Her periods were late by a week, and she was too busy to notice it earlier.
When Lucrecia understood that, she didn't even believe herself at first. And her initial thought was not the most obvious one, but, rather, "Did Jenova's cells somehow affect me, or is this the effect of Mako poisoning?" She always used all possible protection while working, but, still...
Only a few moments later she got to the obvious, but unbelievable option. Unbelievable, because for that she always used protection too.
...Positive.
She looked at the result of pregnancy test, disbelieving. "What am I supposed to do with this?" She thought. Kids were not in her plans at least for the next several years. She didn't want to become a mother yet, she wasn't ready for that, why did it have to happen now, when she finally had a chance to become a scientist she always wanted to be? Why did it have to happen when she was working on so important project, when they were so close to success?
"It's unfair," She thought, looking at the blurry "plus" sign. "I didn't ask for this, why did it happen?"
Iffie just left for Cosmo Canyon on a few days leave, and she didn't even have someone to complain to.
"You are distracted today," Hojo said later that day, when they were analyzing just another tissue sample from just another volunteer.
"Of course I am!" She exclaimed, throwing her pen down with enough strength for it to bounce and fall from the table. "I'm pregnant!"
"Are you sure?" He asked, frowning at her.
"Yes!" She banged her fist on the table. "I don't even know how could it have happened!"
He snorted.
"And now I'll have to have an abortion," She groaned, ignoring him. "I'll lose at least a week on the road alone!"
Hojo stood up from his chair and walked a circle around the lab, looking at the floor and thinking about something. Lucrecia sat, hugging herself and staring, unseeing, at her unfinished notes. She didn't really want to have an abortion, but to have a baby now... It would be detrimental to her career. She could not professionally survive this after her fiasco with the research of Chaos. And she definitely was not ready to sacrifice her whole future for the sake of a fetus she didn't even want to conceive.
Finally, Hojo stopped beside Lucrecia's workstation. "This is exactly what we need," He said, smiling faintly, triumphantly at her.
"What?" She asked snappishly, glancing at him sidelong through her bangs.
"Your pregnancy." He clarified. "How far along are you?"
"I... Uh... A month and a week since the last periods."
He nodded to himself. "Excellent! We have plenty of time to prepare everything."
"What are you talking about?" She demanded.
"Project S. We need a volunteer, and you're the best choice. Whatever Nyx would say now, Gast will have to approve the project, he doesn't have a reason not to."
"Oh." She contemplated his words for a moment. This would allow her to stay on project without any interruptions, and she would be a better volunteer than any outsider. And, if Hojo's predictions were true - and they were, she was sure, - in the end they would receive a human with super-human abilities, and it would be their own child, so they wouldn't have any problems getting approval from the parents for further experimentations. Yes, it was the perfect solution.
"So, will you marry me?" He asked, interrupting her thoughts.
"Yes!" Lucrecia, laughing, jumped up from her chair and threw her arms around him. "Yes, I will!"
Only later, when they settled for the night, and her husband-to-be was already asleep, she suddenly understood what she missed.
The fetus she was pregnant with could be not Simon's, but Vincent's. The term allowed either of two to be the father.
"How do I manage to end up in situations like this," She mused, burrowing her face into the pillow to muffle her half-laughs, half-sobs, "What to do now? Tell him?"
She thought a bit more, and decided to just drop it. It didn't actually matter whose genetic material made up this fetus, Jenova's cells would work just as well in either case. It didn't matter for the Project who was the father, and it shouldn't matter for her and Simon as well.
They both were scientists, after all.
...
Their wedding was a simple affair that took about five minutes to complete. They exchanged simple wedding bands bought in the shop nearby, and a middle-aged clerk in Nibelheim Civil Registration bureau signed their marriage certificate, congratulated them and wished them happiness together, and that was that, they were married.
"I thought I would feel... happier," Lucrecia admitted when they went out of the building, heading back to the Mansion.
The day was hot, and, for once, they were not wearing their lab coats. Her white sleeveless dress with blue flower pattern, though pretty, was not an actual wedding dress, and all that happened seemed unreal, as if they only played husband and wife.
Simon frowned at her.
"I mean," She continued, playing with her wedding band and not meeting his eyes, "I wanted it, but... It's just... I always imagined my wedding... bigger. Party, guests and all that. Nevermind, I'm just... nervous, I think."
