After a night of strange, vivid dreams about the life before the world ended, Lori Grimes woke up, alone in her own cell. The first thing on her mind, as it was every day for two years, was Carl, her baby boy. Hershel tried to save him, but Carl lost too much blood. She missed him so much. She missed his smile, his hugs, and his laugh. Everything. Her grief was overwhelming and all-encompassing.
She pulled back the blankets and sat with her legs dangling from the bottom bunk, her bare feet brushing against the cold concrete floor. When she finally stood up and stretched, and her hands went to where they used to go, right on her flat stomach. The grief, which never went away, came back in a wave. She missed the feeling of being pregnant. She missed the swelling of her baby...Rick's baby... She missed the kicks that would wake her up in the middle of the night.
If only.
She had said that to herself every day, several times a day, for the past two years.
If only she never accepted Shane's advances. If only she said "no" to having Carl go with Rick and Shane that day. If only she gave Rick the emotional support he needed that evening. If only she tightened her hug rather than walk away. If only she persisted in asking for a moment with him, her husband. If only her daughter, Rick's daughter, had lived. She would be almost a year old. What would be different, if only...
She gathered her clothes for the day, her small basket of shower supplies, pulled back the privacy curtain and walked out of her cell, headed to the shower room. The block was empty, quiet with the early morning peacefulness when everyone was still sleeping. When she passed the Rhee's cell she glanced inside than looked away quickly. A smirk tugged at her lips when she saw Maggie going down on Glenn. They forgot to pull over the privacy curtain, and neither was paying attention to who was in the hallway.
She gripped onto the cold handrail while descending the steps, the image of that fateful day never leaving her mind, and when she got to the bottom of the stairs she loathed, she saw Rick, her "maybe, maybe not" husband, asleep in one of the chairs in the cellblock.
He was on duty through the night, or maybe he got there an hour ago...she had no way to tell. They didn't share the same cell. Never have. It has been almost a year since he touched her shoulder on the catwalk, saying "We're thankful for what you did." and walked away. She tried so hard to ask for forgiveness, and to explain why she flinched away. She tried for months. Then she stopped. She got tired of chasing him. She thought he'd come around. He never did. They haven't said one word to each other in two years. Two years of him barely acknowledging her presence, ignoring her when they passed in the hallway, or trying to comfort her when the baby she delivered lived only one day.
She walked away, trying not to look at the stain of blood which still marked the floor, used the bathroom and took a quick shower, using one of the towels that she and Carol would wash, fold and put out for whomever would need one. She dried off, got dressed, and when she walked back to the cellblock Rick was awake. They made eye contact, very briefly, and she looked away first before climbing the stairs and going back to her cell. Signs of the past few years were evident on his face…he had a few more lines and wrinkles where none had been before, his brown hair was turning grey, and there was more salt in his beard than pepper.
Despite everything, they both still wear their wedding rings. She sat on her bunk and waited until she heard Carol and Hershel come out of their shared cell and talk with Rick before she joined them. It's easier that way.
She had gotten use to the emptiness, the passive-aggressive ways he wanted her to know he's still angry; walking out of a room as soon as she entered, always sitting on the far end of the table at dinner time, and turning his back to her every time he can.
It's easier to have someone else in the same room with Rick. Years ago they could spend hours together, just the two of them, in the same room and sit in comfortable silence. Now, just passing each other in the hallway feels like a war zone. This has been going on for two years. Lori went to the kitchen for a quick breakfast, then told Carol that she was going outside for some fresh air.
xxxxx
Living in the prison was a bit like living in a college dorm. Abraham Ford, a Marine, made sure everything was organized and everyone stuck to a schedule. They each had a small plastic basket they carried to the shower room, which contained whatever they needed. Multiple supply runs produced hundreds of bottles of shampoo, conditioner, body wash, toothpaste, feminine products, toilet paper, body lotion and thousands of bars of soap. Daryl laughed when he said that at the end of the world the last thing people are worried about is hygiene products.
Two cells are dedicated to the supplies, one cell dedicated for the canned food they gathered on runs, and another cell was dedicated for guns, ammo and weapons. They reinforced the walls and fences, and the prison yard was divided into sections; crops on one side and on the other side were the animals they found from abandoned farms. They had a few cows, several chickens, and a few pigs. Hershel loved being able to farm again, and always made sure that they had food. Carol became an expert on canning foods they would use in the winter. The prison became a home. Stops at housing developments gave them comfort products; pillows, sheets, blankets, and clothes. A peaceful place in the middle of the undead.
One year ago
They were on a run to get items they needed since Lori was about to deliver her baby, Abe, Ty and Rick went to a hospital, and before entering they gutted two walkers and covered themselves in their entrails. They easily gathered IV bags, medication, drugs, medical and first aid supplies. They had bags of everything Bob told them to get, not just for Lori's delivery, but for any future emergencies.
