Come on, Quirrell. You're man enough for this.
Now that Quirinus Quirrell was out of school, he needed to gain experience for a job in the Defense Against the Dark Arts field. No one hired booksmart newbies who had never applied their knowledge in the real world; everyone said it was so different in practice than in theory.
And they had been right. That hag had been a nasty bit of work.
If he needed experience, a vampire was a fine way to start. The humans in the Washington restaurant he was lurking outside of hadn't even started screaming yet.
It's alright, Quirrell. There's nothing to worry about. There's only a vampire in there, and you NEED experience. So what if business with that hag didn't go so well? She only TRIED to chew off your face. She hadn't succeeded…
Quirrell's resolve began to falter.
Anyways, this is an American vampire. It's always been said that they're much less aggressive than their British cousins. It'll be a piece of cake.
Quirrell straightened the bowtie positioned at the top of his pants. Bowties did go through the belt loops, right?
Stuffing his miniscule flask of human blood in his pocket, Quirrell walked into the restaurant, slipping past the hostess. He knew exactly which table the vampire was at, and when he walked past, he would uncork the flask, thus luring the vampire outside where he could be taken down without breaking the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy.
His eyes landed on the vampire, he was sitting with… a human?
Shaking his head in confusion, Quirrell stumbled a bit on his path. When he finally neared the table, words fluttered past his ear.
"You haven't asked the most important question yet. What we eat."
Is this vampire revealing himself? Quirrell was stunned.
He was just passing the table, now was the time to uncork the flask. Fingers moved nimbly in his jacket, removing the cork with little trouble. His eyes remained fixed on the vampire.
The vampire's lip curled in disgust.
Quirrell's heart hammered; this wasn't supposed to happen! He rushed out of the restaurant, shoving his way through an incoming crowd and out the door.
It can't be, it can't be, it can't be, it can't be. What is this world coming to? Is nature out to get me? Everything I've told has been a lie; I need to know what life is really about. There's no way I can be messing up this many times. There's just something fundamentally wrong with the world.
Quirrell began to stutter.
Back in the restaurant, the vampire's date turned to him; "Wow, Edward, that sure was weird…"
A/N: So there you have it! Quirrell is screwed up because of Twilight. Moohaha. If you enjoyed it, please leave a review!