Chapter 1: Not Your fault…It never is…
A/N: It has been forever since I have been able to post up a story on here. But I have built the courage to post one up since forever. I have this tendency to stop in the middle of my stories due to certain events…but no more. This story has been wrapped away in my thoughts for quite a while due to I never was able to write it out in succession, afraid that it might not be good enough for others to find appealing. I also have lyrics to songs in the end of the story to relate to the story theme. I suggest to listen to the songs after reading this chapter or any other future chapters to feel the emotion I'm going for. Nothing else left to do but to say, Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I feel like everyone on here who states the obvious that they don't own BTR say it while trying not to cry lol. Trust me if I did own them, Logan and I would be amigos. Ok I'm feeling the disappointment already….
Warning: Some Cursing will be displayed in the story. Rating will probably go up due to this…but not too much.
Logan's POV:
Time and time again, I always catch myself thinking about the many things that happen to me on a daily bases. But hey, I'm only human…right? I mean if there was such a crime that someone had a certain limit to think on a daily bases, then I'd be in jail already…trust me.
As I yawned due to yet another restless night, my dad turned semi half way to keep his eyes on the road and to say something. "Ugh, cover your mouth the next time you want to yawn Logan." Harold Mitchell, my father. Or I think he is…doesn't feel like it one hundred percent of the time. There never was a time or place that he would give his opinion on how I acted in public…or home in that matter.
"Logan don't tell me you didn't go to bed when we told you to last night." Sarah Mitchell, my mom. She can be questionable majority of the times, which is why I can't depend on my mom for many things now a days due to the extremely unpredicted responses I would get from her. Seriously, she was more complicated than a rubix cube and I've solved that sucker a couple of times before.
Truth of the matter was I never really did get my sleep the way normal boys my age needed to get. It's difficult, especially when you're consumed by your dreams whenever you get the chance to even rest your head.
Ignoring their comments I stared out the window. Once in a while, a car would pass by due to the fact that we were driving in practically the middle of nowhere. I forgot to mention my family and I are moving from my old city to a new one due to my father getting a job offer up north. As soon as I heard the news on moving I really wasn't all that intrigued or shocked.
I mean really, wherever I went it would all end up the same just me, myself, and my studies. That was all I ever really needed to survive, plus food and water of course. I really wanted to drift off into sleep since I have been running on fifteen hours since I last slept, but I knew the instant I closed my eyes something would happen to wake me back up. Plus, whenever I sleep I would get reoccurring nightmares and I tend to thrash about when that happens.
One, two, three, four, five, the cows we would be passing by would appear in such a blur. I honestly didn't even think I was counting actual cow now, just a big white spot whenever it would appear on my window view. I yawned again, this time covering my mouth to avoid confrontation with my father again.
By the way, my names Logan Mitchell, I can be really complicated at times. Trust me it's not because I want to be, it's just that anything I end up doing will end up complicated and never go my way.
My eighth grade year had come to an end and at the age of thirteen I was starting my first year of high school. That is until my father broke the news that I was moving out of Texas and going to a new town in Minnesota.
Minnesota, if it's up north it's bound to get colder. I'm used to the crazy weather in Texas, believe me when I tell you that in the morning it will be cold and then in the afternoon it will be hotter than an oven. The nights in Texas were as strange as the day, as it would at random time's rain.
Texas did always have the weirdest weather and I was kind of glad I was moving away from all the chaos.
Losing my train of thought I saw a gas station peering out through the corner. Strange that a gas station would be placed in the middle of nowhere.
Worse would be who would be working in this isolated gas station. I mean wouldn't the employee worry about getting robbed by random crazy people passing along the way?
Turning to my parents who were staring at the map as if it were written in Japanese, I saw that they didn't even remotely see the convenient store from the distance.
"Harold, I told you to stop on the last exit to ask around for directions. You will never understand that you are not professionally capable of reading directions." As my mom was finishing that sentence she looked up to see where we were going and spotted the same gas station I was hoping they would see before we would pass it.
My dad also decided to look straight to the road and saw the gas station. Unfortunately, he didn't decide to stop and kept on driving. "HAROLD?!" My mom said frantic as to try to point out the obvious.
