Izaya hadn't been in Ikebukuro since that day.
Shizuo had said the words Izaya never wanted to hear.
I love you…
Izaya had told himself that it wasn't what he wanted, from anyone. He couldn't let himself be as weak as his humans. They were the only ones he loved, because he knew that they could never really love him back. But once again fate had to throw him a curveball.
Shizuo.
Technically not a human, or so Izaya believed.
To Izaya, Shizuo was not human. He was a monster. Something that didn't deserve to be on the same level as his beloved humans. He was an unpredictable mess. Always ruining his plans and getting in the way of everything. How could someone so different, fit in with people that were so normal?
He couldn't…
So why did his words affect Izaya so much? Why is it that when Shizuo whispered those words in such a gentle manner, they made Izaya feel a pain in his chest. Something indescribable. Something he feared would happen to him.
When Shizuo uttered those words, Izaya felt blistering fury and hate, but also overwhelming joy and happiness. How could his feelings be so contradicting?
His mind was at war with his heart. Such a silly notion. To claim that the heart was the one responsible for feelings of love, when all feelings and emotions obviously come from one's brain. It was something that humans believed and treasured.
But why was he clinging to this idea?
Why did he find himself walking to the familiar little park in Ikebukuro. Why did he choose the one place he knows Shizuo likes to take his breaks from work? Why did he go seeking the one who caused him all this trouble? Why is it that when he knew he had been spotted, he kept walking as if he didn't realize he was being followed? Why did he stop in an empty alley? Why was he allowing the one he hated most to follow him? Why?
"Izaya."
He turned around in time to feel two strong arms wrap around him.
"Izaya. Where have you been? I was…"
Izaya stood still in the blonde's arms. His gazed off into the distance, spacing out, with the same look Shizuo's brother always gave him.
"Please talk to me. Please."
The taller male never realized that Izaya had pulled out his switch blade. He didn't feel the sharp point of the blade pressed lightly against his back, ready to plunge itself into him.
Izaya blinked a few times trying to get rid of the blurry wetness from his eyes, but it just kept coming back. He hadn't realized that his hands were trembling until he looked down. He clenched his fingers around the blade trying to steady his hand but it only made it worse.
Why was he doing this? What good what it do? If he killed Shizuo, what would happen? What would it do to him?
His brain was telling him to do it already.
What are you waiting for?!
His heart told him to reconsider.
This isn't what you want, and you know it! You love-
He choked out a sob, "I CAN'T!"
His grip loosened completely letting go of the switchblade.
It clattered to the ground, the noise echoing in the alley.
It was then that the tall blonde pulled away and looked at the blade on the dirty ground. His eyes widened, filling with a mixture of many emotions. He turned back to Izaya, with a look of disbelief.
He roughly pushed the raven haired man away, making him stumble back and hit the wall behind him.
It was Izaya's turn to be shocked.
"Shizu-"
"NO!" Shizuo shook his head, "No!…I can't…Izaya, I can't…..how?..."
Shizuo ran a hand through his hair in frustration.
Izaya slowly got up and took a few steps forward, reaching out to the debt collector.
"I didn-"
"DON'T!"
Shizuo's harsh tone caused the informant's hand to quickly recline.
"Izaya, just….GO! Don't ever come back to Ikebukuro, or I will kill you! I mean IT!"
Izaya stood there and watched as Shizuo disappeared around the corner. Disappeared from his life, forever. He was left there whispering the same words over and over and over again.
"…but…Sh-Shiizu-chan….I-I love….I love you….I love you…I love you…"
I love you…