I Remember the First Time

by Youkai no Hikaru

[ONE SHOT] I remember the day I fell out of love with my girlfriend…..I remember the day when she told me that she gave up…I remember the day when I realized I couldn’t live without her. SessKag

A/n: yeah my first one shot tell me what you think about it…this fic is kind of based on true events. It's in Sesshomaru's POV.

I Remember the First Time

By: Youkai no Hikaru

Summary: I remember the day I fell out of love with my girlfriend…..I remember the day when she told me that she gave up…I remember the day when I realized I couldn't live without her. Sess/Kag

I walked down the sidewalk. It was the first day of spring when the cherry blossoms came to bloom.

I remember the first time I walked down here. It was with her. I remember those amazingly clear blue eyes staring at me while her rosy lips chatted away. Oh how I wanted to kiss those lips with all my heart.

I remember the first time I heard her broken voice. I called her to tell her about my new girlfriend. She told me that she hoped it would work out and that my new girlfriend was one lucky girl.

I remember the first time we first fought. We were at the park and she yelled at me for never trying to be there for her. I hugged her tightly and told her I was sorry. She told me, "I forgive you." We stayed in that embrace for a long time. My girlfriend, Kagura, walked in on the hug and got mad and stormed away. I apologized once again to my best friend. She nodded her head and understood why. I ran after Kagura and told her that it was only a friendly hug and that my best friend was just another girl. My best friend heard that, and I saw her bring her head down and walk away downcast. I've never felt so guilty in my life.

I remember the first time when I kissed her. She was waiting for me after school to take the walk home we always did. 2 main streets and an inside street. I poked her sides to make her laugh. I always hated it when she was silent. I put my arms around her shoulders, and was surprised when she leaned into them. The time came when we had to part. I had to keep going down the street, but we were at her house. I was never invited in, I didn't expect to. I went to hug her like I always did, but she stopped me. She told me, "Sesshomaru don't." She began to tell me how bad it was. She said I was cheating on my girlfriend. I told her it was just a friendly hug. She said no. She told me that she didn't want any more hugs and she ranted on about how my girlfriend was more important than her and that she'd feel bad and that it wasn't fair. I shut her up but placing my mouth over hers. I wrapped my arms around her and held her close when I kissed her softly. I let go of her. She blushed and she began to walk away. But she turned back kissed me on the cheek and scampered away up the shrine steps to her home.

I remember the first time I told her I loved her. Her bright blue eyes glistened with so much happiness and she gave me a genuine happy smile. A smile I hadn't seen in a long time. It made my heart melt to see it. And I realized that day, I would do anything to make her happy. I never thought I could be so wrong in so many ways on my quest to keep her happy.

I remember the first time I got dumped by my girlfriend. Kagura said she just wanted to be friends and that it wasn't working out. I became depressed and more antisocial than I already was. I called my best friend. She sounded really sad for me. I told her not to be sad, and that I'd be better by tomorrow. She didn't believe me. She said, "I hope you feel better soon." I told her I was gonna be. I guess my voice cracked and she became concerned and asked me if there was anything she could do. I told her no and that it was all right. We hung up after that. In two days, Kagura came back to me. She said she missed me so much and that she didn't like being apart. So we got back together. I was ecstatic. I called my best friend and she exclaimed, "THAT'S GREAT! AWESOME! I'm happy for you." I wish I could have seen her face. She was so good at faking things on the phone. Her face was the only way I could tell what was going on. I met up with her again after school like I always did. When she saw me arrive, she smiled. The smile didn't reach her eyes. It was a sad smile. I couldn't tell what was wrong. I asked her but she said it was nothing. I was so blind then.