She guessed it was a stupid complaint, and something Simon will likely never understand. He was not very fond of big gatherings anyway, and she suspected that for him, marriage was just means to an end. She wondered, if the legendary scientific couples had similar differences, - Martin and Irina Novak, who formulated the theory of natural selection and evolution of species, or James and Victoria Wilkins, discoverers of the structure of the DNA. She had a crush on Hojo since her second or third year in the University, and always admired his way of thinking and his determination, but, maybe, marrying him was not such a great idea, after all.
"He didn't even say if he loves me," She thought.
"You ran away from the man who did," Her inner voice reminded, sounding too much like Iffie.
"I didn't have a right to date him," She argued with herself, "It was my fault his father died."
"You should have thought about it before you slept with him."
She shook her head, trying to get rid of the voice. Thinking of former lover was definitely not something one should do on wedding day, as nondescript as it was. It was more than enough that said lover was shadowing them on their way through the town, a fact which she tried very hard to ignore.
When they entered the Mansion grounds, Simon looked at her and said, "If you want a celebration, we can organise it."
"You would?" She asked, immediately cheering up.
"Of course," He answered. "If you want it, I'm willing to do it."
Lucrecia laughed and hugged him. "After Iffie's return, then."
Completing their project proposal and getting it approved took much more time that the wedding, but in the end, Professor Faremis, as Hojo predicted, had no more valid reasons to delay it, and finally they could begin their work. The sun had already set, and the shortest night of the year 1979 was beginning, when Lucrecia at last found the time to go out and smoke. She took her cigarettes and a lighter, but Simon stopped her.
"You have to quit smoking," He said. "Any excessive harmful substance can be detrimental for the fetus."
She looked at the pack longingly, but put it back into the drawer. He had a point.
"Okay," She said, "I quit."
She went out of the basement and down to the lobby. Gast was sitting on the sofa, reading through their proposal, it seemed, for the umpteenth time. She smiled at him and went out of the building.
The sky was already dark, filled with cold sharp dots of stars. She leaned on the balustrade, looking at the stars and thinking of everything that happened that day.
"We are beginning the project," She thought. "That... That means I'll be a mother. I'll have a child."
She imagined how this child will look. His eyes will be brown, and hair, most likely, black. Or... Why "he"? It could be a girl. She imagined a small girl with curly hair and brown eyes and smiled, almost feeling the child in her arms.
She touched her lower abdomen lightly. It was absolutely flat, she didn't even feel herself pregnant yet, although earlier that day they did a scan and it showed the tiny fetus, alive and developing. How will it feel, she wondered, when her belly will be big and round, housing her child. The thought of someone else living inside her body was somewhat unnerving.
"Lucrecia," A voice sounded from behind her.
She whipped around, alarmed. "Oh... Vincent. Um... Hello."
He went out of the shadows, stopping a few steps away from her.
"You married Doctor Hojo." He said.
"Yes," She answered, frowning. "Do you have any objections?"
"Did you... Did you really want it?" He asked softly. "If he is forcing you in some way... Just tell me. I'm here to protect you."
She laughed, shaking her head. "Vincent, are you serious? No, no, of course I wasn't forced or anything. I married him because I wanted to."
"I... I see," He said. "I apologize for intervention on matters that are not of my business, then."
"It's nothing," She smiled. "Thank you for your concern."
When she returned to the Mansion, Professor was still sitting at the same spot as before. She wondered, if he was going to stay there all night.
"Lucrecia," He said, noticing her. "Please, come here."
She went to him. He sighed, looking at the papers in his hands, and asked, "Do you fully understand what Project S entails?"
"Yes," She answered. "I think, I do."
"This is a very dangerous experimentation on your own child," He said. "It could lead to birth defects - mutations, malformations, any kind of them. It could very well be dangerous to your own health and your life. The benefits it could bring are purely theoretical, but the dangers are very much real. Are you truly willing to risk?"
It's like with Chaos, she thought. It's all the same again. "Your project is dangerous, your theory is ridiculous, why don't you give up and quit it." But she didn't quit then, and wasn't going to do it now.
"Yes." She answered. "I am."
...
The next day brought unexpected news. Professor Gast Faremis and Doctor Ifalna Nyx were leaving for some backwater place called Woodlands, to the Temple of Ancients. Lucrecia was in the basement, analyzing data on one of the failed experiments, - the volunteer, who was infused with Type-2 cells and subjected to Mako treatment, first showed signs of developing schizophrenia, and then committed suicide, - when Hojo came in and told her.
Abandoning her work, she ran up the long stair and through corridor to Ifalna's room.
The room was in disarray. There was a travel bag on the bed, surrounded by piles of clothing, books and various kinds of little things - statuettes, jewelry, souvenirs from all the places she visited. Lucrecia remembered some of them - this small wooden heron, for example, stood on Iffie's shelf in their room back at the University.
"Iffie?" She called, looking around. "Are you really leaving tomorrow with Professor Faremis?"
Ifalna turned, pushing locks of her hair from her forehead. "Yes. He is going to explore the Temple of Ancients, and I'll assist him."
Lucrecia was at loss. She stood silently, trying to think of something to say, of some way to prevent her friend from leaving.
"I think," Ifalna said a while later, "You're making the greatest mistake in your life by agreeing to the experiment."
"Oh, not you, too," Lucrecia thought. She wondered, if Simon was the only one who understood her.
"A mistake? Iffie, it's my chance to participate in something important! To make a difference! To give a new hope to all humankind!" She shook her head in exasperation. "How could this be a mistake?"
Ifalna looked away to the window, to bright snowy mountain peaks. "The thing we are experimenting with is not a Cetra, Lucy."
Yes, this all was like with Chaos, again, she thought.
"How can you say that?" She asked. "Did you yourself not agree that all evidence pointed it was a non-human anthropoid organism that lived on our planet around two thousand years ago. It should be a Cetra, what else could it be? Are you abandoning the project," She would not say abandoning me, because it would be... too whiny, she supposed, "Because of mere... unfounded doubts?"
Ifalna sighed. "True, I don't yet know what it is, nor do I have any proofs. But I'm sure it's not what we thought it was. I can't tell you everything, because I have first to understand it myself." She stepped closer, looked right into Lucrecia's eyes. "Lucy, please. Delay the experiment. Wait until we return. It won't take too long."
Lucrecia briefly considered this option. The infusion of Type-2 cells had to be done by the end of the first trimester of pregnancy. If Iffie would not return by then... Well, abortion it is. She unexpectedly found herself reluctant to even think about it. She didn't want an abortion. She wanted her child, her precious Ancient who will lead humanity to the new golden age.
She asked, how long would the expedition take, if six weeks would be enough.
"I don't think so," Ifalna answered. "But, Lucy, do you have to do it with your first child? You can always wait until another pregnancy. Please, wait for our return."
Lucrecia turned away, her eyes filling with angry tears. So, there was nothing more to discuss, Ifalna had already made up her mind and was not going to change it. The thought of staying with only Simon and Vincent for company, between her husband's obsession with the project, Turk's unwelcome protectiveness and their mutual dislike was... uncomfortable at best. But there was no choice.
"When you return," She muttered, "We will prove that you were mistaken. My child will be a true Cetra. We will not fail." Not again.
Ifalna tried to stop her, but she was already walking away, without a glance back.
...
She didn't go out of the lab to say good-byes to Professor and Ifalna when they were leaving. There was too much work to do, and she was too angry with Iffie to be anywhere near her for now. She wondered, if they will return before the child will be born.
This pregnancy was going to be very long.
...
The first weeks after Gast left passed without any significant events. Lucrecia suffered a brief period of morning sickness, and surprised herself with her new preferences in food, but otherwise everything was fine. Scans of the fetus showed that it was developing normally and the results of her own blood analyses were also normal. Her stomach was as flat as before, but her favourite jeans were already too tight.
In the absence of half their team, the Mansion became even more quiet and empty than it was before. Well, at least now she and her husband could have sex right at their work place, Lucrecia thought one day, chuckling at her own thoughts. Vincent never came down to the basement unless he was summoned, and they could do anything they wanted to.
Hot, but short mountain summer was coming to an end; the trees in the garden were already turning golden and red, and nights were getting colder with each passing day.
On the first day of August Lucrecia was walking to the common room where Simon was waiting for her. They wanted to discuss the last details of upcoming infusion that was planned on the second week of the month. Entering the room, she heard Vincent's voice, asking if she was to take part in the experiment.
She sighed inwardly. These past weeks the Turk kept to himself, maintaining professional distance and being polite to both scientists, and she foolishly hoped that the peace would last longer.
"It's true," She said, coming closer to the table where her husband was sitting.
