A/N: Yo guys! Gakuen Alice coming right up!
This is Natsume.
And this is me, Mikan!
Enjoy! :)
~Blaze
I hated her.
I hated him.
Ever since she cried like an idiot on day one -
- I mean, seriously, who calls a girl Polka Dots after her panties?!
I absolutely despised her entire existence.
But who could blame me? She blubbered like an idiot into Narumi's - NARUMI, for God's sake - shoulder like a stupid five-year-old, and she hadn't even been in school for more than ten seconds. She was an interesting girl, I'd give her that; not many girls jerked back at me when I glared this so-called frightening glare, and she seemed to be completely immune to my flames when I had tackled her.
But still.
What a moron!
Who grabs a girl by her wrists and pins her to a couch like some sort of pervert? I thought he was gonna do something unforgivable, the way he was looking at me like a - a - ONE OF THOSE THINGS OBA-SAN'S SCARING ME WITH!
Okay, Mikan, good thoughts, good thoughts, good thoughts…
Then she comes waltzing in like a movie star and starts singing about how much we Alice's suck. Che. She was probably blowing steam because she was jealous. She doesn't know anything about this school, does she? What an airhead.
At least I got to meet Hotaru again, right? But then that Natsume throws me into the Northern Woods as if I was a bag of meat for the wolves!
There were no wolves. And she's the one who agreed on going.
Thank Goodness Hotaru came, or else I would've been toast!
I was actually thinking of toasting you myself.
Baka-Natsume!
But then… that girl gets a no-star.
That Jin-Jin's a devil! DEVIL, I TELL YOU!
I couldn't help but feel sorry for her, in a way. The kid had it rough for a girl who just transferred in. Honestly, I couldn't blame her for mooching off of Imai.
But I still. Still. STILL. I still couldn't stand that - that stupid smile that she wore like a medal.
Who can still wear something like that so easily when they're in so much pain?
I still didn't get the jerk. I mean, he was always staring at me with this weird look, as if he wanted something from me, but couldn't get it. He was warm and then cold, open and then closed… he didn't make any sense, that Baka-Natsume.
You know, Ruka-Pyon was the one who changed everything. When he said that Natsume couldn't afford to smile, I… something in me broke. I remembered those feelings when I was a kid. When I couldn't smile after my parents left me alone with Jii-san. And then knowing that Natsume had no one to console him…
Dodgeball was the only answer.
Where in hell's name did she come up with that idea?
Jii-san! I got him! I really got him! Sure, Natsume didn't smile, but… he had fun, Jii-san!
That's progress, right?
How the heck did she see straight through me? She's as blind as a bat, as klutzy as a pair of rollerskates, and yet, yet, YET.
She saw right through my pissy-assed mask.
And later on, I found myself slipping it off, being weak and letting my guard down, and even though I knew - I knew, and I - I couldn't even do anything about it! I couldn't even keep it on for Ruka, who was in lo - who liked her so much, and I couldn't even keep her, shield her away from my darkness, my Yami - since when have I been so selfish?!
...How can she smile, even though she's being treated like dirt? Even though she's been stomped on, spat on, laughed at, hated, everything -
I want to see Natsume smile.
I don't know why. It's just something I… I think he needs. All of the others tell me he shouldn't be messed with, and I know he tells me too. I remember Natsume saying my name like a sharp whisper, a soft, tiny bell, rolling off of his tongue like poison and yet smothering him in a flash of warmth.
He tells me to stay away from his darkness.
I remember Hotaru once telling me that she wanted to have the power to make people warm like I could. She said I could make anyone smile, laugh, heal, and stronger than anything. She said I could shake mountains and break barriers in people's hearts, and I could touch any face and make it shine like sunshine.
Natsume's burns with fire. Maybe if I could just tame it…
Stop following me. Stop chasing me. Stop - stop holding onto me!
I need you, but I can't have you, got it? You're honest with me, and you tell me how much of an idiot I am. You're the only one who wants to understand me, who wants to heal me, but can't you see? These are scars, and not bruises! You can't wash away ice with rain!
Bring down the sky all you want.
But nothing's going to bring summer back.
Funny, how his name has Natsu in it, and yet it feels as though he's a forest fire in the middle of a blizzard.
Funny how he's covered in ice, and yet is able to make me melt so easily.
Can I make him melt, Jii-san? Can I… love him?
I want to hold you, Mikan. I want to keep saying your name, even if it kills me.
I want to be yours, even if it means you won't be mine.
Can I have you, Mikan? Can I… love you back?