"WHAT? SARAH? WHAT?!" My father raised his arms while letting go of the wheel in the process and was waiting on my mom to explain why she yelled at him in the first place.
I dare not speak a word on what my mom was trying to point out, the last time I tried to point out the obvious my father took it as an insult that he was being challenged for male dominance in the household.
My mother sighed out of annoyance and took a deep breathe to calm her nerves, "Harold, you just passed another gas station and we might not be able to see another one for another couple of miles. Why not turn around and ask for directions?" I just stared at my father's facial expression going from angry to annoyance.
The same facial expression he uses when he knows someone doubts his sense of direction…or anything in that matter. I squinted, preparing myself for whatever thrashing I was ready to receive.
But then I realized that I wasn't at fault this time, my mother made it her situation to call my father out on his sense of direction. Still, I was prepared to cover my ears to prepare for all the yelling that was about to take place. Worst of all was that we were in a car, the frequency of my father's voice was going to echo through this small claustrophobic death trap.
"Sarah, you don't think it had occurred to me since we exited Amarillo to ask around for directions? You clearly don't know me too well as you think." Shocked that he didn't throw a fit at how my mom questioned his way, I sighed in relief that for once he was willing to work together with my mom.
"Well honey I just wanted to make sure we got to Minnesota within our timeframe I mean we do have meetings to attend to once we get there." Looking at both of them have this type of conversation. No yelling or screaming or name calling, it was actually nice for once.
"Yeah, yeah, I get it" the next thing I realized was that my head slammed the window as the whole car turned out of surprise. As I sat back to my normal position I realized my mother was also grasping on to something as she didn't expect the illegal and unsuspecting U-turn my father did.
"HAROLD WHAT THE HELL?!" she said while trying to keep her composure after the random moment we just endured.
"Well hell Sarah what do you want from me? I'm turning to the damn gas station like you requested and now you're giving me crap about it? There is no pleasing you is there?" Yup, there it was, the screaming and the yelling. Why did I ever let my guard down? He always manages to mess up a good moment. I guess it was too much to look forward for them to actually cooperate together for once.
"Yeah, but not while trying to kill us! Logan are you ok?" Stunned as to my mother asking me if I was ok, I hadn't realized that I was rubbing my head where I made contact with the window. The adrenaline of the U-turn my father did was disappearing as I started to feel a short pain in the back of my head.
"Don't be a wuss Logan, you and I both know that it doesn't hurt as bad as you make it seem. Get over it Logan, seriously" I was still rubbing my head as the pain grew more and more. I'd like to see him hit the window at that speed and say it was nothing. But I knew my father, he didn't care unless you meant something to him during the moment…just like my mother.
"Yeah mom, I'm ok" was all I could mutter as I rubbed the back of my head. Then I felt something warm and wet in the back. As I placed the hand that was rubbing my head in front of my face I realized that there was blood on it.
"Mom!" As I started to realize that the impact was worse than my dad perceived it, my mom gasped as she saw my hand covered in blood.
"Oh my god, Logan! Harold he needs ice." My father was just parking the car into the parking lot of the gas station as he turned over to look at my mom franticly trying to clean my hands from the blood and placing a tissue in the back of my head.
"Sweetie hold this tissue to at least calm the blood." I sighed, I knew my mother wasn't a nurse but a tissue was not going to hold up the blood. But I knew she meant well, plus if I questioned her I would get a scolding from my father. The last thing I needed was more yelling than what I already might be getting from my mom's panic mode.
As my mom was finishing up cleaning my hands, I saw from the corner of my eye that my father was enjoying the view. He didn't even budge to go grab ice from the ice chest outside the gas station. It was my mother who quickly took off her seat belt and opened the car door and grabbed a bag full of ice and took out a couple of ice cubes and placed them on the back of my head.
"Great Sarah, now we got to pay for the damn ice" my mother rolled her eyes, knowing that my father could not see her facial expressions and continued to aide my bruise.
"Mom, I'm fine, really. The blood has stopped and the ice cubes will lower the swelling." I looked at my mother straight at her eyes, it has been a while since I had seen that worried expression on her face as I tried to stay strong from the impact I had received not too long ago.
