A/N: Inspired by the Weekly One-Shot Challenge on Gateworld's Sam and Jack Appreciation Thread. The prompt was: hotel.
Thank you to my wonderful beta, Amara for being the second set of eyes I needed.
I do not own any rights to Stargate or to the Eagles or Hotel California, I just borrowed the characters and used the song for inspiration.
Exorcism
She sat on the deck slowly twirling the sweating bottle of Guinness around in her hands. Smoke swirled up from the barbeque as Hotel California began playing in the background and the soft laughter of her friends echoed around her. She took a long slow sip of the stout she'd been toying with and continued to swirl what was left in the bottle.
'Some weekend,' she thought as a heavy sigh escaped her lips.
Truth be told she hadn't had a real weekend in so long that she'd probably forgotten what it was supposed to be like. But she knew she shouldn't be sitting here alone with her drink; she just wished she could make herself relax and enjoy being here in the same easy manner the others seemed to share.
She tipped the bottle back again and closed her eyes as the music filtered through the air.
We are all just prisoners here, of our own device...
'No! Not a prisoner!' She looked slightly panicked to her hands for proof and shook her head trying to clear the terrifying thoughts now assaulting her mind. For a moment she stared at the bruises that adorned her wrists, still angry and purple, still sensitive to touch; then she looked at her teammates around her. Teal'c was playing chess with Cassie, Daniel and Janet were playing a game that reminded her of horseshoes but used beanbags instead, and the Colonel was stationed at the grill just a few feet away happily charring everyone's steaks.
Another deep breath and she downed the rest of the beer and jumped up to go get another. She knew she was going to drink just a little too much today, but she'd let the alcohol bring her solace.
"Carter?"
She flinched and pulled away, dropping the beer bottle when his hand grabbed her arm. She let out the breath she didn't realize she'd been holding. "Sorry, Sir. You startled me."
"Yeah, I can see that. You okay?" The deep concern in his eyes made them look slightly darker than their usual warm chocolate color and despite the current of irrational fear now coursing through her, she felt slightly weak at the knees as she stared into them.
"I'm fine, sir. I just..."
...stab him with their steely knives but they just can't kill the beast...
Her voice fell dead as she froze. She struggled to breath. Her eyes, momentarily wide with fear and panic, slammed shut in her body's effort to steady itself. She felt the Colonel's grip on her arm tighten and she could just barely hear him talking to her over the roaring that now assaulted her ears. "SAM!" He shook her slightly to try and get her to focus. "C'mon, you're okay. Open your eyes and look at me."
She shook her head both in answer to his request and in an effort to once again purge the unwanted remembrances and cloying fear from her weary mind.
Jack nodded to Teal'c to take over and pushed Sam into the house. She stood there in front of the sliding glass door failing to get her legs to obey her command to move.
'Run!'
That's what she really wanted to do, just run!
She was free. She could do it now, just run out the door and keep on going until the only thing stopping her was her body's own exhaustion.
Leave it all behind. Run away.
But her body refused to cooperate until she felt Jack's hands grab her shoulders and steer her over to the table. He sat her in one of the chairs and placed a glass of water in her trembling hands. For a moment she was afraid she'd spill it before she could get the glass to her lips, but once there she was able to take a few sips and the cool water seemed to have a calming effect as it slid down her raw throat.
Tears sprang unbidden to her eyes as she realized what had just happened and she felt her face burn with embarrassment as the effects of the panic attack began to wane. "I'm sorry, sir," she whispered meekly.
"No!" He barked.
Her gaze flew to his, torment swirling in his rich brown eyes. Guilt, anger, and something else she couldn't place blended there with an overwhelming compassion.
"Carter, what happened last week sucked. And it's okay to still be scared, God knows we all were. It's also okay to get mad or sad or drink yourself stupid and run around naked singing God Save the Queen, whatever you want or need to do to make yourself feel better. But you will not apologize to me for feeling whatever it is you are feeling. You got that?"
"Yes, sir. Thank you."
With a "C'mere," she let him pull her up into the hug they both so desperately needed and he held onto her until the tears had passed. Letting her linger in the embrace, he laid a kiss atop her head as she rested with her cheek against his chest.
"God, Carter, I thought I'd lost you."
She looked up and saw his anguish and it broke her resolve. She wrapped herself back up in his arms for once letting her heart gain the upper hand over her head.
A gentle breeze brought the smells of their late summer barbeque and the sounds of their friends' laughter dancing through the kitchen. Sam smiled, her face still buried in Jack's chest. Demons gone, she sighed as his arms tightened protectively and lovingly around her. 'Some weekend.'