Bob wanted the infirmary to be fully stocked. Before they got back into the car, Abe gave everyone a pair of clean scrubs, and they took turns watching for walkers as they changed into clean clothes, rather than getting walker shit all over the inside of the car. They put the walker covered clothes in a bag, hoping they could be washed somehow.
Ty was trying to make conversation rather than sit in the uncomfortable silence between Abe and Rick. The two had recently had another shouting match over Rick's treatment of his wife. Abe's wife and two children were killed by the walkers, and he was unsuccessful in trying to tell Rick how lucky his was.
As they drove down the quiet, abandoned road they passed a Babies R Us store, and were shocked when they looked in; the place was barely touched. Even though Rick was not talking to Lori, he was excited about the impending birth. Nobody could take the place of his boy, but he loved the idea of getting a second chance at fatherhood.
They cleared the store, and took a minivan from the parking lot. Rick's heart sank when he opened the driver's door and found a walker who was once a pregnant woman. She turned, and the baby she delivered was on the floor near her feet. The infant was also a walker. Ty helped him clear the van, which they drove into the store after they cleaned the seat. Abe stayed outside, to cover the store and to guard what they had, from the living and the dead.
Ty and Rick were able to get everything they could without having to look over their shoulders. They got clothes, for a boy and a girl, formula, bottles, blankets, toys, diapers, wipes, pacifiers, a crib, stroller, playpen, and everything else on Lori's list. Ty, who never had children, shook his head at the amount of stuff they needed. Rick had a lump in his throat, remembering the happier times with Lori, and shopping for all the baby stuff when they were expecting Carl.
One last stop to an abandoned Walmart was what they needed to get some stale food, and Ty went to the health section to clear the shelf of condoms and lube, thinking that one baby at a time is enough. When they got back to the prison and both vehicles went through the double gates, Carol ran out to get Rick. It was clear that she was crying.
xxxxx
Lori was due to deliver any day, and she thought Rick was looking at her more, or at least paying more attention without saying anything. Maybe it was all in her head. She felt relieved when he left for a supply run with Abe and Ty. Ty, Sasha, Abe and Bob were filled in about the entire story. When the four joined Rick's group after the farm fell, they thought Rick and Lori were strangers. They didn't know that they were married for fourteen years and recently lost a child. They saw Lori's belly grow, and Rick completely ignored her.
At dinner that horrid evening, Sasha said to Lori that it was nice to see her smile and laugh. Lori nodded her head in thanks. She felt happier that Rick wasn't around. She had his baby in her belly, but felt happier when he was gone. Maggie, Beth and Carol also sat and chatted with Lori for over an hour. Lori felt relieved to have someone to really talk to.
Carol started to gather the dirty dishes, and Beth jumped up to help. Maggie and Glenn were heading up to the guard tower for the night shift. Lori went to the laundry room and filled a basket with clothes from the dryer. She planned on going to her cell to sort through and fold the items and delivering personal things to certain cells.
Daryl was sitting in his cell and when she passed by with a full basket of clothing he ran out of his cell and offered to help carry it up the stairs.
She smiled, and politely turned him down, she said she was okay.
She was one step away from the top when she lost her grip on the laundry basket. As she started to drop it to her left, she overcompensated and bent too far right. She then dropped the basket entirely and lost her balance. When she tried to regain her footing she slipped on a towel.
Her stomach, and the baby, got the worst of it. Her belly hit every step as she slid down the metal staircase. She landed face first on the concrete floor. The total event took seconds. Daryl saw what happened from his cell and yelled for help. Merle ran over to help his brother carry an unconscious Lori to the infirmary.
Her water broke, soaking through her pants and leaving a trail of blood leading to the infirmary. Bob and Hershel were at her side within a minute. She wasn't dilated, but with the fall Bob said the baby needs to come out immediately.
He washed his hands while Hershel started an IV, with antibiotics and painkillers. She was drifting in and out of consciousness. Since it was a prison hospital they didn't have the equipment for giving a woman a C-section. Bob put on sterile gloves, and asked Beth and Carol to do the same.
Bob started cutting, and a baby girl started weak crying just minutes later. Carol held the baby while Bob stitched up Lori, inside and out. The dirty prison hospital was far from a sterile environment to perform surgery, so he doubled up on the antibiotics.
Beth was holding the baby girl while Bob started working on Lori's nose and left wrist, both of which were broken. Hershel, despite his recent leg injury, was at her side and constantly took Lori's blood pressure. Sasha put a cool, damp cloth to forehead, hoping to offer any bit of comfort she could.