Summary: What Lilina feels towards Roy is nothing lesser than how she felt before, but it is different all the same. [Platonic Roy/Lilina]
Pairing(s)/Character(s): Platonic Roy/Lilina, established Gonzales/Lilina, somewhat established Roy/Lalum, formerly one-sided Roy/Lilina
Rating: K
Warning(s): n/a
Words: 1091
It takes a while, for Lilina to ask Roy about Lalum.
Even on the night she finally does - a more relaxed night on their march towards Sacae, when she sits in a secluded space with no company besides the young noble himself and her own piping hot bowl of stew - it still hurts. She feels guilty for the sting she feels as Roy's eyes widen and his cheeks flush, as she is honestly over him, but... At some time, she had hoped that someone mentioning her name would make Roy react this way, and that memory is what hurts far more than the fact that Lalum is the one who reveals this side of Roy in the end.
"She's admirable," Roy finally admits, after stammering and stumbling over his words for what felt like a solid minute. A sly smile tugs at Lilina's lips.
"Do you mean to say you admire her?"
Aghast, Roy's mouth feebly opens and closes as he tries to formulate an answer. "T-that's not what I meant!" Lilina mentally takes note of the fact that he doesn't deny it before he reluctantly carries on. "I mean, everyone has admirable qualities. Lalum's is her ability to keep going, to keep smiling. And I guess... That's something I really aspire to, or something." Lilina's smile drops slightly.
"You have the same ability, though." Roy smiles - and it's a sad smile, Lilina realizes, and she wonders if there's something he's hiding - and his gaze seems less focused on her than it is on the horizon behind her.
"I wonder," is all he says, and Lilina allows the matter to drop. "Anyways, what about you and Gonzales?" A more playful and teasing smile dances upon his lips as Lilina becomes aware of her own oncoming blush. "You two seem rather close these days."
"We're doing well," she confirms, and she can't help but find that despite her being over Roy, talking to him about her and Gonzales seems a bit strange. Perhaps it's because she and Roy, regardless of how close they've always been, have never touched upon each other's love lives with each other before now - which makes sense, considering Roy himself had been the object of her affections until fairly recently. And... While it feels unfamiliar and a bit uncomfortable, Lilina doesn't really find it entirely unpleasant. It is because of this that she adds, "I like being with him."
Roy's gaze is soft as he replies, without hesitation, "He's a good person. I'm happy for you."
That's also a bit weird, Lilina thinks. Only months ago, she would never had imagined that one day, Roy would come to approve of her being romantically involved with another man. She never would have imagined that her heart would swell and that she would feel so completely safe and loved in the presence of anyone besides her childhood friend. She never would have imagined that one day she would be over Roy, yet completely content.
"Lalum too," Lilina muses, looking down at her hands as she fists the grass she sits upon restlessly. Her smile is gentle as she adds, "She does a lot of good for you."
"You sound so grown up, Lil," Roy says, and she laughs alongside him despite the overbearing truth that it is likely the war that has led her to age beyond her years. "But," he continues, before Lilina can dwell too long on the irony of their current situation, "It isn't that easy. I doubt the court would take well to Lalum."
"Oh my, thinking of the court's response already, are we? This is serious."
"Oh, shut up." Roy flushes, lightly bonking her wrist with his fist. "It's just... Mother struggled a lot with that, you know."
Lilina does know. Even more so than her own mother, who had grown on the plains with no regard for Lycian politics, Eliwood's late Lady Fiora had no place in the court. She remembers it sometimes being brought up at grand balls and such when she was but a child, and remembers her parents fiercely defending the former mercenary whenever the topic arose. On the plus side, it had led to some sort of understanding between Roy's mother and her own that founded a rather understanding friendship between the two, but it isn't as though Lilina is blind to what Roy is worried about. But nonetheless...
"She grew up in Etruria, didn't she? Their nobles are even stuffier than ours are." She can practically feel Roy's hesitation draping over her like some pessimistic cloud, so she adds, "As you said yourself, Lalum has the ability to keep smiling despite the odds."
Roy still appears pensive, and despite the firmness of his tone he still comes across as reluctant as he muses, "Regardless, I wouldn't wish what Mother went through upon anyone." There's a pause, and then Roy very cautiously asks, "Aren't you worried about Gonzales?"
Oh.
To be honest, the thought hadn't even occurred to her. Sure, she's seen how poorly Gonzales has been treated, but for some reason she hadn't considered how that treatment might carry over to the court. For some reason - even though she had born witness to the atrocities of Lycian nobility herself - she had thought that everyone back home would welcome Gonzales with open arms. After all, he is nothing if not good-hearted, and he surely doesn't deserve any harsh words the court is bound to throw at him. Not that Roy's mother - or her own, for that matter - did anything to garner the negative attention that they were constantly regarded with, but... Gonzales was just so innocent.
"I suppose," Lilina finally murmurs, and the sun has long since dipped past the horizon and there are very few people still roaming the camp as their comrades tuck themselves away for the night, "That I'll just create a Lycia that's safe for them both, then."
At first, Roy seems startled, but then his gaze softens and Lilina finds herself regarded with the gentle look she once loved. No, that isn't right; she still loves Roy, but not in the same way as she did before - once, she had dreamed of mothering his children and governing their provinces alongside one another, but now, she sees him as a comrade, a brother, a friend. It is nothing lesser than how she felt before, as her heart still warms in his presence, but...
It's different and unfamiliar, yet Lilina remains content with things as they are.
Author's Note: For the past couple days, I've been kind of toying with the idea of Roy and Lilina having a discussion regarding his feelings for Lalum, but I really, really didn't want it to come across as some angst-fest on Lilina's part, as even if Roy pursues another girl, that's really not how I envision Lilina's feelings towards him? Something I really like about their relationship is that they always come across as a steady support for the other, despite the circumstances they find themselves in (re: "I'm alright because you're here, Roy..."), and while that can easily be portrayed romantically (fair enough, considering Lilina is confirmed time and again in her supports that she has feelings for him), I think I was hoping to portray it in a more familial or platonic light, especially considering that I am personally biased towards pairing Lilina off with Gonzales =v=;;
However, while I wanted to make it clear that Lilina is very much over Roy in this piece, I also hoped to present the fact that she's so used to having those feelings that even without liking him in a romantic light, she's so used to it that she reacts to things as if she still does (although I'm not sure it came across that way... it's a bit of a difficult feeling to express, so I guess at this point all I do is hope that this piece gave that feeling)
Above all, though, this piece was about so much more than Lilina moving beyond her crush on Roy, I think. To me, it was about expressing aspects of their personality and friendship that the game doesn't really give us the opportunity to see as much - one of the things I love about Lalum and Roy's supports is that it gives us so much more than the "bland" protagonist Roy is so often accused of being. In my mind, it really expresses that Roy is still just an awkward teenage boy, struggling with his hormones and articulating his feelings for this super cute girl who is all too expressive with her feelings (:3c Similarly, I hoped to express aspects of Lilina's personality that may or may not be entirely based on headcanons on my part =v=;; There is no doubt that Lilina is a literal cinnamon roll who must be protected at all costs, but I think I wanted to capture a more relaxed Lilina who is temporarily removed from the tragedies of war. Somehow, this sort of Lilina ended up embodying herself as a shockingly playful individual who still, as Roy says in this piece himself, still comes across as very grown up. Personally, as she is Hector and Lyn's daughter, her behaviour made a lot of sense to me as I wrote it, especially considering how her feelings have moved beyond Roy, but perhaps that's just my way of justifying my own ooc writing, ha ha