Chapter 1 song: Breaking the Habit by Linkin Park
Memories consume
Like opening the wound
Even from his bedroom, Henry could hear the front door slamming behind Shawn.
"Dad! I'm here!" He called up the stairs.
For a moment, Henry didn't answer.
"Dad!"
"Yeah, Shawn." He called down finally before Shawn decided to come looking for him, his voice sounding oddly hushed even though he was yelling loud enough to be heard through his closed door and down the stairs.
"I'm here."
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again
Henry tapped his pocket for the fiftieth time, making sure the envelope was still there.
Of course it was still there.
It wasn't going anywhere.
He sighed and opened his door, glancing at himself one last time in the mirror before finally heading down the stairs to face his son.
I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused
Henry almost didn't do it…
He almost couldn't do it.
In his entire life, Henry Spencer had never told his son with something was wrong.
He never told anyone when something was wrong.
But this time was different…
This time, he couldn't face it alone.
This time, he didn't want to face it alone.
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight
"What's up, Dad?" Shawn asked when Henry entered the kitchen.
"Nothing." Henry shrugged, but he could already see Shawn didn't believe him.
"Dad, you only ever ask me over to dinner without Gus when you want me to do chores or so you can yell at me…so, which is it this time?"
Henry hesitated, but Shawn's searching gaze wasn't going to let him off the hook this time.
"You didn't clear out the attic like you promised." He growled finally, his stomach lurching even as the accusation flew out of his mouth and slapped Shawn across the face.
It wasn't what he wanted to say…
It wasn't what he needed to say…
But right here, right now…
It was all he could say.
Shawn looked stunned by the blow.
"What?"
"Your crap in the attic, Shawn! You said you'd clear it out!"
"I did!"
"No, you didn't!"
"What the hell are you talking about? I cleaned the attic last summer!" Shawn insisted, looking baffled.
"Then why can't I take two steps into my attic without tripping over boxes of your damn toys?" Henry demanded, grabbing a beer out of the fridge and storming into the dining room, leaving an enraged, confused Shawn alone in the kitchen.
Before he left, he put a beer on the kitchen table for Shawn.
Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again
Henry sipped his beer and glanced down at his watch.
It had been three minutes since he'd left Shawn alone in the kitchen…
He saw the envelope…
He must have…I put his beer right on top of it…
He's reading it now…
The kid never could leave mail alone…
He sighed and tried not to think about Shawn's face…tried not to picture his reaction.
He tried not to think about the conversation they were about to have…he tried, but there was nothing else to think about.
I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused
Shawn followed his father into the dining room a few minutes later, looking pale.
In his slightly trembling fingers he carried the envelope.
"Were you planning on telling me?" He demanded quietly.
"What the hell are you doing reading my mail?" Henry shot back, snatching it out of his son's hand.
"Don't give me that!" Shawn shouted. "You wanted me to see it! We both know that!"
"I did not!"
"You left it on the table! And that's not even the point!"
"Then what the hell is the point, Shawn?"
Their eyes locked, and for a long moment neither of them spoke.
"How long?" Shawn asked finally.
Henry shrugged.
"I don't know."
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight
I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends
Shawn stared at his father, his eyes wide.
"You don't know? And you weren't even going to tell me?"
"Tell you what, Shawn?" Henry asked, sighing as he pushed past his son back into the kitchen.
"That you're dying!"
"No. I wasn't going to tell you."
Shawn followed Henry, still fuming.
"Then why did you leave your damn test results out on the table for me to find?"
"I don't know."
"Yes, you do!"
Henry spun back around, his eyes burrowing into Shawn's.
"Because I wasn't going to tell you. I couldn't tell you."
Shawn blinked slowly, still trying to wrap his head around this.
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
to show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
"I don't have any cases this week." Shawn said finally, after another few minutes of silence.
"So?" Henry snorted, grabbing another beer.
"So...I haven't been fishing in a while…"
Henry almost smiled.
He could never show it, but he was glad it was out in the open.
For once, he was glad not the be facing it alone.
"I was going to take the boat out this weekend." He shrugged. "You can come if you want."
"Yeah." Shawn nodded. "I'll come."
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight