A small collection of short drabbles on the fears of Remus Lupin.
He can't help but turn to look at her in the dim lamplight outside of Grimmauld Place, and he can almost feel his heart being torn to pieces at the sight of the brokenness in her eyes. He can see it even in the dark. He knows he shouldn't– no, he knows he can't, he'll only hurt her more. He can't put her in danger and he knows she deserves much better than a monster like him. But his body moves before his mind can possibly stop him from doing so and he pulls the fragile girl into his embrace.
"I'm so sorry," he whispers into her hair, almost afraid to speak any louder in fear of breaking her. "This is all my fault. I could have protected you."
He watches her grow stronger and stronger, her broken eyes becoming brighter and more iridescent by the day. Her fiery personality and notoriously clumsy tendencies return in their little bits and pieces along with her bubblegum pink hair, and he's absolutely smitten. He sees her one night sitting in a tree with Ginny and Hermoine, showing them her metamorphmagus abilities. He knows that she is trying to distract the young girls from the terrible things that have happened in the past nights, and he lets himself smile a bit. She changes her hairstyle, her facial features, her body shape, and he finds her more and more beautiful with every transformation.
Panic, he's panicking. He can't breathe at the thought of losing her, and he loses all rationality when she doesn't return in time. Waiting seems like an eternity, and fear strikes him down when he thinks about never seeing her again. With a crack two figures finally apparate into the Burrow and relief floods him like a tidal wave. He demands to know what took them so long, unable to control his emotions. What would have happened if he lost her? He refuses to think about it and is only angry at himself for letting her take such a risk. He watches her break down after hearing about Mad-Eye's death and vows to never allow this to happen again. It can never happen again.
He wonders by himself in the dark of the night what everything would be like when it all ends. Will the boy be strong enough to do what is necessary to save all these people, or will they be forced to succumb to the Dark Lord in defeat? How will they all ever recover? He shakes these petty thoughts out of his head and assures himself of the best. He would never doubt Dumbledore's trust in the boy, and he would never abandon the cause. His eyes meet the dark silhouette of the sleeping woman besides him, her pregnant belly rising and falling with her every breath. Running his fingers through her supple hair as it changes color even in her sleep, he is amazed by the power that radiates from her. Still he is afraid for her, and afraid for their unborn child. He is terrified that the child might inherit the worst from him but he knows that he must still protect them at all costs, even if that cost is his life.
Fin.