I heard my father hiss at my response to calm my mom down from the worry she was displaying. I wondered why he ever decided to have me, I mean as long as I could remember my father has never, once, cared for me. It was always just so easy for him to tell me to man up and that it was embarrassing that I would cry for the smallest things.
I honestly never really had anything else to say to him in response to all this. I just embraced it as much as I could. Most of the times I would just run into my room and cry it out and burry myself in my books.
"Well, if Logan is up to par to go and everything…why not get up your ass and go pay for the ice your mother had to get and ask how to get to the next route to exit Texas." The way he said that, was he mocking me for trying to put on a brave face for my mom? Seriously, I can't stand when he does that. It puts me in a corner of vulnerability and I can't do anything about it.
My mom's facial expression went from worried to annoyed again as she turned to get to her purse and handed me twenty dollars. They can't be serious right? I just lost some blood and my head now is banging with pain, yet they still wanted me to go in and pay for the ice bag my mom got and still ask for directions?
'Just suck it up Logan, it won't kill you to do this task.' I sometimes had to place these motivational things in my head to help me continue to live through this insanity I call a family. I may not have any brothers or sisters, but being the only child…the only one to take the blame for everything. It would have been nice for someone else to take the blame for once.
As I opened the door to enter the convenient store, a small door chime was heard. As I walked it I took in the aroma of the brown paper bags that were placed in the counter. I honestly could not tell what made that smell whenever one would walk in to the gas station. As I turned I saw isle upon isle of merchandise, from sweets, to drinks, to maps. As I kept on looking around, I saw a woman who looked like she was in her late twenties.
"Hi, how can I help you today?" she said, but there was something else to how she said that. Oh I found it. She was chewing gum and it made her sound like she had a funny accent.
"Um…hi…my family and I are traveling by car to Minnesota and I was wondering if you can help us out with directions on how to exit the state." She eyed at me and kept on observing the way I would play with my thumbs as I rested on the counter.
*munch* *munch* *munch*
"Oh sweetie you guys are leaving Texas?" I nodded, I was kind of hoping she would skip the small talk as to I was being timed by my father on retrieving this information.
"Well, all you got to do is take this highway and you shall be crossing the border to Oklahoma." She said while pointing at a map that was in a tour guide next to her.
"Then you will turn here and you shall enter Kansas as that will be the next state on the map." She stared at me while I was indulging all the information in my head and mesmerizing the routes she was pointing out.
"After that take these routes and you should be able to get to the next state on the map, Missouri. You can take this route to get to Missouri, or you can take this route and go into Nebraska. But I highly suggest taking the one that gets you to Missouri as to it will be easier to enter Minnesota that way." As I nodded in her response, I felt her eyeing me at to trying to see if I was just nodding to not be rude.
"Ok, so after heading into Missouri you are going to keep taking this route north to hit Iowa. This route in Iowa will take you straight to Minnesota and you should be in the state faster by taking these routes." As she stopped informing me on the directions she kept on staring at me.
*munch* *munch**munch*
"Sweetie are you going to be able to absorb all this information?" I nodded, I knew she was going to ask me that question sooner or later. She handed me the map that had all these markings in it and smiled.
"You're so cute, I'll pass you this so you will have a guide in case you get stuck or your brain decide to give out from all the routes and turns I just gave ya." I just nodded again.
"Oh, I'm sorry I forgot to pay for the ice we just got." As I was digging through my pockets for the twenty dollar bill my mother entrusted me with I heard the cashier lady squeal.
"Oh sweetie you would have left without paying for that and I wouldn't have noticed a thing, but yet you decide to be honest and still pay for it. You are so adorable and honest, your mother raised you right." My mother, yes let's go with that I guess.
*munch**munch**munch*
I flinched at the annoyance of her chewing, it was getting to me and I needed to pay for this stuff quick and go. I'm not the one to be picky or anything, but when someone makes these cringing noises that irritate my ears I tend to sort of get upset.
As she gave me the exact change and the recite I bolted out of the store like lighting only hearing a faint, "Thank you and stay safe sweetie."
