AN: A couple things before you push that scroll bar and start reading. 1) I decided to do a sort of playlist for the entire fanfic. Each chapter will have its own designated song that will go with it. The title will have the name of the song then the band that sings it. I recommend listening to the song as you read. ;-) But that's just what I think. 2) If anyone would be willing to Beta for me, that would be amazing. I always feel like there's something that could be fixed and if I had a second opinion that would be greatly appreciated. 3) I would really love some reviews. Flames are accepted, as long as you tell me why you hate it. I need to know your opinions, so be sure to click that little button and leave something that will tell me if I should continue, what should be fixed, what you think, what you may want to happen, all that good stuff. :D 4) Just to help you peeps visualize what I see when I write this, I'll be posting pictures of the characters in my profile. I won't be putting in anybody who is in the actual books though (Aro, Felix, Jane, etc.), since all of you already have your own opinions on those. It'll just be the characters I create. Be sure to check that out. 5) I really don't have a fifth, I just wanted to wish you all happy reading!! :D

Disclaimer: I own Amato (it's Italian- very cool in my book :P). That's about it. The rest belongs to Stephenie Meyer. For now at least...oh! And the song belongs to Boxcar Racer.

Letters to God- Boxcar Racer

I had never thought the day would come. Death had seemed so far away and completely impossible. How could the undead, become the dead? A stone may be crushed, but can it perish? How can one man go from invincible, to defenseless in less than a day? Was there an afterlife for the damned?

I had never thought of these questions, but now I had more reason to. You would think that after all the blood that has been spilled by my hands I would have solved them. But I haven't. Death has been lurking in my shadow since the day I was reborn, yet its ugly head has never glanced my way. It has been my companion, but never my enemy.

Until now.

Felix lead me through crowds of people who rushed to the sides of the hall as we passed. Their curious eyes followed our every movement, wondering what could have possibly put me in these circumstances. All of them had once been my companions, but they were now my adversaries. Men and women alike who I had trusted my life with, were now ironically taking mine. This place that I had once called home, was now more comparable to a war zone. I had always known this life to be a constant battle for survival, but I had never thought that I would be the one fighting for it.

However, I had nothing to worry about. Everything was settled. All that was left with my plan was my death. Then all would be well, and that is what scared me. What if even after my death, this would not end? What if it doesn't solve anything? I had planned everything precisely, with accuracy that could keep any Volturri member from asking questions, but what if they did? What if they saw through the lie and looked at the truth that lay right beneath their noses? Would it devastate my plot?

I needed to stop now. If I kept up such thinking people would ask questions, and people asking questions would only cause more problems. As long as I stayed cool and calm, not even Aro would figure this one out.

Felix stopped abruptly in front of a large, mahogany door. "Go in," he whispered, his voice hoarse. "The brothers will not be kept waiting." He didn't look at me as I pushed past him and through the door. Conversation stopped abruptly; eyes fixed themselves upon me; and I stood taking it all in.

"Amato! Dear friend, do come closer." Aro broke through the people to place himself in my line of vision. His grin spread across his face like a disease. "Heidi will be returning with supper soon, so let us finish this quickly." Aro snapped his fingers toward Jane and Alec. "Come now children." Jane turned her gaze on me, and I fell to the floor in agonizing pain. No matter how many times I experienced her power, I still could never get over the agony of it. She was putting all her anger into it, and I had no choice but to fall yelping and convulsing into a helpless heap on the floor.

From a distance, I heard Aro command her to stop. Alec had me in his grip, keeping me from moving from my position on the floor. Jane stood by in case I made any unwanted movement.

Aro was now standing before me, his face full of sorrow and pain. His mood always changed faster than the speed of light. "I don't know what to say Amato. You have always been…such a great asset, but now I do not know. What you have done is inexcusable, and completely…horrifying. What have you to say for yourself?" My eyes never left his, and my mouth stayed shut. "Speak, Amato."

Even though I was about to die, I still could not resist Aro's command. "I did what I had to do."

Aro waved a hand, as if excusing my comment. "Yes, yes. We know you think it was all in our best interests, but we want to know why you found it to be that way."

I stopped to contemplate his question. I needed to get this right. If I didn't, it could ruin everything I had planned so meticulously. "While under my care, the newborn talked of higher things. It would speak as though it had the power to defy you. I feared if it were kept in our home, it would eventually rise against us and start a rebellion. To ensure the safety and tranquility of our living, I took care of the problem."

He stood scrutinizing me. "So you killed a member of the guard because you thought it had the power to cause an uprising?" I nodded slowly, not sure if he believed me or not.

Aro's laugh echoed through the room while the confused guard stared at him. "Amato, you must think me an idiot." My eyes widened. I'd ruined it by not thinking up a good excuse. Now he'd know my plans, and I'd be done for. All he'd have to do was brush against my skin, and everything would be revealed. "You know yourself that no matter how strong a newborn may be, they are still weak in many ways. It's completely preposterous to believe a newborn would be capable of rising against our elite guard. No matter. If you wish not to tell us, then I have no choice but to grant that to you."

Jane whipped her head towards him. "Master, if I may intrude."

"You may," he replied.

"Why not read his mind for such answers. He no doubt has them stowed there somewhere."

"I realize this," he snapped. "But he wishes not to tell. Even after all he has done, I trust Amato's judgment. If he found the newborn to be a problem, then he must have seen or heard something that we did not. Had you done your job as told, maybe you would have seen or heard such information as well." Jane grimaced and turned away while I sighed inwardly with relief. "However," he continued, turning to face me once again, "even though I trust you to have made the right decision, it still does not excuse the fact that you have betrayed not only myself, but the rest of the brothers as well. For this, you have been voted by higher decree to death."

Here it was. The moment I'd been waiting for. After my death, nothing would be questioned, and life would continue to move on. Oddly enough, all of my fears had not gone away. I no longer feared what would happen, but of what would happen to me. My plans had worked perfectly, but now I wasn't ready to follow through. I had thought once everything was set and my death was looming overhead, I would feel relieved. Now I knew that was not the case. I wasn't ready to go.

Anger bubbled inside of me as I thought of the God that could never help me. He couldn't be blamed though. This life had been damned to me not by Him, but by another; and I had chosen to follow through with all of its devilish sins. It was entirely my fault.

I was ready to do anything to keep the inevitable from happening. I began screaming pleas of forgiveness and mercy through my mind as Aro continued to gaze at me relentlessly. He could probably see the blur of emotions clear on my face.

"Shall we get this over with?" He snapped his fingers and all but one of the guards filed out. "We made the arrangements previous to your arriving here. All to make this run smoother."

My eyes widened as I looked upon my killer. It couldn't be. 'God, no!,' I thought. 'I'm not ready to leave! I'll do anything for a second chance! I'll do everything in my power to make this life of hell worth living! Don't let this happen. God…I'm not ready to die.'

This life was cruel and brutal, but something still gripped at my heart that didn't want to let go; and the hardest part was, that I didn't want to let go either.