I remember the day when things became more intimate. Suddenly I found myself hugging my best friend all the time. I kissed her whenever I could, just so that she would smile that wonderful smile of hers. I later found myself always looking over my shoulder in case we were caught. I hadn't broken up with Kagura, and I didn't want to. It wouldn't be fair to her to break with her because I was having this relationship with my best friend. 3 months later Kagura found out from someone that I was cheating on her. She dumped me and I fell into another depression. I told my sweetheart that she found out somehow, but she didn't know with whom I cheated on her with. My sweetheart looked at me with worried eyes and told me that she was sorry. I told her none of it was her fault, that it was mine. She said it was partially her fault because she knew I had a girlfriend but still let me get away with kissing her and stuff like that, when she should have had the strength to say no. I could see that she was genuinely sympathetic to me, but there was that little glimmer of happiness in her eyes. I couldn't tell what she was thinking.

I remember the day Kagura took me back. She said that she forgave me. I was happy. I saw my sweetheart staring at us down the hall as we kissed and made up. Her face was so broken and looked hopeless. My sweetheart's best friend took her away from us and gave me a death glare. I felt more guilty than happy. I went to the spot where I would always walk home with my sweetheart, but she wasn't there. I waited for 2 hours, but she never came. Maybe she had already left. I called my sweetheart, but she didn't pick up the phone. Had I done something wrong? I left her a message saying that my girlfriend took me back even though I had messed up so bad. I told her that NO ONE ever took me back after being hurt. I told my sweetheart that I wasn't gonna screw up my second chance with Kagura. The next day, I caught my sweetheart before she left school. She gave me that same damned smile and said, "Hey." I could clearly see she was sad. I asked her if she wanted to walk home together. She shrugged and said, "Sure." We stopped at her house, and she walked up the steps to her home without even saying goodbye. I rushed to catch up to her. I caught up with her and hugged her. She turned around in surprise. I kissed her on the lips again and whispered, "I'm sorry for hurting you, Kagome" against her lips. She kissed me back full force and told me she forgave me. Her kisses always sent me reeling. I always lost all logic and common sense when she did.

I remember the day when I fell out of love with my girlfriend. It was the same day I finally admitted to myself that I loved Kagome. But I couldn't break things off with Kagura. That girl was so in love with me. I couldn't break her heart. I had to wait till I was sure she wouldn't kill herself if I dumped her. I told Kagome my idea and she told me that she thought that was probably a good idea, since I almost tried to drink myself to death when my 3rd girlfriend dumped me.

I remember the day when Kagura dumped me for the 2nd time. It was at my annual New Year's party and she suggested that I check my email. I told her, "If I must." I looked in my inbox and the first email there read: "Subject: I'm Sorry." I printed it out to read later, but apparently my idiot half-brother got a hold of it and read it aloud, the stupid drunk. Everyone at the party looked at me with sympathy, and said, "Ouch, sorry man." I was so angry. I went upstairs and locked myself in my room. The next day, Kagome called me in the morning like she always did. She asked me, "How was the party?" I told her the party was ruined. I told her I was single…again. I told Kagome about the email and how Inuyasha had read it aloud.

On the phone Kagome sounded so irritated and concerned, "Jeez! How could she do that! At your party!? By email?!? Inuyasha that baka! I'm sorry Sesshomaru, I hope you're okay."

I told her I was more mad than sad. Kagome told me that she hoped I'd feel better soon. My party happened on Saturday. On Monday, Kagura came up to me again and said she wanted to stay together. I told Kagome, and she asked me if I was going back to her. I said probably not. She said, "Good, 'cause if you do, I'm done." And I didn't understand what she meant. Before I could ask her to elaborate she quickly said she had to go and hung up the phone.

I remember the day Kagome told me she gave up. The next day, my friend had brought up a good point. He said that I should give Kagura a second chance since I was caught cheating and she took me back. I decided I would. I called Kagome around 8 at night and told her I was going to go back to Kagura.

"Why?" she asked me softly.

"My friend had brought up a good point, so I'm coming back to her. She's the only who's ever taken me back after something like this," I told her.

"I always take you back, Sesshomaru…"she added.

"I know it hurts you to hear this, but please after this Kagura and I are done." I assured her.

