Bananas
"Jean, when you go to the market today, could you pick up another bunch of bananas for me?" Lucien requested.
She turned from the stove where she was making breakfast and frowned. "What happened to the last bunch you had me get? They disappeared."
"I've used them."
Her eyes narrowed with suspicion. "Used them how?"
"I've been using them in demonstrations with patients," he replied. Lucien could feel his ears grow warm. He knew Jean would be cross with the full explanation, and he hoped he wouldn't need to give it.
"Lucien, I'm not spending the grocery allowance on bananas until you explain what you're doing."
He was about to tell her when he paused, reflecting on her words. "Hang on, what grocery allowance? I don't give you an allowance for groceries."
She scoffed, "No, you have absolutely no concept of household finances, so I give myself an allowance. Otherwise, you'd go broke, and we would all go hungry."
Lucien nodded slowly. "That's very sensible of you, Jean. And I can promise I am not being wasteful with the bananas. And I do need more."
"Lucien!" Jean was properly frustrated now.
He couldn't help but chuckle. "Alright, fine. Come into the surgery, and I'll show you."
Jean followed him down the hall to find a single banana sitting on the exam table. "What on earth is going on here?"
Lucien opened a drawer and removed a small box. Inside were square wrappers. He took one out and opened it. "Married couples sometimes come to me with problems conceiving children. Sometimes that problem is conceiving too many children. I am the only supplier in Ballarat of condoms for use in family planning. And before I give any to my patients, I teach them how to put them on. And a banana works very well as a model. When they leave, I let them keep the banana. That's why I need more," he told her calmly, trying desperately to keep his voice from shaking as he forced his eyes to remain focused on putting a condom on the banana. He couldn't bear to see Jean's face.
Jean was glad he wasn't looking at her. He'd probably laugh at her, knowing him. He'd think it was funny that she found the very idea of it mortifying. Never mind her strict Catholic sensibilities. Never mind her own personal sense of morality. How could she not have known what he was doing in the house right under her nose?
After an awkward silence, Lucien cleared his throat. "Uh, yes, well, do you have any questions?"
Jean pursed her lips, preparing herself to be mocked by him. But then she decided otherwise. "Yes, actually, I do. Are you charging your patient s for the bananas, or are they a free gift with the purchase of contraception?"
Lucien finally looked over to her and started to laugh. She had been the one to make a joke! Perhaps he had misjudged his buttoned-up housekeeper. "No, I don't charge them for it. But perhaps I should."
"If they're coming out of our grocery expenses, you'd better pass on the cost." With that, Jean squared her shoulders and walked out with her head held high.
Lucien watched her with a smirk on his face. As her swishing hips left his view, he took the condom off the banana, peeled it, and took a bite, chuckling to himself as he ate.