"Shepard, you really need to stop dying on me."
The rasp was thicker, the voice low from a throat ripped raw. His words were a whisper, a prayer on deaf ears that only echoed off of the Loft's blank ceiling.
In the past few years, he had seen what the galaxy could call gods. Things that spied on all creatures, that knew your mind and could change its most basic chemistry. Things of metal and blood that spoke only of destruction. Gods of stone given way to ancient artifacts and older peoples. All were lies.
Still he prayed. He spoke to whatever was out there that could not answer. In his dreams, on the good days, he spoke to Shepard.
But there hadn't been a good day in some time. He hadn't slept in weeks, not well anyway. While they patched the Normandy up and prepped it to bring them back to Earth from this unknown nook of space, Kaidan did what he could. And each night he returned to his bunk in the crew deck, exhausted enough in body but active still in mind. As the shifts rotated and the sounds of night seeped through the patched hull, he woke what seemed like every minute into a darkness without rest.
No one said anything when he started sleeping in the Commander's quarters. Regulations didn't matter here, and protocol was already shot to hell. Despite the cold sheets and the large room, empty but for the models and the silent fish and that ever-present hum, here he felt less alone. Here, he tried to understand – to guess what had happened after Shepard left him behind.
It was the guessing that was driving him mad.
The Shadow Broker set her hands on the cold metal desk, stretching her shoulders as her door hissed shut. The comm light flickered green once it established a connection.
"Liara." Garrus' voice acknowledged. They still hadn't managed to fix that static.
"I'm worried about him."
"Shepard? Or Kaidan?"
Liara sighed and pushed herself back to standing. "Well. Both of them. Of course." She stared up at the wall of black screens before her. Without those screens, the Broker was flying blind. It was odd to be just Liara again. Freeing, but it was at a time where that missing limb was needed the most. After fleeing the wave of red that washed through space, it was all any of them, particularly Joker, could do to focus on landing the ship without killing everyone on board.
"He'll be fine, you know, once we get going," another voice chimed in. "Kaidan was always the... brooding type."
Liara paused. "Tali? How did you access this line?"
Silence answered her, but even without all of her agents and her surveillance equipment, that was enough. Liara laughed to herself.
"Well, then tell Joker we'd better get going soon. Liara out."
A heartbeat.
A gasp for breath.
Every atom screams, and neurons fire along paths of familiar rage.
But there is no battle cry.
No bursting stream of light.
Just a faint hum.
"Commander."
"Commander!"
He woke with a snap. The leftover crackle of the comm filled the room, waiting. He tried to remember the question.
"What?" Kaidan shook his head and pressed a finger against a throbbing temple. Joker's voice did not go well with morning. Or what he assumed was morning. Somehow, he missed the spark-lit, even black of deep space.
"Major, if you wanna come up to the CIC, I think we're ready for launch."
He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and straightened slowly. This was worth it – getting out of bed and getting dressed to start the journey that felt like it had been years in the making.
"I'll be right there, Joker," he called, "Don't start the show without me."
Who knew where he had stowed a full dress uniform or in what kind of armored container it had survived the crash, but Alenko entered the CIC in style. In Alliance navy blue, he stood taller than he had in weeks, since those last hours before the final push to the center of London.
A bloody hand on his cheek. A fleeting, desperate kiss goodbye.
He focused on straightening the slight limp in his gait as he strode up the short ramp to the galaxy map display. It was a better shadow to cling to than the memory.
The display was beautiful – the stars danced their slow circle around a galactic core that pulsed with light. How far away those stars seemed now without their connecting webs. Whatever had come behind them has been big, and shot through the relays one by one. Interstellar travel without the use of relays hadn't happened in years. It hadn't been needed, until now. Hopefully, some would be up and working. Enough to get them to Earth.
Out of old practice, he picked out their system – Sol with its shining sun. It would be a long journey, but they would get there in time.
"You'd better be there, Shepard." He stared at the tiny rendition of earth unblinking for a long moment.
Husks, Marauders, twisted forms of every species attacking from all sides. Bodies everywhere, whole and in pieces. Buildings scratched and scarred as if stone and concrete were nothing. Frantic notes left up on consoles for people who would never read them. London and lives in ruins.
"Sir?" Traynor's delicate throat clearing brought him back to the ship and the crew standing around the display with their eyes on him. He had never been very good at letting things go.
But he nodded, and signaled to Joker at the front of the ship. "Are we ready?"
EDI's voice answered immediately, echoing through all communications terminals on the ship. Her ship.
"All systems go. Ready for launch."
Kaidan smiled.
"Then take us home, Mister Moreau."
"Alright, everybody, hold onto your hats!" Joker's hands flicked along the translucent orange displays in a frenzied whirl. "Or helmets or…whatever."
With some worrying rattling, a bit of shaking, and a keen and dizzying split-second sense of vertigo, they were gone. Free of tree branches and wildlife and atmosphere and out into the cold, blissfully empty void of space. Kaidan could swear that he could tell the moment that it happened; that he could breathe easier, though that may simply have been because they were finally underway.
Cheers echoed along the halls from the bay to the loft. They were airborne, and nothing could stop them now.
Toe to heel, and despite the protest of his lingering injuries, Kaidan turned and descended the platform. His part was done for now, and a mantle had been lifted from his shoulders. He was not a suitable replacement for the Commander – no one could be. As a leader, a hero, and an exemplar of Victory, Shepard couldn't be matched. He was the best humanity had to offer – and the best Kaidan had to offer humanity.
He liked to imagine sometimes that he had had that choice.
He had heard that last red beam sweep the field as the bay doors shut and he listened the explosions and screams that followed. But Shepard was the best of humanity, of the damned galaxy, and that's why he made it. That's why the Crucible must have worked. And that's why he had to still be alive.
And they would find him.
His face tilted upward, "Keep us steady EDI." As he turned toward the elevator, he thought of the body lying in the AI core. "Good to hear your voice."
"Thank you, Major Alenko," her disembodied voice followed him on the descent to the crew deck. "I have reintegrated fully into the Normandy's systems, but until now most of my processing power has gone into repairing the ship."
"Glad we could help." He leaned back on the railing. "Plans to fix the mobile… you?"
"Already underway." Was that resolve in her voice? "Jeff has indicated that it is to be a high priority for Admiral Tali'Zorah and Engineer Adams to repair the platform before we reach Earth."
"Huh. Didn't know Joker wanted to give the orders around here."
"He generally would not, but he said that they did not seem to mind. Engineer Donnelly was also eager to assist, but Joker reminded him that someone needed to mind the FTL drive."
A corner of his lips quirked upwards. "Sounds like Joker's jealous."
"There is a high probability." The elevator doors sighed open. "If so, it is very…sweet."
He averted his eyes from the memorial wall and made his way towards the lounge. "Yeah, EDI, I guess it is."
He needed a drink.
Shadow Broker Console: Access
Biometrics recognized.
Welcome Doctor T'Soni.
No new updates from the network. Still seeking connection.
Shadow Broker Console: Logout