I heard her take a deep breath. "Sesshomaru, if you go back to her…I'm done."

"What?" I asked incredulously.

"You heard me, I can't do this anymore. I can't have you going around and then always using as a backup every time something goes wrong between you and Kagura. I'm NOT your fuckbuddy!" she cried.

"Kagome…please don't cry. I'm sorry." I whispered to her.

"Well, sorry isn't going to cut it anymore. I give up Seeshomaru! I can't wait around for you anymore! Please…just let me stay mad at you this time. It'll be easier for me. Please Sess…" Kagome hung up. I could tell she was crying.

I remember a few days after. It was after school. Kagome was waiting at our spot. I smiled I walked up to her. She waved, but it wasn't to me. Kagome was waving to her new best friend, Sango. They were walking home together. Sango had come over to say she couldn't walk today for she had classes. Kagome nodded and waved goodbye. She stopped mid-way when she saw me. Kagome turned around abruptly and walked in a fast pace home. I ran after her and held her arms.

"Kagome!" She was trying to squirm away. "Kagome! Please listen to me! I'm sorry for being a jerk to you! I love you, Kagome!"

As I confessed my love aloud to her, she stopped her struggling. She stared at me with those lovely blue eyes. They were looking at me in awe, but in a second they flashed to anger. Kagome shoved me off of her.

"How dare you? You can't say you love me! You don't hurt the person you love!" she yelled. In a whisper she added, "You can't say you love me, if you won't be with me."

She turned around again and started walking away. We were coming near the first main street. I was determined to get her to forgive me. I walked quickly to catch up with her. This time I held her arms roughly.

"Kagome! I need you to forgive me! You have my heart! You know it! Kagome! Please listen to me! I'm sorry for using you. I'm sorry for treating you like crap. I'm sorry for everything I've done to hurt you!" I told her with desperation in my voice.

Kagome struggled. "I don't believe you! Let go of me Sesshomaru! I already told you! Sorry isn't going to work anymore! Let go of me Sesshomaru! LET GO!"

She slapped me. In my shock, I let go of her. She ran off toward the main street. I yelled for her to stop. As she was crossing, it was as if time had slowed. All of a sudden, I saw every single thing that was happening: A car chase and the sirens on the police cars. There was a burglary. The chase was headed our way. It was headed directly at Kagome. She wouldn't cross in time. I felt a sinking in the pit of my stomach and my heart slowly breaking.

Kagome turned to look back at me to see if I was following. Her eyes widened as she heard the sirens and zooming cars. Then in a second, a stolen blue sedan crashed into her. I ran as fast as I could, trying to prevent what should not have happened. I knew I would be too late. The car had hit her and ran. Her mangled body tumbled on the street. And she didn't move an inch. She was silent.

The rest was a blur. I remember the ambulance. The horrified cries of the witnesses. The tears. I remember them nurses asking my relation to Kagome. I told her boyfriend, even though we never went on a date.

I remember her pale face. She was fighting I could tell. But I could also see it was a losing battle. She had cracked her neck, which paralyzed her. Kagome had a broken arm, some broken ribs. There were bruises, cuts, and scratches everywhere. Every breath she took was short and raspy.

I remember when the HRM flat lined. I had sat there stunned, while all the nurses did all they could until the doctor arrived. But no matter what they did, her heart would not beat again.

I remember the day when I realized I couldn't live without her. It was a day too late, maybe months overdue. She had loved me with all her heart. And I crushed it every time I told her some thing about another girl that wasn't her. Maybe we were never meant to be. A pair of star-crossed lovers…no…it was my fault. I was so blind thinking she would always be there. I had taken advantage of her. And as they lowered her body into her grave I realized I would never hear her chiming laughter. I would never see those crystal blue eyes. And I would never kiss those rosy lips again.

A/n: well that's it…… what did u guys think!?!?!? REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!!! Too short for a one-shot?!?!?