"No! It wasn't a vision or a dream or a hallucination. It was real. Now, I know this is hard for you guys to believe. But I swear to you, the entire time you thought I had disappeared on P3R-233, I was experiencing an alternate reality." – Dr Daniel Jackson. Stargate SG1.

For every action taken in this world there are many possible outcomes. And every possible choice and action taken after that outcome increases the amount of possible realities exponentially.

That's some heavy shit to wrap your mind around at the best of times. And when you appear somewhere other than your own comfy bed after stumbling home drunk with the first rays of a Sunday morning it's especially hard… if you then find yourself sat on the bank of a river in the middle of nowhere its even worse.

For Septimus It all started as one of those legendary nights out where you can't remember a thing and wake up in a situation you have no recollection of getting into. His earliest recollection was of stumbling from his favourite club after it closing at 4am and to his usual spot for calling a private hire. After crawling into the back of the aging Ford Mondeo and mumbling the usual address everything was blank…

"ughhh my head" he moaned rolling to the side. Why did I drink so much? I always drink too much.

"ughhh my eyes", Pathetically he edged himself onto his shoulder and cracked open his bloodshot eyes before quickly shutting them again. Why was it so bright in here? Did I sleep with the curtains open again?

Not for the first time in his life the dry croaking words "I am never drinking like that again. Ever.' Escaped his lips and he heaved himself off the hard, wet, mossy stone…

Wait?

'Hard, wet, mossy stone'

What? Where exactly am I? Forcing himself into full consciousness Sep looked at the surroundings and cached a sight of clear blue sky's, majestic trees and gurgling water before a spasm of stomach cramps brought attention firmly back to the 'ground' which his delirious mind now identified as the top of a flat boulder besides a body of water. After voiding the putrid contents of his stomach, taking great care not to plaster the front of his clothes, and rolling a few spaces to one side. Recovering from that bout of the symptoms of self poisoning he begin to piece together the current situation. "at least I'm fully clothed" as indeed he was, Modestly dressed but making sure it was obvious where his musical and cultural allegiance lay. Awash in black his canvas combat trousers tucked into military grade boots, a heavy bikers jacket complete with the Sigil of Baphomet and the words 'GORGOROTH' and 'HAIL SATAN' sewn carefully onto the back. A sufficiently blasphemous Vital Remains shirt poked out from its unzipped front. Overall Sep was surprisingly warm in what he assumed was a warm summer's sun, it was after all august but he had no idea where he was or equally how he'd got there. This place is nice enough he mused, but obviously nowhere near home what did that prick of a driver do? Dump me in the middle of nowhere? It wasn't anywhere near his neighbourhood. And it certainly wasn't one of the parks in the urban sprawl.

All was quiet except for the sounds of birds and the light breeze through the trees, not even the distant rumble of far off traffic was there to disturb the peacefulness.

And that to sep was worrying. "Where in the name of Odin's hairy scrotum am I?" he wondered aloud and stumbled to his feet, after taking a few deep breaths to eject stale air from lungs and calm the slight tinge of concern creeping on the back of his mind, hurriedly he did 'the check'.

Keys?

Check.

Wallet with assorted wallety things, including bus pass?

Check.

iPhone and earphones?

Check but no signal.

Inhaler and a full packet of Kleenex?

Check.

Jewellery and watch?

Check.

Am I free of any suspicious stains and injuries?

Check and yes.

It seems I've kept myself in relatively good condition he mused clumsily climbing off the side of the rock and onto the driest section of ground surrounding it. Squelching into the mud he squinted around and after a few seconds contemplation involving the random recollection of the first verse to 'what will we do with the drunken sailor' decided to follow the river-stream-water-going-glug downstream-thing in what was assumed to be a southerly direction, hoping to find some form of human contact to point his sorry arse in the direction of home.

Sep you'd expect should probably be beside himself with worry at waking up in this situation. But the simple answer is that he wasn't one to worry about things he couldn't do something about, he'd gotten himself into this mess and he'd get himself out of it. To Sep as for the things he couldn't do anything about; well what would be the point of worrying about them?

As he walked along the river he can't help but notice that certain things just weren't quite right. To the casual gaze it appeared to be almost picturesque woodland but as more time passed he began to notice details that don't sit well in the mind. The trees weren't quite right almost as though they where some variations of the ones he was used to seeing and the flowers seem to be a mixture of the norm and several strange plants most people would never of even heard of.

After twenty minutes according to his wristwatch Sep stopped for a break and finally paid attention to the gurgling pressure in his gut. Pulling out the packet of Kleenex he pondered the area.

"Well nature calls… I just hope it's not a bad one" he sighed as he slouched over to a nearby tree that would offer some privacy for the proceedings.

As the narrator and all knowing bastard of this story I should probably offer an explanation for the underage[what are you doing reading a Fanfic rated M? go away ya wee shits.], the uninitiated and those who have some semblance of self-restraint. Well the thing about spending over 8 hours of drinking a mixture of cider, Jägerbombs and the petrol like Chartreuse is that it does nasty, nasty things to your insides, and those nasty, nasty things? Well they need to come out eventually.

"I love booze,

booze loves me.

'am havin' a shit and a massive pee,

I got go smashed I was rollin' on the floor.

Alcoholic dinosaur."

The rather jovial and awesome singing whilst buttoning up was then disturbed by something nobody could expect. A guttural, almost animal laugh broke through the air as a twig snapped, whipping the satisfied smile off Sep's face.

Frozen he looked through the leaves of the nearby bushes to see a large figure skulk through the shadows towards him slowly in the shadow of the trees and Sep realised with a sick sense of dread that the thing resembled a putrid, decaying lizard man.

And that he's covered in medieval armour.

And carrying a rather sharp looking blade.

Oh and he's heading right towards the 'modesty shrub'…``