A/N: Best. Pairing. EVER. Next to Balthier/Penelo, of course. This is a 'five things that never happened to Ashe & Vaan' kind of thing, I guess. First Final Fantasy XII fic. Yay! 8D

So, the ending? IS TOTALLY CONSIDERED AU. That is all.

Summary: "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." – Tyler Durden, Fight Club.

Disclaimer: You guys know the drill. Not mine, woe, angst, need more Balthier/Penelo, etc.

— Casino Cloud Royalty
Ashe/Vaan

i.

Ashe is very aware that her skirt is very short. She is also very aware of how easy it is to manipulate men when her skirt is very short. Most men, at least.

"Jump!" the boy cries.

She does and he catches her and his hands wrap firmly around the back of her thighs as she does so, and for one fleeting instance, she thinks, This boy has hands as deadly as my sword.

When he releases her, her skin tingles and burns where his fingertips pressed and his palms brushed, and Ashe is suddenly very, very thankful when he doesn't give her a second glance.

ii.

Vaan, Ashe decides, is a complete and utter fool. Why else would he go running into a pack of Panthers without a weapon, MP or any items when he already knows the rest of the party isn't that much better off?

Because he's a fool, of course. At least, that's what Ashe rationalizes as she fights off another Panther. There had only been five at first, but some had drifted in from the side paths as the battle had progressed and now she's stuck trying to fend off two at once, protect Vaan's prone and petrified body from harm, and not fall off the side of the path. Honestly, who could possibly think it was a good idea to build trails for travelers by suspending them mid-air?

Twisting away from one Panther as it brings its claws down, Ashe swears that when Vaan is finally able to move again, she's going to murder him.

Half an hour later, Vaan is healed by a very haggard looking Penelo and barely has time to blink before she's on him. "What were you thinking?" she snaps, furious and refusing to admit she'd been worried. "Do you have any idea the strain you put on all of us? We were barely able to make it out of that little predicament alive!"

Vaan scratches the back of his head, laughing awkwardly. "You mean you guys didn't see the Hi-Potions scattered behind them?"

They all stare at him. He smiles nervously. "I guess not."

"You were… a decoy?" Balthier asks, eyebrows raised. Vaan nods slowly.

Penelo slaps him in the arm weakly, eyelids drooping. "You could've mentioned that, you know, before you took off like a crazy person with your arms flailing."

"Sorry," Vaan says, his smile crooked. "I wasn't really thinking."

"Clearly," Ashe mutters, rubbing her temples.

Vaan grins at her and it's all she can do not to grin back.

iii.

They're trapped in a cave on the Paramina Rift, separated from the rest of the group, and Vaan is suggesting they huddle together for warmth. Ashe is sceptical and trying to force down a blush and very not amused.

"No."

"C'mooooon," Vaan whines as he bumps his shoulder against hers. "I don't want to freeze to death."

"Then why don't you start a fire?"

Vaan sulks. "Fine," he huffs, climbing to his feet. "But when you're cold and shivering and wishing you'd listened to me, just remember: it's your own fault."

"I shall keep that in mind."

Vaan's pout returns as he pulls dead branches off the floor of the cave that had blown in with the snowstorm, throwing them into a pile between them. After what feels like hours of silence, the blizzard still raging intensely outside, Ashe finally speaks.

"I believe Fate is frowning down upon me," she grouses, curling up closer to the fire. "Perhaps she does not want us to succeed."

"I believe," Vaan starts, tone light and teasing, "that you've been hanging around Basch waaaaay too long." He grins crookedly at her. "Maybe I should talk to Balthier about having you switch into our party for a while. Get away from all the deep, meaningful, insightful… stuff."

Ashe snorts and it's the most unladylike thing Vaan has seen her do since their journey began. "I do not recommend doing that."

He blinks, curious. "Why?"

"Because, if you do, you may soon find yourself helping Penelo fend off a certain sky pirate with her staff." She rubs at her ring finger absently, the bare skin beneath her fingertips still foreign feeling. She lowers her hands before Vaan can see, but he catches her anyway.

"Penelo can actually handle herself pretty well. Her older brothers taught her a lot before the War came," he tells her, pretending to have not seen her fidgeting. The flicker of firelight dancing over his features makes his sad smile look almost haunted. He perks up in an instant though, almost smirking as he continues, "And, if Balthier tries anything, Basch will flay him."

Ashe snorts again, allowing herself to let down her guard for just a moment. "Yes," she muses, "I suppose he will."

iv.

Ashe sees Rasler in Vaan some days. It's the stubborn streak, though Rasler had been a more endearing, sophisticated kind of stubborn, whereas Vaan is just headstrong. It's the way Vaan looks to the horizon and sees something bigger and better than Archadia and Dalmasca and Rabanastre and sky pirating, and believes one day things will be alright. Mostly, though, it's the half-grin that doesn't reach his eyes when he says, "nothing. Not even my brother."

Ashe sees Rasler in the-boy-who-is-Vaan-yet-not.

"He is not him, Majesty," Basch says with his deep baritone voice and sympathizing tone and cautious eyes. "He is not Lord Rasler; do not try to love a ghost."

"It is not love," Ashe snaps, nose in the air as she stalks ahead of the knight. "And it certainly has nothing to do with ghosts."

Basch sighs and shakes his head. "Do not chase memories you have no wish to catch," he says softly, and his voice, his low, calm, horribly right voice rumbles through Ashe's chest. "You'll only end up loving what isn't there."

v.

There is an airship hovering a hundred and fifty or so odd feet away from her window, just outside the castle's perimeters, and the silver wedding ring from years before feels heavy and strange around her finger. The airship disappears after two days; the weighted, unwelcome feeling the ring bears does not.

Several days later, Vaan climbs up to her window, hauls himself over the white railing, and tumbles into her room in a heap. She stares at him long and hard before saying, "You do realize that, had you used the front entrance like everyone else, you would've been up here just as quickly and far less bruised?"

"Well, yeah," he answers sheepishly, scratching his cheek. "But, it's more of an adventure when there's the thrill of being caught."

She sighs. "What are you doing in my room, Vaan?"

He chews the inside of his lower lip. "I wanted to ask you something."

Something in her chest clenches. "Oh?"

"Do you love Balthier?"

Her eyes widen, startled. "O – Of course not!"

His smile is almost disappointed when he murmurs, "You stuttered."

He leaves her, and the room seems empty, not spacious now. Empty. She sits on her bed and twist the metal band that had sealed her marriage around her finger, wishing she'd left with him.

That night, he comes back.

"One last chance," he says, and he's almost pleading with her.

"Vaan," she says quietly, and she reaches out to touch him but stops halfway. "I never had a chance to begin with."

He looks like he was expecting her to say that, like he has it all planned out in head. "You always have a chance, a choice."

"I am Queen of Dalmasca. I cannot simply leave to go and pursue frivolous adventures with a group of skypirates," she replies coolly, and she's hoping it'll be enough to make him leave, to make him stop looking at her with those hopeful eyes.

"Why not?" He takes a step towards her. "What's keeping you here, Ashe?"

Ashe swallows hard. "Rasler," she whispers, and she hopes he gets it.

He does. "Oh."

When Vaan leaves again that night, he doesn't come back.

Four days later too late, Ashe tucks her wedding ring away in her dresser and never looks at it again.