Always
'I can't think about always
All I can think about is right now'
The words ring in her head and she sighs. Because everything changed so furiously that is too much. She remembers the dead of her parents. It is captured in her memory - the water filling her lungs , the helpless prayers falling from her lips. The way she felt after she woke up. Then she met him. He was mysterious, everything you see in those teen movies. He helped her. Stefan really helped her. He showed her what was life . And then she thought that they will be together. Nothing will break them apart. But time did. It almost feels like a distant memory , or a blurry dream , captured deep in her memory. Not clear,but always there , reminding her of the past. She never expected that she will be here now. With Damon. He showed her how to live again. That thought alone is enough to make her dizzy. The first days after their reunion are like seconds , everything is fast and rough and overwhelming. The way they moved together, moans and confessions whispered on each other's skin. She never thought that it will be that easy to be with him. She always expects something to happen (apart from the daily fights , she actually finds them normal. And that talks bad about her. About them) She actually wants to run sometimes (every day). Because everything is too much.
That consuming need to be with him. It wasn't like that when the sire bond existed. No, not even close. She feels lightheaded,every morning when she wakes up next to him,his fingers tracing lazy patterns on her skin, making goosebumps appear everywhere. The way she immediately answers to his touch,it scares. It scares her how much she needs him. How much she loves him. Sometimes she thinks she loves him as much as he loves her. And that alone fills her with fear. Because no one should love the way he does.
Sometimes she remembers everything she said to him the night she died. She will never say she is sorry. Because she is not. For her , at that time Stefan was the right choice. 'I can't think about always'. How can a seventeen year old girl even think about this word ? But now she is someone else now. She is stronger , tougher . She is able protect the people she loves. And foremost she is a vampire. An immortal creature. She will live forever. But will she spend the eternity with him ? Yes,she wants to say. But she knows she is lying to herself. Because she can't think this far. She knows that one day she will blow up. They will fight and bicker. Old problems will come out,new questions will appear. They are both stubborn and passionate, it's not normal to be happy forever. This is not a fairy tale. 'But we have an eternity' she whispers and a smile curves on her lips. Because for the first time after she transitioned she doesn't feel scared after thinking about this word.