As I recollected my thoughts I tried to remember all the information that was given to me. Unfortunately, my father was horrible at directions and my mother…well she just had an episode due to the U-turn incident. I rubbed my head to only still feel pain but at least the bleeding had stopped. I have to remind myself to take a good shower due to the dried up blood that was in my hair now.
As I entered the car my father turned to me waiting for a response, "Well? You took mighty long in that store, did you pay the damn ice and get the directions we needed?" I nodded and handed my mom the recite as she skimmed through it she nodded, "Aww, thanks Logan." I didn't respond to her caring nature.
I handed my father the map that had all these circles and small notations and he stared at me like it was some kind of prank. "Well for being smart in school you sure are dumb as hell when it comes to street smarts huh Logan." My dad busted out laughing as my mother was stashing the change and recite into her purse.
Like I said, never satisfied. "What the hell am I supposed to make out of this." I forgot he has the worse sense of direction. He tossed me the brochure and turned on the car and started reversing.
"Where do we go from here Einstein?" I ignored that remark like I always do on a daily bases. "You're going to take an exit here and enter this highway." My father actually took in my instructions and we headed off into the highway in front of us.
(Later)
It had been a while since we had taken off in the morning from our home town in Texas. Now the sun was going down and my father was already in the middle of Kansas trying to heed my directions as day turned to night.
Mom fell asleep as we entered Kansas, wasn't she lucky as I was still fighting my sleep to aide my father to the next state. 'Just a couple of states to go Logan, you can do it.' I couldn't do it, I was starting to hallucinate as I didn't want to jeopardize getting us lost or getting myself in trouble in that matter. I didn't complain as I knew I would only get the disapproval of my father.
"This…street…will take you….to…Missouri dad" my eyes got heavier and heavier as my father snapped his fingers to me. "Hey, hey, hey stay up how far is this damn route anyway?" I couldn't read the map correctly as my eyes kept on giving in.
The next I knew I felt a stinging pain on the back of my head as my father made contact with my bruised up head with his hand. "What the hell did I just say? Read the damn map Logan." That smack to the head woke me up and I was starting to get tears falling down my eyes as the pain echoed.
My mom woke up in response to the way my father was raising his voice now to keep me up. "What's going on Harold?" my mom said drowsy. I felt the pain grow more and more, I picked up the map again and read the directions. "It's….a long route…" I hated being my father's punching bag but if I tried to do anything nothing will go my way.
"Don't worry Sarah were exiting Kansas as we speak." My mom turned to me and saw that I had a line of tears on my cheek from the impact my father made with his hand to my bruised up head.
"Logan you look tired, why not put the map down and take a rest?" I felt a huge relief as she just said those magical words. But I also felt a disturbance from the driver himself as he heard the same words.
"Well Sarah, I hope you can read a map because other than that well be hella lost." My mom took the map away from me and looked at it.
"Logan once we hit the state of Missouri where else would we have to go?" I was still exhausted from no sleep at all and I believe I was running on twenty hours already from sleep.
I just knew if I sort of explain to my mother where to go she will have some sort of concept on where we were going. I just hope she didn't get us lost or I will never hear the end of it on how I should have rested before we left our small town in Texas.
"Once you hit Missouri, there is this one route that if you go north it should take you to Iowa and that same route you keep taking it north and you should hit Minnesota." My mom caught me as I fell on her shoulders from the lack of sleep.
"Ok Logan, I'll take it from here but if anything happens we'll wake you up ok?" I just nodded and in no time I was sound asleep.
Missing-Evanescence
You won't cry for my absence, I know
You forgot me long ago
Am I that unimportant?
Am I so insignificant?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?
Even though I'm the sacrifice
You won't try for me, not now
Though I'd die to know you love me
I'm all alone
Isn't someone missing me
A/N: Ok, so this chapter was going to be longer but I decided to keep the rest on the next chapter. Let me know how you guys thing about the story and what you all think about Sarah, Harold, and Logan. Normally, stories focus mainly on BTR, don't worry I guarantee you all that the guys will be in the story. Trust me this story will turn exciting in time…if you all think it hasn't.