave birth to Jesus Christ, Our Saviour, without knowing a man's touch."
Max nodded, "We had nothing to believe in, this gave us something-I mean there we no talks of faith or love;` or sweet words of encouragement. Ben called her "The Blue Lady."
Father flashed back to when Ben was in the confessional.
"Do you have faith-in the Lady?"
"He spoke of her."
Max nodded. "When our baby teeth fell out, we gave them to the Blue Lady, to make her stronger Ben said. He made a shrine on the roof for her." Max contemplated all this for a moment. "And I guess, the good place, and the nomilies; were his version of Heaven and hell," she realized. "I didn't see-that he was losing it, we were all just trying to survive… we were all scared. And then…the killings." Silence. "But-Father, Ben…Ben isn't the only one who has killed," Max said in a tiny voice racked with pain.
"You have?" Father asked calmly.
Max sighed, "One night, there were 12 of us, ordered to hunt down a man in the woods, much as Ben tried to do with you, I guess that's where it began for him." Max frowned. "Only, we caught this man, and we were ordered to kill, so-we did." She paused. "It still haunts me," she whispered. But Ben..Ben..enjoyed it," she said with disgust. "And what he said.."
"Go On," the Father urged.
"He said that's what we were meant to be," Max replied, her words uttered with intense emotional pain. "I know it was wrong, how we were raised. I tried explaining that to him.." Max paused shaking her head. "I still…I still did it-no matter who told me-I brutally murdered a man with my siblings."
"Max, you must try and forgive yourself, and Ben too. What you did was wrong, but you feel regret; and now you are a changed person, trying to live an honest life. Let's not forget that you risked your life to save me -"
"Saved?" Max interrupted with self disgust. "I saved you, someone I barely know…but I couldn't save my own brother," Max began to sob.
"You can't blame yourself-"
"But I can-I killed him! My own brother, and I took his life! I killed my brother! I killed him," Max repeated between sobs. "He begged me to, so the government couldn't take him back-but-I-I should have done more. I..just left him there for them to take," Max wept. Max was overcome with tears that racked her entire body. "Why didn't I know sooner?" Max chastised herself as she cried. "..Try to stop him..help him.."
"What could you have done? He might have killed again; adding more guilt to his soul. You Max, ended his misery. I think, perhaps, he misinterpreted faith-he was taught to kill, so in his psychosis he believed he had to do that to show his faith."
"Maybe-but he was putting his barcode-his government given birthmark on his victims."
Destry put his hand to the back of his neck, where he had recently had the barcode that Ben put on his neck removed. He recalled this.
"It has to be perfect"
Max's words brought his thoughts back to the here and now. "He was killing himself-over, and over, I should have done something! I'm his sister damnit!" Max snapped.
"I feel deep sorrow for both you and Ben and your brothers and sisters. No one deserves childhoods such as yours. I hope the people who raise you with realize that what they did was horribly wrong."
Max laughed. "I doubt it."
"Either way, after your childhood nightmares; your brother must have had a conflict in his soul. He did horrible things, yes, but he was not of right mind. You can not convince someone that far gone and turmoiled otherwise. It is truly a miracle that you all did not loose your minds, many would have. You are incredibly strong as a person, and a sister. You did all you could, no matter how hard. As his sister, I can tell you still love him. In this, you may not realize it, but you are forgiving him, but still have not forgiven yourself. You ended his torment, and saved him further mental agony. And his soul, as I believe all living things have, an essence; cannot be created in a lab. Only God, not the government, gave the breath of life to your soul. I have faith that, deep down, Ben, as you do, has a good soul. God will heal him and forgive him; and show him the true kindness and love that God delivers.
Max sniffled. "Do you really think so, Father?" she said, smiling a bit.
"I have faith. Ben did, but he was never given the love every child should have; nor was he shown that Faith is not shown by harming; but helping others. He couldn't cope, and he lost his senses. Don't worry, God will embrace him with open arms. When he came to me in this confessional, wanting to find someone with faith, I think he was really in some way trying through his ritual to find his. I agree, he killed himself symbolically over and over as you say, because deep down he knew it was wrong and felt guilt. I suppose he had trouble convincing his mind in its broken down state to stop, though his heart was aching to. God knows the real Ben, and will see his soul. It is up to God, but I have faith in God and his mercy; and I believe, in my heart and soul, that Ben will be forgiven."
"What about me?" Max asked in a hushed voice.
"I think you know the answer. You are here; after all, confessing. All the Lord asks is that you pray for his forgiveness, to a priest or in your mind, and try to do better. You certainly have confessed and are leading a better life. You saved my life, and have guilt for your sins, as I'm sure Ben did as he sat where you are now. I forgive you both of your sins. Now all you have to work on is forgiving yourself."
Max smiled. "I'll do that."
"Now, doesn't it feel good to get all of that off your chest?"
"Wow-yeah," Max said with a sigh of relief. "So, I can come back anytime I want?"
"Of course. Say three Hail Mary's and an Our Father by the altar before you leave."
"But..I don't know them.
"That's all right. Meet me outside, and I'll go get them for you."
"Okay," Max responded as she left the confessional and waited for Father
Destry.
A few minutes later the Father came from the back of the Church holding small cards.
"Here you go," he said, handing them to her.
"Thank you Father-for everything-for giving me a little peace of mind on some things. "
"You're very welcome." The Father smiled, glad he could help this young lady. "You should be proud of yourself; to be such a good person after enduring so much.."
"Thanks," Max beamed.
"And don't forget, if anything else is bothering you, or you just need someone to talk to, you can always come back. Anytime; as I told you before, our doors are always open." He smiled.
"I'll definetly keep that in mind. I don't think you've seen the last of me, Father."
He laughed. "Fine with me. Take care of yourself."
"You too. See you later," Max said.
"Until next time," The Father said, returning to his duties.
Max left the Church with a wide smile on her face.
You're forgiven, Not Forgotten Ben, she thought.
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Okay, hope you enjoyed. Sorry it was kinda long, but I don't think I could have cut any that's here. I kinda answered how I feel about all the transgenics, that they're made in a lab, yet they were all born with souls, essences; which Manitcore didn't made, a higher power did. And that Corrs song just came into my head. I hope I did this justice, I think it would be kool to hear what happened in that confessional. Please, PLEASE, leave feedback. For all of you reading my series "Blast from the Past," I'll be getting on a new chapter for that ASAP, sorry for the wait. But if you leave feedback, I'll know people are actually reading it and I'll work harder to get another chapter. Thanks.