Last Huxon fic from me for a while (if not forever), hope you like it x
Better That We Break
I knew it was going to be hard, saying goodbye, hugging her for the last time, letting her slip through my fingers like she had done so many times before. I didn't know it was going to be quite so difficult. Watching her walk away from me, like I'd seen her do before one too many times, was more difficult than I have ever imagined. Every other time she walked away, I knew that some day she'd come back to me. This time, I was the one leaving her; it was as if I was running away from my emotions this time. It's ironic really, the amount of times I tried to persuade Sam to admit to her feelings instead of running away from them and here I was doing the same thing in a way.
I never knew perfection 'tilI heard you speak, and now it kills meJust to hear you say the simple thingsNow waking up is hard to doAnd sleeping is impossible tooEverything is reminding me of youWhat can I do?
I'm not really sure why I accepted the job at Specialised Crimes. The atmosphere there was completely different to what I was used to at Sun Hill. When you walk into the office here, it's just like meeting up with your mates, everyone is so close. Specialised Crimes couldn't have been more different. At Sun Hill, I was able to get out of jobs I didn't want to do, simply by paying the odd blonde PC a compliment. It was different there though. I felt so isolated. It's no wonder Grace is so cold towards everyone else, coming from a workplace like that. So why did I accept the DI position? Power, I guess. It certainly wasn't for the change of scenery; not one of those ladies was even slightly pretty. And the extra money was a plus. Still, I think I'd prefer to stay at Sun Hill.It's not right, not OKSay the words that you sayMaybe we're better off this way?I'm not fine, I'm in painIt's harder everydayMaybe we're better off this way?It's better that we break…
I missed Sam more than I ever thought I could. And I was only gone for a short period of time. Leaving her forever…well I don't want to think about how I'm going to cope. I can still phone her obviously, but it won't be the same. Sam's not only been a colleague, my boss even. She's been a friend and a lover too. The best and pretty much the only friend I had. It was a rocky road to start with I can't deny that, so in a way I'm glad Dennis Weaver tried to kill me, however strange that sounds. It brought me and Sam closer together, made me realise how much I wanted her. Needed her. Loved her.A fool to let you slip awayI chase you just to hear you sayYou're scared and that you think that I'm insane
I know she was scared of how she felt. She'd been hurt so many times in the past so she was scared of giving in to her feelings. I understood that, I tried to help her. Trying to help Sam Nixon wasn't the easiest of tasks. She didn't like accepting help from others, she thought it made her weak. If only she'd let me help her, maybe we could still be together now. Maybe I wouldn't have accepted the job. Maybe I wouldn't be sitting here wondering how things have changed between us. Maybe I wouldn't be feeling so damn sorry for myself.The city look so nice from herePity I can't see it clearlyWhile you're standing there, it disappearsIt disappears
It's funny how one day can differ from the next. One day you feel like the luckiest man on the planet; you've got a job you love, the woman you love, and everything's going well. The next day you're a broken man. A shadow of your former self as they say. I hate that. The way life can change from one moment to the next without any warning. It hurts. I had it all in Romania, all I'd ever wanted was to spend the night with Sam, and that's what happened. Strange how a person can change when their out of their usual surroundings. I finally had the woman I had been dreaming about for months in my arms. Maybe not in the circumstances I had imagined, but it was good enough for me. It's not right, not OKSay the word it should sayMaybe we're better off this way?I'm not fine, I'm in painIt's harder everyday
I assumed that when we came back to London, our relationship (if you could call it that) would continue, just as in Romania. I guess I was wrong. Very wrong. She acted like nothing had happened. That's what I don't understand about women. In fact I'll never understand a thing about women, they drive me insane. And yet I still go chasing them. I don't understand myself sometimes either.
Maybe we're better off this way?It's better that we breakSo you sitting all aloneYou're fragile and you're cold, but that's all right
Life these days is getting roughThey've knocked you down and beat you upBut it's just a rollercoaster anyway, yeahIt's true what they say, about life being a rollercoaster. But you just got to live with it I suppose. Everyone else is in the same boat so I'll have to cope like everyone else. I'll have to cope with saying my goodbyes. If there's one thing I hate, it's saying goodbye. Everyone gets all emotional and you don't know what to say. It's a nightmare. Saying goodbye to Sam was a hundred times worse though. I felt crushed.
It's not right, not OKSay the words that you sayMaybe we're better off this way?I'm not fine, I'm in painIt's harder everydayMaybe we're better off this way?
Maybe I'm best off without her. Or at least that's what I'll keep on telling myself and one day maybe I'll start to believe it. She broke my heart just as many times as I broke hers, not that I'll admit that. I'll miss her. I'll never stop missing her.
I'm not fine, not OKSay the words that you sayMaybe we're better off this way?One day I'll be able to cope without her. I'll get over her some day. I'll move on. However much it may hurt me, I can do it. I have in the past. Not that I ever loved Cindy or Kate half as much as I do Sam.
I'm not fine, I'm in painIt's harder everydayMaybe we're better off this way?It's better that we break, baby
I may be able to get over her one day. But I'll never forget about her. And I definitely will never stop loving her.
Please R&R x