Vincent looked at her, his mouth hanging open. She wondered, if he, again, thought that Simon was somehow forcing her. Did he really think she was unable to make her own decisions? Did he think she didn't have any ambitions, any curiosity, any skills to do anything by herself!? Did he think she was just pretty face and curvy body!? Oh, she was so angry with him!
"Why are you so surprised?" She asked.
"But..." He hesitated, "Using your own child for an experiment?.."
"Ha!" Hojo said, interrupting him, "I don't know what you're implying, but both of us are scientists. We know what we are doing. You are the last person to have any word in this. Now leave us at once, boy!"
Lucrecia felt both relieved and guilty. Simon was, probably, too harsh, but, maybe, it would be enough for Vincent to get the message.
"But..." Vincent began, and Lucrecia snapped. As if it was not enough that he considered her weak and dependent, now he dared to judge her morality? "I'm sorry, Professor Grim," She thought, "But I'm ready to slap him now!"
"But what?" She said, scowling and ignoring his hurt expression. "If you have something to say, say it!"
"Are you..." He stepped closer to the table, trying to look into her eyes, while she stubbornly looked away from him, "Are you sure this is what you really want?"
"Am I sure? Am I sure!?" She exclaimed. "If this only concerns me, then yes, I am sure!"
She waited for him to say something - anything else, but he just mumbled a few words and went away.
Lucrecia sighed, sitting down beside Simon. This confrontation made her question her choices. What if their theory was wrong? What if they made mistake in their calculations? What would become of her child? No, she told herself firmly. She would not doubt her husband's work. It was more than enough that everyone else did.
A few days later, she was walking through the garden, stretching her legs after day's work, when Vincent approached her.
"Lucrecia," He said. "I'm sorry if my concern is offending you, but..."
She sighed, crossing her arms and looking at him, her head tilted to the side. He hesitated, but then continued, "If Doctor Hojo is somehow forcing you... Just tell me. I will help you."
"I don't want," She said as coldly as she could, wincing as her guilt resurfaced - He loves you, he wishes only good for you, what are you doing to him? - "Nor need your protection, mr. Valentine. I'm perfectly capable of dealing with my life on my own. Please, don't interfere in my line or work or in my family. Am I clear?"
He took a step back, his expression changing first into a grimace of pain, and then into emotionless mask. "Yes, ms. Crescent. I apologize."
She turned on the spot and walked away, barely keeping herself from running. "I'm sorry," She repeated in her head, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She wasn't even sure, whom she was apologizing to, Vincent or his father. In the mansion, she ran up the stairs and to the left, to Iffie's room, and collapsed in the corner, crying silently. "I had to do it," She thought, trying to calm herself down. "He cannot continue to intervene like this. He would get in trouble. And I really, really, really don't need his protection."
She looked up, feeling that she was not alone in the room, and glimpsed a tall, dark, translucent figure of Professor Valentine beside the window, looking at her with sad expression. She blinked, and it was gone.
After that, Vincent didn't try to talk to her anymore. Their interactions were brief and professional, and she was thankful for that.
She wondered, why wouldn't he transfer to another mission. She would, in his place. She wondered, if he still loved her.
...
The day of infusion came at last, on the second week of August. Lucrecia was nervous, but tried to hide her anxiety. All her doubts returned with vengeance. Lying on the cold table in the basement lab and looking up at her distorted reflections in surgical lamp, she wondered if she made the right choice. If not for Simon beside her, she would jumped off the table and ran away, but she reminded herself: "It's what we both wanted, how can I let him down now?" - and stayed put.
A long needle pierced her lower abdomen, reaching for the small fetus that lived inside her; her husband controlled its movements using both ultra-sound and medical Scan. She was anesthetized and did not feel any pain, only an uncomfortable pull. The operation ended in a few minutes, followed by an injection of modified Mako solution. Now, they had to wait several days and observe the effects that Type-2 cells and Mako had on the fetus.
Simon helped her to climb from the table and guided her to bed. It was still daytime, but she felt strangely tired, probably from all the nervous tension she went through these last days. After the infusion happened, she felt much better.
She'd like to call Iffie and tell her that all went fine, but Professor Gast's expedition was already somewhere in wilderness, and until they set up a transmitter, there was no way to contact them.
A week later, fetus was still alive and developing, although its heart rate increased above normal for a human fetus. It was a good sign, Jenova's cells were working. They did scans and blood analysis daily, and were spending most of the time down in the basement lab, returning up only to eat and to sleep.
