The Magical Exploding Cookie A.K.A. Cutie Roxas

By: JC Maxwell-Yuy

All right, I might as well start off with a disclaimer. I don't own Kingdom Hearts, or any of Square or Disney characters. I also don't own Cutie Honey. Though it'd be nice to have flash power.

And for those of you who didn't heed any warnings I might have put in the summary, this has slight shonen-ai hints, if not being blatantly obvious. If you don't like that stuff, what are you doing here? And flames due to ignorance will be ignored and/or laughed at. I do however, appreciate positive feedback and constructive criticism. Anything I can do to improve, suggestions, would be great.

But for now… JC FLASH!

Axel flomped onto the white leather couch. A groan escaped his lips as he put his tired, aching feet up onto the coffee table. His patrol of Castle Oblivion was done for the day, and now it was time for some "me time".

'Actually, I'd rather spend this "me time" with Roxas.' Axel thought as he reached for the remote. 'But it can't be helped, I still miss him so.'

The television glared for the next hour or so, and thankfully, no one disturbed him. But after a while, Axel began to get hungry, got up, and returned to the couch with a cookie jar that apparently came from the underground member's kitchen. Zexion was a much better cook than Larxene.

A couple cookies later, Axel was starting to feel slightly funny. The pictures on the television blurred together constantly, and suddenly came back into focus completely different from what it was the last time. Cooking shows melted into full out brawl fests, and reality television jumped out of the screen and started having drama behind the couch.

'Man, Marluxia gets some really strange channels on this T.V.' Axel thought to himself as he ate another cookie. The flavor was so unique, he just couldn't quite put his finger on it. He didn't think Roxas would like them, since the flavor wasn't an innocent one, like that of ice cream.

"Roxxxaasssssss…" Axel slurred as he flipped the channel. Nothing. Flip. Nothing. Flip. Nothing. Flip. Scantily clad Roxas. Flip. Wait a second.

Axel changed the channel back and stared in shock in disbelief at the figure on the flat screen as jazzy music started to play.

"Just who the hell are you?!" a black clad man-man woman whom Axel assumed was the villain yelled.

"Hahahaha!" Roxas laughed and jabbed a finger forward. "You wanna be clued in?"

"YES! YES!" Axel leaned forward eagerly.

"Sometimes I could be a emo-skate boarder! The next I could be a courageous struggle battle contestant! I could even be an XIII Order member or a body double for Dr. Sora! But my name, if you want it…" the boy pulled out a key blade and brandished it at the bad man-man woman.

"It's CUTIE ROXAS! THE WARRIOR OF LOVE!!!"

"WHOA!" Axel breathed as the show's title flashed across the screen and the theme song started playing, with many shots of Roxas nearly naked or with his clothes getting ripped off.

Guys into fashion nowadays are guys with small butts.

Look this way, Roxas!

Just for a bit, come on, just a little peek.＊

Axel found his feet tapping to the music. His only thought was that Roxas looked really cute in the nurse outfit… and the maid outfit… and wow, the show started.

Twenty-five minutes later, Axel was totally into the show. The other characters consisted of a reporter/spy who greatly resembled Namine, and a hot, red-haired detective who loved to use fire to solve everything who reminded him of someone Axel just couldn't place his finger on. The main point is, the detective was falling in love with Roxas.

"ROXAS FLASH!"

Axel shielded his eyes as the television exploded. When the smoke cleared, the television was ruined, as well as Axel's good mood.

"Who the hell?!" Axel gulped when he saw a key blade sticking out of the wreck of a television. His attention turned to a red, fuming Roxas in the doorway.

"Roxas! But… you… and the television… and…" Axel stammered as Roxas walked up to him and thrust a key blade at his throat. "What's the matter?"

"I was waiting. Waiting for you." Roxas glared. "You said that when your shift ended, you would take me for ice cream, and here you are sitting and watching some skanky magical boy anime!"

"Ulp… oops?" Axel tried. "I totally forgot."

"Crap." Roxas said dropping the weapon and sinking into the couch next to Axel. The two didn't say anything for the longest time. No emotions, no nothing. But Roxas was different somehow, so…

"We can still go get that ice cream." Axel said suddenly.

"Really?" Roxas looked up.

"Yeah. But first I think we should ditch the coats. Wouldn't want to stand out too much in town." Axel said.

"… I guess." Roxas said, flushing as he unzipped his cloak. "Stop staring Axel. It's… kinda embarrassing."

"Aw, just a peek?" Axel teased. "I'll show you mine…"

"No thanks." Roxas stammered as he adjusted the collar for his over-shirt, knowing full-well that Axel wore the leather coat without a shirt on.

"Hmn…" Axel mused as he took in Roxas' outfit. "I wonder."

"Wonder WAHH!" the blonde Nobody yelped as Axel groped his butt.

"HAHA! THE SONG WAS RIGHT!" Axel sang. "Fashionable guys do have small butts!"

"Who the heck are you calling small? GET BACK HERE AXEL!" Roxas roared and chased Axel out of the room.

"Come on Roxas! It was just a little!"

"You pervert!"

Several hours and a trip to the appliance store later, Marluxia glared thorns at his empty wallet and at the brand new 70" flat screen now in the castle den. Whoever broke the previous one would pay. He now had to go breed a munny tree in order to reestablish his funds.

After Marluxia left the room, Larxene came in from her shift. Eyeing the new TV, and her book, she gave in to the brand new appliance smell and switched it on. As she waited for the commercial break to end, her eyes fell on the cookie jar Axel had left on the coffee table.

"A few won't hurt." She said aloud and popped a cookie into her mouth.

Meanwhile, Zexion smiled evilly as he sliced daikon for pickling. He knew the members upstairs would steal from his kitchen. The chore chart for the week emphasized working on proper revenge techniques.

"No more daikon!" Vexen cried, turning green at the sight of the pickles. "I'm going upstairs to get those cookies back!"

Zexion decided not to tell Vexen the secret ingredient for the cookies came from a random vial the Chilly Academic's laboratory.

"It's over now! 終わるはよ！"

The End

＊you can replace the "onna no ko" in the "Cutie Honey" song with "otoko no ko" and it still works… though only for the first part since the second part deals with boobs.

Want more? I can do more. I don't plan to do more, but if enough people want more, there will be more… and by more, I mean more Cutie Roxas. Hahahahaha!

だって何だかだってだってなんでもん。。。