Ever since the day of infusion, Lucrecia slept badly. Every last one of her dreams ended in fire. It could begin as any normal dream, but in the end, everything around her was on fire, and she was running away, desperately trying to find a way out of the flames, only to discover that all the world was burning. She blamed it on her slightly increased body temperature, a side effect of Mako injections. Unfortunately, the injections were mandatory, without them the project would not succeed, and she had to put up with her bad dreams. Simon said that in time, when her body will adapt to Mako, her sleep will, most likely, improve. She hoped he was right.
...
Lucrecia was sitting in her old room, reading by the window, when she saw from the corner of her eye some movement outside. She looked out and saw a cloaked figure walking towards the Mansion entrance. As if feeling her gaze, the stranger stopped, raised her head and looked straight at Lucrecia.
It was a woman with very pale skin and long silver hair. Her eyes were purple and glowing, and when she smirked at Lucrecia, her mouth was full of white sharp teeth, more like shark's than human's. Lucrecia recoiled from the window, and in that moment the woman raised both her hands, and flames sprang from her, lighting grass, and trees, and buildings on fire. Lucrecia ran to the door, but the corridor was already burning. She turned back, but from the flames outside the woman with glowing purple eyes was looking at her, clawing at the window. Lucrecia covered her head with her hands, ran into the burning corridor...
...And sat up in the bed, panting.
The room was dark and silent, except for Simon's quiet breath. It was just another nightmare.
She climbed out of the bed and tiptoed to the window. Outside, it was a dead of night, and everything was peaceful. No flames, and definitely no women with purple eyes.
Well, the woman was something new. Up until that dream, the most scary thing in her nightmares was fire.
A month passed after the infusion, but her sleep seemed to change only to the worse.
She returned to bed, and her husband, woken up by her movements, asked in sleepy voice, "Another dream?"
"Yes," She sighed, rubbing her eyes. "Something new today, a woman-shark with glowing eyes... It's getting worse, Simon. Maybe we could find some kind of sleeping pills suitable for me? I'm... tired of not sleeping normally."
"I don't think you should take any pills," He answered. "We can't predict how the fetus will react to medicaments, therefore we should avoid them at all costs."
She sighed again.
"Dreams are just dreams," He continued. "Images created by your own subconscious. I don't see the reason for you to be so afraid of them. Try to sleep now."
With that, he turned on his side and several moments later was asleep.
Lucrecia closed her eyes, but could not calm down enough to sleep. Only when the sky outside was already getting brighter, she finally fell asleep, only to wake up less than an hour later, after another nightmare.
...
In the middle of September, they finally received a communication from Professor Faremis.
Lucrecia later blamed it on her loneliness and lack of normal sleep, but after sending a report on the progress of Project S, she sent a private message to Ifalna: "I see fire."
Immediately after, she felt stupid for doing that. What could she explain via telegraph anyway? She needed someone right here, beside her. Someone who could understand her, someone with whom she could talk about things that scared her. Iffie was right kind of person, but she was half a world away from her, and it could not be changed in the foreseeable future. That's why, when she received a question, "Where?", she answered with simple "Dreams."
Her pregnancy went as it should. By October, she could hardly fit into any of her pants anymore.
Her reaction to Mako was the same as from the very beginning, and the situation with nightmares continued to worsen. Now, she saw the "shark-woman" almost every night, although in these dreams Lucrecia was always in the Mansion, and the woman was outside, trying to get inside through the window or through the door, but nightmares always ended before she could do that. Lucrecia wondered, what the woman represented, which dark side of her subconscious was manifesting in that form.
When awake, she sometimes felt a strange pull from somewhere to the North; she took a compass and checked the direction several times. It always was directly to the North. She told Simon about it, and he, of course, was fascinated.
"An ability to feel planet's magnetic field?" He mused. "It would explain why Cetra didn't need mechanical aids to orient themselves."
"But, why I'm feeling it?" She asked. "I'm not infused with Jenova's cells, am I?"
"You are," He said, "Project G showed that Jenova's cells can pass through placental barrier, though not in significant amounts. You are exposed, just not on a very large scale."
That, again, made her question her choice. Probably, she should have listened to Gast, and Ifalna, and Vincent. Probably, she didn't really understand what she was getting herself into. But now, she thought, it was already too late to turn back. The only road left was forward, and she was already halfway there anyway.